Antinoos and Hadrian

by R G Berube

  Long before we came to it, I saw in the distance a burial mound erected over the graves of the 192 Athenians who fell in the battle. Herodus Atticus took pride in showing the memorial and in giving a brief account of the battle, as we stood atop the mound and viewed the battlefield. From my perspective atop the hillock, I could see the blue waters of the Bay where the Persian King, Darius, had landed his fleet. I looked to Hadrian and found him watching me, his lips parted in smile.

  "What is it?" I asked.

  He shook his head and touched the tip of his nose with his finger.

  "You. It is you, Antinoos!"

  "But what have I done?"

  "All is well, Bithynian. You have done nothing wrong. It is that you give me joy when I see you looking so intently at the things that thrill me also. I see your interest in these places and it pleases me that I can share the wonders and of those we will come to see.

  "At times like these, I am acutely aware of the gift you bring to me. There would be other lads who would find all this boring and who would yearn for the excitement and comforts of Rome."

  Hadrian reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. Atticus, who had been showing much attention to Athenoseos, moved toward us and linked arms, leading us back to the waiting horses.

  "He is all of what you have said..," I heard him whisper to the Emperor in an aside as they mounted. Thinking that he was referring to Athenoseos, I was surprised to see them both turn to look at me, and Hadrian agreed with a vigorous nod.

  "And more..," he responded with a lascivious grin as he spurred Borysthenes into a gallop that left the rest of us behind.

  Hadrian had warmed me without being specific, about Herodus' lover, saying only that the boy tended to be troublesome at times. Little more was said and this had left me with much curiosity.

  Atticus' villa was a spectacular compound of buildings, lavish in cost. Upon arrival we were greeted with great excitement by the household slaves. From this group emerged a short and rather plump lad, who threw himself into Herodus' arms and they embraced passionately with little regard to those who stood watching. Hadrian greeted the boy next, with jovial familiarity. The boy could have been no other than Polydeukes.

  I had not been prepared for what I saw. The lad had not been gifted with beauty. His ears were much too big and his short hair did little to hide their size. His face was round, with a flattened nose that gave him the appearance of the dwarfs I had seen in the market place who sought alms or juggled. His limbs were ungraceful and feet, much too large. In all Polydeukes presented a rather comic appearance intensified by an unruly crop of hair that seemed resistant to all attempts made to style it in any fashion. I was amazed at what this ungainly and gruff-looking boy could offer in the way of attraction to a man such as Herodus Atticus, whose taste and culture were highly appreciative of the arts and beauty. Suddenly I realized that I had been staring at Polydeukes and that he was staring back at me.

  Hadrian seemed to be on friendly terms with him. He tousled his hair and gave him a sharp slap on the rump. I felt resentment at the familiarity of the exchange.

  "What mischief have you been in since last I saw you, Polydeukes?" Hadrian asked.

  The boy looked sheepishly at Herodus and clung to him with both arms.

  "I have paid attention to my studies and have tended my master's garden with great care, my Lord. And I see by the look on both your faces that neither of you believe me!"

  Herodus Atticus stood back and held the boy at arm’s length.

  "And should there be cause for us to believe that you have changed your ways so drastically, my sweet? I am sure that I will have a full account of your doings, Polydeukes. I will deal with you soon enough for whatever mischief you have perpetrated in my absence you can be sure of it!"

  Polydeukes feigned resentment and it was obvious that he prided himself in the apparent notoriety.

  "But there would be no cause for these suspicions Lord, if I were with you in Athens!"

  "Indeed..." laughed Atticus, cuffing Polydeukes on the ear and leading him inside as we followed. "It is enough to face your misdeeds here without having to deal with the ire of the citizens of Athens because of your delinquency. Here you shall remain until your behavior shows improvement.

  "Now let us refresh ourselves and get rest before dinner. You will occupy your usual quarters, my friend." Herodus said to Hadrian as many slaves scurried about us, unloading luggage and the many books and documents Hadrian was never without. "We will meet again this evening. Come, Polydeukes, your gift is hidden somewhere in those bundles. Let us retire and make up for a long month of absence."

