In the Flesh

by K D Grace

  I nodded and waved her away. I knew exactly what I wrote. The goose bumps riding up my spine were evidence. She paced and I wrote.

  By the time she came back to read over my shoulder the third time, I had begun to notice a strange buzzing in my head, not unpleasant, like the sounds insects make on a hot summer day. A little more unpleasant was the feeling that I had slipped slightly out of sync with the world around me, that wherever I was, no one else could go.

  With a little start, I realized that I’d had that same feeling the night I’d written about the Guardian in the study at Annie’s flat.

  “You’re insane,” Talia said. She had stopped pacing and I had no idea how long she’d stood behind me, reading over my shoulder as I wrote.

  “Takes one to know one,” I said and kept writing as fast as I could, breathing as though the speed of my writing was such that I had gone into oxygen deficit, while my heart raced with each word.

  She didn’t bother replying, but now she was reading out loud.

  “Shut up,” I said. “I need quiet.”

  She did for a few minutes, then she cursed loud enough in my ear that I glared at her through the reflection of the computer.

  “You’re out of your bloody mind,” she said. Her voice was almost as breathless as mine. “He won’t. He wouldn’t. Would he?” Then she nodded. “That might work, but fucking hell, scribe, are you sure?”

  “That’s about the stupidest question ever,” I replied and kept writing.

  “She would never let you, Magda, and certainly Michael wouldn’t.”

  “In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m not asking their permission.” I kept writing, still faster, and she leaned over me so closely that I had to elbow her away to keep her from fogging the monitor with her breath.

  Still I wrote on. I wrote on to the end. I couldn’t stop. The words kept coming from some wellspring I didn’t know existed and yet I knew it had always been there. I wrote until I forgot to breathe. I wrote until I believe my heart forgot how to beat. I wrote until my mind saw pictures of what I wrote, and not words, as though it were already happening this very second right in front of me, and I felt it all unfold in the space just behind my breastbone, even as it terrified me, even as it refused to be unwritten.

  By the time I was finished, the buzzing in my head sounded like a swarm of angry hornets, and everything beyond the words on the monitor had become nothing more than an unfocused blur of light and color. My whole body ached as though the feat had been a physical one, as though I had endured a beating for every word I wrote.

  Even Talia’s voice had become nothing more than a series of disjointed sounds with no meaning. “You need to stop. You need to stop now. Susan, you have to stop!”

  It was Alonso’s hand on my shoulder, firm and solid, the reflection of his face in the monitor that brought me back with a gasp. My hands fell away from the keyboard, and I would have toppled off the chair if Alonso hadn’t caught me and carried me to the bed. He held a water glass to my lips and forced a few bites of chicken salad sandwich between my lips before the world around me came fully back into focus.

  I was surprised to find both the vampire and his succubus leaning over me, her hand resting on his shoulder.

  “Are you all right, my darling girl?” His eyes were dark, his pupils dilated.

  I ignored the question. “They wouldn’t listen, would they?”

  He shook his head. “Sadly there was nothing to listen to, and the truth is the longer they put off the inevitable, the more we risk the Guardian invading again. And who knows what havoc He might wreak the second time around. I am truly sorry, my dear little scribe.”

  “Thank you for trying.” I squeezed his hand. I was about to tell him that I thought there might be an alternative when Talia said it for me.

  “You need to see this,” she spoke quietly next to his ear and nodded at the Mac still open to the document I’d been working on. “The scribe’s been busy.”

  Alonso leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I shall look, Talia, but you must see that she eats and has something to drink. Whatever she has done has clearly been taxing upon her person.”

  Alonso settled in at the computer and scrolled back up to the beginning of the document. I was halfway through my second sandwich when I heard him catch his breath, and he shot a glance around at me and then at Talia. She only gave him a raised eyebrow and handed me a cup of tepid tea, which I took gratefully.

