by T. K. Chapin
“I’m happy you invited me to come with you, Jonathan. A person doesn’t know how much they miss out on in the world until they get a little bit of road underneath them.”
He smiled warmly at her. “It’s great for the body and mind to travel. I love it. I still haven’t made it back east, but I hope to someday.”
Kylie’s eyes widened, her imagination jumping to the east coast. “Like New York City? That would be so awesome to see.”
“Exactly.” Opening the trunk, he grabbed their luggage, and the two of them, along with the children, headed for the hotel’s front doors. Peter and Rose were holding hands with one another, and the sight of them doing so made Kylie feel warm inside. “I’m so happy they’ve been getting along well on this trip.”
Arriving at the counter as she said it, Jonathan nodded and looked over at the two of them. “Children are amazing, aren’t they? They just do. They barely think.”
After he got them checked into their rooms, they headed down the hallway. Jonathan carried the luggage into the room for Kylie. The kids ran to the far side of the hotel room and began to play in the closet. The two of them watched the children for a moment. Kylie felt envious of their energy. Though she had been sitting for most of the day, she felt exhausted.
Jonathan’s hand found Kylie’s, surprising her and sending a welcomed chill up the length of her spine. He pulled her around the corner near the front door of the room and out of sight of the children. The way he looked into her eyes created a deep warmth in her heart. Peering into his eyes, she was overwhelmed by a sense of love wrapping around her. Then he leaned in to kiss her. A flinch flickered in her chest.
“What are you doing?” Her voice was light, not upset but gentle.
“Just doing instead of thinking.” His lips curled into a smile and he came closer, lifting his hand up to her cheek. As his hand touched her cheek, she felt a shockwave ripple through her, a warm stirring in her soul. When his lips met hers, she gave in. He tasted sweet as she drank him in. Pulling his face closer to hers, she kissed him back, letting her walls down. All the worries and concerns that had once plagued her thoughts fell away in an instant.
They continued to kiss, and Jonathan slid his hands around her waist and to the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. Her breaths became rapid, shallow between kisses. Then his lips left hers and found her neck.
She remembered the children.
Pushing him back gently, a smile still on her face, she looked at him. “We have children.”
“It’s probably for the better.” He took a step back. “I’m not sure how good my self-control is these days.” He rubbed his neck. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t right to say.”
Kylie stepped closer to him, resting a hand on his chest. “It’s for the best that we don’t.”
Just then, as if God had planned it that way, Rose and Peter popped around the corner.
“Mommy, look.” Peter held out his hands. Blue ink was all over his hands and Rose’s too. Looking at Rose, she saw her holding a busted pen.
#
Finally in his room with Rose, Jonathan shut the door. His heart was still pounding as he thought about what had just happened with Kylie. After he left her hotel room, he felt nothing but regret as he thought of only Marie. Lying Rose down in her bed to sleep, he tried to draw on his sketch pad, but his thoughts continued to drift. They would settle on Kylie for a moment, then shift like loose sand to Marie. The two women on his mind were distracting him from being able to get anything decent on the page. Frustrated, he put the sketch pad away and grabbed his ear buds and listened to his audiobook on his phone. Unable to comprehend the words being said into his ears, he stopped listening and put his phone on the nightstand. Jonathan let out a sigh, the air of turmoil escaping his lips. Then he glanced back at his phone. He couldn’t help but think of Kylie’s words about faith coming by hearing the Word, so he reached over and grabbed it.
He downloaded a Bible app on his phone.
Opening the app after it installed, he thumbed through the books of the Bible and randomly tapped into chapters and read. Unable to find anything that jumped off the screen, he launched a browser app on his phone and looked up Bible topics. He did searches on Scriptures related to love, joy, happiness, and then finally, grief. Each verse clicked in his mind as he looked them up on his Bible application. They made sense like he had never left the faith. But it wasn’t until he arrived on a certain passage in the Psalms that he finally found a verse he felt was made for his very soul, for that very moment.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
Eyes glistening and heart aching, he peered up at the ceiling as he sat in his hotel room. He folded his hands and prayed. Lord, I know I don’t deserve You. I’ve always known that. But these last five years, I’ve wasted my life running away from You. It’s You who can heal this pain, and I should’ve known that from the beginning, but I didn’t. He wiped a tear that had escaped his left eye. Jonathan’s heart felt weak, his heartbeat faint. He continued praying. I was selfish and only thinking about myself and my pain, Lord. Marie was never mine, Lord. I know that and I’ve always known that. She’s always been Yours. Help me, Lord. Help my heart to finally heal. Your Word says You’re near the brokenhearted and that’s what I am. I can’t run from it anymore. Hot tears running down his cheeks, Jonathan peered over at the door of the hotel room and thought of Kylie. Help Your will be done, Lord. Even if that means no Kylie. Amen.
