“Come on, get dressed.”
She whines, throwing her head backwards against her pillow. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.” I deadpan.
“Where are we going?”
I watch her closely as the next words leave my mouth. “Out to breakfast.”
The stutter in her breathing is obvious and instantly tells me I’m right. Still, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt before accusing her of relapsing, so I wait for her to answer.
“I don’t want to.” She says so low I almost don’t even hear it.
I exhale. “I thought you might say that.” Going over to the bag I placed on the desk, I pull out the muffin – watching her eyes widen when she sees it. “Eat this.”
She looks at the breakfast item like it’s diseased and gently takes it from my hands. It seems as if she’s fighting some type of huge battle in her head before she brings it to her mouth to take a bite. Just before her lips touch it, she stops. My head drops when I realize I can no longer deny it. She’s back into a full-blown eating disorder.
“How long?” I ask, sitting next to her but she won’t look at me.
“Since the party.”
Tears start to build in my eyes, so I look up at the ceiling to keep them from spilling. “Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Kayleigh.” My voice is stern. “Why?” Her silence is enough to tell me she isn’t going to answer on her own. “Was it because of me?”
“Not exactly.” She mumbles.
“Because of her? That girl you saw me with?”
“Yes.”
I can’t sit still any longer. I get up and begin to pace around the room. This is all my fault. She was doing so well and we had made so much progress getting her into recovery. Not only did I hurt her by making out with someone else, but I ruined everything she has worked so hard for. I’m such a horrible person.
“Okay, well we need to get you back on track – starting with this muffin.”
Within a millisecond, she goes from calm yet ashamed to a complete and total panicked state. Her eyes dart between me and the muffin repeatedly as her breathing becomes strained. I fall to my knees in front of her and knock the muffin onto the floor just to get it out of her sight.
“Baby. Babe. Breathe. Look at me.” I place my hands on her face. “You’re fine. Everything is good, yeah? There’s nothing to worry about.”
Nothing I say is getting through to her as her body is racked with sobs and struggled breaths. I climb onto the bed and get behind her, wrapping my arm around her to pull her close. I run my fingers through her hair and wait for her to relax. It takes a while, but finally her breathing stabilizes.
“I’m sorry.” She whimpers, placing a kiss on my hand.
“You don’t need to apologize. This is bigger than you. I’m just not sure if I’m enough to help you beat it.”
THAT NIGHT, AFTER SPENDING the whole day together, Kayleigh ends up falling asleep on my bed. Once I got her to my house, I managed to get her to eat some fruit and a salad, but it’s not nearly enough calories for what she needs. I never imagined only a few days would make this much of a difference. She’s right back where she started.
I grab my phone and sneak out of the bedroom, dialing the number of the one person who may be able to help me with this. It’s only 10 PM so she should still be awake. Thankfully, the bathroom is unoccupied, so I slip in there for privacy. Kayleigh would kill me if she heard me talking to someone about this.
“Hello?” My sister answers with a chuckle.
“Hey Jo. You got a minute?”
Her laughter cuts off immediately and I hear her the background noise fade. “Everything okay? It sounds serious.”
“Well, I mean everything is fine, per say, but it is serious.”
“Okay. What’s up?”
I take a deep breath. “What do you know about eating disorders?”
A small gasp comes through the phone. “A friend of mine had one at one point. She’s better now though. Why?”
“Uh, J-Jesse’s girlfriend has one and he’s kinda clueless on what to do to help her.” Biting my lip, I hope she doesn’t acknowledge my stutter.
“Okay, well has she recovered at all?”
“Yeah. She was doing really well for a while, but then they got into an argument. She relapsed while they weren’t talking and now it’s like she’s right back at square one.”
“That’s the tricky thing about eating disorders. They can be triggered by anything and come back so easily.” She sighs. “Does she want to get better? Like genuinely?”