  For the next few moments I had little time to spare as Talia all but force-fed me everything that was left on the tray Cook’s assistant had delivered and I ravenously did my best to accommodate, like she was a mother bird and I her nestling. But I couldn’t keep from noticing the way Alonso sat on the edge of the chair, the way he leaned forward, the way his shoulders had tensed.

  When I could stand it no longer, and there was nothing left for Talia to shove in my gob, I pushed up off the bed and moved to his side. “Well?” Clearly he was done reading, but he only sat now staring at the monitor, at the words, and I knew exactly what he was looking at. “It can work, Alonso. Don’t you think it can work?”

  For a long moment, he didn’t speak. Then he took a deep breath and looked up at me. “There’ll be… consequences, consequences you can’t possibly foresee.”

  “I know that. I’m willing to take that chance.”

  He looked at Talia, and whatever it was that passed between them was way more than a conversation, though I could neither see nor hear it. She only gave him a slight nod of her head. Then he stood so quickly that the chair went over backward. I yelped, for a brief moment reminded again that the man I had come to respect, the man who had given me shelter was, after all, a vampire.

  Once again my skin was pocked with goose bumps, and my heart raced as though it were being chased by something deadly. In truth, it was being held by something deadly, or I was, at least, as he grabbed me to keep me from falling, and settled me on the trunk at the foot of the bed, where he knelt in front of me, looking up into my eyes, my hands, now nearly as cold as his, held tightly next to his chest.

  “It can work, this plan of yours, my darling girl, as you know very well it can. Though there are always variables one can’t know until the moment of execution, but it can work.”

  “Then you’ll help me, both of you?” I already knew that Talia would. In spite of her constant attestations to my lack of sanity, I could feel her excitement as she lingered over me and read.

  “If I help you,” he said, holding my hands against the place where his heart would have beat if he lived, “if we do this, then you must know, there’ll be no turning back.”

  “I know.” I braced my feet hard against the floor to keep my knees from shaking. Christ, I really would like at least a little bit of dignity at moments like this, but I found myself fighting back tears as he pulled me into his arms and held me to stop the shaking. There had been no turning back for a very long time now, I thought, as I buried my face in his shoulder, clenching my eyes shut so tightly that I saw sparks of light. It had just taken me this damn long to figure it out.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  It took an eternity for us to get to Chapel House and, at the same time, we arrived far too soon. I wasn’t ready, but then I knew there was no being ready, not really. How could I ever be ready for what was to come? But now that my mind was made up, more than anything I just wanted to get on with it.

  For a moment, I hated Michael for taking the choice from me. I hated Magda for agreeing to his demands, and I hated them both for keeping it all from me. Beyond that, I felt Michael’s withdrawal from me, his absence with a pain that nearly brought me to my knees. But there was nothing for it. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. Focusing on the task at hand was the only way to deal with the pain right now. Michael would live. That’s what mattered most.

  I left the Land Rover without giving myself time to think. There was no comfort to be had by lingering, nothing that could be done to make
what I had to do any less a solitary act and, while both Alonso and Talia assured me that the plan would work, I was very well aware that there were variables none of us could foresee. I knew only too well how crucial timing was.

  From the back of Chapel House, I entered the garden through the wrought-iron gate, concentrating on the thump, thump of Magda’s stone heart talisman against my breastbone, the weight of it heavier and heavier with each step I took. It was the feel of it against my skin that centered me, kept me focused, in spite of my anger at the woman. Very soon, none of that would matter.

  The tangle of overgrown garden that had been an impenetrable maze when I was last here now was only a slight distraction. I wasn’t trying to escape. I wasn’t trying to steal anyone away. The Guardian would not hinder me from my return to Him.

  I was only halfway to the kitchen door when I was all but overwhelmed by the heavy scent of roses. I was really beginning to hate the fucking scent of roses. My stomach clenched fist tight, and for a moment I thought I would vomit. But I knew things now, things that even the Guardian didn’t. They might not make a difference in the end, but they did to me.

