“Well, your mother is… pleasant.”
She snorts as she walks over and lies on her bed. “Yeah, she’s a real prize.”
The second I’m close enough, she pulls me down and cuddles into my side, resting her head on my chest. I let my fingers lace into her hair, missing the feeling of the silky locks.
“Your dad didn’t seem too bad though.” I’m hesitant to bring it up because she hasn’t told me much about her relationship with him – only her mom.
“Step-dad.” She corrects. “My dad ran out on my mom and I when I was three – but yeah, John’s okay.”
Her words make me want to ask more questions but the tone and quivering of her voice tells me I’d better not. Instead, I kiss the top of her head and talk about something else. It’s nice to catch up with her like this, even though we’ve been talking on a constant basis since we went our separate ways at the airport. There’s nothing like being able to hold her while talking about anything and everything.
The closer it gets to midnight, the more I think about how I’d like this year to go. No matter where my mind takes me, there’s one thing that always remains the same – her by my side. Now that I know I’m in love with her, I don’t think I can spend another day without making her mine. I don’t care if it takes asking her every day for the rest of my life. I need her.
The minutes start to pass and before I know it, she’s turning on the TV to watch the ball drop. I move down to where she’s sitting at the end of her bed and wrap my arms around her tightly, hoping the next words to come out of my mouth don’t make her run for the hills.
“Kayleigh?” I get her attention as they begin the countdown from ten.
“Yeah?”
The lump in my throat almost stops me but I swallow it down. Here goes nothing.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” Her breath hitches and her body tenses in my arms. The panic inside me begins to brew. “Okay, don’t freak. Just hear me out, okay?” She turns to face me and the terrified look in her eyes makes me a puddle of mush in an instant. “I know I still need to earn your trust back. I don’t expect to have done that within a month. I hurt you, and for that I am so unbelievably sorry.” I raise my hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I just know that you’re the only person I want to be with, and if you’re okay with it, I’d like to work on getting you to trust me again while we’re in a relationship.”
She shakes her head and looks down, causing my heart to sink. “It’s… I do trust you. You didn’t mean to kiss her. I believe you.” Okay, well if it’s not that, does she just not want to be with me? “I’m just scared.”
I place my knuckle under her chin and lift her head gently until she’s looking in my eyes. “I am, too. I know it’s cliché and it sounds like a line, but this, these feelings, they’re all completely new to me. I’ve only ever felt this way about you. You’re the only person, besides my sister, who doesn’t take any of my shit. You’re not afraid to be yourself around me and you make me comfortable enough to do the same. I’m crazy about you, Kayleigh, and I don’t want to spend another day knowing you’re not mine.”
Time stands still as we don’t dare to look away from each other. I don’t even think we blink, until finally, she smiles. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
She nods happily. “Okay, yeah. I’ll be your girlfriend.”
The feeling that rushes through my entire body is like something from out of this world. A broad grin stretches across my face and I pull her in to kiss her the way she deserves. Her hand goes directly to my hair as mine caresses her face. This girl, the one I am madly in love with, is finally my girlfriend. I don’t think life could possibly get any better than this.
MOVEMENT NEXT TO ME pulls me out of the best sleep I’ve gotten in weeks. I can tell by the way her breathing is unsteady that Kayleigh is awake. A smile graces my face when I think of last night. That really happened. She’s really mine.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
“Morning.” She replies, looking up and giving me a chaste kiss. I hum into it.
Can I wake up this way every morning? I never want to be away from her again. It’s absolute torture and I hate it.
“I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.” She says it so sincerely that I melt a little. “As much as I would like to stay in bed all day, we have to get up.”
Rising from the bed and not being covered by the sheets, I take in her body. She’s exquisite, and yet she doesn’t even realize it. I decide to make it my life’s mission to make her see how incredible she truly is.
“You’re so beautiful.”
A blush coats her cheeks as she gives me a shy grin, then goes into her walk-in closet to get dressed. I groan and climb out of bed myself, mentally counting down the days until it can once again just be Kayleigh and I in my bedroom, with no commitments or interruptions.
Breakfast goes decently well and her mom even seems to warm up to me a little. However, one thing I notice is how little Kayleigh eats. It’s like an art form, the way she cuts up her food into little pieces, using the syrup to saturate the bread and mush it up so it looks like she’s eaten when she hasn’t taken more than a few bites. Everything about it worries me. She has her parents completely fooled. If I don’t get her back into recovery before summer, how bad will she get if they don’t even notice her doing it?
“You ready to go?” She asks me as we finish eating. Well, when I finish eating at least.
I nod. We’re going to her best friend’s house. I won’t lie, I’m nervous. When I made the decision to come here, I never expected her to want to take me places and introduce me to people. Then again, I guess this is what a girlfriend does. If Bree hadn’t done it, I would have never met Kayleigh. The idea of living in a world where I don’t know her puts an uncomfortable feeling in my chest.
Meeting Emily, I’m completely prepared for the ‘you hurt her, I’ll kill you’ speech, but one doesn’t come. She eyes me suspiciously but then goes back to focusing her attention on Kayleigh. Seeing the way my girlfriend lights up around her best friends makes me fall for her a little bit more.
