A Sahib's Daughter

by Harkness, Nina

  “Rama, bearer.” He was proud of his title.

  The lesson continued, with Lorraine taking notes. “Eidher ow” means “Come.” “Jow” means “Go.” They progressed from words to phrases, Lorraine trying to think of all the things she would need to say from day-to-day. Finally, she was able to indicate that she wanted the house searched for snakes and that the doors were to be kept firmly closed at all times. When Justin came home for lunch, he was relieved to find her with her notebook and pen, looking cool and collected.

  “Are you feeling a little better, darling?” he asked, kissing her neck.

  “I think so,” she replied. “I had the entire house searched in case there were any other snakes lurking in corners.”

  “I take it they didn’t find any?”

  “I sincerely hope not. Are you hungry, darling?”

  “Starving.”

  “Good.” She called to the bearer in her high-pitched voice. “Ramu, khana liaw!”

  Justin looked at her in admiration. “You’re a wonder! You never cease to amaze me. I’m a very lucky man to have you as my wife.”

  “And don’t you ever forget it!” she said.

  That afternoon, they went out to do some serious shopping. First, they went to look at the car that Tom had recommended. It was a blue and white, two-door Standard Herald that Lorraine fell instantly in love with. The young planter who was selling it had a wife and three children and needed a bigger vehicle. After some heated discussion, they agreed on a price, and the car was theirs. Their driver drove home in the garden jeep leaving Justin and Lorraine to continue on in the Herald.

  Their next stop was another plantation, also at Tom’s recommendation. There they purchased a set of used golf clubs from a planter who was retiring. He wanted to get rid of most of his household items, and they found a few things that they had not thought to ship. They also bought a pair of Wilson Tennis racquets and an old typewriter. They loaded up the little car and drove home elated with their spoils.

  “You were robbed on the car but stole the racquets and clubs,” Tom told them later. “Don’t ever pay for anything major again without consulting me, not for a while, anyway.” He revealed to Justin that the snake was most likely a viper with a deadly poisonous bite.

  Everything was strange and new to the young couple. Lorraine continued to learn Hindi with assistance from Martha and Ramu. She made copious efforts, poring over her notebook and practicing her pronunciation. Later that week, she told Ramu what groceries she wanted from the local market. She thought it would be nice to have chicken for Sunday dinner.

  “I was horrified when he returned home with a live chicken,” she told Martha the next day. “But didn’t know enough Hindi to tell him we wanted to eat chicken, not rear them.”

  Martha and Tom laughed.

  “You have a lot to learn, Lorraine,” said Tom. “That’s how chicken is sold in these parts! Don’t worry, the cook will slaughter it. Just don’t get too attached to the bird before you eat it!”

  Chapter 13

  Assam, India 1974

  Justin and Lorraine became popular members of the club, especially when it became apparent that Lorraine was quite the athlete. She had a charismatic personality that people warmed to, and Justin had a difficult time keeping up with her in her social interactions, as well as on the golf course and the tennis court. She became quite the social belle with her wardrobe of stylish gowns and shoes. Months went by, and they both learned to adapt to the new lifestyle. It was undeniably lonely at times. They missed home but found themselves increasingly involved in the closely woven community.

  There was one vital component missing that would have made their happiness complete. More than anything, they wanted to start a family of their own. But month after month went by and Lorraine was unable to conceive.

  “Hardly surprising with those tiny hips of hers,” Irene said to Edward, after receiving a letter from Justin saying that, no, Lorraine was not pregnant yet.

  “I think I might suggest to Justin that maybe it’s time they ran some tests.”

  The opportunity arose when Justin had to fly to Calcutta on business. They made an appointment with a specialist there, and Lorraine accompanied him on the trip. Despite the circumstances of her visit, it was wonderful to be in a city again. Calcutta was very different from Belfast, but after Jorhat, the shops and restaurants and hotels seemed extremely exciting.