  The boy ran to the pile and lifted two parcels onto his shoulders. "Come, Lord..." he motioned to Herodus.”I have your gift already with me!"

  I blushed at the obvious reference, but none of the others seemed to find his comment offensive. Atticus and the boy disappeared down a long corridor, laughing and exchanging tender touches as they went. Their departure was our leave to follow in similar manner.

  Athenoseos assisted me in carrying in our own things. Hadrian took the time to dictate several pieces of correspondence which he dispatched immediately to Rome. While waiting for his arrival, I passed the time with Athenoseos. Since our arrival in Athens our schedule had been so filled that I had taken little opportunity to spend time with him. His disposition in recent days had shown me that he felt ignored.

  "What do you make of Herodus Atticus' boy?" Athenoseos asked.

  I knew he had his own opinion and was curious about mine.

  "Tell me what you think." I said.

  Athenoseos shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in amazement.

  "I know that this Atticus is a person of importance, influence, and culture. I am surprised that he would have chosen him."

  "My feelings, also," I agreed. "It seems an unlikely match. But in the manner which he has spoken to him, Atticus seems genuinely in love with the boy."

  "There is something about him that makes me uneasy..., something in his eyes that I do not trust."

  The same feelings had crossed my mind. Polydeukes spoke too freely and seemed too assured.

  "You think he gives himself more credit than he warrants? It may be his common looks that assures him of Herodus' love. It minimizes the competition. I did not detect any unfaithfulness by Atticus, during our time in Athens. And there were many boys who seemed readily available to him. It is an unusual relationship!"

  Athenoseos and I finished opening the baggage. Even with all the bundles and chests of documents that were ever present where the Emperor traveled, still more had been left in Athens. We set the apartment to order, so all could be ready when Hadrian returned.

  The evening began with a sumptuous feast. It was a fare truly fit for royalty! Herodus Atticus, as I would come to learn, spared no expense to surround himself with the best foods and wines, and the most magnificent residence. It is an irony that this man would come to be the teacher of Hadrian's nephew, Marcus Aurilieus. As Emperor, he would come to stand for everything simple and austere; the quintessence of the popular stoic philosophy. Atticus was the antithesis of stoicism!

  The meal was consumed over several hours, during which much wine was poured. We were like predatory animals, Polydeukes and I. We sat together and in our conversation we sought to learn as much of each other as not already known. I was sure Atticus had spoken to him about me. With each draught of wine we opened and became less guarded and more bold. By degree I warmed to him; his enchanting smile and infectious laughter dissipated my suspicious disposition.

  Herodus Atticus and the Emperor were close together in conversation, and I could tell by the nature of their discussion that they would likely remain engrossed for some while. I gave myself entirely to Polydeukes, finding the beginning of a familiar warmth; one I had experienced some years before in my paedagogium days.

  Polydeukes, reclined, had his short but powerful legs fully exposed beneath a brief chiton. Because of his p
osition in the circle about the banquet fare, he faced Atticus and allowed the man

  full view beneath. Each time Atticus cast a glance our way, Polydeukes moved sensually and they exchanged knowing looks. Hadrian seemed to pay little attention to this, understanding what was going on but choosing to ignore it.

  Something about Polydeukes fascinated me. I think it was his free spirit and the manner in which he spoke, having little regard for what anyone sitting close would think. Polydeukes made no pretense of sophistication. His Greek was of the kind heard in taverns. I was not accustomed to it, yet found it stimulating. As the night wore on, he became more vulgar and I, more amused. But this was to be short-lived.

  "We come to the question, Antinoos," he said, leaning closer, trying to look discreet but not lowering his voice. "Have you always liked middle-aged men?"

  "There have been none before the Emperor," I replied.

  "But surely the Emperor in not the first?"

