by Lexi Banks
“Okay, well why don’t we start with a trip to the lake? It isn’t too far, and it’s supposed to be nice.”
“Sure, sounds good.” She laced her fingers through mine, sending electrical bolts right through me. “Let’s do it.”
I walked down the stairs of her apartment building, clinging tightly to me the entire time. Okay, so she was still blocking me out a little bit, her walls were still high, but we would be okay, I hoped...
The drive to the lake was a very quiet one. At least from my side of the car. Maddie filled up every second of silence with chatter, but if that was what she needed to do, then so be it. I would happily listen. Well, most of the time. Every so often, my brain would dart off and drift away into a state of panic, but I kept bringing it back.
That didn’t change much when we got there. In a way, I still felt like a little kid who didn’t know what to say to his best friend. I hadn’t changed anywhere near as much as I would have liked. I thought I’d grown up lots in all kinds of different ways. I assumed I was much better equipped to deal with life now but faced with an issue I couldn’t immediately solve, and I went right back to that silent and lost place. It sucked. I felt all weird and sad.
I wanted to apologize to Madison for being so useless but since anything sickness related had been carefully avoided all day long I didn’t want to be the one to break that trend. I needed to be good for her. Since we still hadn’t really established where we were relationship or friendship wise, I didn’t know the best way to comfort her.
“Hmm, thank goodness the sun is shining brightly,” she said while tossing her head back. “I love the warmth.”
Maddie twisted her neck towards me, almost as if she finally expected a response, so I did what I could. “Oh yeah, it’s great, isn’t it? I think I have that thing where the weather affects my mood. I’m always happy in the heat.”
Maddie laughed a much more genuine sound now. “Oh yeah, I’m sure you do. You always look miserable to me.”
I loved being teased by her, that had always been us. I knew how to act when it came to that side of things. That had been incorporated into our friendship and relationship too. “You aren’t too pleasant yourself, you know.”
She shoved me playfully, and I took it one step further and tumbled to the ground. Then I indicated for her to take a seat next to me. “Come on, let’s sit and soak up the heat for a while. Help me be happy for longer.”
She sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder while we gazed out over the water. Maddie fell into silence then, and I got the impression that I was finally getting more of the real her for a while. She couldn’t genuinely want to spend the whole day talking; I had to assume she was simply blocking out her thoughts.
I held my arm tightly around her and rubbed up and down her arm, hoping that the gesture was comforting. I had a feeling like she might talk soon, and I wanted to be there to listen to her when the time came around. My ears were wide open, my heart too. If I could solve even a single part of this problem, then I would. Anything at all.
ADMITTEDLY, THE DAY went really well. After the lake, we went to a nearby shopping mall to eat bad food from the court and to people watch for a while. That was something else we used to do as teenagers when we didn’t have enough money to go and see a movie. We made one up from the people surrounding us. It wasn’t always the most fun, but today we ended up laughing hysterically like crazy kids all over again.
After the mall, we took a stroll aimlessly around just talking about nothing in particular. I had plans to take her to the carnival in the next town over, but she didn’t seem to keen on the idea, so I just went with it. Today, it appeared that all Maddie wanted to do was chat nothing, which was fair enough.
“Let me know what you want to go back home,” I reminded her. “Or for something to eat.”
She screwed up her nose, clearly not keen on either of those plans. “Do you think maybe we could go to yours and get a take out? I don’t feel like being back at mine right now, I’ve spent too much time staring at the same four walls. And much as I’m hungry, I just don’t feel like being around loads of people if that’s okay?”
I could understand more why she hadn’t wanted to do many of the things I suggested. They all involved big crowds, and if that was an issue, then fair enough. “Sure, that sounds great to me.”
I took her towards the guy and indicated for her to sit in the passenger’s seat which she did willingly, then I slid in too. I handed her my cell phone while I brought the car to life to drive towards home.
“Call a takeaway place. Make an order. Hopefully, it’ll get there the same time as us.”
“Anything you fancy in particular?” she asked me while scrolling through some websites. “You got a hankering?”
“Whatever you want; I’m easy.” As long as I got to be with her, I didn’t mind. “I could eat anything.”
I barely even listened as she made a call in the end; I didn’t care what I’d eat. My mind was off wondering again, considering whether or not she’d want to stay. Of course, I wouldn’t try anything, that wasn’t what any of this was about, but I did want to hold her in my arms, to at least try to make her feel safe. Even if she was just my friend. I couldn’t ask her though, right now, she had all the control. I would do whatever she wanted to.
“Right, Chinese is on the way. I ordered what you like. I hope that’s okay.” I nodded. “Good and thank you again for today. It’s been amazing. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you sometimes. You’ve been great.”
“You won’t ever have to find out,” I assured her thoroughly. “I will always be there for you.”
I could feel the prickle of her eyes upon me, but I didn’t turn to look. I had the funny feeling that she needed to just look without me staring back at her. I had to keep my eyes on the road anyway. Of course, I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking, I needed to know how she felt inside, but it wasn’t the time to ask. Again. I would have to stay out in the dark for just a little while longer. I didn’t mind though, not for her.
