by T A. McKay
“Wait, why are you here so early, Noah? Did I interrupt something?” I can hear the joy in Tash’s voice, the hope that she has in fact walked in on some gossip worthy situation. She’s my best friend, but I swear sometimes I just want to wring her neck. Tash is the one person who knows how I feel about Noah, I know she thinks she’s helping but she really isn’t. I hear Noah laugh before feeling his body close by me. I look at him out of the corner of my eye, leaning against the unit next to me, his arms crossed over his chest. I know the moment is wrong, but the only thought I have is reaching out and licking him.
“Sorry, Tash. No juicy gossip here. We slept in, we were at the hospital last night until really late, Mason’s baby arrived.” I’m thankful that he’s still so composed. I know if I had tried to explain what was happening here I would have made us look guilty. Tash squeals, making me close my eyes. She is so loud, I swear she could break glass.
“Oh my god, they had their baby. What did they have? Are they all okay? I take it this means Mason is definitely off the market then?” I stand and listen to Noah and Tash talk while I make coffee for us all, taking it over to the table where Tash is sitting. Noah follows me over and sits next to me, so close that I can feel the heat from his body on my arm. It’s like he’s trying to make me suffer, there’s no way I can control my body when he’s so close, especially after this morning.
I hear my phone ringing in my room. I run quickly to answer it but I don’t recognise the number on the screen so I don’t answer. I hate getting cold calls and avoid them at all costs. I’m walking back into the kitchen with it in my hand when it rings again. It’s the same number as before. I don’t know if I should answer it, maybe its important.
“Are you gonna answer that?” I look at Noah, scrunching up my nose.
“I don’t know the number and I'm really not in the mood for someone to try and sell me double glazing.” Tash is out her seat before I have time to blink.
“Answer it … answer it, Madison. It’s Lex from the salon, he came in the other day looking for you. I gave him your number, I knew you wouldn’t mind. He wants to take you out on a date.” She’s jumping up and down next to me, squealing with excitement but I only notice Noah. He sits up suddenly, his hand wrapping tighter around his coffee mug. He turns and his eyes connect with mine and if I didn’t know better I would say that I can see hurt in them. He gets up from the table and goes to walk past me, but not before I hear his words.
“I will leave you to your phone call, you wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.” Why is it that those words hurt so much?
Noah
I sit in my car outside the garage trying to calm down. I have been in a pissy mood since this morning when Madison took that call. I know I have no right to be jealous but I just can’t help it. The thought of someone else coming into the picture never even entered my mind, I thought I would be able to take my time and show her what she means to me. Now I need to go into competition with someone I don’t even know.
I'm startled out of my thoughts by a knock on my car window. I turn to see Rocco walking towards the main garage door. I let out a deep breath, trying to improve my mood before getting out my car and following him in. I'm not here to work today, but we need to get some paperwork sorted to get me included in the partnership. I should be feeling excited, this has been a dream for so long and it’s about to happen, but the only thing I can focus on is Madison.
I close the office door behind me and sit heavily in the chair in front of Rocco’s desk. He looks at me with his eyebrows raised.
“Oh, so we have cheery Noah today. Want to talk about it?” Do I? What I actually want to is go and find this Lex and knock him out. Tell him to keep his hands off my woman. I laugh at myself, the image of me going caveman on Madison running through my head. My silence is obviously all Rocco needs to guess where my mind is today.
“Ah, so there’s trouble in paradise? Did you and Madison fall into bed again?” He has a cocky smile on his face and I'm tempted to walk around the desk and smack it off. He has this unique ability of finding exactly what’s bugging me and using it as ammunition to annoy me.
“No we didn’t fall into bed together, well actually we did but it was just sleeping.” I wonder if I should tell him what happened this morning when we woke up. When I had woken from the most perfect dream where I was with her, feeling her sexy little body in my arms, her breasts filling my hands. Only when I woke up it had actually been happening, she was there and the little noises coming from her made it clear she wanted to be there. I'm not sure what would have happened if Tash hadn’t come to the door, but I know I wouldn’t have been the one to stop it.
“I'm pissed because she is going out on a date with some jerk.” I'm obviously not planning on telling him how bad my will power is.
“Why does she need to go out with someone? If she wants to go out and eat I can take her.” Could I sound any more like a kid who didn’t get his own way? I'm not proud at the moment but I don’t care, she’s mine and I wish I had the balls to tell her.
“Ah, I get it now. It’s the whole ‘I don’t want her but no one else can have her’ thing. I get it, you were never good at sharing your toys.” Yeah, Rocco’s going to get a beating before I leave this office today.
“She isn’t my fucking toy that I won’t share! You know what I feel for her. I love her, Rocco.” A balled up piece of paper flies across the table and hits me square in the forehead.
“Damn, how is it possible to be related to someone so stupid. Try telling her how you feel, then maybe she might not feel the need to date other men. You can’t blame her for wanting someone to love her and if it’s not you then she will find someone else.” I hate that he’s right. I know he is, I need to man up and tell Madison I love her. I'm just scared she won’t feel the same and I will ruin a perfectly good relationship for nothing.