  I resented his implication and said as much, explaining that I had not been sexually active before having left Claudiopolis, and that the only serious sexual relationship I had experienced was with Alexamenos; aside from those things which all boys experience together.

  "Then why did you agree to become the Emperor's lover? Never mind answering," he said, looking to where Hadrian and Herodus lay. "I see with my own eyes what it is that attracts you to him. You have not only obtained yourself a beautiful man..," as he said this Polydeukes touched himself lasciviously between the legs and I felt anger at the inference of his own attraction to Hadrian. "... but you have also secured yourself a most opportune position. Undoubtedly you are securing a comfortable allowance for your retirement, when he tires of you?"

  This would have been enough for me to rise and leave him, as his blunt comments were offensive. But there was something in his eyes and the way he looked at Hadrian, that made me want to stay and ask more of him.

  "The Emperor has stayed here before?"

  "Many times," he said, pouring himself another cup of wine.

  "You know him well?"

  My question had been asked with intent, having placed emphasis of the word know. Polydeukes smiled and winked, but said no more.

  "Why do you think he will tire of me?"

  "There isn't a man who loves boys, that doesn't look for a prettier face sooner or later; something more exciting and challenging."

  "But what of yourself?" I asked, remembering the love Herodus had often expressed for Polydeukes.

  "I am forced to live here and not in Athens. Why do you think that is?"

  I did not want to respond as I feared confronting him with what I had been told about his behavior.

  "Atticus keeps me here because he has other boys in Athens. He tells me and others that it is to keep me out of trouble. But it is not so. It is because he wants all his pleasures!"

  "Polydeukes, it is not so! In the three weeks I was there with the Emperor we spent much time in his company. Never did I see anything that showed Herodus keeping the company of anyone. In fact, he spoke only of you and of how he missed you and loved you."

  This surprised him but he persisted. "He keeps his liaisons secret. I know what he does! But it makes no difference as I am preparing myself well for that time when I am no longer wanted. I have laid a comfortable sum away. It will take me into old age without discomfort. And so should you, Antinoos! Look at you..., no longer the boy but a man. Hadrian has had little to do with me."

  I restrained my hand from flying to his face. His words had plagued my own thoughts untold times, having fought desperately to control them, unwilling to admit this possibility. I pursued the belief that our relationship was beyond mere physical attraction. Polydeukes was telling me that he, like I, was threatened with a specter of rejection, but that he had accepted the fact and was acting accordingly. My resentment to his suggestion turned to spite, and before I knew what I was saying I responded sharply.

  "But my dear Polydeukes, why do you believe that your master is not faithful? Surely there are many reasons for him to love you, as it cannot possibly be for physical beauty!"

  Hate flashed in his eyes. He had been hurt by my words. I suspected his homely looks were a constant source of self-deprecation. I felt satisfaction at having wounded him as he had wounded me.

  "I'll tell you what keeps Atticus returning to the country, Antinoos. No, even better..., I'll show you!"

  Polydeukes swung his body around and hidden from the view of others, he spread his legs and lifted his chiton. I was astounded at his size, having never seen as large a member even on a man. I had always considered myself well endowed and had been told so. But my own maleness was childlike in comparison!

  "There is not another like this in all of Attica and I have it on the best of authority from Herodus himself. He plays the woman, Antinoos. I have no competition when it comes to the satisfaction of his needs. But this thing and I are often lonely while the master spends his time in Athens with his brood of pretty faces. I have no illusions, as you can see. Herodus plays with his chickens, and I play with an old cock!

  "And with what others does your old cock play with, Antinoos?"

  Chapter Thirty

  Speaking of Gods, Winter 129 - 130 AD.

  My mood grew oppressive with each week that passed at Marathon. The journey’s purpose had been relaxation, but there was little of it. Hadrian spent much of his time in conference with Atticus. There were several building projects in the region that each was sponsoring. In Athens the temples, library, and theatre were still in their early stages. At Corinth, public buildings received annual stipends for their maintenance. Constant repairs required the review of ledgers and accounts. New shrines at Delphi and Olympus were erected to honor the renewed interest in these places. A multitude of other projects existed on the drawing boards that Hadrian and Herodus had intentions of funding, and they constantly consulted with each other for ideas and support. Their’s was a fierce but friendly competition.

