The Art of Being Indifferent (The Twisted Family Tree Series)

by Brooke Moss

“Don’t you?” I stared at her, waiting for her to raise her eyes and look at me. When she finally did, I raised my eyebrows. “Don’t you?”

  Her blue eyes held mine for a beat, and her lips parted. For a second—a crazy, mindless second was clearly fueled by the fact that I’d not made out with a girl in weeks—I thought about kissing her. Then I mentally punched myself in the face.

  “I don’t know,” she finally said. “Sometimes when they’re all hugging and laughing together, I—”

  “Feel like hurling?” I interrupted.

  “Ha! Sort of.” She grinned, and a tiny dimple depressed in her left cheek. “But once the nausea goes away, sometimes I think being a Coulter wouldn’t be half bad. But then, neither would being on my own in Seattle, working in some coffee joint, slinging frappuccinos.”

  “No connections?”

  Shaking her head, she sniffed. “Why start now?”

  “So making coffee. Is that the extent of your goals?”

  She looked at me sharply. “What are you, my guidance counselor?”

  “No. Sorry.” I put my hands out. “I’m just… I dunno, getting to know you. Small talk.”

  Her expression softened. “Sorry. Guess I’m used to people coming down on me.”

  “I can relate.” I chucked another rock towards the water. “But seriously, you’re smart. Like, really smart. You could become anything. What would it be? A doctor? A lawyer?”

  “Whatever.” Posey snorted. “How many doctors do you know that were former foster kids?”

  My insides twisted even more. Is that what she thought of herself? That she was just a foster kid, and nothing more? “Come on,” I argued. “Don’t let that define you. I don’t let the fact that my dad’s an asshole define me.”

  “Fine.” She looked at me through the corner of her eye. “A music teacher.”

  My head snapped in her direction. “A what?”

  Again, Posey grinned, and I caught a glimpse of that dimple. Hells bells, that thing was going to be the death of me. “Keep up, Drew,” she said, laughing. “I would be a music teacher. Probably for grade school kids. I love music. Sometimes…” She took a deep breath, and tugged her iPod out of her pocket. “Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me hanging on. I keep it with me all the time.”

  “Really?”

  Posey was infinitely deeper than I’d given her credit for. Beneath the emo-girl top layer there were layers and layers of emotion and intelligence that nobody else at school got to see. It really sucked, too. If they knew how cool Posey was, they would feel like complete tools.

  “Yeah, really.” She nodded. “What about you, Golden Boy? What keeps you hanging on? What do you want to do with your life? Besides get away from your dad?”

  “What keeps me hanging on?” I looked up at the sky, once again grey and filled with clouds. “Swimming, I guess. I mean, I didn’t choose it for myself. My dad sort of chose it for me. But… I’m good at it. And when I do it, I feel strong. Powerful.” I felt Posey’s gaze on me, and ignored the way my stomach clenched. “When I’m in the water, I can’t hear anything. I don’t hear my teachers, or my mom, or the coach, or my dad. I just hear my thoughts. And it’s perfect.”

  “It’s your escape,” she said softly.

  I nodded. “Yup.”

  “So what about the future? What do you want to do in the long term?”

  Closing my eyes, I tried to picture myself somewhere in my thirties. What the hell was I doing? How the hell was I paying the bills? “I have no idea,” I said finally. “I’ve never thought beyond swimming until I get that scholarship. I can see myself in college. Walking to classes and studying into the night, and all that crap. But I have no idea what the end result will be. I keep hoping that once I am away from here, away from him, I’ll be able to figure it out.”

  I didn’t have to explain who I was talking about. Posey knew. And she was the only person in the world who actually got it.

  “I’m sure you will.” She tugged her hand free of my hoodie, and patted my knee. “I have no doubt about it.”

  As soon as the words came out of her mouth, the twisting in my stomach relaxed. And it stayed relaxed as we packed up our books and backpacks, then headed our separate ways on the path. I found myself smiling as I tugged the door to the gymnasium open and felt the chlorine scented air seeping into my skin, and barely heard coach scold me for being ten minutes late to practice. I barely noticed when I swam my best times ever after I dove into the pool or that my father came to record the last fifteen minutes of practice.