  They were put up by the company in the magnificent Grand Hotel and enjoyed eating at the fashionable restaurants on Park Street. They went to Mocambos, where they had delicious European food and danced to the strains of a sultry crooner accompanied by a four-piece jazz band. They had a fabulous tea at Flurys, and Lorraine went on a shopping spree at Newmarket, a shoppers’ paradise where shoes, clothing, jewelry, curios and just about everything under the sun could be acquired. She loved the shoes made by Chinese craftsmen and added several pairs to her collection.

  On their last day in the city, they went to the food hall for provisions to take back with them. A tantalizing aroma of new bread came from Nahoums’ Bakery. The floral hall was redolent with the scent of roses, geranium, dahlias, marigolds, chrysanthemums and carnations. Vegetable stalls were laden with mountains of produce. Exotic species of fish wriggling on slabs of ice fascinated Lorraine, but she averted her eyes hastily from grotesque animal carcasses dangling from hooks in the meat market.

  Brightly dressed housewives flitted from store to store followed by coolies balancing baskets with their purchases on their heads. It was difficult for Justin and Lorraine to restrain themselves, but there was only so much they could take back on the plane. They made do with bacon, sausages, sticks of barley sugar and a lump of cheese.

  “Let’s come back soon,” said Lorraine, relishing the energy of the city despite having spent two mornings at Woodlands Nursing Home undergoing tests. Now, all they could do was wait for the results. They tried to avoid the subject on their little vacation. There was nothing to be gained by dwelling on it, although the subject weighed heavily on their minds.

  Two weeks later a bulky envelope arrived, addressed to Lorraine. Justin brought it home with the rest of the mail at lunch time.

  “You open it, darling,” Lorraine said, faintly. “I can’t bear to look.”

  He tore the envelope open and tried to decipher its contents. “It seems that everything is normal,” he said. “They say you’re in perfect health and can see no reason why you shouldn’t get pregnant. They suggest….” his voice trailed off. “They’re recommending that maybe I should be checked out.”

  Not in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined that the problem could lie with him. The notion was inconceivable. Surely all they needed was to be patient to give it a little more time.

  “You?” gasped Lorraine. “Surely not?”

  How could this be happening to them? They were both young and athletic, and their sex life was more than healthy.

  “Let’s give it a rest for a while,” Justin suggested. “We have plenty of time. I can’t go back to Calcutta right now. Besides the Golf Championships are coming up. We should focus on getting ourselves ready. You have a real chance of winning.”

  “You’re right, darling,” agreed Lorraine, though she wondered if she’d be able to summon up any interest in participating. All she could think of was the child she so badly wanted. She had assumed responsibility for not being able to conceive. The fact that the problem might lie with Justin only made the situation worse and more final.

  “Come home,” Irene urged Justin, in response to his letter. She knew there could be nothing wrong with Justin. They just needed to run some proper tests on Lorraine. God only knew what the level of health care was in that country.

  “Come home for a while. It will do you both good to get away from that place.”

  Secretly, she hoped that coming back might entice them to stay. Adrian had remarried in England and didn’t want children. He was too busying partying with his young wife,
who definitely didn’t want babies. She was still a baby herself. And Irene worried terribly about Edward’s health. The bakery shop was up for sale, but there were no buyers. Every time there was a bomb or sectarian shooting on the news, their hearts sank. The economy fluctuated according to the level of violence.

  Actually, Justin was due home leave in a few months. He would have served three years in tea and was entitled to a paid trip home with his wife. It seemed like a good idea to have themselves examined in Belfast. The city had some of the best hospitals in the world, thanks to the troubles.

  So in a matter of weeks, Justin and Lorraine landed at Aldergrove Airport, met by both of their families. Lorraine was amazed by how pale everyone looked. She burst into tears when she saw her mother who had aged tremendously in the three years since she’d last seen her. Her hair’s brassy tones had subsided into dirty streaks of gray, and her skin sagged like that of a much older woman from all the years of smoking. Toby and Edward had both lost a little hair, and Edward had gained weight. Only Irene looked better than ever, resplendent in a green mohair coat and freshly set hair.