“That’s easier said than done, Rocco. We have an amazing friendship, what happens when she doesn’t feel the same but I’ve told her exactly how I'm feeling.” Rocco starts laughing, not a small little chuckle, a full on belly laugh that brings tears to his eyes. He grabs his stomach and doubles over, almost disappearing behind the desk.
“Laugh it up fucker. Just remember when it was you falling for Makenzie, I think you felt the same way.” I remember those calls from him. He was desperate to tell her how he felt but he was far too scared to do it.
“Oh I know, that’s why you know what I'm about to say is the truth. Madison loves you.” I don’t know what to say, every dream I’ve had is her loving me. How does he know though, has she spoken to him?
“Wow, you have it bad don’t you, brother? Do you honestly not know this? The girl has loved you since high school, nothing has ever changed her feelings. Not even when you treated her like shit.” I cringe with the memories of when we broke up, how we broke up. One day I might not get that shit thrown back in my face all the time … maybe.
“I know I fucked up, but give me a break. I was seventeen, I was only thinking with my dick, and a very drunk dick at that. That’s why I know, no matter how much I wish it was true, Madison doesn’t love me.” I can almost feel my heart stop in my chest. It’s mourning for the love that I will never have.
“You really believe that don’t you? That girl is fucking crazy for you. She looks at you as though you’re her Prince Charming. When you’re in a room no one else exists, there’s only you. God, Noah, get your head out of your arse and wake up. Tell her how you feel, I promise you that she will tell you the same thing.” Could he be right? God, I'm so confused. I thought getting rid of Judi would make things simple, that everything would just fall into place and be perfect. Not once did I think that I would have to fight for the woman I love.
“I don’t know, Rocco. I'm just scared of fucking up again. Every time I seem to show her how I really feel I end up hurting her. The last time we were together I didn’t exactly deal with it well.” I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. All this
is making my head hurt. I just need to go with the flow and see where it goes. If she is going out on dates then its obvious she doesn’t want me.
“Fuck it.” I get up from the chair and make my way across Rocco’s office to the coffee maker and start making a pot.
“Want a coffee?” I hear Rocco say yes from behind me so I grab two cups from the self above the coffee machine. I'm just waiting on the coffee percolating when I hear my phone go, indicating I have a new message. I pull it from my pocket and see that it’s from Madison.
Hope you’re getting everything sorted. I won’t be here when you get home, going to have a girl’s night with Tash. See you tomorrow. X
Maybe it’s for the best to have a little time apart. A few days to sort out what we’re feeling. With that decision made I text her back.
That’s ok. I’m going to go back to London. I need to sort the house out and pack. I will only be a few days and I will see you when I get back. X
I feel better knowing I will have a little time to think about what is going on in my head. If I saw her tonight I'm not sure what would happen but I don’t think it would be anything good. I don’t want to say or do anything I can’t take back. My mobile beeps again and I look at it.
Oh. You didn’t mention that, but I suppose you want to get it sorted before you start at the garage. Let me know when you arrive safe. See you soon. X
I put my phone back in my pocket and fill the two cups with coffee. I walk back over to Rocco’s desk, determined to get this finished as quickly as possible. The drive to London is a long one and I don’t want to be driving all night.
Chapter Fifteen
Madison
He left? I knew he needed to go back to get things sorted so he can move, but he hadn’t mentioned going back so soon. I should be happy, the only reason I decided to stay with Tash tonight is so I can clear my head and try to work out what’s happening between us. This just feels like he’s running away from me, like he needs to put distance between us.
Tash walks back into her living room carrying two glasses of wine.
“Here, you look like you could use this.” She passes me the glass and I take a grateful drink. I put my feet up on the small table in front of me and groan.
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad. We barely visited any shops.” I look at her with utter disbelief. We had spent the afternoon shopping and to say that Tash is a shopping pro is underestimating her. She had dragged me around what felt like a thousand shops, trying on hundreds of different outfits. We spent more time than I would’ve liked in an underwear shop, where she convinced me to buy three sets of sexy underwear and a Basque that I'm pretty sure I will never wear. I had started of arguing with her, but I soon gave up. I should know by now that she always gets her own way.
“Not that bad? My feet are on fire, I tried on more clothes today that I have in the last six months and I'm pretty sure my credit card melted in that last shop. It was that bad.” I hear her sigh dramatically and I can’t help but laugh. I take another drink of wine and feel my body relax more.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I look at her and all I can see is her raised eyebrows above her wine glass.
“About what?” I try to keep my voice as level as possible, trying to appear as innocent as possible.
“About what she asks. About what is happening with you and Noah. I know you have agreed to go out with Lex but I'm not blind. There’s something between you two, you would have to be blind not to see it. Does this have anything to do with the last time he was here?” I just look at her, my mouth open. I don’t know what to say, I was sure I’d managed to cover up my feelings. I hadn’t told her what had happened the last time he was here, ashamed that I’d given into him and he’d left me so easily.
“I didn’t realise you’d noticed.” I look down at my glass, trying to avoid the look I know she will be giving me. It’s the Tash look, the one that says ‘really, have you met me?’
