“Not until you tell me why I shouldn’t be with Caleb.”
“Fucking hell.” I bark. “You don’t know how to let something go, do you?” I mean for it to sound intimidating, but it’s obvious I lack any sort of animosity towards her.
“Nope.” She grins smugly.
I reach for my phone but she pulls it away, just like I did with her book. “Give me it.”
“No.” She giggles.
As I try again, the two of us tumble to the floor. I land on top of her, with our faces only inches apart. The sound of her breath hitching tells me all I need to know. As she glances down at my lips, I lean in and kiss her. My hand caresses her face as my mouth moves against hers slowly. I’m almost positive we both stop breathing at the intimacy of it. When I pull away and see the way she’s looking at me, I give in.
“I don’t want you to be with Caleb because I want you to be with me.”
She doesn’t respond, but she doesn’t have to. The way she smiles and pulls back in for a kiss is enough to answer for her. As much as I would love to have my way with her again, I resist the urges. I don’t want her to think I only want sex. She means so much more to me than that.
After a few minutes of kissing, the sound of someone coming down the hallway alerts us to my door, which is still wide open. I get up and run over to shut and lock it, not wanting any interruptions. The two of us move to my bed where she cuddles against me. I can tell by the way she’s talking that, while she may be a little buzzed, she’s not drunk. The revelation makes me happy, knowing she’s doing this because she wants to – not because she’s intoxicated.
We spend the rest of the night in conversation. Some topics are light while others, such as the one about Bree, are serious. When she finally starts to doze off, I offer to drive her home. The ride to campus is quiet but her fingers stay interlaced with mine and that’s exactly what I need. When we get there, she kisses me once more before climbing out of the car and going inside. All I can do is watch and wonder what it is about her that has me so bewitched.
THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS are filled with constant text messages and secret make out sessions. I feel guilty about what I’m doing to Brianna but I can’t help myself. The things Kayleigh makes me feel are something I’ve never experienced before, and no matter how much I try to fight it, I can’t. She has me tightly wrapped around her little finger.
We spend sociology class sitting next to each other and sneaking subtle touches. The only person who notices anything is Professor Bradley who smiles at me knowingly. Our ankles stay hooked together as we focus on the lecture and I do my best to ignore the tingles that still come from her skin touching mine.
I practically float around the frat house, grinning widely every time my phone vibrates in my pocket. I’m sitting at the kitchen island, texting Kayleigh back, when Jesse enters the room.
“Alright, I have to know.” He says as he sits in the seat next to me. “What have you been on lately, and can I get some of it?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “I’m not on anything.”
His eyebrows furrow as he studies my face. “Then who’s the girl?”
I’m about to deny it when my phone vibrates in my hand. I open the text and feel as the smile falls right off my face.
Kayleigh: I think we should stop… whatever this is.
I’m sorry.
My heart sinks and quite possibly cracks as I read her words. Here I thought I finally had her. I guess I was wrong. Two days into it and she’s already running away. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.
“There is no girl.” I answer Jesse, and I wish more than anything that I wasn’t being honest.
Chapter Fourteen
There’s a vast difference between being a caring person and an overbearing stalker. However, tell that to my brain as it refuses to cooperate and not contact Kayleigh. It’s been three days since I received her end-all text, and ever since, her phone’s been off. I’ve sent numerous text messages and even left a couple voicemails, but they’ve all gone unanswered. When I couldn’t handle it anymore, I even asked Bree. All she told me was that Kayleigh’s sick – but I figure that’s just the lie she told her.
I’m currently sitting on Jesse’s bed as he tosses a ball in the air. He called me in here to talk about some fraternity stuff for next year, though I can tell that’s not all he wanted. Sure enough, once the important conversation is done, the topic changes.
“So, what’s been up with you? You were ridiculously happy, then all of a sudden, you crashed.”
I shrug, hesitant on whether or not I should confide in him. “It’s no big deal. Just been dealing with some shit.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“If I do, are you going to run your mouth to Caleb and Jason?”
He chuckles. “Come on, H. I’d like to think you know me better than that.”
I sigh and give in. “Well, you know the girl Caleb brought to the party Sunday night?”
“I think so. Kali or something?”
“Kayleigh.”
“Right, that’s it. What about her?”
Looking down, I mess with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “Well, she’s Bree’s roommate… and dorm chick.”
“No fucking way.” His jaw drops. “She’s the girl you’ve been hung up on for weeks?” I nod. “I take it Caleb doesn’t know?”
“No, and I don’t want him to.” He arches one eyebrow, so I continue. “I don’t want her to be with me because I made it so Caleb won’t be. If he’s who she wants and he makes her happy, then that’s just something I’ll have to deal with.”
“Holy shit.” He gasps. “You’re in love with her.”
I shake my head so fast I almost get whiplash. “Love is for movies and fairytales. It’s not real.”
Jesse chuckles and rolls his eyes. “So, what are you going to do about Bree? Are you breaking up with her?”
“I hadn’t really thought too much about it. I considered it for a second but then Kayleigh texted me saying she wanted to end things between us. I haven’t talked to her since, and trust me, it’s not for lack of trying on my part.”
