She shakes her head. “There isn’t anyone better than you.”
“There is. You’re going to find someone who loves you the way you love them, and you’re going to be so much happier. You’re going to think, Holden who? Oh, I hate that douchebag.”
A wet laugh bubbles out of her mouth and she once again dries her face with her sleeves. “I don’t think I could ever hate you.”
“But you admit I’m a douchebag.” I tease. She rolls her eyes playfully but doesn’t respond. After a couple minutes of silence, I sigh. “I really am sorry. I’d like to at least stay friends, but I get it if you don’t want that.”
“I don’t know.” She responds honestly. “It’s at least going to take some time.” Her body leans over the center console and she kisses my cheek before climbing out of the car. Just as she’s about to close the door, she bends down to look at me. “And Holden?” I look back at her. “Whoever she is, I hope she knows she’s a really lucky girl.”
I’m about to deny her allegations, but she doesn’t give me the opportunity. She shuts the car door and walks away, into her dorm building. I can’t ignore the heavy weight in my stomach. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I also couldn’t give up my chance with Kayleigh. With one last deep breath, I pull out of the parking space and drive back to my place.
THE WATER RUNS STEADILY as I look up at the star filled sky. It’s 8:50 and I’m waiting to see if Kayleigh shows up. I texted her earlier to meet me here at nine. She never responded, but I saw she read it. I figure if she comes, it means I have a chance and if she doesn’t, I’m just going to have to move on. I’m sure by now she knows I broke up with Bree, so any excuse she had not to be with me is gone.
The sound of someone approaching causes my heart to pound in my chest. I turn my head to see her coming towards me. She’s wearing a pair of jeans and an oversized jacket that looks like it could swallow her whole. I think she finds comfort in wearing bigger clothes.
I attempt to smile, but between my nerves and the left-over feelings from hurting Bree, it comes out looking pitiful. Speaking of Bree…
“How is she?” I question.
She slides her hands into her jacket pockets and shrugs. “Honestly? A mess.” My heart sinks again. I really wish she would have realized how much of an ass I am before she fell in love with me. “She doesn’t understand why.”
I exhale, sitting down on the ground and crossing my legs. She does the same. “I guess she didn’t buy what I told her.”
She eyes me carefully. “What exactly did you tell her?”
“That I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.” I explain, tossing the rock in my hand into the creek.
“Oh… Is that really why you did it?”
“Kind of.” Okay, time for honesty. “The more I thought about not having you, the more I resented her for it. I just figure if I’m like this now, why put off the inevitable?”
She doesn’t say anything, but I can see the gears turning in her head. I use the moment to get a good look at her. The way her hair is tousled like she just ran her fingers through it, and how the light hits her face – she’s strikingly beautiful. When the silence becomes too much, I take her hand in mine and pull it into my lap.
“Holden.” She whispers. “What are we doing?”
I rub my free hand over my face, trying to calm myself down. “I don’t know. All I know is that I like being around you, and I don’t want to stop.”
“I don’t want to either.” She admits, and goosebumps to rise across my entire body. “But I also don’t want to end up being the next girl you cheat on. I respect myself too much for that.” I’m about to tell her how wrong she is but she stops me by placing her finger over my mouth. I can’t resist kissing it. A slight blush coats her cheeks when I do. “Let’s not ruin a good thing by complicating it.”
Her words confuse me. She doesn’t want to be with me but she’s also not running away. “Okay. So, what are we then?”
“Friends?” She suggests.
I smirk. “With benefits?”
She chuckles and shakes her head, but what comes out of her mouth contradicts that. “Sure.”
A wide grin spreads across my face. I place my hand on her cheek and stare into her caramel eyes. “Does that mean I can kiss you again?”
Her breath hitches and she nods. I don’t waste any time. As soon as I have her permission, I close the gap between us and connect our lips in a heated kiss. When she gasps, I use the chance to slip my tongue into her mouth. I grip her hip with one hand and keep my other on her face, using it to pull her closer.
I extend my legs out and she straddles my lap. I moan at the contact and can feel as she smirks into the kiss. She grinds down again, causing me to tighten my hold on her and move both hands to her ass.
“You’re such a tease.” I murmur against her mouth.
She giggles and kisses me again. “You love it.”
And oh, how right she is.
WALKING INTO SOCIOLOGY CLASS, my eyes immediately meet Kayleigh’s. She smiles brightly and looks back down at her phone. Jordan calls for me but I simply nod a hello at him and go to sit at the seat I’ve been occupying the past couple weeks, right next to Kayleigh.
“Hey.” I greet her.
She bites her lip innocently. “Hi.”
I reach over and release it from the grip of her teeth. “What did I tell you about that?”
A small laugh leaves her mouth but she doesn’t respond. Instead, she looks at something past me. I follow her eyes and find Jordan coming towards us.
“Hey man. Everything ok?” He asks. I give him a confused look. “Why are you sitting up here? The projects are over.”
I glance at Kayleigh and she snickers, distracting herself with her phone. I turn back to Jordan and shrug. “I can see the board better from here.”