Her question causes me to freeze. To be honest, it’s not something I’ve ever asked. It’s always been me telling her how important it is to eat and not starve herself. Her words from when I first told her I wanted to help run through my head. “What if I don’t want to?” Fuck.
“If she, uh, if she doesn’t… does that mean it’s hopeless to try and help her?”
“Not necessarily, just makes it more difficult. Lauren shut out everyone who tried to get her into recovery for a while until she was ready.”
My stomach churns at the thought of Kayleigh pushing me away. I know what it’s like to have her, and I know what it’s like not to. I don’t think I can handle being without her again.
“So, what should he do to make sure that doesn’t happen?”
She hums thoughtfully. “Well, Christmas break is coming soon. I assume they won’t be going home together?”
“No, they’re not.”
“In that case, he should just try to make sure she’s eating something for right now, but don’t push it too much. If he does, it could cause her to get a lot worse when she’s finally alone. Besides, she may run if he tries too hard, especially being fresh off a fight. Try to get her to take some vitamins, too. They’ll help.”
Her advice makes sense and I nod even though she can’t see me. “That’s really helpful. Thanks Jo. Really, I appreciate it.”
“No problem. And H?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Huh? For what?”
Judging by the tone of her voice, I can tell she’s sporting a smug grin. “Taking care of Kayleigh when she needs you.”
Shit. “How’d you know?”
“J-J-J-Jesse is gay.” She mocks my stutter with a soft giggle.
I groan. How could I have forgotten that?! “Jo, you can’t let her find out I told you. She’ll never trust me again.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t breathe a word of this. Just let me know if you need any more help.”
“Thanks sis. Love you.”
“Love you too, dork.”
The two of us hang up the phone and I run my fingers through my hair, tugging in frustration. Everything was going great until I had to go and fuck it all up. The truth is, she would probably be better off without me, but I’m too selfish to let her go.
THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS are rough. Between studying for finals and keeping a close eye on Kayleigh, I’m exhausted. She’s been eating, though it hasn’t been anything close to an amount that would constitute as acceptable. Seeing her waste away in front of my eyes is heartbreaking. Her favorite excuse as of late is that the stress of finals is making it so she’s not hungry.
Exams finally come to an end which eases my tension immensely. However, the thought of not being with Kayleigh for 10 days makes me sick. I know I’m going to be worrying about her non-stop, and that’s not including how much I’m going to miss the gorgeous brunette.
The house is filled with loud music and students excited to go home for the holidays. A part of me considers not drinking at all but Kayleigh hands me a beer which tells me it’s okay. I just need to make sure I stick by her at all times. I don’t want another replay of the last time I got drunk – especially not when we’re about to be apart for longer than I’d prefer.
I’m leaning against the island in the kitchen when she tells me she’ll be right back. As soon
as she walks away, Jason smirks.
“What?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. I’ve just never seen you so… bitch whipped.”
I roll my eyes and take one of the empty cups next to me, throwing it at his head. He dodges it with a small laugh. A couple seconds later, a petite girl with obnoxious highlights comes to stand in front of me.
“Hey cutie.” She greets.
“Hi.”
Her fingers twirl a small section of her hair. Why do girls think that looks sexy? Only Kayleigh can pull that off.
“You okay? You look a little drunk.”
“I’m fine. I’ve lived in a fraternity for the past two and a half years. I think I can hold my alcohol.”
A fake giggle leaves her mouth and she places her hand on my arm. “You’re funny. How about we get out of here?”
“No thanks. I’m having fun.”
Unfortunately for me, she doesn’t give up. She come unnecessarily close and latches onto my belt loops. “We could have more fun upstairs.”
I put my beer down and forcibly remove her hold on me, placing her hands back at her sides. “I’m not interested.” Does this girl not know how to take a hint? Christ.
Her attitude changes to one mixed of anger and disgust. “Why the hell not? Am I not pretty enough for you?”
My shoulder raises in a half shrug. She said it not me. However, she’s clearly waiting for a verbal answer.