They take turns telling me stories about their childhood together. I hear everything from the time Kayleigh punched a kid in the nose on the playground for scaring Emily, to how they took each other to their senior prom because you’re supposed to spend it with the person you like most. For them, that’s each other.
They ask about my senior prom, but I shake off the topic. The reminder of Bianca is fresh in my mind. She had given me no choice but to take her, scaring the rest of the girls in our class out of going with me. While she’s only 5’4”, her dad has more money than anyone I’ve ever met. Needless to say, she uses that to her advantage. I’ve never seen anyone stand up to her. A part of me wonders if Kayleigh would.
I QUIETLY GET UP from my bed, careful not to wake my sleeping girlfriend. Yesterday, after getting back to the frat house, I tried to get her to eat and she panicked. As much as I tried to reassure her of how perfect she is, I don’t think it made much of a difference. So, long after she fell asleep, I made the decision to seek help from the only other person here that she trusts. I just hope she doesn’t hate me for it.
I panicked when I found out Dawson could only meet in the middle of the day. Fortunately for me, Kayleigh decided to take a nap when I mentioned getting lunch, claiming she’s exhausted from all the traveling. I use the opportunity to meet up with her coworker/friend.
“Hey man. How was your break?” He greets as I approach him.
My head tilts to the side. “Not bad. Finally got Kayleigh agree to be my girlfriend.”
“No shit! About damn time.”
“I know.” I chuckle.
The two of us sit down on a bench and he hands me a bottle of water. I thank him and take a sip, trying to prepare myself for the conversation we’re about to have. Dawson must sense my tension because he gives me a c
urious look.
“So, what’s up?”
I look down at the bottle and pick at the wrapper. “Kayleigh needs help. I’ve tried to help her on my own, and I’m not enough for it. She needs more.”
His eyebrows furrow. “What’s wrong with Kayleigh? Is she okay?”
“She’s…” I pause, taking a deep breath. Please don’t hate me for this, baby. “She’s starving herself. She has an eating disorder.”
“W-what?” His jaw drops. “How did I not notice?!”
“Well, I had her in recovery for a good month until that mess happened where we stopped talking. Since then, she’s just been really good at hiding it. I watched her at her parent’s house. She could fool anyone with the way she operates at a breakfast table.”
“Fuck.” He breathes. “Okay. So, what do we do?”
I shrug. “We have to find a way to get her to eat again. She’s disappearing right in front of my eyes and it’s breaking me. I can’t lose her. Although, I may anyway after she finds out I told you.”
“Hey.” He cuts off my rambling. “No. I’m not going to let her throw away someone who cares about her for trying to get her help. Your relationship is stronger than that.”
“I really hope you’re right.”
The whole ride back to my house with Dawson in the passenger seat, I’m visibly nervous. We decided it’s best to tell her he knows so that he can help her at work and I can help her at home. She needs to know she has a support system. Just as I’m turning onto my street, my phone buzzes.
Kayleigh: Where are you?
I sigh as I type a response.
Me: Just went out for a minute. Almost back.
Pulling into the driveway, I’m glad to see none of the guys are back yet. Most of them should be arriving tonight and I think Jesse said he’ll be home tomorrow. I’m thankful for the empty house because I’m almost positive it will be filled with screaming in just a few minutes.
“You okay?” Dawson asks me.
I shake my head. “No, but it has to be done.”
We climb out of the car and make our way inside. I lead him into my bedroom and nearly die when I see the way Kayleigh smiles at me, dressed in my sweatshirt.
“Look who I found.” I tell her as Dawson enters the room.
She shrieks and runs to embrace him. “How was Aruba?!”
“It was incredible.” He answers but Kayleigh eyes him suspiciously when he doesn’t elaborate. “What?”
“Did you ask her?!”
“Oh!” He chuckles when he realizes what she’s referring to. “Yeah, she said yes.”
Being wrapped up in my own dilemma, I completely forgot he planned on proposing to his girlfriend over Christmas vacation. I give him a congratulatory pat on the back before we share a look. It doesn’t take long for Kayleigh to notice the tension.
“What’s going on?” She asks, glancing between the two of us.
This. This is when she leaves me for breaking her trust, again. I try to smile but I fail miserably as I walk over and sit on the bed, motioning for her to sit next to me. She obeys but continues to look from me to Dawson and back again, searching for answers.
“I told Dawson about your eating disorder.”
She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she just stares at me, blinking and trying to register what I just said. I can’t help but squirm under the way her eyes are shooting daggers into my head.
“I’m sorry, you did what?!”
“Kayleigh, don’t be mad at him. He’s just worried about you.” Dawson tries.
“Did I ask you?!” She spits. Fuck, she’s furious.
“Woah, relax.”
“No!” She screams. “He had no right to tell you!” Her attention turns back to me. She’s going to leave. “Why would you do that?!”
“Because I got scared.” I answer like a four-year-old getting in trouble for breaking his mother’s favorite vase.
