The Everlasting Chapel

by Marilyn Cruise

  He must be thinking of all the things he can do and say to me to make me go off—hell, his eyes are ablaze with lust and desire—but he’s holding it all in, waiting patiently for me to make up my mind. If I do give him the green light, I have to be sure I’m ready. That will mean I will be giving him my trust again. All of it.

  And I know full well, I’m not ready to take that step. Yes you are! my body screams at me. The burn between my legs turns into a throb, and I feel the wetness in my panties. I lift my chin, press my hands to his rigid chest, and rise to my tiptoes. His chest rises and falls below my palms, and it reminds me of the staggered breaths he makes while he’s fucking me. Oh…

  He lowers his head, and our noses bump as or lips feather-lightly brush against each other. I’m panting, and he’s holding his breath. Oh, I need him to take me.

  He reaches around my waist with one arm, and tugs gently at my hair with the other so my head tilts backwards just a notch.

  “Goddammit, Scar. Say the words. Say them.” He leans his hips into mine, and I feel him hard and ready.

  Oh… “Shit, Michael. I need you. Please. Just…can we just…no commitment. Just…” I press my lips to his, putting in that kiss all the begging I can muster. But he doesn’t react the way I want. He slowly moves away from me, clamps his mouth shut, and breathes in and out several times.

  “What is it?” I ask, squeezing my inner thighs together to try and relieve my arousal.

  He stands aside. “Not until you are one hundred percent ready. I won’t let this moment become an instant gratification between us. That’s one of the places we screwed up before. And I don’t want another screwed up round, Scar.” He looks at me with all sincerity. “With you, I want forever.”

  That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, and I feel the tears burn in the back of my eyes. But even as beautiful as it is, and even as amazed as I am at his newfound self-control, the rejection stings. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

  “I know you’re not ready for that yet,” he says.

  “How would you know that?” I narrow my eyes at him.

  “I see the hesitation in your eyes. But until you are ready, may I continue to date you?”

  “You’re not making a very good impression on me if that’s what you want,” I say.

  “I don’t care to make a good impression. I want to make an everlasting one.”

  He really is serious about this. “So does this mean no sex until I’m ready?”

  “I believe we’ve already established that we’re compatible in that area, wouldn’t you agree?” He smirks.

  Boy is that ever true, but that’s beside the point. “You know, why do you always have to be the one in charge? Can’t you give up the control a little for once and let me take over?”

  “I did give you control. You tell me when you’re ready, and I’ll spread your legs wide apart and sink my cock into your tight pussy, thrusting into you so many times you’ll never want to kiss another man ever again. Not even to hurt me. It’s up to you.”

  “Stop talking like that,” I say.

  He gets a puzzled look on his face. “I’m sorry. Did I offend you?”

  “No, you’re freaking turning me on, okay! How am I supposed to come down from this?”

  “I’m sure you’ll find a way.”

  “But this isn’t fair!” I yell.

  “Why not?” he asks.

  “Because you’re setting up the rules!”

  “Do you have a new set of rules you would like to suggest?” He stares at me with a blank glare.

  “As a matter of fact I didn’t have time to come up with them in the past few seconds,” I retort.

  “Well, you might want to ask your date to take you home and then you can get to work on those rules. I’m sure he’s wondering where you are. Maybe he was even hoping he’d get lucky tonight. Hell, if you kissed me like that, I’d definitely think you had other things in mind.” There’s a sharp edge to his voice, and it makes me feel guilty now because I was trying to hurt Michael. But for some reason, I feel I have to defend Spencer.

  “He’s not like that,” I seethe.

  “Like what? A man who notices how fucking sexy you are, and who just by looking at you doesn’t get a hard-on?”

  I walk up to him, wind my arm up, and slap him as hard as I can across the face. It feels really good to finally get some of the frustration out, and for the moment, before the guilt sets in, which it will momentarily, I’m going to fully enjoy it.