It’s clearly a lie, and he doesn’t buy it. He raises his eyebrows as he looks from me to Kayleigh and back again. When I know that she isn’t paying attention, I wink at him. Realization washes over his face and he nods.
“Ah, alright. Well I’ll see you around, then.”
“Later.”
Just as Jordan walks away, Professor Bradley comes into the room and starts the lesson. I groan softly and Kayleigh elbows me. I feign being hurt but she simply rolls her eyes with a small grin. I slide my foot behind and around hers, linking our ankles together, and focus on the lecture.
By the time class is over, Kayleigh and I slowly make our way out of the building. It’s as if neither one of us wants to leave. When we get near the door, I stop her.
“When does your last class get out?”
She thinks for a second. “4:30, why?”
“I want to take you out.”
Her eyes widen. “Like, on a date?”
I chuckle. “Well don’t look so repulsed.”
“I-I’m not. I just didn’t expect it.” She seems like she’s about to agree, but then sighs. “I can’t tonight, though. Bree was still pretty torn up this morning and I need to be there for her.”
The reminder is like a hard punch to the gut. In my excitement of finally getting what I’ve wanted, I completely forgot about the girl I left in pieces. As much as I want time alone with Kayleigh, I understand she needs to be a good friend right now.
“Okay, babe.” I lean forward and kiss her softly. She melts into it and moves her mouth against mine. Sadly, it’s short lived. “Text me?”
“Of course.”
THE REST OF THE week seems to go the same way. We see each other on campus for a little while, yet, it’s nothing close to long enough. I ask her to hang out almost every day but she’s always needs to go console Bree. On Friday, I find myself on the phone with Brandon – whining like a little girl. He snickers into the phone, amused by the fact that I’m finally hung up on someone.
“So, wait, she turned you down? Even after you broke up with Bree?”
I sigh, remembering her words but hating hearing it put that way. “Yeah
. She said she doesn’t want to be just the next girl I cheat on.”
“Ouch.” He hisses. “Did you try explaining to her that she’s different?”
I scoff. “Yeah, that would have gone over really well. Oh, don’t worry about that. You’ve hated me for almost two months now but I’m crazy about you. Are you kidding? I want her to date me, not run for the hills.”
He’s quiet for a second. “H?” His tone is smug, and I can almost hear his smile through the phone. “Did you just hear yourself?”
I think back over my words and groan loudly. “Ugh, stop.”
“Aw.” He coos. “Little baby Holden is in love.”
“Shut up, douche. I don’t do love.”
He ignores me completely and continues gloating. “I feel like a proud parent. I honestly thought this day would never come.”
“Yeah, thanks. You’re really making me feel better about this.” The sarcasm drips from my lips.
Brandon calms himself down. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” He snorts. “But think about it. You’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“How do you figure?”
“You get to have her without the boyfriend obligations of everything. Isn’t that like, your ideal situation?”
“Holy shit.” I breathe. “You’re right.”
“Just…” He pauses. “Try not to let yourself get too wrapped up in her. If she’s not serious about you, you can’t become serious about her. I’d leave my guard up if I were you.”
My phone vibrates against my ear, and I pull it away to see a notification that makes my heart skip. I sit up on my bed and open the text quickly.
Kayleigh: Free tonight?
“Bran, I have to go. She just messaged me. I’m finally taking her out.”
He grunts humorously. “Well, I see where I land on the priority list.”
I laugh and get off the phone, knowing he isn’t actually jealous. Jumping off my bed, I grab my towel and go to take a shower. I now have a date to get ready for.
THE RESTAURANT IS ONE I’ve never been to before. She looks nervous as she stares at the place through the window. It’s a bit of a risk, bringing an anorexic out to dinner, but I’m still set on helping her through this. I place my hand on her knee and squeeze lightly, reassuring her that it’ll be okay.
We get out of the car and start to walk inside. A part of me wants to hold her hand, but I resist the urge. We’re technically just friends, and I don’t want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. We get a booth in the corner and sit down.
“How’d you find this place?” She questions to make conversation.
“I googled restaurants when you texted me. This one had good reviews.”
She looks a little taken back. “You haven’t been here before?”
I shake my head. “No. I figured you wouldn’t want me to take you to a place I’ve gone with Bree.”
“Thank you.” She smiles shyly. “You were right.”
The rest of the date goes smoothly. We talk about things from her friendship with Emily, her favorite person from back home, all the way to joking about the weird kid in our sociology class. For his project, him and his partner sat in a crowded field in only their underwear, eating vanilla pudding out of a mayonnaise container. Just the thought of it makes me cringe.
After I pay the bill, we leave the restaurant. As we’re walking back to the car, she slips her hand into mine. The gesture brings a smile to my face and I bite my lip to suppress it.
“Thank you for dinner.”
I pull her close and place a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you for not fighting me on it.”
She looks down. “It was only a salad.”
“And what did you have for dinner last night?” Her lack of an answer tells me she didn’t have anything. “You don’t have to hide it from me, babe. I’m just glad you’re trying.”
On the drive back, I’m not sure exactly where I’m headed. “So, do you want me to drop you back to your place?”