“Oh look!” I pointed to the delivery car as we pulled up into my driveway. “He’s here already.”
I hopped out of the car and grabbed the phone while tossing a handful of dollar bills at him. I knew that Maddie would probably want to pay for the food but this day was all about her. I had to make her as happy as I could.
I guess I had the horrible feeling that everything would change for the worse once she got her results. I figured she might pull away and I would lose her. I’d lose the romantic relationship, the friendship, her... I couldn’t control that. I could try, but it wouldn’t be successful unless she wanted it too. If this was the last real day we spent together, I wanted it to be perfect; I needed her to go away with nothing but happy memories of me. I would only have wonderful memories of her. I’d spend the rest of my life thinking about her lilting laugh, her kind nature, the way she always put others first, the inner strength she had, the way that she’d always put others first.
I turned back to look at Maddie with that sad little thought racing through my brain. She had her eyes glazed over as she stared off into the distance, dreaming about something... well not something, I could guess what. She looked so beautifully broken, so tragically gorgeous, and all I wanted to do was hold her. I adored her; I really did love her. Maybe it was time to finally just tell her that once and for all. The words I love you shouldn’t be so hard to say, but with Maddie, they felt damn near impossible. I could just... blurt them out, heat of the moment.
Urgh, or maybe that would only make her feel worse. Who the hell knew anymore?
“Maddie?” I called out. “Are you ready to come in? The food is getting cold out here.”
She snapped back into the present moment and remembered herself. A grin spread across her lips as she realized I was giving her that look. “Oh, right sure, of course. I’m on my way. Sorry, I drifted off there.”
I extended my hand to her
, and she took it, then I pulled her inside. I still had work to do, time to make her happy.
Chapter 26 – Madison
Saturday
“Thank you for dinner,” I said with a coy smile. “That was really nice. I would’ve paid. You know that, right?”
Parker rolled his eyes and chuckled at me. “I know, but I wanted to buy it for you. I can treat you sometimes.”
There was something intense sizzling between us; it had been building for a while now. I had felt a little odd all day long like I couldn’t quite settle doing anything, but now in his home, I felt much more like myself. It was almost as if there had been a pressure on me to behave in a certain way in public, I had to act like I was fine, but now I could just be myself... and the funny thing was, I felt more like myself than before. With just Parker, I could be okay.
I hadn’t been sure for a little while now what would happen between Parker and me. With everything else going on around us, it had been put to the back of my mind. We still acted a little more than just friends with all the hand-holding and hugging, but there hadn’t been anything more romantic between us to confirm that we were still... well, dating, I suppose. It could have gone either way. But now, I could feel that intense chemistry burning bright again. We couldn’t be ‘just’ friends, not anymore. There would always be something between us.
I ran my eyes up and down his body, enjoying the tingles that raced through me as I did. Maybe this wasn’t the best time in the world to get turned on, but I couldn’t exactly help it. Plus, Tina did tell me to keep myself distracted... what could take my mind off my situation more than exploring the body of this amazing man?
I raked my ragged tongue along my lips as I thought about it. My mouth yearned to taste him, to kiss him, to lick him all over, and it was getting increasingly strong by the moment. The urge became uncontrollable. It transformed into a powerful craving, one that pulsed desperately in my panties. I was turning into an animal.
“So, what do you want to do now?” Parker asked, completely unaware of the current state of my body. “Did you want to watch a movie or something? Or if you need a ride back home, I can make that happen too?”
I shook my head and smirked. “No,” I replied raggedly. “I don’t want to go anywhere.”
I sidled along closer to him hoping he’d feel the burning electricity crackling all over me. It felt like it was flying off of me, burning and buzzing loudly. If he couldn’t feel it, that had to be on purpose. I could feel myself practically screaming the word ‘sex.’ I wanted him, I needed him, I would die if I didn’t get to have him soon.
“I’m quite happy, right where I am.” I wiggled my eyebrows and his face tinged with color. “If you don’t mind.”
I leaned in and hooked my arm around the back of his neck, and just before I dragged him to me for a kiss, I rested my forehead on his and stared into the depth of his soul through the windows in his eyes. I loved just looking at Parker, I enjoyed seeing him through this brand new light, it filled me with such intense glee, I almost burst.
“You look beautiful,” Parker told me in quite an intense tone. “You always look absolutely stunning.”
I gave up holding on then, and I crashed my lips against his finally getting what I wanted once more. My body flooded with the familiarity of him, he just felt so good. Kissing him was really something else. The kiss quickly deepened and became far more intense. The deep passion flowed between us; his hot tongue set me on fire, already all the problems I currently suffered dissolved from my brain. I switched off my thoughts and became a slave to the sensations instead. That was way more fun. I truly enjoyed myself for the first time since I found out.
Parker pushed me backward until I lay across his couch and he climbed up over me, hovering above me. I reached up to grab him, to hold onto him while he kissed me again. His hands moved all over me, he touched me everywhere, slowly sliding my trousers down and hitching my top up. But he carefully avoided the one place which would have shriveled all of my desire up. He seemed to understand that my breasts were out of bounds so he couldn’t accidentally touch my lump. Thank God, because that would utterly destroy me. I spent so much time touching it myself, praying that it wasn’t going to be the thing that killed me, even though it probably would.
