by R G Berube
We were ushered into the innermost shrine of the temple by the priests. The Oracle was seated upon a tripod. Her appearance startled me, with hair in disarray and her robe soiled beyond cleaning. The Pythia's head hung over a steaming bowl and on our approach she turned quickly to face us. Had I not known her station I would have mistaken her for someone deranged and cast out by the gods. Her eyes were clouded over and it became obvious that she saw little but was following our sound. Her hands were black with soot and her nails, long and irregular.
"Say nothing until she speaks," Hadrian cautioned me.
A priest approached her and spoke in her ear. The hag listened for a moment then reached beneath her cloak and took out a small amount of leaves which she slowly chewed while the priest chanted. Soon she began swaying, tossing her head about violently as her tongue shot forth, mumbling a series of senseless sounds, her body shaking with tremors.
"Speak," the priest called to Hadrian.
"Voice of Apollo," he began, "I have come to pay homage and seek knowledge. My heart is filled with concern that I will not see the completion of what I have set to do. Tell me if I will find peace? Am I favored by the gods? Will I be called to be among them?"
There was a moment of silence. A brazier that glowed beside her flared suddenly and sent up a column of acrid smoke that filled the small room and took my breath away. The priest stepped forward and pointed to me.
"Speak," he said. "The Pythia waits and will respond when all that needs be asked, is asked."
Hadrian placed his hand on mine and clasped it tightly. His eyes remained focused on the Oracle. I found myself at a loss for words. Much contemplation had gone into what I would ask. I had rehearsed the question a multitude of times to get it right. Now my mouth was dry and my tongue too thick to move. I forced myself to concentrate and regained my words.
"My purpose has been preordained. The gods have given me much. And for this I thank them. Yet doubt and fear of fulfilling my destiny plague me. I have given myself to someone who commands me entirely. How am I best to serve him?"
Once again the Pythia lowered her face above the steaming bowl and inhaled deeply. Suddenly she sat upright, rigid and unmoving. Her mouth opened and without speaking a sound came forth that raised the hairs of my neck. It was a deeply resonant voice that called out with utterances completely devoid of meaning. Seeing her obviously possessed with some inner power made me wonder if there was evil present. But I quickly pushed the thought from my mind in fear of offending the God Apollo.
Two priests approached and wrote her words on parchment as she spoke them. When the Pythia became quieted her head hung loosely on her bosom, completely exhausted by the affair. Hadrian and I were motioned to make an offering and leave. I placed my two gold pieces next to Hadrian's, at her feet.
Outside the sun had climbed higher and I was surprised to realize much more time had passed than I had thought. We were led to a small room adjoining the temple where the priests held council. It was their duty, based on many years of training, to interpret the words uttered by the Oracle.
The Head Priest, Plutarch, studied the symbols on the parchment carefully. He looked from the script, to Hadrian, and to the script again, seemingly studying the Emperor. I was given the same scrutiny. Finally Plutarch spoke.
"The Pythia's words are these:
You have been long in coming! I know who you are. You are marked by the cat, and five are the tally she placed upon your side in your youth. Two-score and ten are you to reign. A sixth scar that will mark you deeply, you may yet receive. Bathed by dark waters, a star which has been destined to shine upon you in your times of glory shall rise and fill the heavens, and men will bow to a new god!"
The priest ended and set the parchment aside. Hadrian extracted an additional offering and placed it at his feet.
"That is the complete translation?"
"She said no more!"
"But Plutarch, what of the boy? Is there nothing for him in her words?"
"All that was asked, has been answered! I can tell you no more my Lord."
"But are you sure you have interpreted the message correctly? Do not misunderstand me Plutarch. I am pleased with the Oracle's words, but I expected more."
Plutarch rose as an indication that the interview was ended. This action surprised me as I had never witnessed anyone place himself above the Emperor's head before. It was an indication of the stature and prestige that Apollo's priests enjoyed. This one took full advantage. He saw my reaction and smiled.
"Ponder her words. They are not what they appear yet they are what they are! Apollo has recognized that there is divinity in attendance here. Of that you can be sure!"
Chapter Thirty Two
Asia Minor, Early Spring 130 A.D.
Sabina joined us at the Isle of Cos. Not very far from the coast of Asia Minor this small island served as a rendezvous point. Before departing Greece, Hadrian again became unsettled by the thought of spending the next few months in close proximity with his wife. I displayed a similar attitude at the prospect of having to share Hadrian with Lucius Commodus. Knowing Lucius would have preferred staying in Rome, I assumed his attendance had been commanded.
I resolved not to allow my relationship with Hadrian to suffer because of Lucius' presence. I knew there was a need for him to be in attendance. His succession to the throne required that he become acquainted with the regions and the dignitaries Hadrian had scheduled to meet. In fact Lucius posed no threat. Hadrian had assured me of this and I believed it. Still, his familiar ways with the Emperor and his condescension of me was a constant source of irritation. I was unable to completely control my jealousies.