  I closed my eyes and thought of Michael sleeping in his bed in his lovely home with the sun coming up over the fells. I thought of crawling into bed next to him and breathing his clean, outdoorsy scent, rather than the cloying, funerary scent of roses. I thought of being folded in his arms, next to the strong, steady beat of his heart. Which would continue to beat when I was finished here. I thought of Michael alive and sleeping peacefully, and I found my voice. “I’m here. I’ve come back. Just like you knew I would.”

  Instantly I was embraced from behind, with such force and bodily presence that I had to glance over my shoulder to be certain there was no physical flesh.

  “I knew you would return to me, my little scribe.”

  The voice was summer heat against my ear, and I was reminded with the sudden tightening of my nipples beneath an invisible caress and the catch of my breath as my heart began to race, that no matter what magic Magda Gardener had woven around me, no matter what I had schemed and written on my Mac before I left High View, I was still horribly vulnerable, and I still wanted Him more than I ever wanted anything in my life. When He touched me I could barely remember my own name, let alone what I was supposed to do when the time came.

  I found myself wondering if maybe Magda and Michael were right to give me no more of a task than to lie down and spread my legs. That I could just about manage. More than likely I would have no choice anyway, at the end of the day.

  I took another deep, steadying breath as invisible lips kissed my ear and the nape of my neck, as a splayed hand rested low against my belly, pulling me back against an erection that felt flesh and blood real.

  “I had to,” I whispered. “I had to come back to plead for Annie’s safety, for that of my friends. Surely you knew that I would.”

  “Of course I knew that, my darling.”

  Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware that my jeans were open, and I leaned heavily against the broad chest at my back, shifting my hips to ease the path of His hand as He wriggled warm fingers down inside the waistband of my panties.

  “If you love me, as you say you do, then surely you can give me that. I’ve returned to you of my own free will, as you asked. Surely you can grant me that one simple request, the safety of those I love. Consider it a gift for your beloved. They’re nothing to you, after all. It’s only a little thing I ask.”

  The air moved around me in a sudden rush of wind, hot and rancid with the smell of burning garbage.

  “You understand, of course,” He said, “that you would have saved those you love a lot of suffering if you had stayed with me to begin with.” The shrug of His body felt almost like a thrust. “Oh, I realize that you had no choice in the matter when you were abducted by that bitch, Magda Gardener, and the angel, but even that doesn’t fool me, my darling. I know well that you left willingly.

  “That you came back willingly is also a lie. You came back because of my threats to those you love.”

  “But I came back,” I said. “The vampire didn’t want me there any more than you did.”

  “The vampire, yes. He may be long dead, but his familiars all live and draw breath. He was wise to return you to me. Still,” there was another shrug of a thrust, and I realized to my horror that I was all but riding His hand as He slid it deep into my panties, “all I would have had to do, dear little scribe, was wait. In time you would have returned to me in desperation, just as all those who love me do. In time there would have been nothing Magda Gardener, the angel, nor the vampire and all his minions could have done to thwart your efforts to get back to me. In time there would have been nothing short of your death that would have kept you from me. And that I would have never allowed. So you see, you have nothing to bargain with.”

  A simple twitch of His fingers and I orgasmed, the heat of shame rising up my neck and burning my face even as I waited breathlessly for Him to bring me off again.

  “That I was impatient to have you back in my arms, that I was impatient to pleasure your body and have you pleasure mine—now that through my angel, I may have a body for you to pleasure—well, that is all that kept me from waiting for you until you came back to me of your own accord and threw yourself at my feet.”

  I don’t know how He managed it or how I missed it, but I found myself on the mattress in the windowless space Annie had prepared for me as a guestroom.