  “You can go to hell!” I yell.

  “I’m already there, baby!”

  If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to kill him! Or make him fuck me. What is wrong with me?

  I swing the door open and storm back to the bar. When Spencer sees me, he smiles warmly. Why can’t Michael be a little more like him? Reasonable. Friendly. Easy to talk to. But then again I’m reminded of how little spark there is between Spencer and me. The only thing I have felt is when I kissed him, and that was nothing compared to what I feel when Michael just looks at or touches me.

  I signal to the bartender to bring me three more shots of tequila, and a few seconds later, I’m swigging them down.

  “Are you alright?” Spencer asks.

  “Can we go home? I’m not feeling all that well,” I say.

  “Of course,” he says, rising to his feet right away. We get our jackets, and head to the car.

  “I’m sorry I kissed you earlier. I mean, I don’t usually maul my dates like that,” I say once we’re on the road.

  He grins. “I rather liked it. You can do that to me anytime, anywhere,” he says. “But is something bothering you? You were gone for a while, and when you came back, you seemed pissed off at the world. I hope you aren’t regretting kissing me.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “If it was the kiss…” he starts.

  “I guess when you started dancing, and with the music and tequila…I shouldn’t have done it.”

  “Yeah, my dance moves usually have that effect on women.” He glances at me sideways and grins.

  His comment immediately puts me at ease and my lips widen into a smile. “Well, I just need to let you know that I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m sorry I overstepped my boundaries.”

  “Is that what this is about?” he asks.

  “It’s part of it,” I say, not wanting to get any further into the details. I’m still really turned on by what Michael said, and being alone with Spencer now, feeling the alcohol taking effect, this could be a big problem.

  “Listen, we don’t need to talk about commitment or anything. Let’s just be friends, and if benefits follow, then great. If not, that’s great, too.” He has stopped at a light and looks directly at me.

  It might be the alcohol, it might be how I hate Michael right now, but suddenly Spencer has become extremely attractive. And with how I feel at the moment, I really need someone to…

  No! I’m not a slut. I’m not a slut. I am not a slut. Dammit. I’m still so revved up from Michael that I don’t know how to come down. “No commitments?”

  “Not if you don’t want.” He glides a hand down my cheek. “Sex doesn’t have to be so serious, and one doesn’t have to be in a committed relationship to enjoy it. At least that’s my philosophy.”

  “Can we go back to your place?” I ask.

  “Are you…are you sure? I mean, I know you drank quite a bit back there. I absolutely don’t want to take advantage even if there are no commitments.” When I don’t say anything, he continues. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would be more than happy to pleasure you all through the night, but I need to make sure it doesn’t ruin our friendship. I don’t want to lose it or you.”

  “I’m buzzed, that’s all. And no, I won’t let it ruin our friendship as long as you won’t either.”

  “I won’t,” he says with a smile, biting the tip of his tongue. “I’ve had a lot of practic
e.”

  “Good,” I say. I need someone who can give me max pleasure and make me forget.

  8

  Once we arrive at Spencer’s bachelor pad apartment, the tequila is really making my head spin. On the ride over, I had some time to come down from the frenzy of need that Michael put me in and to think about what the hell I’m doing. My conclusion is this: I absolutely shouldn’t be dong this, but I also absolutely don’t give a shit right now. Forget tomorrow. Forget yesterday. All I want is to live in the moment, to be free, and to have a great orgasm with no strings attached. I deserve it after what I’ve gone through.

  Spencer lives on the top floor of a one hundred floor building, and has a garden on the roof. His place is nice, clean, and new, with white marble floors, a gourmet kitchen, an open floor plan, and a great view of the city.

  After hanging my coat up, he squeezes in behind me, wraps his arms around my waist, and leans his cheek against mine.

  “Are you still sure about this?” he whispers into my ear. “Because we could just watch a movie if you want.”

