A Sahib's Daughter

by Harkness, Nina

  After Justin had selected his books, Samira put the register away and went outside to join the others for tea.

  “Have you seen Ravi?” she asked Ramona.

  “No, I haven’t, actually. He wasn’t playing golf. Wasn’t he at tennis, either?” asked Ramona in surprise.

  “No, there was hardly anyone there,” said Samira, a little disappointed at not getting a good game. “Maybe I should have played golf.”

  Ravi did not arrive till much later, just as people were settling into their seats for the movie. Samira saw him enter the clubhouse and head towards the bar. She found herself seated between Ramona and Justin. The feature was “Goldfinger,” a James Bond movie she had already seen in Darjeeling.

  As soon as the lights came on during the interval, she excused herself and wandered toward the bar hoping to find Ravi. She was no longer confident of her relationship with him and was almost beginning to wonder if she had imagined the whole thing. She saw him seated at the bar with a pint of beer in front of him, staring into the distance. He seemed unhappy about something. She was contemplating creeping away when Dilip Gupta saw her and said,

  “Hi, Samira. Let me buy you a drink.”

  Ravi heard him and moved over to Samira.

  “Thanks, man, but I already ordered something for this young lady.” He put his arm around Samira and guided her towards his bar stool.

  “Thanks, Dilip. Some other time,” she said over her shoulder.

  She looked at Ravi questioningly, unsure of what to say.

  “I’d forgotten how beautiful you were,” Ravi said, reinforcing how long it had been since they’d met.

  “Thanks, Ravi, it’s nice of you to say that,” she said, though what she really wanted to say was, “No wonder you’ve forgotten. You never want to see me anymore. Then when we do meet, you act as though there’s something preventing us from seeing each other, when there isn’t.”

  “It’s been a while,” she continued, conscious of his intense gaze.

  He put his hand over hers and stroked the inside of her arm, sending shivers down her spine.

  “Follow me outside in a few minutes,” he said. “I’ll wait for you in the gazebo.”

  Obviously, he didn’t want them to be seen walking out of the clubhouse together. And it was true that tongues would wag if they were. She stared into her glass of wine and said nothing.

  “Promise me,” he said. “Please.”

  She couldn’t refuse. She missed his eyes looking into hers and his soft kisses.

  “I promise,” she said. But Charles and Ramona walked over just after Ravi left, with Justin beside them.

  “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked her. “Ramona, Charles, what are you having?”

  “Thanks, I already have one,” she said.

  They ordered drinks, and she excused herself saying she’d be back in a few minutes. She ran along the lawn to the path that led to the gazebo. Ravi stepped out of the shadows startling her.

  “Ravi, you scared me.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to.” He grabbed her hand and led her along the pathway beside the honeysuckle hedge that bordered the tennis courts.

  “Where are we going?” she whispered. “What do you want?”

  “This,” he whispered back, pulling her to him, “I want you!”

  His lips found hers and he held her against him passionately.

  “Oh my god, I have missed you,” he said. “You feel so good.” His hand was on her breast, as it had been the very first time they had met under the jasmine bushes. He held her close, kissing her all over until she quivered. She clung to him, savoring the closeness of their bodies, the sensation of his touch and the rapid beating of his heart. The air was still, and the deep velvet sky was a panorama of stars.

  “Why?” she finally had to ask him, needing to know. “Why haven’t you wanted to see me? What’s wrong?”

  “Please, Sammy,” he groaned. “Believe me when I say I love you. And I will explain but not now. Let me just hold you.”

  Eventually, Ravi said,

  “I should take you home. I have the jeep tonight. I’ll inform your father.”

  It was a reasonable suggestion. She could not imagine walking back into the clubhouse in her disheveled state. She would just have to deal with Ramona’s questions later. She was an adult, after all, and old enough to make her own decisions.

  But apparently Ramona didn’t see things the same way. She stormed into Samira’s room the next day as she was sipping her morning tea.

  “And where did you disappear to last night with Ravi?” she said.

  “Mother, he gave me a lift home.” Samira was all innocence.

  “I’m aware of that. But you left without saying anything.”

  “I thought Ravi told Dad that he was bringing me home.”

  “We were in the middle of the movie, and you’d just met that nice Scottish man.”

  “Irish.”

  “Scottish, Irish, what’s the difference? You just took off with no explanation, right after meeting him.”

  “So that’s what this is about. You think Ravi’s not good enough for me now that Justin’s on the scene.”

  “That’s not true. And what is your situation with Ravi, by the way? He hasn’t been to see you in ages. Is he really interested in you?”

  Well, she wanted to say that he certainly seemed to be last night. She was tingling with the memory of his touch. But the truth was that she didn’t know, even though he’d said he loved and missed her. She hadn’t been able to sleep all night, remembering his caresses. He’d deprived her of his company for so long.

  “Well?” She’d held back from questioning Samira long enough and now wanted to know exactly what was going on.

  Samira felt the weight in her chest bear down on her again, the pain that had begun to ease as she gained in maturity and her relationship with her mother strengthened. She grew defensive again.

  “She’s treating me like a child,” she thought, “Which is guaranteed to make me behave like one.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m an adult now. I can make my own decisions.” The words sounded childish, even to her.