  “I would have you on the altar to celebrate your return, my love, as is fitting for my consort, but it is tainted with your friend’s lust for me. I would have it cleansed and purified before I have you there. For now, I shall ravish you here. I shall punish you and hurt you for playing the whore with the angel, who belongs to me as surely as you do. I shall make you suffer even as I love you, even as you beg me for more.” Invisible hands eased me down on the bed, and I braced myself, concentrating with what little of my wits was left to me on the weight of the stone between my breasts. “This shall be the place of your punishment, the place of your purification, and only when you are repentant and once again pure, shall I enter you on the high altar.”

  He pulled away suddenly and, for a second, I thought He had left me. “Where is the angel?” He asked.

  “Oh, he’ll be here soon enough,” I said, lying back on the pillow, cupping my breasts and thumbing my nipples, knowing if He were anything like most men, that would focus His attention quickly enough. “I wanted some time alone with you before he got here.” I ran my hand down to stroke myself between my legs, absently stroking. The scent in the air was suddenly spicy, like Christmas evergreen laced with sandalwood and cloves. “You’ve been inside him. You’ve possessed him, used his body.”

  “And I shall again. Do not try to deceive me, little one. He will come to me, and when he does, I promise once I’ve been inside him, possessed his body, there will be nothing you can do to persuade him to help your pathetic friends.”

  “Oh, I know he’ll come,” I said, nibbling on my lip and catching my breath as I played with myself. Even scared shitless as I was, it wasn’t hard to masturbate, even to bring myself to orgasm, when just being in His presence kept me only a hair’s breadth away. “It’s just that I want to know what it feels like too. You’ve never inhabited a woman’s flesh, have you? Or perhaps you can’t. Perhaps you can only inhabit men, maybe only angels. Have you ever possessed anyone other than Michael?”

  The scent of him became more strongly cloves and nutmeg. “Of course I may possess who I will, though most vessels are not strong enough to contain me for very long, and I am loath to use up a good lover too quickly.”

  “I’m not just any vessel. I’m a scribe, and you promised me when I freed you, you promised me what every scribe desires. Don’t you remember? You said you could give me the mind of God.” My breath hitched and I made a show of nibbling my lip, of moaning softly. Though in truth, it was hardly a show. It was just doing what I h
ad to do to keep from begging Him to fuck me.

  “As you so rudely reminded me, I am not a god.” There was just a tiny whiff of garbage among the fragrance of holiday spices.

  “You’re right. I was rude. I apologize.” Then I drifted off for a few seconds, caught up in my own lust. I think it might have been the thump of the stone heart against my breastbone that brought me back to myself with my thighs spread wide, knees bent, feet flat on the mattress. The air was rank with the scent of male heat, and I had the sense of Him on the bed with me, face between my thighs, watching with deep fascination, the dance and dart of my fingers.

  “It feels good.” The cloves and nutmeg scent peaked.

  “You have no idea,” I gasped, swallowing back the words in a little whimper and writhing against the mattress.

  “I hear that for women it is different. For women there are no limits to the number of times they may take their release… well, for women who are with mortal men, that is.”

  I nodded with another little whimper. In truth, if it weren’t for the thump, thump of Magda’s talisman constantly reminding me why I was there, I would have been lost in my own lust, groveling for Him to take me.

  “Please,” I begged. “I know you can do whatever you want, but you told me, that very first night when I released you from your prison, that you could show me the mind of God. Surely that had to mean you would possess me, take my body as your own, fill me with you, with your mind. Let me know what it is you feel, what you think, how you see the world, even if it’s just for a few minutes, even if it’s the last thing that will ever matter to me as myself before you take me over completely and I stop caring about anything but you. I’m not stupid. I know that’s what awaits me, no matter what you say. And, after all, I did release you.”

  “It is true, my little scribe, you did set me free—truly a feat no one else in a thousand years could accomplish. Therefore, what I have promised, I will perform.”

  I felt His palms move to the insides of my thighs and the intimate muscles of my body convulsed with anticipation.