A knock came on the door. Wiping his eyes, Jonathan slipped out of bed and went to answer the door. Checking the peephole, he saw Kylie in a puddle of tears right outside in the hallway.
He opened it.
Wearing a pair of unicorn pajama pants and a hooded sweatshirt, Kylie was holding herself, her arms wrapped around her body, tears running down her cheeks and her eyes bloodshot.
“What’s wrong?” His voice was a whisper. Lifting a hand, he rested it on the door frame.
Her bottom lip trembled as she brought a balled fist to her lips. “Jonathan, I like you. I like you a lot. I’ve fought against it since I started working for you.”
“I like you too.”
“No, I don’t think you get what I mean.” She loosed her arms, letting them fall open. “I haven’t ever felt this way about someone. I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll never be what Marie was to you.”
His heart splintered and he dropped his hand away from the door frame. Taking a step closer, he brought his hands up to both her arms and grabbed her gently. “Why would you worry about being like Marie?”
She shrugged, more tears following. “I see the pictures around your house. You had this amazing wife and life with her, and now she’s gone. I don’t feel like I will ever be able to measure up to even a tenth of that. I mean, I’m broken and messed up and have a kid.”
“Kylie . . .” Coming closer, he hugged her. “I’m messed up too, and I have a kid also. But right now, I’m trying to figure things out in my life. I’m struggling with my faith because of my wife’s death. That doesn’t mean I’m not over my wife. It means I’m trying to find my way back to God.”
“I can’t fathom what it’d be like to lose a spouse, but I think your words just now cleared some stuff up in my head. As much as I like you, I need a man who can be a father to my child and has a solid faith.”
“And I can’t give that to you. Not right now.”
Sniffling as she took a step back, she shrugged a shoulder. “It’s probably better if we part ways here?” Glancing toward her hotel door down the hall, she shook her head. “I don’t think I can bear to be around you anymore, Jonathan. Especially after that kiss. That kiss did me in.”
Jonathan raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“I can’t be around you. Not because of anything bad but because of everything good. I love how you are, how we are on this trip, how our kids are together.” She shrugged. “But I can’t keep being around you and expect these f
eelings to stop growing.”
Jonathan didn’t want to force her to stay. With her permission, he pulled out his phone and booked her a flight. “Tomorrow at ten. I’ll drive you two to the airport. Don’t try to fight me on me being the one who is paying for it. I insist. I’m the one who made the move on you and messed everything up here.”
She came in for another hug. As she walked back to her room, he shut the door gently.
Chapter 32
AFTER A QUIET DRIVE TO the airport in Olympia, Jonathan sat in the parking garage for a moment after she had gone inside with Peter to catch her flight home. He peered over at the passenger seat and felt an emptiness inside knowing Kylie wouldn’t be by his side anymore. Not only on the rest of this trip, but also when he arrived home. He knew that parting ways wasn’t just simply parting ways on the trip, but in life. It was the only way. Over time, he hoped they’d both be able to let go of the short romance that had sparked between them.
“Daddy.” Rose’s little voice carried from the back seat, calling to him for the first time with that endearment. Jonathan couldn’t help but acknowledge the gift from God. His heart melted hearing Rose say ‘Daddy’, and he adjusted the rearview mirror to look at her. There she was, the little girl who had changed his life for the better. It was just him and her now.
He responded to her, warding off the tears. “Yes, dear?”
“Ky-ee? Pe-er?” Her palms opened wide.
“They went home, Rose.”
Lowering her head, she became upset, but quietly.
He had a new problem, but he cared very little about it. There was nobody to watch Rose while he met with the client. Jonathan embraced that he was a single dad, and Nick could deal with it or find a different architect if he felt inconvenienced. Leaving Olympia, they headed toward their destination. On the road, as he put each mile behind him, he tried to forget about what had happened in Olympia with Kylie, but it wasn’t easy. She had gotten beyond his walls, all his defenses. She did what no woman had been able to do since Marie had passed away. He knew he’d be okay eventually. He always found a way to push the pain down.