He gives me a sad smile. “I hate to break it to you, H, but as hard as it may be to believe, she might not be as into you as you are with her.”
I’d be lying if I said that concept hasn’t crossed my mind – especially with the way she’s been towards me in the past. Still, there was something else in how she was those couple of days. I don’t thing I’ve ever seen her so happy. I can’t help but feel like there must be another reason for this freeze out.
“I don’t know.”
“Well.” He tosses the ball back into his drawer. “Try not to completely destroy Brianna. That girl looks at you like you hung the damn moon. If anyone deserves you to have feelings for them, it’s her.”
As if she knows we’re talking about her, my phone vibrates and my girlfriend’s name appears on the screen.
Bree: I don’t feel well.
Come take care of me?
My mind is still all over the place, but with the thought of seeing Kayleigh and talking to her for the first time in days, I agree in a heartbeat. I text Bree back to let her know I’ll be right over, thank Jesse for his advice, and grab my keys from my room. I send one last text to Kayleigh before heading out the door.
Me: I’m coming over.
I can’t handle not talking to you.
I bounce my knee nervously on the drive over. Not only will it be the first time I’m seeing her since she stopped talking to me, but it’s the first time the three of us will be in the same room since Kayleigh and I slept together. I really hope this doesn’t blow up in my face.
The door’s unlocked when I arrive, so I walk right in. Bree is sitting on her bed in a pair of sweats. She smiles as she sees me but I can’t help my disappointment when I notice Kayleigh’s side of the room is empty. I do my best to act normal as I say hello to my girlfriend.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.<
br />
She shrugs. “Just feeling ill. Can we watch a movie?”
I nod and slip out of my shoes before climbing onto the bed next to her. She grabs her computer and starts to search for something to watch.
“Where’s Kayleigh?” The question leaves my mouth before I can stop it. Thankfully, she doesn’t think too much of it.
“Class, I think.” She glances at the time. “She should be back any minute, though.”
After we decide on a movie, Bree gets up to go to the bathroom. While she’s in there, the door opens and my breathing stops. Kayleigh walks in the door, not realizing I’m here yet. She looks exhausted – not just physically, but mentally as well. The bright smile that graced her face just a few days ago is nowhere to be found, yet she still looks beautiful.
“So, you are alive.” I speak, causing her to startle.
She turns around and her eyes soften when she sees me. “What are you doing here?”
I open my mouth to reply just as Bree comes out of the bathroom. She stops as soon as soon as she notices we’re not alone.
“Oh, you’re back.”
Kayleigh looks her up and down. “You okay? I never see you in sweats.”
Bree half shrugs. “I think I got what you’ve had. My head hurts and I’ve felt sick all day.”
Judging by the look on Kayleigh’s face, I’m completely certain that the sick excuse she gave Bree was a lie. Naturally though, she maintains her composure and frowns.
“I’m sorry. I hope you feel better.”
Bree comes over to the bed and climbs across me. She puts the computer halfway between us and starts to play the movie. I, however, can’t seem to focus on anything other than Kayleigh. My body has been craving to be near her since Tuesday. I’ve needed her like air, and even though I tried to give her space, it hasn’t been easy.
I subtly watch as she seems to fight some internal battle with herself. Finally deciding on something, she gets up and grabs a bottle of water from the mini-fridge. After, she goes into her nightstand drawer and pulls out a bottle of pills – taking one and popping it into her mouth. When she’s done, she puts the medication back and grabs her phone. Fuck.
As soon as it turns on, it starts to vibrate profusely. I can only imagine how many of those alerts are because of me. She waits until it finishes before picking it back up and inputting the code. My eyes won’t look away from her as she reads the screen. Finally, after what feels like forever, she turns to look at me. Our eyes lock and the only thing I can do is shrug and give her my best attempt at a smile. Unfortunately for me, it comes out looking exactly how I feel.
She looks away and puts her phone to her ear, I assume to play the voicemails. Bree shifts, which catches my attention. I quickly focus back on the computer screen. She lays her head against my shoulder and grabs my hand. I think about what Jesse said. That girl looks at you like you hung the damn moon. I don’t know what makes me more upset. The fact that it’s true, or that I don’t deserve it. I rub my thumb back and forth over her hand, feeling guiltier than ever.
Movement from the other side of the room catches my eye and I turn to find Kayleigh has rolled over and is now facing the wall. Perhaps Jesse was right. Maybe she’s just not into me as much as I thought. Letting that sink in puts a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I do my best to ignore it.
BY THE TIME BREE finally falls asleep, Kayleigh still hasn’t moved. I quietly slip out of bed, making sure not to wake her, and tiptoe to the other side of the room. My intention is only to kiss her forehead before I leave but she opens her eyes as I pull away. I place my finger in front of my lips, showing her that Bree is asleep.
“What are you doing?” She asks tiredly.
I sit down on her bed and can’t resist the urge to run my fingers through her hair, brushing it away from her eyes. “I was so worried about you. You disappeared. What happened?”