“That’s a really shitty reason.” She growls. “I didn’t even want you to know about it. Let alone someone else. You’re my boyfriend! I’m supposed to be able to trust you!”
This is what I was afraid of. I promised her I would earn her trust back, and I just did something else to ruin that. I’m so stupid and now I’m going to lose her, again.
“Okay enough.” Dawson’s voice is loud and startles us both. “Stop talking to him like he kicked your puppy. He cares about you, and so do I. Neither of us want to see you get hurt!”
By the grace of God, what he says stops her rage dead in its tracks. She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair before looking back at him.
“You’re not going to tell anyone, right?” Her voice is surprisingly calmer now.
“Of course not. But I am worried about you, just like Holden is.”
She gets up from the bed and turns to face me, putting her hands out for me to take. She doesn’t hate me?! She isn’t leaving?! I allow her to pull me up and our arms instantly wrap around each other. I press my lips to the top of her head, just glad I’m still able to.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers.
I exhale in relief. “I’m just really worried. You mean more to me than anyone, and I don’t want something to happen to you.”
Her body tenses slightly. “I’ll get better. Just promise you won’t tell anyone else.”
“I promise.”
THE FOLLOWING FEW DAYS I notice she is actually trying. However, she’s also been going out with Bree a lot more than she used to. I can’t say I blame her. She probably feels like a child, being watched by Dawson while she’s at work and by me when she’s not. Jo said she probably just needs space, and that’s more than understandable. I just hope I haven’t pushed too far.
I’m standing in my kitchen, watching the party go on around me. Seeing people all over each other makes me wish Kayleigh was here. Instead, she said she was going out with Bree and her friends Paige and Addison. I was a little disappointed when she told me but I didn’t say anything about it. She’s allowed to have a life outside of me.
“Hey Holden?” Landon, a freshman in our fraternity, says to me. He’s the same one I had check on Kayleigh at the coffee house a couple months ago.
“What’s up?” Normally the new guys don’t talk to us at parties, too intimidated and afraid they’ll say something wrong.
“I, uh.” He stops.
I start to get annoyed. “Just spit it out dude.”
“Your girlfriend is at Phi Sigma Alpha.” He blurts, his eyes widening when he realizes what he just said.
My blood boils as Jason, Caleb, and Jesse all stop to look at me – they heard it, too. Phi Sigma Alpha is our rival fraternity on campus. It’s not because they’re another frat. We get along with everyone else just fine. No, it’s because their parties are known for getting out of control. The house is like a drug den and girls go there needing to be fully aware that they may get slipped something and wake up in the morning not knowing what happened. The thought of Kayleigh being there has me on the verge of vomiting.
I grip the countertop as Landon shows me a picture someone posted on Instagram. Sure enough, you can see Kayleigh in the background, sitting next to Bree and talking to some girl. It seems innocent enough but I don’t like that she’s there in the first place.
“What are you going to do?” Jesse asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I mentally sort through my options. I could go there and force her to leave, but the chances of me getting into a fight with someone are high and Kayleigh may hate me for embarrassing her. That’s out. I could text her and tell her I know where she is – make her come home. Then again, I’m already pushing my luck with how intrusive and controlling Dawson and I have been lately. Fuck, I can’t win.
“Alright.” I focus my attention on Landon. “Grab one of your friends. I want you both to go over there and keep an eye on her.”
“You’re not going to make her leave?!” Caleb balks.
I shake my head. “I’m her boyfriend
, not her father. She brought herself there on her own free will. I just want to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.” I turn back to Landon. “You tell no one who you are. Come up with a fake name. Don’t let her see you, either. She may recognize you. If she’s in any kind of danger, you call me.” He nods and quickly goes to walk away. “And Landon!” He stops, turning back around. “Change your fucking shirt.”
He looks down at the big Kappa Delta Phi symbol stretched across his gray t-shirt and chuckles at his own stupidity before running up the stairs. Damn freshman.
Chapter Twenty Six
I sit in my car as I wait for Jordan to show up. He texted, asking to meet because he has something to tell me. I find it kind of odd. We’re friends and all but he’s never asked to talk about something in person. A part of me wonders how serious it could be.
It’s been a week since Kayleigh went to the party at Phi Sigma Alpha and I haven’t told her I know anything about it. She lied about where she was, of course, but from what Landon saw, she didn’t do anything bad. By the time he got there, she was dancing with some girl and ended up leaving with Bree later that night. She slept at her dorm but that’s probably because she didn’t leave until nearly two in the morning and she didn’t want me to ask questions.
Jordan taps on the passenger side window, pulling me from my thoughts. I unlock the door and he climbs in. He looks more nervous than I’ve ever seen him.
“What’s up? You okay?” I question.
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves it off. “I just…” He stops and changes the direction of his words. “You’re dating Kayleigh Jacobs, right?”
This is about Kayleigh? “Uh, yeah.” I answer hesitantly.
“Then there’s something you should know.” My stomach drops as I wait for him to continue. “Your girlfriend is doing coke.”
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