“No? How do you feel about that?” Emily winks at me.
“I don’t know. I didn’t even think he’d still be in Rhode Island. I thought he would have gone home by now.”
She chuckles. “Kayleigh, he loves you. Of course, he’s not going to just go home as if nothing happened.”
“He shouldn’t love me.” She sounds sad but honest. “I’m the worst person ever. I said such horrible things to him.”
“You were upset and scared. I’m sure he would understand.”
It’s quiet for a minute, almost making me wonder if she hung up, but then she sighs. “I can’t. I’m not ready to see him yet. I need space.”
“Well if not now, then when?”
“I don’t know!” She shouts exasperatedly. “Maybe not ever.”
“Kayleigh.”
“No, Em. I-I just can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
The call ends and Emily runs her hands over her face. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. You tried.”
The only thing that filters through my mind is the sound of her voice when she said she needs space, and well, what Kayleigh wants Kayleigh gets.
Chapter Thirty
It’s been two weeks since she last said a single word to me, and after her conversation with Emily yesterday, I’m not sure she’ll ever talk to me again. The only thing that keeps running through my head is that she wants space. Life is hard enough for her right now and the last thing I want is to be doing is making it worse.
“Hey Holden.” John greets me as I come downstairs. “How are you today?”
I shrug. “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to try visiting Kayleigh once more. If she still doesn’t want to see me, I’m going to head home tomorrow morning.”
“Wow.” He looks surprised. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Yeah. She’s allowed to be mad at me right now. She shouldn’t be worrying about needing to turn down my attempts to visit.”
“Okay, well whatever you think is best.”
Later that day, I get myself dressed and drive over to the rehab center alone. Her parents decided it would be best for just me to come instead of it being awkward with the three of us. I guess they were hoping she would be more inclined to see me if they weren’t there. Unfortunately, they were wrong. The nurse came out with the same sad look on her face, telling me that Kayleigh wasn’t feeling up for visitors at the moment. It’s the polite way to say ‘leave, she doesn’t want you here’.
I let my head fall and make my way back to her house. The time of my arrival is enough to tell John and Jessica that she didn’t accept my visit. I don’t need to explain as I go upstairs and pack my stuff up. If it were up to me, I’d spend every second of this summer vacation at her side, helping her through every single hurdle to recovery – but it’s not. She doesn’t want me near her right now and I need to respect that.
THAT NIGHT, ONCE EVERYONE is asleep, I make my last trip to the facility. As I walk in the door, the nurse grins brightly, going around to allow me into the secured part of the building. I thank her and follow her back to the room for the last time.
Kayleigh’s sleeping peacefully on the bed. She may have only been here for two weeks so far, but I can already see some progress. Her eyes aren’t as sunken in as they were before and her complexion isn’t as pale. She’s starting to look like herself again.
I spend a little more time than I normally would, and as I lean down to kiss her forehead I’m careful not to let my tears drip onto her face.
“I love you, Kayleigh, and I’m so sorry.” I whisper. She stirs but doesn’t wake.
The nurse and I go back to the front desk. She eyes me curiously when I lean against the counter instead of leaving. I use my sleeves to wipe my eyes and give her a rather pitiful looking smile.
“I’m heading home tomorrow morning.” I tell her.
She furrows her eyebrows. “Oh no. Are you sure?”
“Yeah. She doesn’t want me here.” I shrug.
“Aw, Holden. She’s just going through a lot right now. She loves you. I know she does.”
“I’m not so sure anymore. It’s been two weeks and she still won’t so much as talk to me on the phone.”
“Well, I can’t understand why. You seem perfect for her.”
“She’s the one who’s perfect for me.” I respond honestly. “But I brought her here. She’s allowed to hate me for that.”
She frowns but nods. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re a great young man.”
“I appreciate that, Bobbi. Please just make sure she’s well taken care of.”
“You have my word.”
THE NEXT MORNING, I load my suitcase into my car and head back inside to say goodbye. John gives me a very dad-like hug and promises to call me every day with updates on Kayleigh’s progress. I thank him and give Jessica a kind smile before heading towards the door.
“Holden wait!” She calls, coming into the foyer and immediately wrapping me in her arms. I hug her back hesitantly. “I never thanked you for saving my daughter’s life. I don’t know what would have happened if it weren’t for you, so really – thank you.”
I pull away and purse my lips, wondering if I should say what’s on my mind. I decide to go for it.
“Thank me by being the caring mother she deserves. This can be a blank slate for you both. I just hope you take advantage of that. She loves you, she just needs to be reminded why sometimes.”
The shocked look on her face makes me think I made a mistake, but John’s smirk tells me I didn’t. She nods and wipes a stray tear from her eye.
“You’re absolutely right.” With nothing left to say, I continue my walk to the front door when she stops me once more. “And Holden?” I turn around. “I really hope things end up working out between you two. Kayleigh is lucky to have you in her life.”