Her eyes begin to water as she shakes her head. “I just can’t do it.” When I don’t say anything, she elaborates. “I can’t be a part of you cheating on her. She’s my friend.”
Alright, so it wasn’t because she just doesn’t like me. The fact that she doesn’t want to hurt Bree is understandable, and honestly, a lot easier to handle.
“Okay.” I sigh, bending down once more to kiss her. Her lips are soft against my own, and the kiss is just enough to show I’m not the only one feeling something here.
After I pull away, I ignore the harsh feeling in my chest, and leave the room. Suddenly, I have a decision to make – one I’ve been putting off for a while now.
I LIE IN MY bed, tossing and turning for hours. No matter how comfortable this mattress may be, my brain just won’t shut off long enough for me to fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see the expression on Kayleigh’s face tonight. She looked so broken as she chose being a good friend over being with me. I can’t even hold it against her. If anything, it only makes me like her more.
By the time the clock strikes 3:15 AM, I grab my phone and call the one person that will help me with this. He may kill me for waking him up, but this is urgent. The first call goes unanswered, but the second – he answers.
“H?” His voice is groggy. “What’s going on? It’s like three in the morning.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I sound distraught. “I need your help.”
“Is this about Kayleigh again?”
“Is it ever not about Kayleigh?”
He chuckles sleepily. “Good point. So, what happened now?”
“I saw her tonight.” I explain. “I went over to Bree’s because she asked me to, and Kayleigh finally turned her phone back on while I was there.”
“Okay, first of all, this is me you’re talking to. You went over there because you wanted to see Kayleigh, not because Bree asked you to. Let’s be real. Now, onto the more important topic. Did she ignore you?”
I smile at his forwardness. “Not really. I mean I couldn’t talk to her because Bree was right there, but after she fell asleep, I was leaving and I tucked Kayleigh in and kissed her forehead. She woke up.”
“And?”
The image of her practically crying has me getting emotional. “She told me she can’t be a part of me cheating on her friend.”
It’s quiet for a moment before he hums. “Admirable quality.”
“I know.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“That I don’t know. I mean, Bree is good for me, and I like her.”
Brandon yawns and grunts playfully. “See though, H, that’s the problem. You like Bree, but you love Kayleigh.”
For the first time, I don’t deny it. Brandon knows me better than anyone, and if I even tried, he would simply laugh and tell me to stop kidding myself. In the short time that I’ve known Kayleigh, she has managed to walk straight through any barrier I have and take complete possession of my heart – whether I wanted her to or not. If this is, in fact, what falling in love feels like, I’m completely fucked. Still, I’m not ready to think about that yet.
I thank Brandon and apologize again for waking him up before we get off the phone. Just before I finally fall asleepc, I send one last text.
Me: Call me when you wake up.
We need to talk.
Chapter Fifteen
When I decided to break up with Brianna, I never imagined it would be this difficult. On Saturday, she still wasn’t feeling well and I couldn’t bring myself to do it while she’s sick. That would only be kicking her while she’s down. She was feeling better on Sunday, but as soon as I was about to bring it up, she claimed Taylor needed her and left. It’s almost as if she knows what’s going to happen and wants to avoid it at all costs.
As much as I hate staying away, I know I can’t contact Kayleigh until I’ve ended things with Bree. Being as we have sociology together tomorrow, I need to get this done today. I refuse to be around her one more time without being able to do what I’ve been dying to. It’s torture.
I park near th
e building Bree’s last class is in. She’s due to be coming out any minute now and I don’t want her to avoid this again. Running away isn’t going to stop me from choosing Kayleigh over her.
She comes out a few minutes later and her eyes widen when they meet mine. I give her a halfhearted smile and kiss her forehead when she gets close enough.
“How was class?” I ask.
She shrugs. “It was alright. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I know. Can we go somewhere?”
Her shoulders fall – she knows what’s coming. She nods and follows me over to my car, not waiting for me as she climbs into the passenger seat. I drive us back to her dorm, but after I park, I make no move to get out. She looks at me with tears already building in her eyes.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
The words get caught in my throat and I almost consider backing out. I never thought I’d feel like this. It’s not like I ever imagined being with her long term, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t care about her happiness. Still, the image of Kayleigh looking at me the same way is burned into my mind.
“I’m sorry.”
She turns away and uses the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe away a tear that escaped. I reach over to place my hand on her leg but she immediately pushes it off. It pains me to see her this way. I honestly never meant to hurt her.
“Is there someone else?” She questions, looking like she’s not sure if she wants the answer.
“No.” I lie.
Breathing out a breath of relief, she calms just slightly. “Then why? We were happy and having a good time. What happened?”
Now it’s my turn to look down, picking nervously at the material on the steering wheel. “It just kinda fizzled out for me.”
“But I love you.” She protests.
“I know, that’s part of the problem. We’re going in two separate directions here. You’re falling in love with me, and I’m not really feeling us anymore.” I put my hand on her shoulder and am thankful when she doesn’t shrug it off. “You deserve someone so much better than me.”
Awakened in September Page 11