  Because, for the first time ever, someone got me.

  Chapter Ten

  Her.

  The lunchroom at Twisted Tree high had become the bane of my existence.

  Okay, so that was a little dramatic. But still, being the “new girl” in a school full of kids who had known each other since preschool made lunchtime into a giant game of duck, duck goose. I usually spent a good five minutes wandering around table after table looking for somewhere to plant my butt. By the time I sat down next to someone—usually because the lunchroom was approximately the size of a shoebox and there was nowhere else to plop—they popped up and moved.

  By the end of my first day at TTHS, I had started eating my lunch in the courtyard, instead. Sure, as it got farther into October, it’d started raining pretty much every second of the day, but a cold,, wet courtyard was better than being rejected every day.

  “Oof!” A guy I recognized as a football player rammed into me, nearly knocking over my puny carton of milk. When our eyes met, his face contorted into a sneer. “Watch it, would ya?”

  “You ran into me,” I snapped, pushing past the clump of jocks. Right in the middle of the sea of red and gray letterman’s jackets, Drew sat at a table with Mac what’s-his-name. They were talking and laughing, and I felt an unexpected tug in my chest at the sight of Drew smiling.

  Seriously, if he just dropped the cocky athlete thing, he would be so cute. Nobody else around here knew how cool he actually was underneath the surface. And I liked the stuff underneath the most.

  My corndog rolled around on the tray as I weaved my way through the mess of tables towards the exit. Through the crowd, Drew caught my eye and offered me a half smile, which was the extent of our exchanges at school. Our conversations during the tutoring sessions were different. There was no embarrassment or social stigmas. Just two friends hanging out. I wished things could be that way all the time, instead of just in the privacy of the library.

  Or at Mutiny Bay.

  I smiled down at my corndog. My conversation with Drew at the beach the day before had scrolled through my mind no fewer than thirty-seven times. I hadn’t been so open with someone since… well hell, I didn’t remember the last time. I was usually a closed vault. I’d never been the girl to post every one of my thoughts on Facebook or Twitter for all to see. My thoughts were just that, my thoughts, and I didn’t see the point in sharing them with everybody.

  That is, unless I was talking to Drew.

  I felt safe spilling my guts to him, and it’d been a long time since I’d felt safe with someone. If I ever had.

  “Posey! Hey, Posey, over here!”

  Blinking, I looked up to see Jessa waving frantically at me from the cheerleader’s table. They were all wearing matching red and grey sweatshirts and bows in their hair—and looked like morons, in my humble opinion, but whatever—and sat there with salads in front of them. Even skinny as a rail Jenna.

  “Come sit with us,” she called, patting the seat next to her. The girls closest to her gaped like she’d just invited a live skunk to dine at their table, but slid over to make room for me, nonetheless. “I saved you a seat.”

  My eyes went from Jessa, to the door, then over to Drew, who was watching me with pointed interest. “I don’t know,” I said after a few seconds. “I, um, usually eat outside.”

  “Oh, come on.” Jessa grinned at me, and nudged the girl next to her. I’d seen them hanging out befor
e, as part of the overly-cheerful-bordering-on-annoying crowd. “We have plenty of room. Right, Natalie?”

  The girl next to her smiled, though the gesture didn’t make it to her eyes. “Sure.”

  In a flash of blonde hair, Maddie spun around in her seat at the end of the table, and sneered at me. “No can do, Posey, no room here. Natalie, scoot over.”

  Natalie started to move, but Jessa grabbed her sleeve. It was probably the first time I’d ever seen her not smiling. Jessa scowled at her friend. “Actually, I think we do have room. Don’t we?”

  Natalie looked between the two girls, and paled. In the few weeks I’d been at this school, it had become abundantly clear to me that none of the girls here defied Maddie Mulcahey. Ever.

  “Natalie,” Maddie said, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms. I could practically feel the steam coming off her body from where I was standing. I could still feel Drew’s eyes on the side of my face, so I glanced at him. He nodded imperceptibly, and I felt my chest swelled.

