Laci moves closer until her body is practically against mine. “That’s too bad.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see a message from Kayleigh. It’s a picture of a bowl of popcorn sitting in her lap. A feeling of pride spreads through me and I take a step back from my ex.
“Sorry, Lace. Not going to happen.”
She isn’t offended, or even mad. She smirks knowingly. “Someone finally got Holden Rivers to fall in love. Good for her.”
The L word causes a slight bit of nausea, but I shake it off and focus on answering the text.
Me: Good! I’m so proud of you.
Just as I slip my phone back into my pocket, I look up and Laci is gone. However, there is a pissed off looking Taylor standing in front of me. I roll my eyes and lean against the counter.
“What do you want?”
She places one hand on her hip. “Who are you texting with a goofy ass smile on your face?”
“Is that really any of your business?”
“Yes. You just broke up with my best friend a week and a half ago, so unless it’s her, you’re a piece of shit.”
I shrug. “I guess I’m a piece of shit then.”
Not giving her a chance to respond, I walk away and into the backyard. I don’t know what she’s doing here, but I can only assume is has something to do with Caleb. That idiot just doesn’t learn.
I’M PLAYING A GAME of beer pong, on a team with some chick, when something catches my eye. Kayleigh is standing near the back door in a t-shirt and sweatpants. She’s looking around for something but then turns to go back inside.
“Kayleigh?” I question, and her eyes meet mine. “What are you doing here?” She shakes her head she continues her way into the house. “Hey, wait up!” I shout as I try to reach her. Thankfully, I get to her before losing her in the crowd. Her arms are basically purple from the cold. “What’s wrong? Where’s your jacket? You must be freezing.”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Enjoy your party.” She tells me, trying to leave again, but I grab her wrist to stop her. There’s clearly something wrong.
“Oh, no you don’t.” I pull her back. “Talk to me.”
“It can wait, really.”
“Holden!” The girl I was playing with before calls. I can’t remember her name – Amy, Ashley, something with an A. “Come on, we’re winning. It’s our turn.”
“Let Jason take my place.” I wave her off and focus back on Kayleigh. “Come on, let’s go to my room.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t fight me on it again. I lead her inside and up the stairs. As we get into my bedroom, she waits as I shut the door. I can tell she needs me right now.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it.” I bring her over to my bed and sit her on my lap, wrapping my arms around her petite frame to try warming her up. “So, you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
The troubled look on her face tells me it’s serious. “My mom showed up at my dorm tonight.”
Dread washes over me. I know from getting to know her recently that the main cause of her eating disorder is her mother. I’ve gotten her decently far into recovery and I would hate to see that ruined.
“Did you do anything?” I ask carefully.
As she shakes her head no, I instantly feel relieved. “No. I wanted to though. It took her all but two minutes to comment on me eating popcorn and what it would do to my figure.”
“Bitch.” I murmur, causing Kayleigh to giggle quietly.
“I wanted to purge.” She admits. “I almost did.”
I slide her off my lap and turn so I’m kneeling in front of her. I take her hands into mine and stare deep into her eyes. “But you didn’t. You came her instead. Do you know how huge that is?” Her eye-roll tells me she doesn’t. “No. Don’t downplay this. A month ago, you never would have been eating the popcorn in the first place, let alone keeping it down through something like that. I am so proud of you.”
Her eyes start to water as she pulls me closer. I lie down on the bed and her head rests on my chest. All I know is she needs the comfort right now, so I run my fingers through her hair – just enjoying the closeness.
“You didn’t lock the door?” She questions.
“No reason to.” I answer simply. “I didn’t bring you up here so we could hook up.”
“You didn’t?”
I kiss her head. “Kayleigh, just because you’re not my girlfriend, doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
She hums and moves her face into my neck. “Yeah, but I ruined you hooking up with that bimbo?”
A laugh bubbles out of my mouth. “Bimbo?” She nods. “I can’t remember the last time I heard someone use that word.”
“Still fitting.”
To be honest, I didn’t intend on hooking up with anyone. We ended up partners together because Jason was hitting on her friend. However, Kayleigh is adorable when she’s jealous, so I choose not to correct her. Instead, I turn us and kiss her tenderly – hoping it tells her how I feel without words.
BY THE TIME SHE tells me she has to leave, I can’t help but pout. The last time she stayed over was the first night we had sex, and I’ve never slept so well in my life. The feeling of her body against mine the entire night was blissful.
“Don’t go.” I plead. “Sleep here.”
She seems like she wants to, but takes out her phone to text Bree. The exchange is quick, and I notice Kayleigh’s last message is that she’s going to head to her mom’s hotel. I feel a little let down but I understand she has things to do.
To my surprise, she clicks off her phone and puts it on the nightstand – cuddling into my side afterwards. I watch her intently, but don’t let her go.
“I thought you were going to see your mom.”
She chuckles. “No, just used the opportunity to spend the night here. Do you still want me to?”
A wide grin spreads across my face. “Do I still want you to?” I mock. I start tickling her for asking such a dumb question. She thrashes around on the bed and somehow manages to get on top of me. She lightly places her lips on mine but pulls away every time I go to kiss her. I arch my hips up to grind against her, using the distraction to get my hands out of her grip and place them on her face.