So, the ice queen has a heart after all.
THE FOUR-AND-A-half-hour drive home does nothing to get all my feelings under control. By the time that I pull into the driveway, I need to scrub the dried tears from my face. The whole ride was filled with mixed emotions – from depressed that she’s not in the seat next to me, to happy that she’s finally getting the help she needs. Unfortunately for me, my family can read me like an open book. The second I walk in the door, my mom’s eyes widen.
“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”
I shake my head. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”
Ignoring everyone else around me, I go upstairs and into my bedroom. I lock the door and let the pain rip through me once more. I’m not sure this heartache will ever subside.
A WEEK AFTER I get home is the first time my family sees me break down. I’m in the kitchen getting something to eat when my mom and Jo get home from their shopping trip. Thankfully, Brandon was in the living room and appears at my side in an instant. He’s the only one who knows what happened, but he also knows I need time to heal.
“Oh, Holden! How are you sweetie?” Heather greets me. She looks surprised to see me at all. I don’t blame her. I’ve been avoiding having to deal with anyone lately.
“I’m okay.” I lie.
“Honey, why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? You usually tell me everything.”
“I will, just not yet.”
She sighs. “Okay, well why don’t you invite Kayleigh to come spend a few days? I’m sure that would help brighten your mood, and it would be nice to see her again.”
At the mention of my ex, I feel my entire body tense. Brandon tries to intervene but it’s too late – the damage is done. My chest becomes tight and I feel like no matter how hard I try to breathe, I can’t. The whole room starts to spin and I fall onto the cold tile floor. I can faintly hear Brandon shouting at Jo to get a class of water but I can’t pay attention to anything. Kayleigh. I need Kayleigh.
From that day forward, no one dares to ask me what happened, and they avoid talking about her at all costs.
ANOTHER TEN DAYS PASS before Brandon breaks into my room. He literally picks the lock and walks in like he owns the place, pulling back the curtains to allow the light shine in. I wince at the brightness.
“What are you doing?”
He turns to me and grins. “Getting you up.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What if I don’t want to get up?”
“Too bad. We’re going surfing. I’ve already waxed up your board and have your wetsuit waiting for you downstairs.”
“Bran, really. I appreciate it and all but I don’t feel like surfing today.”
“Well, lying in bed for another 24 hours isn’t an option – so get up.” I groan and throw a pillow over my head, but he takes it away. “Look, just come with me for a couple hours. If you still just want to crawl back into your dungeon afterwards, I’ll leave you alone for another whole week.”
I want to argue it but I know my best friend well enough to know that he’s not kidding, so I do as he says. The two of us change into our bathing suits and go downstairs, pulling on our wetsuits and grabbing the boards before walking across the street.
The waves are shaping perfectly this morning and as soon as I’m on the water, I start to feel a little better. We paddle out and find we’re the only ones out here. Brandon takes the first wave, but I’m too busy eying the next one. It’s bigger and messier than I’d normally take, yet the rush of it is calling me.
I pump my arms into the water until my board catches in the wave. I stand up and cut the board to the left, heading straight for the rocks. My best friend yells for me to watch out but something about the excitement makes me risk it a little longer. Just before I’m about to slam into the jetty, I cut back to the right and fall backwards into the water. Fuck, that was the first time I’ve felt anything but misery in weeks.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Brandon sneers as soon as I come back up to the surface.
“I’m fine.” I wave him off. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Yeah. I know what you’re doing, too. Cut that shit out.”
“And what if I don’t? You going to tell mommy on me?”
He glares to the point where I’m afraid of what he’ll say next. “No, but I will tell Kayleigh.”
My breathing nearly stops. The thought of her being disappointed in me any more than she already is makes me sick. I almost want to turn around and go back to my room but something about the ocean is soothing to me right now.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
I roll my eyes but don’t push the limits. Instead, I paddle back out and make sure to stay far away from dangerous swells and large rocks.
SOMEHOW, GOING SURFING TURNED into me agreeing to go to a party at Alec’s house. If it weren’t for being sure there would be alcohol here, I probably would have refused. Brandon had Jo help me get ready. He knows that if he left it up to me, I would have just worn sweats and ran my fingers through my hair a couple times. Once she’s done, I change into the clothes they’ve picked out for me and we head out.
Bran stays near me for the first two hours until I’m finally drunk enough to not look like I’m on the verge of tears – then he sees a girl that catches his eye and I literally push him towards her. If he keeps looking at me with that sympathetic expression, I’m going to end up losing my shit.
I’m starting to walk towards the kitchen when someone steps in my way. I need to squint so my eyes focus on the person, but once I can see clearly, I notice who it is.
“Bianca.” I slur.
