Antinoos and Hadrian

by R G Berube

  ANTINOOS and HADRIAN

  By

  Raymond G. Berube

  Copyright © 1985

  First Printing e-book edition 2013

  Paper Back Edition 2013

  ISBN-13: 978-1479173136

  Approx. 130,227 words

  Author’s Note

  “...I have never cared to gaze, as they slept, upon those I loved; they were resting from me, I know; they were escaping me, too.”

  Hadrian: Memoires of Hadrian

  Marguerite Yourcenar

  In the early morning hours on a day in October of the year 130 AD, the body of a nineteen year-old boy was found on the muddy banks of the Nile. The site was a little settlement of mud huts caller Hir-Wer. On that site rose the splendid city of Antinoopolis, erected by Emperor Hadrian in memory of his beloved companion, Antinoos. History records that the boy met his death by drowning, possibly as a suicide. Many believe that the boy had offered his life as a sacrifice in order to extend the life of his friend and lover, Hadrian, the Emperor. The location of Antinoos' grave has been a mystery, thought to have been lost to antiquity. But recent discoveries made at Hadrian's Villa Hadriana, at Tivoli outside Rome, have led historians to believe the mystery solved. The story is told in Antinoos’ own words and follows from the beginning encounter in Bithynia to his final day. All the major events and personages are historically accurate.

  Author

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  PART ONE

  At The Sacred Spring, Summer 123 A.D.

  The Seven Hills

  The Paedagogium, 122 - 124 A.D.

  Illusions

  Seasons, Late Winter 127 A.D.

  Awakening, March 127 A.D.

  Ganymede, Spring 127 A.D.

  PART TWO

  In Spirit, Greek, 127 A.D.

  Fortunes

  Alliance

  Pannonia

  Campágna, Spring - Summer 127 A.D.

  In His Shadow

  Of Things Remembered, And Things To Be

  The Hunt, Early Summer 127 A.D.

  Shades of Icharus, Fall 127 A.D.

  On The Via Tiburnia Winter 127-128 A.D.

  Distant Thunder

  Becoming More, Late Winter 128 A.D.

  Interlude , Late Winter - Early Spring 128 AD.

  PART THREE

  Coming Of Age

  Nearing The East , Spring 128 AD.

  To Africa, June 128 AD.

  Auspicious Beginnings, Late June 128 AD.

  Review , Early July 128 AD.

  Between Two Posts, Mid-July 128 AD.

  Rome, Again, Late July 128 AD.

  The Limits of Gods, Late August 128 AD.

  Hellas, Autumn 128 AD.

  Speaking of Gods, Winter 129 - 130 AD.

  The Oracle of Delphi, March 129 A.D.

  Asia Minor, Early Spring 130 A.D.

  Concordia, Late Spring 129 A.D.

  Mount Casius, June 129 A.D.

  Julia Balbilla, Summer 129 A.D.

  A Lion's Glory , Winter and Early Spring 130 A.D.

  Prophesy, Summer 130 A.D.

  Egypt, Late Summer 130 A.D.

  Quae Nunc Abilis In Loca, Autumn 130 A.D.

  Part One

  Chapter One

  At The Sacred Spring, Summer 123 A.D.

  “But Lord, I am yours! You may do with me as you wish.

  “Boy you have no need to give yourself as though you were a piece of property!”

  I fell to my knees and bowed.

  “That is what I am, Caesar.”

  The Emperor turned and walked away from me, leaving me kneeling. I did not know whether to rise or remain as I was. He paced the garden, and his robe, trimmed with purple, cloaked what soon would be revealed to me as a strong and powerful body. Only his feet remained uncovered. His head and face was shaded by the corner of his cloak. He returned and sat on the marble bench beneath an olive tree that had offered him shade at the height of the sun's course. The evening dusk had begun to blend the surrounding garden into shadows. The other students, having only recently departed, had left their styli and wax tablets still scattered about.