“I’m with someone.”
She scoffs. “Who? Kayleigh Jacobs? Everyone knows you two aren’t serious. Besides, you can do better.”
My entire body fills with anger and I slam my hand down on the counter, causing the whole room to go quiet.
“Kayleigh is ten times the woman you’ll ever be. She’s my best friend and every single girl at this school pales in comparison to her. So, if you’re going to talk shit about her, you can just get the fuck out right now.”
Everyone watches us with their jaws dropped. I don’t think I’ve ever snapped at a girl before – at least not in public. Still, she was insulting my Kayleigh and I’m not about to allow that to happen.
The girl tries to figure out what to say for a moment, but eventually rolls her eyes and storms away. Jason raises his eyebrows at me. “Damn, dude. Look at you, being all protective.”
“Fucking bitch.” I mumble, picking my cup back up to chug the contents.
Suddenly, someone is in front of me and hands are pressed against my chest. I flinch, thinking maybe the girl came back, but calm instantly when I see familiar honey eyes staring back at me. Her touch moves to the back of my neck and she pulls me down into a kiss. It’s warm, passionate, and intense. I drop my empty cup on the floor and wrap one arm around her small waist, raising my fist in the air when I hear some of my friends egging us on. Kayleigh laughs when she sees it and hides her smile in my chest. Yeah, I could live like this.
WINTER BREAK WOULD BE so much better if I didn’t have to be away from the one person I need more than anything in the world. We talk constantly, whether it be on the phone or through text messages. It’s not that I don’t love spending time with my family. It’s just that I’d enjoy it more if there was a particular someone in my lap while I did it. Ugh, I’m so pathetic.
The night before New Year’s Eve, Brandon and I decide to go to the annual party at Reed’s house. It’s one of the fancier parties of the year, where kids from our former high school try to show off how rich they are by throwing a swanky get together – when in all actuality, we end up playing beer pong in the basement anyway.
Everything is going well, until an overly dressed up body with a black head of hair steps in front of me, blocking my path. Shit. I completely forgot about Bianca. When Kayleigh came home with me for Thanksgiving, I blocked her number so the incessant texting wouldn’t give Kay the wrong idea. Unfortunately for me, there’s now no avoiding my clingy ex.
“Bianca.” I acknowledge her, but she frowns.
“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for a month and you never answer.”
I shrug slightly and take a sip of my beer. “I’ve just been busy.”
She pouts but then turns it into a smile and steps closer. “Well, you’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Her arms wrap around my neck. “I’ve missed you.”
I duck out of her hold and back up. “Don’t. I- I met someone.”
“Not surprised.” Her eyes roll and she comes closer again anyway. “Like usual, I won’t say anything.”
“No.” I stop her, putting my hand on her shoulder and lightly moving her away from me. “I said I met someone.”
“I heard you. It’s not like that’s ever stopped you before. I mean come on, it’s not like you love the girl or something.” She laughs like it’s the most humorous thing she’s said all night, but my whole world stops spinning. All the voices around me fade away and I’m left with one heart stopping realization.
Holy fucking shit. I’m in love with Kayleigh Jacobs.
Chapter Twenty Five
I honestly don’t know what surprised me the most – the revelation of my feelings for Kayleigh, my mother’s reaction to me finally admitting said feelings, or the fact that she paid almost $300 for an Uber to take me to Rhode Island. It took an embarrassing phone call to Dawson in order to get Kayleigh’s address, and he teased me for not knowing enough about the ‘girl I’ve been fucking’, but in the end, I got it. Now I’m sitting in the back of a car shaking anxiously for almost the entire four-and-a-half-hour car ride.
The driver pulls up to a rather large house that has cars circulating in and out of the wrap around driveway. To be honest, I never expected Kayleigh’s house to be this big. She doesn’t act like one of the stuck up rich girls I’ve met before. It’s just another thing that surprises me about her and makes her unique.