“I have eyes, Madison. I let you go with it, hoping you would come to me but you didn’t. I'm tired of waiting now, so spill it sista’.” Shit. I take a deep breath before jumping in to the deep end.
“I slept with him. The last time he was here, after the stag night. He was drunk and one thing led to another. I thought the night was amazing, maybe the start of something but he didn’t. He left to go back to Judi, told me I was a mistake.” I can feel the tears building in my eyes as I think about how humiliated I felt. To chase him back to someone he admitted to not loving was embarrassing. I feel Tash move in next to me and lean her head on my shoulder, making me rest my head on hers.
“I'm sorry, Hun. I never knew, and I wish you’d told me. I could have hated him all this time for you.” I laugh, knowing that she would have done just that.
“I don’t want you to hate him. I love him but he doesn’t love me, so I should’ve known better. When I was attacked he was the only person I needed and he came. Do you know he broke up with Judi to come to me?” She sits up quickly, making me jump slightly and move my head away in fear she will head butt me.
“Seriously? He finally left the Devil in red high heels?” I laugh at the name that Tash has given Judi. She only met her the one time but it was enough for her to make a lasting impression. It was just before the engagement and I’d gone to spend the weekend with Noah, Tash had tagged along to keep me company on the journey and to see London. Judi had joined us for dinner one night and she had been her usual pleasant self. There had been a few times I had to kick Tash under the table to stop her from cursing Judi out, she’s hated her since.
“Seriously, and left his job. He went back to London today to pack up his house and put it on the market. He’s coming home.” I can’t help the smile that happens. Just the thought of him being here makes my heart sing.
“He’s moving back? Why am I just finding about all this now? We have been out all day and you kept it secret. Bitch, you better stop keeping things from me. That shit’s not cool.” I can’t control the laughter that comes out of me. It’s a full on belly laugh, one that leaves me snorting and trying to catch my breath. The muscles in my stomach start to hurt, and the more I look at Tash’s confused face the more I laugh. She doesn’t know how much I needed this.
“I’m sorry … give me a … minute.” It’s all I managed to get out before another burst of laughter hits me.
It takes me a few minutes to try and compose myself. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and look over to Tash who has a cocky smile on her face.
“Damn, I'm funny. I wasn’t trying to be, but at least I got you to laugh. It’s been a while.” I nod my head knowing that she’s right. It’s been a long time since I felt the need to laugh. After Noah left I just couldn’t find anything to smile about. He’d gone and he had taken my heart with him. Even though things with him are still uncertain, I know he’s back, he’s my best friend again and I couldn’t be happier.
“So let me ask you a question. Why are you going out with Lex? If things with you and Noah can move forward, why are you dating someone else?” She makes it sound so simple, like it makes all the sense in the world but it doesn’t. Things between Noah and me are anything but simple.
“I'm moving on. I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for someone that will never want me. I don’t want to be that girl anymore.” She looks at me as though I've grown an extra head, making me feel uncomfortable under her scrutiny.
“What. Why are you staring at me like that?” She shakes her head before she speaks.
“You really do have your head up your arse don’t you? Noah is so crazy in love with you, why can’t you see that?” My heart starts to race in my chest and I take a large drink of wine to try and cover the catch in my breath. Tash leans over and fills my now empty glass with wine, giving me a minute to try and form a response to her statement.
“Tash, I wish he felt like that. Remember I slept with him a few weeks ago, and what happened? He ran away as fast as he could. That isn’t exactly something t
hat the person who loves you does.” She leans in close and smacks the back of my head, making my hair cover my face.
“Hey! What the hell?” I use my free hand to push my hair back from my face, glaring at her as soon as I can see her.
“I swear to God, both you dumbasses need your heads bashed together. I’ve never met two such stupid, blind people in my life. What do you want, him to write it in the sky? The guy loves you, do you hear me? Loves you.” I don’t know what to say. She obviously sees something I don’t, but maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is something there that I can’t see. I smile at Tash, silently thanking her for knocking some sense into me.
I lean forward and grab my mobile phone from the table next to my feet. I have this sudden urge to talk to Noah, let him know that I'm not going to be going out with Lex and I want us to talk when he gets home. I'm smiling when I press connect on the call, looking over at Tash who gets up from the couch giving me some privacy. The phone rings a few times before it connects, but there is only silence on the other end of the phone.
“Noah?” I say, wondering if he is all right.
“I'm sorry, he’s a bit busy at the moment, Madison. We’re catching up.” I can hear the smile behind the words. My heart stops beating in my chest and tears form in my eyes. This can’t be happening. Why would he go back to Judi?
Noah
I'm slamming kitchen cupboard doors, trying to get rid of some of the built up rage inside me. I left anger behind about an hour ago and I'm clearly in the rage phase. I arrived home a few hours ago to find Judi sitting in the lounge reading a book. Apparently she thought I was kidding when I told her to leave. Nothing has changed in the house, nothing has been packed or taken out. That alone had made me mad but her first words had infuriated me. She turned and smiled at me before stating,