by T A. McKay
“Noah, every job has its stresses. You just need to learn how to cope with it properly.” And there you have it. The job is more important than me. When I told Madison about the incident she went crazy. She was so scared that she would lose me, and angry that I hadn't told her. Rocco had been mad as hell, the fact I kept it from him making him pissing him off. Nothing like that from Judi. No worry that her fiancé thought he was dying, no panic that she might have lost me, and absolutely no anger that I never told her. Nothing. Just the advice to learn to cope with the stress.
“I'm glad the job is more important than I am Judi.” I stand and walk towards the door to go back into the house.
“I didn't mean it that way. You know I'm happy you’re okay.” She places her hand on my arm, trying to show me cares but I'm just not fooled. This is the wake-up call that I’ve needed, the proof of what my life is actually about now. I look down at her hand on my arm, feeling the urge to pull away from her touch.
“Just take your time, Noah. I know when people find out you’re a free agent you will have job offers coming from every company. People think very highly of you.” She never listens. I wish I could open my heart to her and let her know my plans, let her know how I’m feeling deep inside, but I can't. The only person I want to talk to, the only person who knows me better than anyone is the one person that I managed to chase away ... again.
I seem to spend my life hurting Madison. I don't know why because she is the only person other than my family that I care about, but I just can't seem to stop. In high school I knew I had broken her heart. I had taken the one thing she could have given to anyone, the one thing that she will never be able to give to anyone else. I was her first, she had never hidden that from me, and I’d been more than willing for her to be ready to take that step, but when she did I ripped out her heart by having sex with someone else. The fact that she forgave me enough after that to still be my friend after that meant everything to me, but there is no way she will ever forgive me again. I blew my chance of happiness, now I just have to live with the consequences.
“Yeah, we will wait and see. Wouldn't want you to marry someone who is unemployed.” I walk away without waiting on an answer, I really don't have any interest in what she says.
Madison
I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Yeah, it’s as bad as I thought it would be. It’s been ten days, three hours and forty two minutes since I last saw Noah, and its been seven days, twelve hours and twenty two minutes since I last spoke to him. Even when we’ve both been busy, we’ve never gone without texting each other at least once a day. Noah’s been texting me, but I haven’t answered him, I just can’t. I don’t know what to say to him, it hurts too much to think about. His texts are getting fewer now, and I’m confused by how I should feel. Just after I called he was sending a few messages an hour, trying to get me to speak to him, but the last few days they have almost stopped. I thought that would make me happy but it broke my heart all over again. I was telling him the truth when I said I couldn't watch him with Judi anymore, but the drink had made me say more than I should have. I was angry so I refused to answer his texts, but at least I knew he was still there, still trying to talk to me. With his texts stopping I'm scared he actually listened to what I told him and is stopping all contact.
I apply some concealer under my eyes, trying to hide the very obvious dark circles. I'm not sure what is causing the circles more, the fact I can’t stop crying or that I’m struggling to get any sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see Noah hovering over me, I remember the feel of his hands on my body, his lips kissing mine. Even in my memories it was the best experience of my life. When we were young we had sex a few times but it was never like the other night. Age, experience and the man that Noah’s become made it something I will never get over. Every man I’m with in the future will be compared to him and even though I know it’s not fair, I don't think anyone will ever live up to his memory.
I give up on trying to make myself look presentable. The girls at work have already noticed how bad I look. Tash has been pestering me for days, worrying over me like a mother hen. I love her so much for it, there would have been no way I would have been able to eate the last few days if she hadn't forced me to. I have lost the ability to care about anything. I go to work, come home, change into comfy clothes and spend the night thinking about Noah and crying until I fall into a few hours of fitful sleep. I’ve been tempted to call him, to see how he is. I know I’m being a lousy friend, that with everything he’s going through he needs me more than ever just now, but I just can't. Not with knowing he left my bed to run back to her, that he thought being with me was a mistake, that hurt more than anything. I know we’ve been here before. When he cheated on me in high school it hurt, I didn't think I would ever get over it, but we were both young silly kids. We all do things we regret and he was a hormonal teenage boy, but this time it hurts more than I thought it could. We’re both adults and I thought he felt the same. When we were together it was like someone had finally turned the lights on in a dark room, he lit up my body without even trying. The way he looked at me, his eyes full of what I thought was love, was something out of my dreams. He obviously didn't feel it though, making me finally come to my senses and realise we will never be anything more than friends, if we are ever that again.
****
It’s been a very long day. There has been client after client, not giving me a chance to stop. I was all set to go home hours ago when one of my regulars called me in tears. She had tried to dye her hair at home and it had gone terribly wrong. I had to stay and try to fix it for her, even if it’s nearly ten o'clock and I'm just locking up the salon now. I laugh when I remember how bad Clara’s hair had been. She has tried to go blonde but she had only managed to give herself an awesome green colour, she looked like the Grinch when she walked in.