“What are you doing to me?” I breathe, pulling her down to finally get that kiss.
WE WAKE UP EARLY the next morning and I drive her back to the dorms. She kisses me goodbye and promises to text me later. After watching her walk away, I back out of the spot and drive to my place. By the time I get there, everyone is just waking up. I gather the new guys together and instruct them to clean. One of the benefits of being an upperclassman is not needing to do grunt work.
An alert from my phone pulls my attention elsewhere. I smile as I see a text from Kayleigh.
Kayleigh: Is it okay if I come back over?
The idea of spending the whole day with her makes me happy, and I quickly type a response.
Me: Just can’t get enough can you?
Kidding. Sure babe.
She didn’t mention needing a ride, so I assume she plans on walking. It’s cold but I don’t fight her on it. She’s had a lot on her mind lately and probably needs the alone time. I grab my towel and take a quick shower. When I’m done, I get dressed in sweats – knowing we’re going to be spending the day in my room anyway. I may as well be comfortable.
When I get downstairs, Caleb is giving me a judging look. I try to ignore him, but he scoffs and shakes his head. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and turn to him.
“Dude, what’s your deal?” I ask, fed up with his shit.
He laughs dryly. “My deal? You’re the one hooking up with anyone you can get in your bed. Can’t you see you have a great girl right in front of you? She doesn’t deserve to have her heart played with by the likes of you.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ll have you know, I spent the night with Kayleigh. Like I said before,
you have no idea what you’re talking about, so just leave it alone.”
“Yeah, maybe last night, but soon she’s going to learn how you really are.” He storms past me but stops before leaving the room. “She’s too good for you.”
A bunch of the guys run out the door, realizing they’re all late for football practice. I notice they left it wide open in their haste. As I go to close it, I see Kayleigh just coming into view. She watches as the pledges clean up the front yard. I whistle to get her attention and smile but when she stays looking troubled, I get worried. She was in a much better mood when I left her 45 minutes ago. What happened?
She walks up the stairs and tries to get in the door, but I stand in front of her.
“Move, please.” Her voice sounds like she’s really upset.
I bend down to look at her and see her tear stained cheeks. “Have you been crying?”
She shakes her head, but it’s obviously a lie as she wipes a tear from her eye. “Can we just go to your room?”
Staying in place, she looks up at me and I can see her pleading expression. I step out of the way and she immediately walks toward the stairs.
“I’ll be right up.” I tell her. She doesn’t answer and goes up to my room.
I run my hand through my hair, preparing for her to tell me she wants nothing to do with me. Caleb was right, she’s way too good for me. Regardless of how I may feel about her, she deserves someone so much better.
Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I grab her a bottle of water and head upstairs. When I get to my bedroom, she’s pacing back and forth. I walk towards her and hold out the drink.
“Everything okay?” I ask nervously.
She shakes her head as she takes a sip and then places the bottle down on the desk. “She knows.”
My eyes narrow in confusion. “Could you try adding some context to that? Maybe a noun, a verb, an adverb even.”
It’s meant to be funny, but she doesn’t take it that way. Instead, she rolls her eyes frustratedly. “You’re not dense, Holden. She. Knows. Brianna. As in your ex, my roommate. She knows about us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!” She yells. “Unless I imagined her and Taylor screaming at me this morning when I walked in the door, I’m sure.”
I wince at her loud tone and the memory of Taylor confronting me last night. “Fuck. Taylor! I forgot she was here last night.” I was so wrapped up in helping Kayleigh, I completely forgot about my ex’s best friend.
“Yeah well, she saw us coming up here and made sure to tell Bree all about it.”
I puff my bottom lip out. “That sucks, babe. Do you want to go grab breakfast?”
Her eyes widen in disbelief. “Do I want to grab breakfast?!”
“Yeah…” I’m bewildered by her response. “What’s wrong with that?” All I want to do is take her somewhere so we can figure out what to do next.
She glares daggers into my head. “Are you kidding me?! My entire world is falling apart because of you, and you just blow it off like it’s nothing?!”
“Because of me?!” I ask bitterly. “I’m sorry Bree found out, but this isn’t only because of me.” Is she really insinuating that all this is my fault?!
“Yes, it is! I tried to back off. I tried to walk away!”
“But you came back!” I raise my voice to match hers. “No one forced you to be here! No one made you hook up with me for weeks. You did that all on your own. We are both to blame for this, but don’t you dare put it all on me.” I don’t mean to get angry, but between Caleb’s comments this morning and now this – I can’t help it.
She rips off the sweatshirt of mine that she’s been wearing since I dropped her off this morning and throws it onto my bed. “Fuck you. You started this. You kissed me, remember? You kept coming onto me.”
“Oh, and you were just so resistant.” My sarcasm is obvious. “Face it, Kayleigh, you’re just as much at fault as I am. And besides, Bree and I aren’t even together anymore, so what the hell does she have to be upset about?” To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if all this is even worth it.
“Because I’m supposed to be her friend! Friends don’t fuck their friend’s boyfriends!”