  “I only want what’s best for you,” Ramona softened, sensing her withdrawal. “Just remember, I’m on your side.”

  But Samira couldn’t hear what she was saying any longer. She was too upset. And because her mother had struck a nerve, she no longer felt she could confide in her, as much as she needed a guide and confidante.

  “I’m sorry if I did something to displease you, Mother,” she said. “But I have a lot to think about.”

  Chapter 16

  Dooars, 1978

  At breakfast, Ramona announced that Justin was coming to dinner that night.

  “We all need to make him feel welcome,” she said. She didn’t look her daughter in the eye.

  Charles sliced up his eggs and placed the dripping pieces on his toast.

  “That’s nice, dear.” He was reading the paper, his mind elsewhere.

  “Sure,” thought Samira, seeing through her mother’s subterfuge. It was obviously an effort at matchmaking, getting her together with Justin so that she would forget Ravi. She had nothing against Justin. Actually, he seemed very likeable. Besides, Ravi hadn’t called and as the day wore on, she realized that he probably wouldn’t.

  “Would you like me to make a chocolate soufflé?” she asked Ramona, trying to placate her mother.

  “That would be lovely,” said Ramona. “Would you like to arrange some flowers, too?”

  “Okay,” said Samira. “I’ll ask Ramchand if he can spare some. I know he’s been hoarding stuff for the Flower Show next month. Isn’t it wonderful that he finally had a son?”

  “Yes, very nice,” agreed Ramona. “I’m so happy for him and Usha.”

  She put her arm around her daughter, appreciative of the effort.

  Samira went to the pantry to pick out the ingredients for the chocolate souffl
é and reflected that while she and her mother made copious efforts with their relationship, Charles and Mark just seemed to muddle through somehow.

  Justin arrived in the evening with a bouquet of flowers, which he handed to Ramona. When he saw the array of flowers Samira had arranged, he laughed.

  “Oops, maybe I should have brought something else!”

  “Not at all, it’s the thought that counts,” Ramona said. She pushed the electric bell to summon Jetha to put the flowers in water.

  He’s actually quite handsome, thought Samira, watching him from the corner of her eye. When she invited Ravi over, he was her guest, for her to entertain, but she didn’t feel responsible for Justin because her mother had invited him. She was curious about his wife and his life in Northern Ireland, but was sure he didn’t want a barrage of questions.

  Just then the phone rang, and Samira’s heart leapt. But it was the assistant manager for Charles.

  “Excuse me, Justin. We’ve been having labor issues. This could take a while,” he grumbled.

  “I need to go to the kitchen and see to the food.” Ramona jumped up. “Why don’t you show Justin the garden, Sammy?”

  “If you’re interested?” Samira looked at him, questioningly.

  “Yes, surely. I’d love to see your garden. I’ve heard it’s quite spectacular.”

  He followed Samira down the steps and into the rose garden. She showed him the famous Ena Harkness roses that had won Ramchand one of his rosettes last year. They were purest yellow, fragrant and perfect in every way. They strolled over to the shrubbery to examine the jasmine bushes, laden with waxy, full-scented blossoms.

  Justin saw Samira shudder.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, taking her arm.

  “Yes, I’m fine, thanks,” she said, memories of her first encounter with Ravi flooding back. “How are you settling in?”

  “I really like it here.”

  “If ever you need a friendly ear, I’m here for you.”

  Suddenly, he found himself telling her how he had been through the worst three years of his life, how he had had to endure the loss of his dear wife, and tell her parents that their daughter was dead, she had fallen down a cliff and been swallowed up by a monstrous river. And that, no, he had not beside her at the time. He had wandered ahead of the group and was talking to the guide. She was with the other ladies and back went to fetch her camera, something he would have gladly done for her. If only she had asked him! She must have been momentarily distracted as she ran back. The lens cover was open, as though she’d been taking a picture. And when they later developed the film, there was a snapshot of the scene of the tragedy.

  “The worst of it is that I felt I was just beginning to fall in love with her. She had been the best possible wife to me. She came with me to this country at a time when…I really needed her. She was so fragile, yet so strong. She made the most of every situation. Her love for me, well, it was truer than mine was for her. I wasn’t worthy of her.”

  “But she wouldn’t have come with you if she didn’t want to,” Samira said. “You picked her to accompany you on your big adventure. And if she loved you more than you loved her, then she was the lucky one. She got to be with the person she loved. If you didn’t love her back the same way, it was your loss. She was the one experiencing the love.”

  “I never thought of it like that before,” said Justin. “I just felt guilty that I wasn’t more in love with her sooner, no matter how much I admired and appreciated her.”

  “How many women get to be admired and appreciated by their husbands?” asked Samira.

  “Thank you, Sammy.” Justin took her hand and held it. “I didn’t intend to open up to you like this today. And the fact that I did was probably because I sensed you’d understand.”

  He couldn’t confess that the attraction he’d felt on meeting her in the library was confirmation that at last he could move on. Or that he had fallen overwhelmingly in love with her, in a way that, despite everything, he never had with Lorraine.