I tip the man another $50 and climb out of the car, taking my overnight bag from the trunk. I didn’t have to pack much. Our flight back to Maine is only in a couple days. I already changed mine so that Kayleigh and I can fly back together. Well, at least that’s the plan. For all I know, she could hate the fact that I’m here. Ugh, I really should have thought this through.
Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, I step up to the door and ring the bell. An older man, maybe around his early fifties, opens the door. He’s wearing a suit with his hair gelled back. My head drops down to look at my black skinny jeans and button down shirt – I’m embarrassingly underdressed.
“Hello Sir.” I greet him, cringing at the way my voice shakes. “I’m here to see Kayleigh.”
His eyebrows raise. “Oh, are you a friend of hers?”
I nod. “We’re very close. We attend Maine University together.”
“That’s great! Come in and I’ll go find her.”
Taking a step inside, I close the door behind me before looking around. The outside is nothing compared to what it looks like indoors. A massive chandelier hangs down in the middle and there’s a bending staircase on each side of the foyer. I’m taking in the view when Kayleigh steps into the room. Her eyes widen and the breath is sucked right out of my lungs. She’s wearing a black dress that has just enough glitter to be flashy but not enough to be obnoxious. It does nothing to hide the shape of her body and I need to stop myself from getting hard on the spot.
“What are you doing here?!” She asks excitedly, coming straight over and embracing me like we haven’t seen each other in months.
“Well, they say how you spend New Year’s is how you’re going to spend the rest of the year, so I figured I’d come see you.” I pull back from the hug and take in her attire once more. “And I’m so glad I did.”
She’s still in disbelief as she shakes her head. “How did you get here?! What about your flight?!”
“A really expensive Uber, courtesy of my mom, and I changed it. We fly back together.”
I’m really scared while telling her this but her face lights up in a broad smile and all my nerves relax at on
ce.
“You’re crazy.” She giggles and connects her lips to mine.
I sigh into the kiss. Words can’t explain how much I missed this feeling. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last nearly as long as I had hoped. Someone near us clears their throat. Kayleigh takes her time in pulling away but once she does, we turn and see a woman looking at us both judgingly.
“Mom, this is Holden. Holden, my mom.” Shit, this is her mom?! I was really hoping to make a better impression than her walking in on me kissing her daughter.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Jacobs.” I extend my hand to shake hers.
She takes it, but it’s obvious she would rather be doing anything else. “It’s Hartman.”
“Hartman.” I correct my mistake. I’m batting 1,000 right now. “Sorry. Kayleigh hasn’t told me much about her home life.”
“I’m not surprised.” She murmurs, giving her daughter a look before turning back to me. “It’s very nice of you to stop by young man, but this is a private party. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
“Mom!” Kayleigh gasps.
“O-oh.” This is not how I saw this going. “I’m so sorry.”
“Jess.” Another voice makes itself known. I notice it’s the same man who answered the door when I arrived. “Leave the poor boy alone.”
“Honey, it’s a private event.”
“And he’s Kayleigh’s friend.” I do my best not to wince at the word I’ve grown to hate. “This is her house too, and if she wants him here, then he’s more than welcome to be here.”
The woman doesn’t look happy but after sparing one last look at Kayleigh and I, she nods and walks away. Kay whispers a quiet thank you to the man and he winks at her in response.
“I’m John.” He introduces himself.
I take his hand and shake it eagerly. “Holden. It’s nice to meet you, sir.”
“You as well. I trust you’re taking good care of my daughter up in Maine?”
Ah, so this is her dad. “Absolutely. I wouldn’t dream of anything less.”
He smiles happily at that and excuses himself to go back to the party. As soon as he’s gone, Kayleigh nods towards the stairs. I follow her up and into a bedroom I can only assume is hers. It looks nothing like her dorm. The four-post bed seems too big for her small body and I’ve never taken her for someone who likes the light shade of pink the walls are coated in.
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