  “Antinoos, listen to me. Do not be afraid to refuse your Emperor in this matter. I will not force obedience from you. I will not demand anything from you that you would not willingly give. You must believe me! I will hold no resentment toward you.”

  The Emperor sensed my uneasiness, and across his face there passed a look that revealed to me a sincerity and concern that I would grow to love, and in its turn, would forever bind me to him.

  “Let us put off the subject of this discussion. It is of no great consequence. It is not my reason for having spoken with you this afternoon.”

  So began our meeting. In the years that followed, many nights as we lay together I would recall that first day when Hadrian bid me to stay behind when all others rose to leave. I had been one of several youths who came to the house of Cneius Pompeius Proculus. There, we studied the tragedies and epic poems that each of us was assigned to put to memory. There, I learned passages from Homer that I could still repeat today.

  That summer afternoon was cooled only by the occasional breeze passing over the waters of the sacred spring of Pan. We gathered, as was our daily routine, never thinking that in our midst was seated the Lord of all the world. In spite of his long cloak, the grandeur of the man could not be disguised...., but that he would be Emperor? He had chosen a place away from the others, seated in the shade of that tree. His very presence made the air vibrate as the energy felt in the atmosphere at the height of a lightning storm that rents the skies. Each time I was bold enough to look his way, I found him returning my gaze. Something about the deepness of those eyes burned into my soul. I have never forgotten it! With his eyes upon me, my own fell to my fumbling hands held in my lap, fully aware of the flush in my cheeks. When called to recite, I found the words that came from my lips not the ones that had been in my mind. To my disgust and to the merriment of my fellows, for they had seldom seen me with my lessons unprepared and were enjoying the scene (a moment before, I had had each word and intonation solidly in memory), the words that now spilled forth were no more than gibberish. The Master looked as dumbfounded as I felt. No doubt he had counted on me to show his skill as teacher. In an attempt to rise when called, I stepped on the edge of my cloak and tore it. The somber figure beneath the tree sat still and only the kindness in his eyes reassured me that he, above the others, understood the cause of my confusion and embarrassment. Of that afternoon, I recall only that because of my foolish performance, the remaining time was filled with self debasement and humiliation. The hours passed. Our eyes touched. My own eyes dropped away but only until I gained the courage to look his way again. His expression was one I had witnessed many times before from the men who came to the gymnasium to watch the youth of Claudiopolis in their daily exercise. It was understood that a certain nod, a glance returned and held, by this a mutual attraction and acquiescence was acknowledged. I knew that I certainly had given him that much.

  There were others of my mates who were well aware of the interchange. Certainly my Master had been keenly attuned to my sudden inability to think in a straightforward manner. He had only to follow my gaze to see where it was directed. I noticed the look of satisfaction that quickly passed across his face. He felt pride in the Emperor's choice.

  Had any told me then of the times that would follow, I would have been hard-pressed to acquiesce to fate or run from it! It was June of the third year of the two hundred and twenty fourth Olympiad. With entourage, the Emperor entered Claudiopolis seeking respite from a long voyage to the south where an earthquake had caused severe damage. He had taken upon himself the task of supervising the repairs and reconstruct
ion. His sense of involvement and commitment to the public good would continue to amaze me. This attention to increasing the quality of life of citizens, freedmen, and slaves caused his name to become widely known and revered. New temples were erected, new roads were built and old ones repaired. In Claudiopolis, many of the highways connecting the East and West had gone into disrepair. The city, once a major hub of activity, had become less important. Hadrian infused it with new blood by pouring millions of sesterces into its buildings, aqueduct, and other public projects. He built baths, a library, and two new gymnasiums. I was but thirteen years old.

  My mother had seen something in the stars. They influenced her to move me in a direction that my father could not understand. They often quarreled about her high aspirations for me. Father could not understand why she felt that I should not follow in his footsteps and be content with the education fit for a civil servant. My mother loved my father. She understood her hopes for me wounded his pride and she was pained by this. Although she would not say it he could see that she espoused to a finer quality of existence for me. Her determination would assure that her son would receive more from life than what inheritance would provide. My education was directed. It was she who guided me; finally bringing me to the place where I would meet the man who would make my life, short as it was, more filled than if I had lived into senility!