  Lorraine gasped at the blast of cold air that hit them as they stepped outside the terminal. They’d forgotten how it felt to be cold. Despite the dismal sky and the bleak countryside, it was very good indeed to be home. They had six weeks to reconnect with family and friends. They planned to split their time between both families and perhaps visit Donegal for a few days. But first, they needed to go to the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast.

  The next morning, they went to the hospital for their scheduled appointments, regarding the foreboding façade of the Royal Victoria Hospital with feelings of dread. Lorraine clung to Justin’s arm. The lingering hospital smell sank to the pit of her stomach. They walked through long, echoing corridors, and she waited shivering with cold and fear, while Justin was whisked away by one of the nurses. She felt she would never be warm again. Scruffy men in anoraks and dirty sneakers and women in ugly, comfortable shoes patiently waited beside her. Her feet froze in her high-heeled pumps despite the stockings she was wearing for the first time in years. Finally, her name was called. She panicked momentarily, wishing Justin was with her. But, almost as if to compensate for the hospital’s austerity, the nurses teemed with kindness and goodwill.

  “Now just you follow me, dearie. Go you behind that curtain and put this on, with the opening at the back.” She was handed a hospital gown. She gave blood and urine and had her blood pressure taken. There was another long wait to see the doctor, who was gruff and unsympathetic.

  Finally, the ordeal was over, and she was reunited with a pale, subdued Justin. This was his first hospital experience. They couldn’t wait to get away from the cold dankness of the hospital. In Calcutta, it had been totally different. There Lorraine was a Memsahib, and the hospital was for the privileged, with all the facilities and comforts of a luxury hotel.

  Once in the bracing air outside, they found they were starving and dived into a pub for some lunch.

  “I think the occasion calls for a drink. I need something to steady my nerves. What d’you say?” said Lorraine.

  “I absolutely agree,” said Justin, who needed a drink like never before in his life. They ordered sausage rolls, the first they’d had in years. They were hot and delicious, just as they remembered them. They both started to feel better and decided that a second round of drinks was in order.

  They were at Edward and Irene’s house in Newcastle a few days later when the phone rang. Edward was home from the bakery, and they were about to cook dinner. It was the urologist who asked to speak to Justin.

  “We have a full report out to you in the mail,” he said, “but I thought I’d call you as it’s a Friday. I’m afraid the news isn’t good.”

  “I see,” said Justin, his heart sinking. “What is it?”

  “The problem is not with Lorraine. It’s with you. It’s a very unusual condition, and there are no symptoms. Some men produce abnormal antibodies against their own sperm. The antibodies attack the sperm on the way to the egg, preventing fertilization.”

  “In other words?”

  “In other words…permanent infertility. I am truly sorry.”

  “But surely, there must be some treatment, some kind of remedy?” Justin struggled to digest the implications of what the doctor was saying.

  “I will do some further research. Believe me, if there is anything that can be done, I will do it. And if you and your wife require counseling of any kind, I’ll gladly arrange it.”

  “Thank you kindly,” said Justin. “And thanks for taking the trouble to call me.”

  It was obvious to Lorraine, Edward and Irene that the news was not good from the tone of Justin’s voice in the hallway. They waited silently as he entered the room and sat on the sofa beside Lorraine.

  “That was the doctor,” he said. “It seems the problem lies with me, something to do with my sperm preventing fertilization.”

  There was shocked silence.

  “Well, at least now that they know what the problem is, so you can get treated for it,” said Edward.

  “Apparently, it’s something that can’t be treated,” Justin said. “It’s my fault we can’t have a baby, Lorraine. It’s me, not you.”

  Irene started to weep. “Now, don’t be carrying on like that.”

  Lorraine clung to Justin’s hand, weak with disappointment, but filled with sympathy for her husband.

  “It’s okay,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady. “It’s not a question of fault. At least we know now. So we can’t have a baby. It’s not the end of the world.”