I pull my jacket around me as I make my way down the street, the night is chilly and I have a bit of a walk. I didn't manage to get a parking space in front of work, meaning I had to leave my car in the car park I hate. I don't usually worry about it but I'm not usually finished so late. It’s getting dark and I know the pathway leading to the car park isn't lit, meaning I’ll be walking there in the complete darkness. I contemplate calling a taxi to take me home, not wanting to go there by myself, but I scold myself for being a wimp. It’s a two-minute walk up the pathway and then I will be safely in my car on my way home. I think of Noah, wondering what he would say if he knew this was about to happen. He would go crazy, telling me how stupid I am for parking there. He hates me leaving my car there, always worried that if anything happened no one would know, no one would be there to help me. Well he won’t find out now will he? It’s funny how that thought doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me realise how much I miss him, and how scared I am that I might never speak to him again.
I turn into the dark path, so caught up in my own head that I don't even see the danger until it’s too late. I walk out of walkway and make my way across the car park, wondering if I should call Noah. Maybe we can get passed this, we managed it before so we should be able to again. I just miss him so much, this time without him is stupid and doing nothing but hurting. My thoughts are cut short when an arm works its way around my waist and a gloved hand covers my mouth, cutting my the panicked gasp, I try to scream but the hand stops any noise from leaving my body, leaving me whimpering into the glove. I’m lifted off the ground and dragged backwards, moving me to a darker part of the car park. I try to fight, using my hands to try and pry the hands off me but the grip is just too strong, there is no way to make them move. I kick my legs, trying to make contact with anything but it’s useless. The hand over my mouth presses harder, making my head tilt back until I'm looking at the sky. Tears start running down my cheeks, and I will myself not to panic, to try and calm down and think of how to get out of this. I try to tell myself that I’ll be fine, but I won’t be fine, there is no way this can end well.
“Stop f
ighting me.” The voice is low and dangerous sounding in my ear, making me instantly stop fighting. I close my eyes and make a silent plea for Noah, I need him now more than ever and I chased him away. If he was here he would know what to do, he would save me from what is about to happen.
“Just play nice and you’ll be fine. I just want your car, so hand over the keys and you can walk away.” A sense of relief floods through my body and I pray he’s telling the truth. I nod my head, hoping he realises I'm saying that I’ll let him take it. He must as his hands slacken from around my body and my feet are placed on the ground again. I take deep gasping breaths into my lungs, suddenly noticing how hard it was to breathe with his hand over my mouth. It takes me a minute to realise that he has let go of me completely, I don't know what makes me do it but I run. I let out a scream and take off across the car park, or that’s the plan that I had worked out in my head. I don't make it very before I am grabbed by the hair and pulled back towards the darkness again. My hands grab at the hand there, trying to ease the pain that’s radiating through my scalp. My body is turned and I come face to face with a very pissed off guy. I’ve never seen him before, I know I would remember if I had because he has the kind of face you would never forget. There’s a scar running from the inside of his nose, across his cheek and part of his ear is missing. No, there would be no way to forget him and I'm pretty sure I’ll see him in my nightmares for years to come.
“You stupid bitch.” I just managed to register his words when his fist connects with my face. Pain explodes through my cheek and my knees give out, connecting roughly with the cement ground. There are bright white lights flashing across my vision. I’ve never felt pain like this before and it makes me want to vomit.
“You should have just given me your keys! Fuck!” I hear the hate in his voice, the anger behind every single word, it’s the last thing I hear and his fist connects with my face again and the world goes dark.
Chapter Eleven
Noah
I hear my mobile phone ringing while I'm in the shower. I think about getting out to answer it but I need to get ready for this stupid awards dinner I have to go to tonight. They’re giving out awards to rich ladies for doing charity work in the local area, basically it means there was a cheque written that was big enough to be noticed. These things drive me insane. Having to spend the night chatting to a bunch of over privileged daddy’s little girls who’ve never spent one day of their lives working hard for anything. This is all about who is important and who’s the best dressed.
Add into that the problems that I’ve been having with Judi and it’s the last place I want to be. I don't know if I can be pleasant when I feel so distant from everything. I haven't actually spoken to Judi for two days, other than her to tell me my tuxedo had arrived. I’ve been trying, and thankfully succeeding in avoiding her. Since I lost my job and we had our chat, I just don't know what to say to her. She has no interest in my happiness and recently I have no interest in hers. We are basically going through the motions now, trying to pretend to the outside world that we’re this happy couple. I know she feels it too as she has been more absent from the house than normal. I’m pretty sure she is spending all her time with Adam. I’ve heard from her that he has picked up a few of the accounts that had been mine and all I can think is that makes him almost perfect for her.
The thing that shocks me the most is that I really don't care. My fiancé is probably sleeping with another man, making sure she has someone to fall back on when she leaves me, and I just don’t have the energy to do something about it. I think she’s only hanging around to see what job I take, make the decision on who to be with once that happens. She can't possibly go with Adam only to find out I have a great new job.
Turning off the shower I hear my mobile ring again. I grab a towel from the hanger, wrapping it around my waist as I make my way to the door that is standing ajar. I’m just about to open the door fully when I hear Judi talking. The fact she’s answered my phone pisses me off, but the tone of her voice makes me stop and listen.