“Woah. What happened to you?”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
She snickers. “Yeah, okay. We’ll pretend that’s true.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Not at all. You look like shit.” She steadies me against the wall before stepping closer. “What happened? Did your girlfriend dump you?” When I refuse to respond, she gasps. “Holy shit, she did.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Especially not with you.
At first, she looks sad, but then it changes to a smirk. “Well, you know what the best way to get over someone is, right?”
I don’t want to get over her. My drunken mind speaks for me instead. “No. What is it?”
She goes up on her tippy toes and puts her lips against my ear. “Get under someone else.”
My earlobe gets sucked into her mouth and an involuntary moan leaves my mouth. Maybe she’s right. This could be exactly what I need. I place my hand on her waist and squeeze just enough to tell her that I want her. She pulls away and smiles, wrapping her dainty fingers around my wrist and leading me up the stairs to one of the many guest rooms.
My subconscious warns me that I’m making a big mistake, but my broken heart drowns out the sound. I’ll do anything to make the pain stop, even only for a second. Kayleigh doesn’t want me anymore, and that’s just something I need to learn to live with.
Author Note
Thank you so much for reading Awakened in September!
If you enjoyed reading Holden’s side of his and Kayleigh’s story, I’d greatly appreciate it if you left a review. It’s so hard to build a reputation as an author and reviews help gain readers.
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So, that was Holden’s version of things. I really enjoyed writing this. Making everything line up perfectly was a little big of a struggle, but I had fun adding in parts that weren’t in Sleepless November. I think doing that kept it fresh and less like a re-read. I hope you enjoyed it as well. I do plan on eventually writing Endless December and Seamless Forever in his view as well, but for now I’m focused on my upcoming standalone - Returning to Rockport. I can’t thank you enough or tell you how much it means to me when you continue to read my books, so thank you!
Want more from me?
Here’s the first chapter of
Returning to Rockport - Coming Soon.
Preface
If I had known what would transpire, I never would have gone back to Rockport – or perhaps I wouldn’t have left in the first place. From the moment I stepped foot back in my hometown, a part of me knew it was going to be an unforgettable summer. Everything reminded me of him. I could still smell the salt in the air that used to cling to his skin and mix with his cologne; could still picture the places we went together, hidden away from the inquisitive onlookers of the small town. It was pure ecstasy. Unfortunately, most good things don’t last forever, and the same was true for him and I. We ended in a fiery mess of hurtful words and teary eyes, and when I drove away from the house that final time, I never intended on going back – until I did. Only this time, I wasn’t alone.
Chapter One
From Romeo and Juliet to Pride and Prejudice, I’ve always been one for romance novels. There’s just something captivating by the way the characters feel so intensely for each other that they’re willing to risk everything for it. Even as a kid, fairytales were always my favorite. The idea of someone loving me more than life itself has never lacked a certain appeal. Unfortunately, what you don’t learn in the books is that happily ever after isn’t guaranteed, and nothing can prepare you for how you’ll feel if it doesn’t work out.
The pain of living without the one I thought would last forever is all too fresh in my mind, despite the four years that have passed since the day he walked out of my life. I can practically still feel the way my chest ached from the void he left behind. The words from our last encounter replayed in my head for weeks as I tortured myself with wondering if I could’ve done something differently. The conclusion was always the same – he was gone from my life and I needed to come to terms with that. Since then, I’ve learned how to let people in just enough to satisfy them, but not give them any ability to hurt me.
“Hello
? Earth to McKenna.” Julia waves her hand in front of my face, pulling me back to reality.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I said I can’t believe we’re moving out.”
My eyes glance down at the box I’ve been placing the last of my belongings into. It feels like the last four years have gone by so quickly, I’ve barely had enough time to enjoy them. Julia has been my roommate since freshman year. Needless to say, we have seen each other through some hard times and we’ve only become closer because of it. Now we’re leaving this place and I won’t have her close by anymore.
“Can’t we just stay? Convince the housing office that living here is essential to our mental health or something?”
A small giggle leaves her mouth. “I don’t think your fiancé would appreciate that.” She grabs my left hand and admires the ring on my finger before letting out a dramatic sigh. “I’m going to miss this beautiful rock.”
“You could always come with us.” The familiar British accent echoes into the room, causing both our heads to turn.
Parker is leaning against the doorway looking just as gorgeous as ever. His blonde hair is perfectly styled in a way that screams confidence. He’s dressed in jeans and a button down, making for a well-rounded mix of casual yet sophisticated. I can’t help but smile as I look at the man I’ve agreed to marry.
“You’re early.”
He crosses the empty space, placing his hand on the small of my back and pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I couldn’t stay away any longer. Are you ready to go, love?”
Not even remotely close. The thought enters my mind but I don’t dare to say it out loud. Instead, I look around the room at what was once perfectly decorated. Now, it’s bleak and bland, lacking any sign of the happy times that have been spent here.
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