“Ex-boyfriend.” I correct.
She takes a deep breath with her eyes shut, trying to calm herself down. “That doesn’t matter.” She answers slowly.
Leaning against my desk, I go to send a text to Caleb – knowing he must have something to do with this. If his stupid ass hadn’t invited Taylor last night, none of this would’ve happened. However, I don’t even get the first word typed in before Kayleigh starts yelling again.
“Really?” She sneers. “You’re just going to sit on your phone while my entire freshman year falls apart? I don’t even know where I’m going to live, but you don’t seem to give a shit. As long as it doesn’t change anything for you, everything is fucking peachy.”
I look up at her, wondering why she’s being such a bitch. “I don’t know what your deal is, but stop taking it out on me. I’m not the enemy here.”
She laughs humorlessly. “Could’ve fooled me. Coming her was a mistake.” She pushes past me and leaves the room.
“Kayleigh!” I shout, but she doesn’t stop. I follow as she runs down the stairs. “Kayleigh!” I try again, but as I reach the landing, she’s slipping past Caleb and running outside, slamming the door behind her.
Caleb looks up at me and chuckles. “Well, I knew that would happen, but I never thought it would be so soon.”
Ignoring him, I sit down and place my head in my hands – groaning to myself. When I look back up, he’s still watching me. I consider chasing her, but I know she won’t listen. She’s pissed and the only thing I can do is let her calm down. Unless…
“Go after her.” I tell the smirking prick in front of me.
His eyes widen. “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. She shouldn’t be walking in the cold. Just go, take her wherever she wants.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t fight me on it and grabs the keys to his truck before running out the door.
THE REST OF THE day is irritating to say the least. Caleb said he took Kayleigh where she asked him to, but wouldn’t tell me where. Then, a short while later, he was knocking on my door saying he needed her computer from the bag she left in my room. I tried insisting I take it to her but he refused to tell me her location. To top it all off, she isn’t answering any of my texts. I scroll through our messages, seeing the last nine were sent from me.
Me: Please come back.
Me: We have to talk about this.
Me: You asked Caleb to bring you your laptop?
Me: Can you at least tell me you’re safe?
Me: Kayleigh, I’m worried.
Me: Damn it, why won’t you answer?
Me: Will you come to the party tonight?
Me: I’m sorry.
Me: Ugh, fine. Don’t answer me then.
I exhale frustratedly, slipping my phone into my pocket and going downstairs to the party.
WITH EVERY HOUR THAT passes without an answer from Kayleigh, the more I drink. At this point, I’ve had five shots and a countless number of beers. The room spins if I stay still for too long, but I don’t stop. By the time that it hits 10 PM, I send one of the pledges to go check on her, finally getting her whereabouts out of Caleb.
“Okay, you’re way too hot to look so sad.” A girl tells me.
It looks like there are two of her. Her hair is a familiar color, but she’s not my Kayleigh. Her eyes don’t sparkle and her voice doesn’t calm me like Kayleigh’s does.
“M’not sad.” I lie. “I’m just a little tipsy.”
She laughs softly and puts her hand on my chest. “Babe, you’re way past tipsy.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, buzz kill. Is that all you needed? To tell me I’m drunk?”
Her eyes gleam deviously. “No. You look like you need someone to take out some frustrations with.”
I’m abou
t to deny her when my phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s from the guy I sent to check on Kayleigh.
Landon: She looks fine to me.
Along with the text is a picture of Kayleigh, sitting at a table with some guy and smiling brightly. I clench my jaw, seeing her look at him the way she should be looking at me right now. Who the fuck is that?
I look back up at the girl standing in front of me and smirk. “You know what? That sounds like exactly what I need.”
Chapter Seventeen
I lie awake in my bed, tossing and turning in an attempt to get comfortable. My brain is flooded with so many thoughts. What the hell did I do? Right after hooking up with that girl, I knew it was a bad idea. I checked my phone right after she left and saw I had a new text.
Kayleigh: I’m ok. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Both fear and relief flooded through me as I read the words. She hadn’t gone and found someone else. The same can’t be said for myself though. Now I can’t seem to fall asleep, worried about what she’s going to do when she inevitably finds out.
She’s going to hate you again. My subconscious continues to berate me for my decisions – something that started as soon as the drunken stupor wore off. I don’t understand it. I’ve cheated on every girlfriend I’ve been with and it’s never had this kind of effect on me. Kayleigh and I aren’t even dating. Why am I beating myself up over this?
The answer looms in the back of my mind but I refuse to acknowledge it. Instead, I slip headphones into my ears and blast music until the exhaustion takes over.
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, I shower and pace around my room anxiously – waiting to hear from the only person I want to see right now. My phone vibrates and I jump to grab it. However, I’m disappointed when it isn’t Kayleigh.
Bianca: I miss you. I’ll see you next month, right?
Rolling my eyes, I delete the message and leave it unanswered. I’ve never had much of an interest in her, but now that I have Kayleigh – at least for the time being anyway – I don’t want anything to do with her. Just as I go to toss the device back onto the bed, it vibrates again. My heart pounds as I see her name appear.
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