  Justin was filled with gratitude toward her. She never failed to amaze him. He knew, more than anyone, how much she wanted a family and how children would transform their lonely existence in Assam.

  “We can consider adoption or maybe focus on other things,” she continued. “Now, did I hear anyone mention a hot Scotch? There’s got to be a few advantages in not being pregnant!”

  “Aye, you certainly did.” Edward jumped up, always happy to oblige where alcohol was concerned.

  Irene was still struggling to come to terms with the realization that there were to be no grandchildren in her future. Not from Justin at any rate. But despite her intense disappointment, she appreciated Lorraine’s stoicism. Many women would have been bitter and resentful in her situation.

  “I’ll go and get dinner started,” she said. “Now, you just sit here, the both of you. You’re not to do a thing except comfort each another.”

  She followed Ed into the kitchen. He was heating the water for the scotch.

  “Let them alone a while,” she said to him. “Give them their drinks and come and help me with dinner, if you would.”

  In the other room, Justin stared at the fire trying to digest the implications of the news. Of course, adoption had always been an option in the back of their minds, but it wasn’t something they had ever discussed. That would have been like admitting defeat.

  “How can I make it up to you?” he said to his wife.

  “Ach, don’t you go being a martyr,” she smiled. “The problem could just as easily have lain with me. We are a unit. It doesn’t matter where the fault lies. Surprisingly enough, I feel a sense of relief. At least we know where we stand now. We can get on with our lives. And maybe start to enjoy our holiday a little.”

  They spent their days playing golf, tennis and visiting favorite haunts. They drove through Strangford, taking the car ferry across the lough to Portaferry. They had lunch at the Portaferry Inn and continued on to Mount Stewart, a stately home surrounded by spectacular gardens. They travelled up the Antrim Coast, with its cliffs that plunged into the North Sea, to visit the Giants’ Causeway.

  Lorraine spent time with her family in Belfast, enjoying shopping sprees with her mother and sisters and just being able to sit in coffee shops and cafes. Justin helped his father in the bakery, which he noted had become run down and badly in need of modernization. He h
ired roofers to patch leaks in the roof and builders to make structural repairs. Irene picked out some paint, and they painted the building pale yellow with green trim. The final touch was a new green sign with “Irene’s Home Bakery” in gold lettering.

  Edward was overcome with emotion when he saw how it had all taken shape. Despite his aches and pains, he could not conceive of closing his business. The renovations gave him fresh impetus and renewed hope that perhaps he might find a buyer soon.

  Chapter 14

  Assam, India 1975

  All too soon, it was time to return to the tea plantation. Lorraine appeared to have put the idea of adopting a child out of her mind. She plunged into the wives’ social round of coffee mornings, lunches and mahjong and even learned to play bridge. In the heat of the afternoon, she began to write stories on the old typewriter they’d bought.

  Justin meanwhile threw himself into his job. He was eager to be promoted to manager. He knew he was impatient with the workers and that it was sometimes difficult to handle the emerging labor force, which was more exacting in its demands than the old-school laborers prior to Independence. There was talk of forming a union. As Justin knew from the troubles in Northern Ireland, it only took a few insurgents to stir up far-reaching rebellions.

  That year, the Planters Annual General Meeting had been delayed due to renovations at the Assam Golf and Polo Club. Instead of its usual January date, it was postponed to March and then July, the height of the monsoon season. Consequently, the golf and tennis tournaments that usually coincided with the event had to be cancelled. It would simply be too hot and wet. Even if it didn’t rain, the golf course and tennis courts would be water-logged. All the same, it was an occasion everyone looked forward to. Besides the mandatory meetings, there would be fabulous lunches and dinners all weekend, culminating in the Annual Planters Ball.

  Lorraine was disappointed that there were to be no tournaments. Her golf handicap was down in the teens, and her tennis game was better than ever before. To compensate, a number of people arranged to go to the nearby Brahmaputra Safari Park on the day following the Annual General Meeting, and Lorraine and Justin decided to join them.