  During dinner, Justin and Charles exchanged anecdotes about their lives in Northern Ireland and Hertfordshire, and about how they ended up in tea. Samira was always fascinated by stories of her father’s life in England, as he was so disinclined to discuss his early days.

  “And how about you, Ramona?” Justin asked. “I’d love to know more about your past.”

  Ramona told him about her mother, Prava, about her father who’d died and how she’d grown up in Kalimpong. She told him about teaching at St. Jude’s, the boarding school where she later sent Samira and Mark.

  “And now my mother lives very happily in her little cottage in Darjeeling,” she concluded, “where we can visit her very often.”

  “That’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to go,” Justin said. “In Assam, we used to visit Shillong, a wonderful place to retreat to during the summer.”

  “Darjeeling used to be a sanatorium for soldiers who needed to recuperate from various illnesses,” said Samira. “It also became an escape for officers’ wives who couldn’t endure the heat of Calcutta. The site where Darjeeling now stands was originally purchased by a Lord Bentick from the Maharaja of Sikkim.”

  “Fascinating. I’ll definitely go there very soon,” said Justin. “And this chocolate soufflé is delicious. You have a great cook.”

  “You can thank Sammy for that,” said Charles. “It’s her specialty.”

  Samira found herself liking Justin more and more. She went to her room after he left and read in bed all night, trying not to admit to herself that she was already regretting the events of the night before.

  She moped around the house after breakfast the next day. While Ramona didn’t know the full story, she suspected that Ravi was behind her daughter’s dejection. She had discussed the issue with Charles the night before, wondering if it might cheer Sammy up to escape to Darjeeling for a few days. Charles was only too willing to agree to anything his wife suggested.

  “I had an idea last night while we were speaking to Justin,” she said to Samira over lunch. “Your grandmother isn’t doing too well with her diabetes, and your father and I wondered if you would like to go and spend a few days with her. I’d go except we have the superintendent arriving next week, and I have to be here to entertain him. It might be a good time for you to get away, too. Not that we want to get rid of you.”

  She and Charles looked at Samira to gauge her reaction.

  Samira’s initial response was that she didn’t want to leave because of Ravi. Then suddenly, she thought that maybe she did and that it was a great idea for her to get away at this time. She realized that she’d underestimated her mother’s perceptiveness, offering a solution to her predicament without even alluding to it.

  “I’m happy to go if Gran needs me,” she said. “I’d love to visit her, and it would be a relief to get away from this heat.”

  “Then it’s settled,” said Charles. “I’ll book a taxi, if that’s okay, darling. We don’t want poor Kala to have to make two separate trips.”

  “Of course,” said Samira. “I understand.”

  The phone rang. Jetha said it was Justin Sahib.

  “It must be for you,” Ramona said to Samira. “Would you answer?”

  “No, I think he must want Dad. Please, Mum,” she begged. “He didn’t ask for me.”

  Her confidence in herself had totally eroded. Men didn’t call her any more these days.

  “I’ll go,” said Ramona, jumping up and going into the drawing room.

  She returned a few minutes later looking pleased.

  “He called to thank us for dinner. Such a polite man! Anyway, I told him that you’re going to visit your grandmother. He said that as he was planning to go to Darjeeling soon and would be happy to drive you there. Isn’t that nice of him? He’ll stay at the club, of course.”

  Samira tried to digest the implications of what her mother was saying. Was Justin’s phone call mere coincidence, or had her mother hatched the whole pl
ot in an effort to bring them together?

  “I promise it was not my idea,” she said, as though reading Samira’s mind. “Though it would have been a rather good one.”

  Samira laughed. She had to admit she liked Justin, and going to Darjeeling together would be fun. It was a whole lot better than travelling in an old taxi.

  “I have to say you are the most interfering, maddening mother I’ve ever known!”

  Ramona smiled mischievously, and they looked across the table at each other, closer than they’d been in a long time.

  Chapter 17

  Darjeeling, 1978

  “What a stupendous view!” said Justin. They had pulled into a viewpoint off the road to Darjeeling for a rest and a cup of coffee. In the distance, six-thousand feet beneath them, the purple plain shimmered. The ravines and crevasses below were smothered by a low-creeping fog, though the sky above them was blue and clear.

  “Wait till you see the snow-capped Kanchenjunga Mountains,” Samira said, pleased at his response. “You can see them from the Dooars on a clear day, but they’re considerably closer from Darjeeling, providing they’re not obscured by clouds, of course. Sometimes, you can’t see them for days on end, especially now during the monsoon.”

  “You were educated in Darjeeling, weren’t you?” he asked. “Did you like it?”

  “I did eventually as I got older. Father didn’t see any point in sending us all the way to England to be educated.”

  “Isn’t it strange,” she continued, “How when we look up at the mountains from the plains, they appear purple and when we look down, the plains are purple, too? I wonder why that is?”

  “It’s one of life’s mysteries,” laughed Justin. “Do you know what you remind me of?”

  “No. What?” she asked, in pleasant anticipation.

  “You’re like a D.H. Lawrence heroine, full of questions and perplexities, if that’s even a word.”

  “I love Lawrence,” said Samira. “I’ve read all his books.”