I shuffled and shimmied out of my trousers, allowing my panties to fly out the way too, then I gripped the couch cushions underneath me, and I tossed my head back in sheer ecstasy while he started to move his mouth down over my torso all the way to where my body screamed out for him. I rolled my hips towards him, begging him to touch me. He gripped onto my thighs and fixed me in place while he kissed me dangerously close to my core.
“Oh fuck!” The expletive flew past my lips as he kissed me right on my clit. He clamped his mouth around my nub and sucked and flicked his tongue all over it. The tantalizing pleasure set me on fire. It was intense, almost overwhelmingly so, and my hips kept bucking in response. One of his fingers lightly brushed against my wet slit until eventually, he slipped it inside, sending my head spinning right up into the stars. “Oh God, Parker.”
His tongue explored me everywhere. For a while, it alternated between tracing patterns over my hypersensitive clit and plunging deep into me. He massaged me, warmed me up, built a deep pressure; I absolutely loved it. I grunted, I gasped, I panted, all kinds of crazy guttural noises flew out of my mouth, I sounded like an animal.
“Do you like that?” he murmured, allowing the base of his voice and his breath to tickle me.
“Oh God, you have no idea how much.” I knotted my fingers up in his hair. “It feels wonderful.”
The rolling of his tongue became more vigorous, more intense, and it tipped me wildly over the edge. An orgasm exploded through my body, I buckled, crumbled, and writhed under the weight of it. It truly was something else. It left my body hot, sticky, and flushed all over. My heart pounded with bliss; I didn’t want it to end.
Luckily, Parker seemed to get that, and it was only a split second later that he was inside of me, causing the pleasure to last even longer. It totally consumed me; I couldn’t believe that I was already on fire again. I clung to him and wrapped my legs tightly around his back while another orgasm shattered me. It absolutely consumed me. It buzzed, it burned, my eyes couldn’t pry open however hard I tried. I was lost, I’d fallen into the wonderful, wonderous sensations. No one would ever make me feel as phenomenal as him. He was different, special, amazing.
This time, Parker kissed me, so all of my screams flew into his throat. That moment of intense connection was everything, it reminded me how much I adored him, how much I’d been falling for him the entire time...
“Oh, wow, Maddie!” Parker gushed desperately as his whole body stiffened. The pleasure had built in him too, and it was about to break free. I controlled his movements with my ankles hard and fast because we didn’t have enough space to flip him onto his back. Not unless we wanted to crash painfully to the floor. “Oh, shit, I...”
I loved the feeling of him shuddering above me; it was powerful, it made me feel so special, it reminded me that I wasn’t in this crazy journey by myself. He had tipped over the invisible barrier too. However crazy it was, we were in this together, journeying down this awesome, terrifying, confusing path...
“Wow, that was really something,” I gasped as we collapsed next to one another panting. “That felt amazing.” I turned to my side to make more room for him on the couch next to me. “Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done for me today. That was really something. I know none of this must be easy for you.”
“It’s honestly fine, like I said I would do anything for you. I don’t feel like I did much though.”
“You were with me.” I took his hand in mine. “That was enough. I just needed something different today.”
“You still want to do something now, or are you happy to go to bed? I’m easy with whatever.”
Exhaustion rolled through me, and I tipped my head backward. “Ple
ase, take me to bed. I need sleep.”
He whipped me up into the air and carried me like a fireman rescuing me from the flames. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and leaned into him happily. He made me feel amazing. As he carried me through his home, I honestly felt like he had zapped all the energy from me and I’d be asleep in a heartbeat. My brain had switched off; my body felt drained, I didn’t have anything else keeping me going... or so I thought.
In reality, when I lay down across the bed, my mind snapped back to life, and all the thoughts whirred. Everything that I’d been pushing to the back of my mind all day long came back with a vengeance and hit me like a thump in the face. While Parker drifted into a blissful looking sleep, I became more alert than ever before. It was a nightmare. The doctor’s face filled my mind, the worried look I felt certain was there when he looked at the lump on my chest, and I tried to prepare myself for how it might feel when he finally told me that I was done. I couldn’t be strong then, I just knew I’d fall apart, and it would hurt like hell. I could almost feel myself shrinking in on myself already.
Sorry, Mom, I thought while looking up towards the sky. I honestly don’t know how you did it. I’m so impressed. I wish I could have been older so I could support you better. I don’t know if I did the best job I could.
I thought about it, wondering if I’d acted selfishly. There were probably times that I had because I was a teen through lots of it and I felt bad now. If I’d known, I would have acted much better. I knew this would have been even more challenging if I had someone relying on me, someone who needed me around, someone like Parker...
I glanced down at where he slept, watching him taking in calm, peaceful breaths and I felt bad for him all over again. He kept saying that he wanted to be there for me, to support me, to help me in whatever way I needed, but I wasn’t sure he knew what he was getting himself in for. He’d only seen my mom from a distance.