  When Critoneo, the Emperor's administrator of the imperial paedagogium, spoke to my mother on the day following that fateful meeting, she agreed to allow me to be taken to Rome for grooming. Father remained silent, knowing it would do no good to protest. He was not above seeing the possibilities for himself, in the developing scheme of things. But I must stop here, for I am not following the proper sequence. How easy it is to see determined courses of events when the distance of time offers that perspective! In my current place, seeing life as it once was, it is like looking into the clear waters of the carp pond at Villa Hadriana. I would stare deeply and soon, visions would come and a knowing would occur. I remember sitting with one hand in the water, transfixed at the reflection of the mountains in the distance, wondering what I would be doing were I a shepherd in those distant hills. What kind of destiny would I face as a beggar in the streets of Rome, or as a fisherman's son hauling nets, filling my days with toil of a very different kind from the ones for which I seemed destined? And something in the reflection of the water would suggest to my deepest core that these destinies may have been a blessing. My thoughts would fragment and my being would turn cold with fear. But, I wander again. It appears I may find myself doing so, often. It is difficult to be in a place where time has no meaning. Yet it is a constraint in this project.

  Allow me these diversions and hope that I will retain most of my intentions! I return to my narrative in the garden, on the day Hadrian first spoke to me. He bid me to sit beside him. I rose and followed. We sat beneath the olive tree. Hadrian took his cloak and folded it, making of it a cushion for me to sit upon. His face, now more exposed, showed deep set eyes, spaced narrowly; eyes capable of looking fierce at one moment and gentle, the next. They were eyes that bore so deeply into me that my soul was suddenly laid naked. My thirteen years were not prepared for the sophistication necessary to feel comfortable in such a presence. His beard, trimmed closely, was almost philosophical. And indeed, there were rumors that the Emperor espoused to be looked upon as philosophic. His mouth, almost always firmly set, was not beyond the ability of soft lines. His lips were not full and they made his mouth appear smaller than it was. Perhaps this was the reason why most who first met him, were overpowered by his stern appearance. The face was one in which there seldom showed the full weight of his charge. Those moments he reserved for those who were close and loved him, as I was soon to find. His chest, unclad of armor, was not as massive as it had appeared. The stomach was rock-hard from the years of military service. He had proven himself a capable soldier when brought from Spain by his uncle, the Emperor Trajan. That move had been the beginning of the training which would eventually result in his adoption and rise to the purple. When Trajan died in the field of battle, his nephew became the Caesar. Hadrian was tall by the standards of the times. Near my own end, we were almost the same height and he never failed to notice it. I did everything to reduce my stature so that, when standing beside him, our heads would not be equal. It was one of several issues that came with age. But as a child my awareness was for the simple and less complex. My intent was to be available for him whenever he wished to have me. I lived for his need in those early years.

  I was carefully groomed and in the years that followed my introduction to the imperial paedagogium, I was well instructed to keep hidden any qualities or attributes that could in the least way be misconstrued as pretension or affectation. It was the beginning of my true education.

  Chapter Two

  The Seven Hills

  So it was that on that June afternoon, well past the hour when the longest shadow blended with the surrounding darkness of the garden, my Lord explained the proposal which would then be presented to my mother and father, if I agreed. His offer was to make available to me a position of service in his court. I would travel to the paedagogium in Rome and there, train as a page and be given responsibilities commensurate with my age and talent. My adaptability and willingness to learn would govern the direction and speed with which I rose to more important positions.

  Hadrian spoke gently, but in his voice I detected a reserve regarding the kind of life he was proposing that I lead. Many believed only the privileged were sent to the Imperial Paedagogium and the lifestyle there to be one of leisure. We were dressed in the finest clothing and anointed with expensive oils. But the regimen was almost too much to bear. There were those, in fact, who could not stand the strain.