  Maddie moved in her seat, and from beneath the table came a muted thud. “Natalie.”

  “Ow.” Natalie’s brown eyes widened, and she bit her lip. After an awkward few seconds, she finally blurted, “There’s plenty of room. Join us.”

  Jessa squealed and clapped like an idiot when I put my tray down.

  “Thanks,” I said quietly.

  Now, normally I avoid girls like Jessa like head lice. The high-pitched squeaks, over abundance of sparkle on their clothes, and words like “adorbs,” “awesome-sauce,” and “totes” were enough to drive a person insane. But any opportunity to tick off Maddie was enough for me.

  I squeezed in and picked up my corndog. “Am I the only non-vegetarian at this table?”

  Jessa giggled. “No. But you’re the only one of us who doesn’t have to squeeze into a uniform next week for yearbook pictures.”

  Maddie threw her plastic fork down. “Which wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t all so damn fat.”

  “I see.” Looking around, I noticed that most of the cheerleaders stared at my food with hungry eyes. One of them actually licked her lips. Snickering, I pushed my tray to the middle of the table. “Have at, ladies. I can share.”

  They dug into my French fries and mac-and-cheese like a pack of rabid wolves, and I sat back in my seat. “Wow,” I said, taking a bite of my corndog. “Dieting does things to people.”

  “You wouldn’t know.” Maddie sat fiddling with her empty soda can with a scowl on her face. “You’ll never be in a TTHS cheer uniform.”

  The girls all stopped eating and watched me, waiting for my reaction.

  I forced a smile, knowing it would annoy Maddie more so than a frown. “And with enough counseling, I might be able to work through that disappointment.”

  Jessa popped a fry into her mouth. “Well, Posey doesn’t have to worry about that. Underneath all those clothes, she’s got a great figure.”

  I hid behind my hair. “How would you know?”

  “Duh. I live with you. I’ve seen you in your pajamas.” She pushed my hair back. “Stop hiding. You should pull your hair into a pony sometime.”

  Maddie scoffed. “Please.” Then she punctuated her statement by tossing her hair. She did that a lot, especially when Drew was around. Not that I watched them together or anything.

  I wonder if her neck ever got sore. Simply to spite Maddie, I put down my corndog and pulled my hair into a loose knot at the back of my neck. Some of the kids at surrounding tables turned and looked at me. It felt weird to be so… so visible. Leave it to this pathetic town to turn someone’s new ‘do into front-page headlines.

  “I’d kill for your bone structure,” Natalie swallowed a mouthful of mac-and-cheese. “My face is chubby, just like my mom’s. I hate it.”

  “Whatever, Nat,” a girl across the table said. “You’re the smallest one on the squad.”

  Maddie looked like she’d been punched in the stomach. “Excuse me?”

  “Sorry.” The girl slumped down in her seat. “I mean, after you.”

  Nostrils flaring, Maddie crushed her can. “Those are bold words from the girl on the squad who was moved to a pyramid base after she dislocated my shoulder.”

  Jessa’s smile dropped. “Maddie, your shoulder was sprained.”

  “Whatever.” Maddie looked at Jessa’s salad. “You’re not going to finish that, are you?”

  Jessa’s face turned red, and she hesitated. Defensiveness rose in my belly, and I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from throwing the salad at Maddie’s face. Seriously, this girl had already overdosed on her bitch pills. How dare she talk like that to Jessa, who was sickeningly sweet to every person in this pit?

  “Hey, watch it,” I snapped, glaring at Maddie from across the table. “She can eat anything she wants to.”

  Jessa blinked at me, and for a second, I thought she might cry. But instead, her perpetual grin returned and she snatched my corndog out of my hand. “Let me have this.” She took a bite, then handed it back, licking her fingers noisily. “Mmmmm.”

  All of the other cheerleaders at the table covered their mouths to hide their laughter, and Maddie’s face turned red. “I’m bringing a scale to practice tonight. You won’t be laughing after that, will you?”

  A hush fell over the table as every one of the girls pushed their plates away. My mouth dropped. Seriously, these girls took their weight way too seriously. “Come on, you guys, don’t be so weak. She’s just threatening you because she doesn’t want me sitting here.”