“What?” I wonder who’s calling me that makes her have an attitude like she does. She’s always polite to everyone we’re around, she wants to be known as that amazing person who loves everyone.
“No, Madison, he can't come to the phone.” What the hell? My anger starts boil inside me, who the fuck is she to tell Madison she can't speak to me? I wouldn't normally get so angry about it but I haven't spoken to Madison in over a week, and now she finally gets in contact Judi tells her no. I pull open the door and make my way towards Judi. She’s facing away from me and hasn't noticed that I’m behind her as she continues.
“I don't care how much you need him. He is my fiancé and we’re going out. Why don't you go and find some other woman’s man to need. Maybe she would be happy to share because I won’t share him with you. you need to realise this before you embarrass yourself.” No. She didn't just say all that to Madison. My temper is almost at boiling over point as I grab the phone out of her hand. She lets out a squeal and spins around to look at me, the look on her face is a mixture of guilt and surprise. She looks like she is about to say something, so I hold my hand up silencing her. It’s safer if she doesn't talk, there’s nothing that she can say that will change anything.
“Don't, Judi. Just don't.” I walk away from her and put my mobile to my ear. What I hear has my stomach clenching and my heart stuttering.
“Madison, what's wrong?” I can't stand hearing her cry, especially when she’s so far away. My anger at Judi intensifies as I listen to Madison trying to calm down enough to speak. She knew she was upset and still she treated her like shit.
“Madison, please. Tell me what’s wrong, Angel, I'm worried.” She takes some deep breaths and says words that shatter my entire world.
“I was attacked. I need you, Noah.” Seven words. All it took were seven words to stop my world from spinning. Attacked. Someone put their hands on my Madison.
“Are you safe?” I try to keep my voice gentle, but in truth I want to punch something in pure anger.
“Yes. I'm at home, the police just left. I just… I just need you.” As simple as that, my priorities change. Nothing comes before Madison. Nothing.
“Lock your door and don't answer for anyone but me. I'm leaving now and I’ll be there soon.” Her crying is the last thing I hear as I hang up. I don't want to leave her to cry but I need to get to her as quickly as possible.
After changing quickly back into the jeans and shirt that I had taken off before my shower, I grab my toiletries bag on my way out of the bathroom, walking straight past Judi. I make my way towards the walk-in wardrobe to pack a bag and I can hear her following behind me. I don't say anything to her, too scared of what I might say or do. I can't believe she heard Madison cry like that and still didn't get me straight away. Who does that to someone, even if they weren't best friends, she should still have known something was wrong. It could have been anything, what if it had been an accident, what if it had been about Rocco? That thought has my stomach churning. The memory of the call that came after Rocco’s accident flooding into my mind. The panic in my mum's voice as she told me that I needed to hurry home, that they didn't even know if he was alive. I close my eyes against the memory, trying to focus on the now. Everyone is alive, but not fine. I need to get to Madison.
“What are you doing, Noah?” I keep packing the bag I grabbed. I need to get at least a weeks worth of clothes, I don't plan to come back here before Madison’s ready for me to leave. If I'm longer than a week then I will just have to wash them. I try to ignore Judi, I have no interest in talking to her.
“Noah! I’m talking to you.” I close my eyes and grind my teeth, doing anything I can not to shout everything I'm feeling at her. She grabs my shoulder and turns me around to look at her. Wrong move, and she knows it when she steps back from me, my anger obviously showing in my face.
“What, Judi, what do you want?” I’m trying so hard to keep my voice calm but I can
feel my whole body tighten, strung tight with unreleased anger.
“I want to know what you're doing, why are you packing a bag?” I turn and finish packing my bag, closing the zip. I make my way out of the wardrobe, past Judi and towards the stairs.
“Noah! I demand you tell me what you’re doing.” I stop just inside the door and turn to face the woman I once thought I loved, the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
“I’m leaving. I'm going to Madison, she needs me and I need to get to her. I don't know when I’ll be back.” I turn to walk away, tired of talking to her but she rushes past so she’s standing in front of me, blocking the hall.
“What do you mean you're leaving?” I look her straight in the eye, making sure she can see that I'm not messing about. I need to deal with this quickly.
“Madison needs me. That’s why she was calling. You know the crying you heard? That was her needing me.” I watch as her face reddens, but I don't know if its from anger or guilt.
“Well I need you. This is a very important night for me, I need you with me.” I know why she needs me tonight, she can't turn up without her handsome, successful fiancé on her arm. To turn up on her own would never be acceptable. It’s amazing how clearly I can see it all now. All the time we have been together she never really cared about anything but herself and how people see her.
“I’m sorry, Judi. I have to say that I really couldn’t give a shit about what you need. I'm going to Madison and nothing will stop me.” The colour drains from her face and her mouth drops open. I walk around her and head down the stairs. This is taking too long, I need to get on the road. The drive will take longer than I would like and I want to get there as soon as possible. I hear her heels on the stairs as she rushes down after me, trying to cut me off before I reach the front door.