Two days were given to the business of state. Hadrian met with many couriers and government personnel. He was briefed on the state of the Empire, by Lucius. There was much correspondence to read and write. Many orders and commands for the Senate had to be recorded before we departed for the mainland. I saw little of him except in the late evening when he arrived exhausted, for bed. Hadrian belonged to Lucius and Sabina in daytime, but he was mine at night.
I was assailed by the activity and energy, and missed dearly the restful peace of Greece. I performed my duties quickly, wanting to distance myself from those who constantly hovered about the Emperor. Disliking the favor-seekers, rumor mongers, and those who constantly filled the air with their intrigues, I spent as little time as possible in the places that brought me into contact with these irritants.
Athenoseos and I quietly escaped the activity of court and made our way about the island's coast, investigating ruins and collecting shells. We passed much of our time together, trying to avoid the others.
I had looked forward to seeing Filiniana again and when I sent a message requesting a meeting, a note that bore the Empress' seal was delivered to me in return, commanding me to an audience. I found it strange that Filiniana would not respond to me directly.
In the early evening of our second day on Cos, Sabina received me in her quarters. I brought a container of honey given to me by Polydeukes, the fruit of his attention to the hives Herodus Atticus maintained at Marathon. Sabina, against custom, did not keep me waiting but saw me immediately.
"You have grown, boy! But that term no longer applies. Look at you, almost a man and as tall as one. It is good to see how well you have fared, Antinoos. Much good news has come to me of you.”
“Thank you my Lady. I hope I have served the Emperor as well as I am capable. You were kind to give me this interview. I trust you have been well?”
“Well, indeed. And happy to tell you I am impressed with the effect you have had on my husband. The Emperor has been in good spirits and it is obvious that he finds his life with you satisfying. No doubt you were aware that some anxiety existed in the anticipation of my joining the Imperial Party. The Emperor and I have had civil conversations. I find him in pleasant disposition and have you to thank for that.”
“You are more than kind, my Lady.”
“
I am truthful, boy, and will give you your due. But, to the business at hand! You have been anxious to see your Filiniana?"
“Indeed, Lady. I have missed her friendship and look forward to seeing her.”
“It was my purpose for summoning you, Antinoos. You have been away from Rome for almost half a year. Much has happened. There is something you should know.”
Sabina bid me be seated. I had been standing since my arrival.
“You had no knowledge that she was with child before your departure to Africa.”
“None,” I said, struck by the fact. Although it had occurred to me the last time I had seen her. Filiniana's weight had increased, but not by so much that I would have known the cause.
“Why do you seem so severe, my Lady? Surely this is good news! And the birth will add to the Emperor's household another pair of hands to serve him.”
“The child was still-born, Antinoos. Filiniana gave birth three weeks ago but the strain was too much for her.”
I felt my knees go weak and dreaded to ask the question that filled my mind. I dreaded even more that Sabina would confirm my suspicion.
“Does she live?”
“No longer,” she said, rising and coming to me to place a hand on my shoulder. “She served me well. Like you, I loved her and will miss her. Filiniana spoke of you often while she carried the child.”
I sensed that there was something more to tell in the way she had spoken. A gentleness came into her face and a trace of a smile touched her lips.
“The child was yours!”
It had been a thought that had passed like a spirit, through my mind when Sabina had first spoken of Filiniana's condition.
“The child was a boy, born too early to survive. Filiniana chose not to inform you because she did not want to compromise you. I do not know if she would have told you. However, the child's identity would have become apparent.
“I saw no reason you should not be informed. A man needs to know when he has fathered a child.”
Feelings of sorrow and despair were mixed with those of wonder. I felt myself overwhelmed with deep longing for the child and mother. I was to never hold the child or see Filiniana again!
Having been a party to its creation, I had no memory of him. I reached to wipe a tear but Sabina's hand prevented me.
“Let it fall,” she said. “Take this and leave me, Antinoos. We will speak again.”
Sabina placed a small gold locket and chain in my hand.
“I thought you would like to have this.”
Pressing the clasp, the small locket opened to reveal a tiny strand of golden hair secured within.
“The child had hair such as yours must have been when you were a baby,” Sabina said. “I took liberty to have this taken before it was buried.”
The hair was curled and so light in color that it was almost impossible to discern it from the golden case. I touched the strand with a finger and brought it to my lips. It had the faint smell of lavender, a scent I recognized to be Filiniana's.
“My Lady, that you have taken so much care, places me in your debt. I have no words to express my gratitude.”
“None are needed, Bithynian. It is I who should give you thanks. You have brought about such a change in the Emperor that it appears we can now be friends, if not husband and wife! Be well, Antinoos. Accept my sympathy for your loss.”
