“Good luck today.” Dawson whispers in my ear as Kayleigh is hugging Bree. “Text me and let me know how it goes.”
“I will.” I promise, feeling like I’m going to vomit when I think of what might happen tonight.
THE DRIVE TO RHODE Island is lengthy, but nowhere near long enough. I make sure I’ve constantly got one hand on her. Even on the off chance she doesn’t hate me for this, I know the next eight weeks will be spent with far less touches than acceptable. When my silent GPS tells me we’re close, I tighten my grip on her hand.
“Do you know how much I love you?” I ask.
“Almost as much as I love you.”
I need to keep myself from breaking right then and there. This is it. “Good. Please remember that.”
She catches on to the change in my mood and starts looking around rapidly. Finally, her eyes land on her parents.
“What are they doing here? Where are we?” I don’t even need to answer because her gasp tells me she found the sign. “No.”
“Kayleigh.” I breathe as I put the car into park.
“No. I want to go home. Take me home.”
I can’t hold back the tears no matter how hard I try. “You’re not going home.” The look on her face breaks my heart. “I know… about everything. The drugs. The excessive partying. You’re not eating. You’re running off calories you don’t have to burn. You’re basically disappearing right in front of my eyes.” I’m a blubbering mess by the time I stop talking.
“I can stop!” She begs. “I’ll stop, I swear! Don’t leave me here!”
I take a deep breath to try to calm myself, but it’s no use. “This place is going to get you the help you need.” She turns away from me. “I love you so much. I just want you to get better.”
“No, you don’t. If you loved me, you wouldn’t make me stay here.”
“It’s because I love you that I’m making you stay here.” My chest hurts from how she won’t even look me in the eye. “I’m going to be staying with your mom and John so I’ll be close and can visit you.”
“Don’t bother.” She cries softly. “I hate you and I never want to see you again.”
What I was hoping she wouldn’t say comes flowing out of her mouth like it’s the most honest thing in the world.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” She answers, shattering my heart into a million pieces. “You’re dead to me.”
My breath hitches and my hand moves to my chest in an attempt to ease some of the pain. There’s a small look of regret on her face but she quickly masks it and gets out of the car, storming past her parents and sitting on the nearest bench. I pop the trunk and step out. John meets me at the back to retrieve her bag. I don’t even bother to try and conceal the tears.
“It’ll be alright. You did the right thing, son.” He says lowly. I nod but don’t respond. He understands. “We’ll see you back at the house.”
I walk past the worried parents and over to the girl I love. Dropping down so I’m kneeling in front of her. Still, she won’t look at me.
“You may want to give me your locket.” I whisper. “You’ll get in a lot of trouble if you try sneaking drugs in there.”
Without saying a word, she reaches behind her and unclips the necklace, dropping it onto the ground in front of us. I pick it up and slip it into my jacket pocket before placing one last kiss on her forehead.
“I love you, Kayleigh.”
With that, I stand up and walk back to my car. I had planned on going in with her but it’s clear she doesn’t want me here. Her parents lead her inside as I watch her from the driver’s seat. Once they’re out of view, I put the car in drive and head towards her house.
I only get a mile down the road before I need to pull over. The thick tears are blurring my vision too much to see anything at all. As soon as the car is safely stopped, I throw it into park and slam my hands on the steering wheel – letting my emotions take over entirely. She hates me. I’m dead to her. She fucking hates me.
Chapter Twenty Nine
I pace around the kitchen, feeling like this house is entirely way too big right now. It’s been an hour and a half, and her parents still aren’t home. I need to know she’s okay – that she’s safe and that she’s going to get better. I’m just sending an update to Dawson when the door opens and the two exhausted adults come inside. John takes his wife’s coat and hangs it up in the closet.
“I’m going to bed.” She voices to the two of us, giving me a sad smile as she makes her way up the stairs. “The maid has the guest room all set for you.” I nod as a sign of my gratitude.
As soon as she’s out of earshot, John turns to me. “Don’t mind her. This has just been hard on all of us.”
“I understand.” I murmur. “How’s Kayleigh?”
He sighs. “Angry to say the least, maybe a little sad even. This has been going on a long time. She admitted to the doctor she’s been starving herself for three years, and that the only time she recovered was in October. I believe that’s thanks to you.”
“Yeah well, she relapsed because of me too so don’t go giving me too much credit.”
“Holden, I know she may have said some things in anger but you saved her life. Please don’t think anything different.”
I know he means well but nothing is helping how I feel. “It’s hard not to when she hates me.”
“Give her some time. She’ll come around.”
“I hope so. Did she say how she got into the drug in the first place?”
He nods while taking a couple beers out of the fridge, handing me one. “Yeah. She said that some girl Jade introduced her to it to help curb her appetite. From there, it just got out of hand.”
“That’s what I thought, I just wasn’t sure.”
It’s quiet as we sit down on the couch, both engrossed in our own thoughts until John speaks again. “You’re a fine young man, you know that? Your parents should be proud.”
At the mention of the two people I miss most, I feel a pang in my chest – though it doesn’t even begin to compare to the pain that’s already there from Kayleigh’s harsh words.