  “You wonder why I chose you for this honor?”

  He had read my thoughts.

  “When I saw you sitting in the garden this afternoon, I recognized something in you. Wait...,” he said, raising his hand when he saw me about to speak. “... hear me out. Antinoos, you have a brilliance in your eyes and in spite of how badly you became tongue-tied today, that brilliance was not diminished. I would lie and do you an injustice if I were not to say that before I noticed the light of your intellect, it was the smile on your lips and your brooding eyes that caught my attention. You are beautiful!”

  With those words, the Emperor touched my lips with his. It was then I became aware that I had moved my body closer to his and with my head inclined so that my face was raised, had offered my lips to him. Was I in an act of seduction? Our mouths touched only briefly. He pulled away when I became rigid at the recognition of what I had done. I believe he thought my behavior reluctance, but it was in fact a surprise to me.

  All around us the shadows provided intimacy. I was fully prepared to let his hands come forward and touch me where he would. I assumed that he would. Hadrian rose suddenly. He walked away so that the shadows swallowed him and all that was left was the sound of his voice. I knew others were near. I could hear movement of feet. The Emperor would not be left unattended! I remained seated and waited.

  Hadrian returned at once and again sat beside me.

  “You will leave with Critoneo in two days time. He will take you to Rome. You will be cared for and be shown duties which you will eventually perform in the Court's service. We will meet again, Antinoos. For now, have the assurance that becoming part of the Imperial Paedagogium will bring you many opportunities. Choose them wisely!”

  I was unsure of his meaning but knew he placed utmost importance in this advice by the way he had emphasized his words. It would be Critoneo who would become both mother and father, and to some degree my erastes, (one who takes care of a young boy and teaches and protects him in close-bonded relationship). It was his intention to make me so desirable that the Emperor would come to take notice of me in a very different way. We never imagined just how desirable and how indispensable Hadrian would come to consider me. But for now suffices to say it wa
s not by chance that I rose to prominence and to my apotheosis!

  I bid my mother farewell. Her tears were well matched by mine, as I had never contemplated leaving her. To face the thought made me deeply conscious of the love I felt for both of them.

  We spoke into the night. She filled me with advice and caution. As we did so, she held my hand and we embraced often. Father, reticent man with his emotions, relented to show me his heart. It was the first time he had done so in so obvious a manner. His words had always been directed to the purpose of instruction and correction. He seldom expressed what was in his heart. I had often wondered what mother had found warm in him. He took me into his arms and held me with such force that it hurt. He said few words but looked deeply into my eyes and commanded my attention so that I saw nothing but his piercing gaze, one that in the past had brought me abruptly out of my dreaming moods. The deep lines of pain in his face made me realize for the first time that he loved me. I wonder still, whether I would have come to know that love had I not left?

  I see them still, standing beside each other in the early morning haze, bidding me farewell as the train of horses and carriages departed for the long trek to the waiting ships on the coast. My beloved Claudiopolis, bathed in the light of the rising sun, looking like a dream as it still lay shrouded in fog, would never again provide hillside forests and verdant valleys for my childhood pleasures. Only in death would I see these hills and valleys again.

  It is important at this juncture of my narrative that all who read this defense understand the practice of pederasty. It was a part of a long-standing Greek tradition of the education of the young. It has often been misunderstood and misinterpreted. The Greek man was father and husband, but most importantly, he was a soldier and statesman. His civil duties counted above all else and those required much time away from the home. He was, therefore, unavailable to his children for much of the time. The Greek woman was wife and mother, but most important, she was the administrator of a complex household of slaves, servants, and accounts. Children were left to the care of nurse-slaves. At the appropriate age a young boy would be given over to the care of a young man, and the youth would be educated and guided through puberty. These relationships were formed with the approval of the parents and provided the boy with a fraternity and stability which was not possible from a busy and often absent father. Relationships of this kind often grew beyond platonic admiration. Men and boys loved, but within accepted restraints.