  Polydeukes and I passed the time riding in the countryside. Since the evening of the banquet, our ire had subsided but tension still seared between us. We wrestled each day for exercise. He was very physical and loved to roll around the ring, displaying his talents for the sport. I believe he thought me less than capable as a partner, and had hopes of showing his superiority. But my years of wrestling with the Praetorian Guards had prepared me, and he soon found me a worthy opponent.

  Weeks passed, and the weather changed from warm sunshine to cloudy skies. The northern wind brought a coldness from the mountains that matched my mood. I was not enjoying myself, even with Athenoseos for company. Polydeukes' continuous insinuations of Hadrian's infidelity, and the probability of his eventual loss of interest in me, consumed my thoughts. I began to lose what little confidence I had and found myself believing him and resisting him all at the same time. My mind could find no peace. I longed to be away from the source of suspicion.

  Hadrian asked about my mood. I declined to complain that it was Polydeukes who was making my life so miserable. The Emperor was enjoying himself with Herodus and I did not want to come between their friendship. But there was more to Polydeukes' purposeful suggestions. In truth, Atticus had made several feeble approaches to me. His advances had not been bold, but the little innuendoes were offered to see if my response would be one of encouragement. I played my role with great restraint, taking care to remain aloof. Herodus took his cause no further once he understood I had little interest. This new development shocked me, as I had believed him to be a faithful and honorable man. This led me to be more sympathetic toward Polydeukes, realizing that his belief of his lover's infidelity may have been well founded.

  There were several hunts into the foothills that helped pass the time. They offered relief from the villa and its closed quarters. Both Hadrian and Atticus praised me for my riding and hunting skills. Polydeukes resented this attention. He also resented the attention I paid to Athenoseos, teaching him to ride. Hadrian ha
d taken pride in my horsemanship and I too, gave Athenoseos the same consideration. Soon, he was able to accompany us on the hunts.

  Hadrian expressed a desire to visit Delphi before the winter storms made the journey too difficult. The site of the ancient oracle was located high in the mountains of northern Attica, on the slopes of Mount Parnassus, overlooking the Gulf of Corinth. But there was a more pressing event approaching.

  "There are the Mysteries of Eleusis which begin soon." He informed me as a way of announcing our pending departure from the villa. "Perhaps it would be wise to put off the journey to Delphi until the Spring. I have need to consult with the Pythia, but what we will do at Eleusis is more important. And it will be a more beautiful excursion when the weather warms and the mountains are again in bloom."

  I knew of his burning desire to hear the ancient Oracle's responses to questions that had long been on his mind. Her answers would be the basis for a plan that would begin to formulate itself upon the completion of the rites at Eleusis.

  "But are we not too late?" I asked, knowing the Eleusian Rites were divided into the Lesser and Greater Mysteries. The first, was an introduction rite and was held in the month of Anthesterion, in the Temple of Demeter on the left bank of the Illissos.

  "You have taken the first initiation. What of me? It is the end of January and I have not yet done the Lesser Mysteries?"

  It had been for this purpose that I had been preparing, not passing my time foolishly in Athens or at Marathon. Charbrias had instructed me on what little he was allowed to disclose of the Mysteries. All initiates were sworn to secrecy under penalty of death; a sentence in standing for as long as anyone could remember.

  "Arrangements have been made for you to receive special instruction when we return to Athens. The Archon has approved your participation so that you may be ready for the second initiation to begin the fourteenth of this month. The rites of the Greater Mysteries will last nine days!"

  He looked forward to our mutual participation in the Mysteries, this being a sharing that brought us even closer together. In both our minds it was a form of a ceremony of marriage that was to bind us; a ritual that had deep significance and one that would change our consciousness.