That night, as I lie in the large guest bed. It’s comfortable but unable to fall asleep, no matter how hard I try. Finally, when the ache becomes too much, I get up and pad across the hallway. Kayleigh’s room has been unoccupied for months but it still manages to smell like her. I get into the bed and grip her pillow, breathing in the only part of her I can have right now. It doesn’t fix my broken heart but it does distract me enough to get an hour or so of rest.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS, Kayleigh refuses all visits – whether they’re from me or her parents. Even Emily tries but has no luck with getting in. The morning after I dropped her off, I found the locket in my jacket pocket. When I opened it, a full baggie of cocaine fell out. After a short breakdown that may or may not have had me screaming at an inanimate object, I flushed the contents down the toilet and watched them disappear – hopefully never to be seen again.
The house phone rings, surprising Jessica, John, and myself. We were just sitting around eating breakfast and talking about the update they received from the doctor yesterday. He said that she’s been irritable, but that’s to be expected. There’s no sign that she can’t make a full recovery from all her addictions. However, it’s going to take work.
“Hello?” John answers. “Hi sweetheart. How are you?” My ears perk up at his words and I find myself next to him in an instant. “It’s okay. We understand. We just want you to know that we’re here for you.” His eyes meet mine and with a small nod, he confirms it’s Kayleigh. “Three o’clock? Of course, we’ll be there.” The idea of getting to see her makes my heart do backflips. “Would you like to talk to Holden?... Yeah, he’s still here.” Ugh, only being able to hear once side of this conversation is killing me. “Oh okay. We’ll see you at three then. I love you.” He hangs up the phone and gives me a sad look. “She had to get to therapy.”
My head drops
but I nod in understanding. “How did she sound?”
“Scared, but better than she did when we dropped her off.”
“That’s good.”
I STAND OUTSIDE THE glass doors, waiting for her parents to finish checking in. Just knowing I’m in the same building as her makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt in days. John comes over and takes a seat next to me.
“They said they’ll be right out to get us.”
A few minutes later, a nurse pops her head into the room.
“Family for Kayleigh Jacobs?” The three of us stand but when her eyes land on me, she frowns. “I’m sorry, sir. She only approved her mother and stepfather. I’m afraid I can’t let you in.”
My heart sinks. She doesn’t want to see me. I bite my lip to contain my emotions as John places his hand on my shoulder.
“You guys go.” I tell him with a shaky voice. “I’ll just wait at the car.”
He hands me the keys and I quickly make my exit. The last thing I need is for an entire waiting room of people to see me break. I climb into the back of the Range Rover and immediately pull out my phone, hitting speed dial number two. Holding the phone up to my ear with a shaky hand, I thank God when the call is answered on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Brandon.” I sob.
“Holy shit! Are you crying?! What’s wrong?!”
“S-she doesn’t want to s-see me.”
“Oh, H.” He says sadly. “We knew this was a possibility.”
“Yeah but thinking it could happen and it actually happening are two totally different things. I fucked up, Bran. I fucked up big and now she hates me.”
“No. No, you didn’t. You did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel like I did. It feels like I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
He sighs. “I know, but you were completely right in doing what you did. She needed help. Would you rather her be pissed off at you right now, or dead from a drug overdose?”
“Well obviously the first one, but did I have to bring her to rehab to get her to stop? Couldn’t I have confronted her when we got to her house and helped her quit?”
“So that she could have hid it from you like she did her eating habits? Come on, Holden. You know that wouldn’t have worked.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose between by thumb and index finger. “Yeah, you’re right. I just wish she didn’t hate me for it.”
“Me too. You have to admit, though, it’s better than the alternative.”
“Much. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to her.”
Brandon stays on the phone with me, keeping me distracted until Kayleigh’s parents leave the rehab center. As soon as I see them heading towards the car, I tell Bran I’ll text him and we hang up. A part of me hopes they’ll tell me she wants to see me now, but judging by the look on John’s face, that’s not going to happen.
“How is she?” I ask as soon as they get into the car.
John gives me a sad smile. “She’s struggling. Emily is going to see her tomorrow. Hopefully she can get through to her.”
Hearing she’s allowing Emily to visit but still doesn’t want to see me hurts, but if that’s what will help her get better then so be it. “I really hope she can.”
“Me too.”
Jessica begins to weep quietly in the passenger seat. She flinches when John reaches his hand over and rests it on her leg. Still, he knows how to be there for his wife.
“How did this happen?” She cries. “How was this going on right in front of my face for years and I had no idea?! Why did it have to get so bad before someone realized something was wrong? Am I that horrible of a mother?”
“This isn’t your fault.” I tell her half-honestly. “I mean sure, you could have been more attentive, but you didn’t do this.”
“Thank you, Holden, but I know I played a big part in this. All the times I nagged her over her figure, I may as well have starved her myself. Hell, she was using the money I gave her to buy drugs.”
“You didn’t know, just like I didn’t know how bad it was. I thought I could help her beat it but it was bigger than me – bigger than any of us. She’s exactly where she needs to be right now.”
She doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t need to. Seeing the way her tears subside is enough to tell me I got through to her. The rest of the drive home is quiet but I don’t miss the mouthed ‘thank you’ John gives me through the rear-view mirror.
THAT NIGHT, AS I lie in Kayleigh’s bed, I can’t help but wonder what she’s dreaming about right now – if she’s sleeping at all. I glance at the clock and notice it’s one in the morning. Lights out at Meadows Edge is ten. She must be asleep by now.
Suddenly, an idea pops into my head and I jump out of bed. Quietly, I slip out of the house and get in my car. After stopping at the ATM, I head towards my destination. The twenty-minute drive to the facility is more than worth it if what I have in mind works.
As soon as I pull up, my nerves skyrocket. I walk through the front doors and right up to the desk. The woman sitting behind it looks as if she needs three weeks of sleep.
“How may I help you?”
“I need to see Kayleigh Jacobs.”
Her eyes narrow. “I’m sorry sir. Visiting hours are scheduled and need to be approved by the patient, not to mention everyone is sleeping at the moment.”
I pull the money out of my pocket, five one hundred dollar bills. I slide them across the counter and into her view.
“I’m aware she’s asleep. I just need to see her. She’s my girlfriend and she won’t accept my visit, but I love her. I can’t function without seeing she’s okay.”
She looks at the money, then glances behind her. Finally, she sighs and nods her head. “Alright, but no one can know I did this. I could lose my job and if that happens, I’m coming after you.”
My smile is so bright it could light up the room. “I won’t tell a soul.”
The nurse comes around to the door and opens it, leading me down the long hallway to Kayleigh’s private room. Once we get there, she gestures for me to go inside as she stands watch. I step into the bland, open space. The second my eyes land on her, I stop breathing.
She’s curled up on her side, holding a pillow in the place where my body usually lies. Her hair is splayed out behind her and her mouth is in the shape of a pout. I carefully walk over and place a light kiss on her forehead. It may be risky and she might wake up, but I can’t resist. This girl is absolutely everything to me. She can despise me all the way down to the core, but I’m never going to stop loving her – not for as long as I live.
SIX. THAT’S HOW MANY times I’ve tried to visit her. Every time, it gets denied and I have to deal with the pained look on the nurse’s face as she tells me Kayleigh doesn’t want to see me. Still, that doesn’t stop me from making my late-night visits when she’s fast asleep. By the third time I showed up, the nurse stopped accepting my bribes and allowed me to see her anyway. I don’t think she understands how much it means to me but judging by the way she smiles – she has somewhat of an idea.
I’m sitting on the couch when the house phone rings. John and Jessica aren’t home, so the only one to answer it is me. I walk over to the ringing device but I don’t recognize the number on the caller ID.
“Hello?” I answer hesitantly.
“Hey. Holden, right?” A female voice says back to me.
“Uh, yeah? Who’s this?”
The girl chuckles. “Emily. What are you doing right now?”
“Nothing. Mr. and Mrs. Hartman went to see Kayleigh, but she doesn’t want to see me so I stayed here.”
She sighs frustratedly. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be over in ten.”
Before I can argue, the line goes dead. I roll my eyes. No wonder they’re best friends, they’re exactly the same. I go upstairs and change into a pair of sweats. I run my fingers through my hair to get it somewhat under control then splash some water on my face
. By the time I’m done, the doorbell rings. I run down the stairs and open the front door. Emily smiles at me and I greet her politely.
“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
She rolls her eyes. “Let’s go sit by the pool and talk.”
I nod and follow her through the house. It’s clear she spends a lot of time here. I think I could blindfold her and she’d still be able to navigate through this place without an issue. Meanwhile, I keep mistaking a linen closet for the bathroom.
We each sit down on lounge chairs. The sun beats down on my skin but it does nothing to help my mood. I think Emily notices because she frowns.
“I’d like to apologize on behalf of my idiotic best friend.”
“Oh yeah? What for?”
She gives me a knowing look. “For putting you through absolute hell the past few months. For refusing to see you even though it’s exactly what she needs right now. For being a royal bitch when you don’t deserve it.”
“Okay, okay.” I cut her off. “I get it, but she’s allowed to be angry. Hell, I probably would be too in her position.”
“Still. That doesn’t make it right.”
The sound of Emily’s phone ringing pulls both our attention to the small table in between us. She reaches for it and her eyes widen.
“Speak of the devil.” She answers the phone and puts it on speaker. “Hey babes.”
“Hi.” Kayleigh’s voice comes through the speaker, and I mentally thank Emily for being the greatest human being on the face of the planet. Words can’t explain how much I’ve missed hearing that sweet sound.
“How are you?”
She sighs. “I’m okay, I guess. My parents just left so I figured I’d call you.”
“Well I’m glad you did. You know I’m always here for you. How’d the visit go?”
“Fine. Nothing different than usual. My mom cried and John was supportive.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Holden didn’t come with them this time.” I perk up at the sound of my name.
Awakened in September Page 24