  A shiver of delight rushes through me, and I turn around to meet his intense, green eyes. Cupping his face with my hand, I say, “Yes, I’m sure.” I kick my wedges off, and stand a few inches below him. Michael is much taller, but Spencer definitely has more muscle on him.

  “Are you having second thoughts?” I ask.

  “Hell, no.” He gets a scheming smile on his lips. “Would you like a drink?”

  “Do you have any scotch or rum?” I ask.

  “Rum, coming right up,” he says. He goes over to the bar—yes, he has a bar in his apartment—and pours me a glass. He turns on Crazy Right Now and walks back to me, the mood immediately changing. Handing me the half-full glass, I stare at him. He doesn’t seem phased by my stare. I remember again how he used to be a stripper, and he’s probably used to girls drooling and ogling him.

  After he watches me down my drink, he pulls his shirt off, revealing a stunning chest, and a to-die-for six pack. Hell, there’s no fat anywhere, and I can see every single muscle on his upper body. I reach out and touch his chest, letting my fingers drag downward across each deep indent. His tan, silky skin turns to goose bumps beneath my fingertips.

  “You look amazing,” I say. He must really have been one of the club’s favorites. From the bulging biceps to the defined shoulders, to the deep lines in his abdomen that lead to the bulge in is pants, every part of him oozes sex.

  I feel my breaths quicken. Am I really going to do this? Can I go through with it? No commitment? Not even a desire for one? And when my heart belongs to someone else entirely? Not only can I, I must. I have to break this spell Michael has on me, the very one that is tearing me apart and keeping me from moving forward.

  “Are you sure you want this?” Spencer asks. “Because…”

  If he asks me that one more time, I’m going to slap him. Instead, I reach behind his head and draw him close to me, closing the space between our lips. For every kiss, the voice in my head that says I’m making a huge mistake grows stronger and stronger. I stuff it down, and instead focus on how firm his ass is and how hungry his arms are.

  The way he moves his hips, definitely turns me on. It’s more refined than what Michael does. Spencer’s hips have a smooth, controlled motion to them, and the way he touches me almost seems choreographed.

  He leads me into his bedroom while pulling off my tank top. I unhitch my bra, ease it off, and let it fall to the floor. I slide out of my black leather miniskirt, and shimmy out of it so I’m only standing in my panties.

  He takes a step back, his eyes scanning me up and down. His smile widens into an excited grin.

  “I have feeling we’re going to make each other very happy tonight,” he says.

  * * *

  I wake up to a hand softly stroking my cheek. At first, I think it’s Vivian, but when I hear a deep voice, I abruptly open my eyes.

  “Sleep well?” Spencer asks. He has a towel wrapped around his waist, and his blond hair is messy and wet.

  Then…holy crap. What did I do last night? And, shit…I’m naked! I pull the white silky sheets over me, although I realize it’s way too late for modesty.

  “I made you some breakfast. You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you’d like, but I have to get to work. There’s an emergency, and they need me at the hospital.” He lifts up a key. “These are for my blue Audi so you can get home. It’s parked in the basement parking garage in spot number sixty-nine.” He winks at me and I feel my cheeks heat up. “The door to the apartment will lock automatically, so you don’t have to worry about closing up.” He places the key on the white nightstand, kisses me on the forehead, and stands up. “I had a great time last night. I hope we can still be friends.”

  I rub my eyes, trying to remember exactly what did happen last night. Too much tequila, too much rum. I watch Spencer pull on his scrubs.

  “I won’t be back until very late. I hope you have a great day. Want to do lunch again tomorrow?” he says.

  I drive my elbow into the mattress and lean my head into my palm. “I’d love that.”

  Watching him move, he seems lighter and happier somehow. Me, however, I’m just putting up a façade and know the minute he leaves, I’ll start to second-guess what I did. Hell, I’m already second-guessing it.

  He sits down at the base of the bed and puts his shoes on, and the next thing I know he kisses my lips, and then he’s out the door.

  Falling back into the mattress, memories of last night flood my mind.