I could not avoid the specter of a child's body, pale and stiff with death. It haunted me in dreams and as I toiled, trying to avoid the oppressive sense that I was responsible. Though I had never touched or seen it, I felt a great tenderness for my dead son and speculated on how I might have attended to the responsibility. I took to wearing the locket against my breast, and never removed it!
From Cos we sailed to Ephesus, a city in the province of Lydia that had been highly adorned by past emperors. It stretched across a wide plain watered by the River Caster, connected to the sea some miles distant by artificial harbors. This wondrous city, strongly influenced by Persia, was filled with a sensuousness of worship for the Goddess Artemis. It was a paradise of pleasures, vices, and many mysteries from the East. My senses were regaled by musicians, comedians, dancers, sellers of sexual favors, and of priests and astrologers.
As in so many other cities we would visit, Hadrian had many projects under construction that he wanted to personally inspect. I found myself more often in close proximity to Lucius Commodus, who attended the Emperor daily. We were tolerant of each other. Hadrian took heart at our improved relations.
“I am pleased to see you think less critically of him,” I overheard Hadrian telling Commodus as I worked on my studies in an adjoining room.
“Antinoos means only to serve me, Lucius. These three years, I have had only one report of an indiscretion from him and not one allegation that he has used his position to advance his personal fortune. He has nothing of his own but that which I have provided.”
“I must admit,” Lucius interjected. “I had doubts when the boy first joined you. There was no reason to believe he would not follow the path taken by so many others of his kind. I saw you blinded by his loveliness. Was he not just another of a long line of lads that came to warm your bed? But this boy seems to have touched you deeply!
“Now I worry for you, Hadrian.”
“For what reason?”
“We are scheduled to visit many lands. Many beautiful, young faces will catch your eye. There is precedence, as you well know. Antinoos has grown older and although he is a magnificent specimen, he is no longer the boy who captured your interest and warmed your loins.”
My stomach tightened and my palms were wet with anxiety. I hated the words Lucius spoke, yet my ears were sharply attuned for more.
“Be cautious,” Hadrian warned. “He is nearby. Lower your voice! The boy has come far. He is more than what he once was, Lucius. I love him deeply and can think of no other. Your concerns are unfounded.”
“Are they?” Commodus asked skeptically.
Are they, I also wondered? At this point Critoneo entered and I was distracted from the remainder of their conversation.
The great Temple of Artemis was one of the seven wonders of the world. It had become so largely through the rivalry with Smyrna for the title of first city of Asia. Much had gone into its design and construction, a Hellenistic architecture in a predominantly Roman city, it commanded not just its surroundings, but me also.
Hadrian took a full week to conduct his business and review the legion stationed at Ephesus. I was at his side for much of that time, but when he was in conferences concerned with military and state security, I took leave so not to compromise him with his military commanders and advisors. The temple was hushed and the priests who tended it were unobtrusive. I returned to it many times to sit in contemplation of the many thoughts, feelings, and experiences I had so recently encountered. The world lay before me and all around, life and the joy of being surrounded by continuous excitement was still not enough for me.
“You seem constantly in a daze,” Athenoseos commented one day. “You are present in body, only.”
I realized he was right. Hadrian had asked me several times, what was wrong. He understood that I was occupied with the sense of the Mysteries, and that a deeper knowledge was making itself known to me.
Perplexed by a constant stream of thoughts, I felt moved into a direction I did not fully understand, by a power beyond my control. Looking back now, seeing the entire sequence of events, I know a decision had formulated deep in my unconscious and remained there, hidden.
Chapter Thirty Three
Concordia, Late Spring 129 A.D.
I found a difference in the way we were together. The past year had found me consistently at his side. We had been lovers in all ways that lovers are meant to be! I had shared my thoughts, fears, and hopes. Hadrian had confided in me, using me as a sounding board for his own thoughts and plans. I had been with him in Africa when he had suffered the intense heat and humidity, officiating at celebrations
. While dressed in full uniform, I had participated in the review of legions that had raised high their arms in approval. I had been put to the test, having faced a ferocious beast, completely at the mercy of my own courage and had risen above my fear, to strike a death-blow. In Greece, I had been constantly at his side and my presence had been understood by all.
In Athens I had joined the circle of philosophers that had gathered around him, having held my own in discussions where I presented views on their two celebrated philosophers, Socrates and Aristotle. Although most had accorded Socrates more than I felt he was due, I sustained my argument that mental strength assured independence and free thought. Socrates had consistently manipulated his dialogues to lead the young men of Athens to understand that the masses could not possibly rule themselves because they could not come to an understanding of virtue.
Socrates, by implication, defamed the very heroes to which history had given praise and honor. His negative dialectic became the rule by which his students judged the competence of their leaders, and this led them to question the right of the common man to participate in the governing of his city. The proof of my contention was offered by presenting his most outstanding students, Critias and Alcibiades. Both had been brilliant men who forfeited their gifts of birth and intelligence for power and personal gain. They had defamed their city and countrymen by treachery and perfidy.