  Natalie put her chin in her hand. “Not everybody’s naturally thin, though, Posey. Some of us actually have to work at it.”

  Maddie snorted. “Some harder than others.”

  Jessa ignored her. “We compete statewide, and the competitions are televised. You’d be shocked at how different you look on television.”

  “The old saying the camera adds ten pounds was grossly under exaggerating.” Natalie chewed on her thumbnail. “When I saw our competition DVDs last year, I wanted to shoot myself.”

  “Geez,” I said. “That’s harsh.”

  “It’s true.” Jessa brushed invisible crumbs off the front of her sweatshirt. “Last year we had two girls quit the squad because of weight issues.”

  “That’s insane.” I gaped at my foster sister. “And the coach allows this? I wouldn’t want to be a part of an activity that perpetuated that kind of bullshit.” Jessa flinched when I swore, so I added, “Oh. Um… sorry.”

  Natalie eyeballed my sweater. “I wish I could have that kind of confidence.”

  I’d never had to worry about my weight before. Actually, if I was going to get technical, when I was little, I’d worried more about whether or not my brothers and I were going to get food at all, much less enough to make me fat. My mom had always been as skinny as a pole, even when she was at nine months pregnant and ready to pop. Probably because she was on speed most of the time, but these girls didn’t need to know any of that.

  I shrugged. “I dunno. Guess people should just accept whatever body they’re given.”

  Maddie rolled her eyes. “Big words from a girl who used the starvation diet.”

  “Excuse me?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

  She threw up her hands. “You’re shaped the way you’re shaped because your parents didn’t care enough about you to feed you.”

  Everyone at the table quieted and locked their eyes on me. I looked down at my nearly-gone corndog and processed Maddie’s words. But this insult came with a captive audience. Awesome. I’d been insulted plenty over the years. As much as it annoyed me when adults said, “Kids these days can be cruel,” the truth was… they were freaking right. Kids were mean as hell, and as painful as it was, foster kids were at the bottom of the totem pole with the special needs kids.

  Not fair. But true.

  “Maddie, really?” Jessa looked at her team captain with an open mouth.

  “Yeah, not cool,” Natalie said. When Maddie snarled at her, sh
e looked down at her hands. “Just sayin’.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.” I sniffed, pretending like Maddie’s words hadn’t affected me at all. But when the other girls stood up for me, my hard candy shell started to crack.

  “Oh, what? Like you know me?” Maddie tossed her hair again, whipping the girl next to her across the face.

  I looked longingly at the cafeteria door. I wanted out so badly, I could’ve cried. But it felt good to sit with Jessa and her annoying friends. They weren’t that bad, actually. I guess I’d kind of missed being around other people. Becoming friends with Drew had changed me. Maybe even for the better.

  Besides, why in the hell would I let Maddie chase me out of here?

  “No, I don’t know you.” I met Maddie’s gaze with a steely one of my own. “But I know girls like you.”

  She sat up straight. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “You think I’ve never been made fun of for being a foster kid before?” I smirked at Maddie. “Try something more original.”

  Something more original?” she snapped. “How about this? You’re disgusting, Posey. That’s probably why your parents hated you.”

  Again, a hush fell over the cafeteria. I hated this girl. I really did. At first, I just hated her because the jealous cow had dated Drew—not that I wanted to date him, no sir—but now I hated her for reasons of my own.

  “Inventive,” I said flatly. “Hey, why don’t you—”

  “Hey, Posey, will you come with me to the office?” Jessa asked, her voice squeaking. Her eyes were wide and she looked all sweaty and nervous. “I need to get a yearbook order form.”

  “Oh, please do,” Maddie hissed. “And stop bringing trash to my table, would you?”

  Through the corner of my eye, I saw Drew looking at me, and felt my face scalded. I didn’t want him to see me getting rejected, especially by a girl who was considered the hottest ticket in town, a girl who was prettier than me on my best day. Not that I’d ever admit that out loud.

  Natalie popped off her seat. “I’ll come with you guys.”

  Jessa touched my arm. “I’m sorry, Posey. I didn’t know she would act like this.”