She smirks, almost as if she can sense my anxiety. “Is that where you want to take me?”
“Am I that obvious?”
A small giggle comes from the passenger side as I focus on the road ahead of me. “Just a bit.” She puts her hand onto my leg. “Let’s go back to yours.”
AS SOON AS I shut the bedroom door, Kayleigh lunges at me and pushes my back against it. Her mouth is immediately on mine and her fingers lace into my hair. I grip her waist and pull her closer as our tongues tangle together. The moan that emits from the back of my throat is something I have zero control over.
I lift her with ease and carry her to my bed, not once breaking the kiss. I’ve been wanting to do this since the morning she left me two weeks ago. Laying her down beneath me, she slides her hands under my shirt. My skin practically burns from her touch. Still, the last thing I want to do is scare her off.
“Baby.” I breathe when her fingers move to undo my belt. She hums in response. “Are you sure? I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
She looks at me with pure lust and need. “Holden?” I raise my eyebrows. “Fuck me.”
The corners of my mouth raise, knowing she wants this just as bad as I do. “Yes, ma’am.”
THE TWO OF US spend hours wrapped up in each other. She sleeps back at her place on Friday night, not having an excuse to tell Brianna, but comes back Saturday morning. Every second is incredible, and despite Taylor showing up today to yell at me, we enjoy our time together. It’s surprising to me that no matter how much time I spend with her, it never feels like enough.
I drive back to the frat house after dropping her off Saturday evening, with a wide grin spread across my face. The second I walk inside, however, it vanishes. I come face to face with Caleb, and he’s looking at me like I’m the worst person in the entire world.
“Seriously, Rivers? You’re fucking Kayleigh?”
Chapter Sixteen
The tension in the room is so thick it’s suffocating. Jesse and Jason sit on the couch, watching things unfold as Caleb and I stare each other down. I don’t know if he expects me to cower, but that is not going to happen. I cross my arms defensively.
“So, what? Having Bree wasn’t enough for you? You needed to fuck her roommate, too?” He spits.
I roll my eyes. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I think I do. You’re using her as a rebound!”
“You’re yelling at me about a rebound?! You broke up with Taylor in one breath and asked Kayleigh out in the other!”
His face turns red in anger. “I actually liked her! You’re just using her as a hole to get your dick wet.”
I smirk. “Well, at least I got my dick wet. If I recall correctly, all you got was a kiss.”
Caleb lunges at me, raising his fist to swing. I step back and into a stance where I can fight back if needed. I won’t hit him first, but I won’t hesitate to defend myself. The guys react instantly, jumping up to pull us apart. Jason grabs Caleb while Jesse stands in front of me with his hands on my shoulders.
“Alright, enough of this shit.” Jesse shouts. “Both of you, separate rooms.”
I scoff, giving Caleb one last glare before turning around to walk up the stairs. Jesse follows behind me until we get into my bedroom. As he shuts the door, I swing my fist directly into the wall – leaving behind a rather large hole.
“Feel better now?” He asks, raising his eyebrows as he looks at the effects of my anger. I groan, sitting down and stretching my now aching hand. Jesse sighs and sits next to me. “Why didn’t you just tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
“That she is the girl you’ve been hung up on for months.”
A dry laugh leaves my mouth. “Yeah, right. Even she doesn’t know that, and I’m not about to give him that kind of leverage.”
He places his hand on my shoulder. “You really think he would use it against you?”
“I don’
t know. I didn’t think he would try to hit me, either.”
“Touché.”
I grab my headphones and plug them into my phone. “I just need some time to cool down.”
Jesse pats my back and stands from my bed. “Alright man. Let me know if you need anything.”
He walks out of my room and locks the door before shutting it. I slip the earbuds into my ears and blast music to drown out my thoughts. Regardless of my fight with Caleb, nothing can take away the joy I feel when I think about my day spent with Kayleigh.
THE PARTY IS INTENSE, though this one usually is. The Annual Halloween Party is part of what Kappa Delta Phi is known for. I’m dressed as a football player. The costume was easy to obtain. I borrowed Jesse’s football jersey while he borrowed my hockey one. Technically, I guess you could say I’m being him, and he’s being me.
The argument with Caleb is yet to subside. We haven’t spoken all week, and whenever we see each other around the house, one of us will glare at the other and leave the room. It’s not something I’m necessarily proud of but the only ways to end it are either tell him Kayleigh is dorm chick, or leave her. I’m not willing to do either.
I’m taking shots with Jason when there’s a hand placed on my arm. I turn my head to find Laci standing next to me. I don’t say anything. Instead, I pour the two of us a shot and hand her one. We both take them at the same time.
“Where’s the girlfriend?” She asks, looking around.
I take a sip of my beer. “We broke up.”
“I wasn’t talking about Brianna.”
Chuckling softly, I smile as I think about Kayleigh. I had invited her tonight but she chose not to come. Her and Bree are having a girls’ night tonight and she was afraid someone would blab if they saw us together at the party. I can’t say I blame her. We need to be careful if we don’t want it getting back to her.
“She’s not here.” I answer simply.
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