  The way he had been so attentive to my every need, asking me if I liked it. How gentle he’d been, his fingertips and lips skimming across every part of me, warming me up. Spencer’s breath turning hard as I struggled with his belt buckle. The passionate, desperate kisses in between. Spencer removing his pants as I fell into his bed laughing. The vibrator he’d suddenly produced and used…

  Oh, God. He used a hot pink vibrator on me and I had come several times! I grab a pillow and scream into it. Last night I hadn’t even blinked when he asked me if it was okay that he used it. Today…gosh, I can’t even think about it without giggling.

  …Spencer’s erection springing free as I tore off his boxers. My anticipation growing stronger as I took in the sight of him. Wrapping my fingers around his hardness. Plunging him into my mouth. His loud, sexy moans that vibrated through me. His hands caressing my face as I sucked hard. Laughing as he picked me up and gently shoved me onto the bed. The rip of foil, and him rolling on the condom. Him kneeling before me, his eyes wild with desire, my insides throbbing with need. The moment he had entered me. So gentle. So filling. So delicious.

  His kisses on my face as he held himself up on his elbows. Me wrapping my legs around him, telling him to go harder. Not hard enough. Him laughing, whispering for me to be patient as he warmed me up. Our thrusts coming together, slowly increasing in speed and intensity.

  My desire building. A moment where I closed my eyes and saw Michael’s face. Me burying the pain deep, deep down. Spencer’s moans bringing me back, his pants, grunts, and calling my name pushing me over the edge, so I found my release.

  Him collapsing on top of me—limp. Our breaths labored, competing against the R & B music in the background. Him kissing me one last time, telling me how wonderful it was for him, and how he hoped I enjoyed it. Me thinking hell, yes, I enjoyed it, but all his concern for me became a little annoying, and made me feel weak. Me collapsing into his arms, and quickly drifting off to sleep.

  I am not going to regret this. I am going to hold my head high, and not feel guilty for one second. The unfortunate thing is that when you have to tell yourself that you will not feel something, you already are feeling that exact emotion.

  But why should I feel guilty? I have no commitment to Michael and he hasn’t committed anything to me. Well, other than that he would wait for me. But in reality, I can’t trust that. Only time will tell, and until that time, I’m going to continue to live my l
ife.

  I slowly make my way into the shower, feeling delightfully sore and still slightly dizzy. Last night, Spencer had felt so gentle the entire time, and it had all been like a dream. Of course it could have been the tequila and rum in my system, but something tells me Spencer has had a lot of practice in the woman-pleasing department.

  I see the vibrator on the bathroom counter and laugh as I pick it up. God, I need to get me one of these.

  I have nothing to wear other than the mini skirt and tank top I wore last night, so I slip those on. When I get to Spencer’s kitchen, I see a plate of scrambled eggs and English muffins. I smile. He’s so thoughtful, and always a gentleman. A girl could get used to this type of treatment. But even as nice and wonderful as everything has been, I still can’t ignore the fact that I feel there’s something missing. Spencer definitely feels like a friend with amazing benefits type guy.

  Michael, however, is a lover.

  9

  I take the elevator down, and easily locate Spencer’s cobalt blue Audi in the parking garage. It’s so clean and shiny, I wonder if he just bought it. He’s going to let me drive this? I mean, I’m a pretty good driver. I haven’t had an accident since I backed into the principal’s car at the beginning of my senior year in high school. That was embarrassing, and everyone at school teased me about it the rest of the year. But Spencer’s really putting a lot of trust in me. It’s sweet. What does a car like this cost? A hundred grand? Well, I suppose once the check clears, if I wreck his car, buying him a new one won’t be an issue.

  I hop into the car, and start the engine. When I press on the gas pedal, it purrs like a kitten. Driving out of the parking garage, I hardly feel the bumps in the road, and the vehicle handles tight and shoots forward with the slightest push of the gas pedal.