#
As the plane climbed into the sky, Kylie felt a piece of her heart was being ripped out of her chest. She had tried so hard to be careful with Jonathan, but in the end, she failed. She shouldn’t have gone on the trip, shouldn’t have looked at those sketches under the mattress. Nobody simply falls in love without purposely taking steps to lead themselves there. Hearing her thoughts echo the word love only made the hurt that much more painful. She wept quietly on the plane.
“Mommy?” Peter’s concern laced his words as he gently touched her arm. She shoved the pain away from herself and forced a sad smile for her son. She had to put a brave face on and be strong for Peter.
“Mommy is okay. Everything is okay.”
“You have a cute son.” A man, probably in his late thirties, commented from across the aisle. His cheeky smile and fancy clothing made it apparent that he was trying to flirt with the pretty girl on the plane. She became nauseated at the thought.
“My husband and I think so.” It was a lie, but it’d save her the rest of the flight from his trying to get somewhere down a road that wasn’t open.
As the plane descended in Spokane a short while later, she was relieved when she turned on her phone to see her friend had come through for her. The last-minute text to Savannah before boarding their plane was received.
Savannah: Sure thing, girl. Consider me there. Need a car seat?
Savannah: Never mind, I’m bringing one anyway. My sister had her car at the restaurant so I stole hers. LOL.
Kylie grinned and joy filled her heart at the thought of Savannah being there to pick her up. A friend was exactly what she needed right now. After getting off the plane and grabbing their luggage and car seat from the luggage carousel, Peter, Kylie, and Savannah headed out of the airport.
“Wow. That’s crazy. So you two broke things off because he doesn’t have a strong faith?”
“I guess so. I think he’s still in grief over his wife too.”
“Mmmhmm . . .”
“What?” Kylie turned to Savannah with a questioning gaze.
“That man is a Penguin.”
“Okay. I’m really lost now.” Laughter escaped from Kylie’s lips as they crossed into the parking garage.
“Penguins mate for life. Jonathan is one of those guys who only has one mate, one love. Incredibly loyal, but to a fault. Once they love, they can never love again. It’s a shame. I’m sorry, girl.”
Kylie mulled over her words about Jonathan. It was hard to swallow, but it was better that they were separated now. Focusing onward, she turned to her friend as they got into her car. “Can I move in with you?”
“What about your grandma?”
“I need a big change right now. Plus, your apartment is like ten minutes away. I can still visit.”
“Who’s going to take care of her?”
“Jenny is there.”
“But isn’t your grandma about to . . . you know?”
“Yes.” Kylie’s heart felt torn. “I’ll wait a little while longer. I don’t think she has much time left.”
“Hm. Okay. Well, whenever you’re ready.”
“It’ll just be temporary until I find somewhere else to work and then to live.”
“Are you worried that Jonathan will come over and bug you at your grandma’s?”
Kylie shook her head. “Not really. He’s not that type of person. I’m more worried about myself wandering down to his door.”
“Well, when you come, you’ll be welcomed as long as you need.” She glanced back at Peter. “And Peter can stay forever.”
Laughing, Kylie smiled. “Thank you for being a true friend, Savannah.”
Chapter 33
MEETING WITH TYLER ON THE beachfront property with Rose, Jonathan and he shook hands. Then Tyler took off his shades. Slipping the sunglasses in the breast pocket of his blazer, he shook his head as he looked him over from head to toe.
“You look like you didn’t sleep, brother.”
The wind picked up just then, blowing their clothing as they stood in the sand. Jonathan nodded. “Kylie’s gone.”
“What?” He opened his arms. “What did you do?”
“Nothing. Things didn’t work out.”
“Don’t be so vague, Jonathan. What are you talking about?”
“She needs a man with a strong faith. She’s a lot like Marie in that respect. I told her I’m struggling with my faith because of losing Marie, and she took that to mean I’m not over losing my wife. Regardless, I’m not the man she needs right now.”
“So typical of you.” Shaking his head, Tyler walked a few yards away and placed a boot up on a log as he peered out at the ocean. Jonathan soon joined him with Rose at the log. Setting her down, he turned to Tyler.
“What do you mean by that?”
He removed his foot and turned to face Jonathan. “You refuse to let yourself enjoy anything. Even when Marie was still alive, you couldn’t get over the fact that she was dying and weren’t able to enjoy the remainder of her life. After Marie passed away, you completely retracted and focused heavily on your work, but that didn’t satisfy you either. You obsessively poured yourself into the work, and you accomplished a ton but always wanted more. Now, you get this wonderful gift from God in the form of a family, and you’re too blind to even see it or enjoy it.” He paused, glanced at Rose nearby, and then back at Jonathan. “It’s too bad, because I would have loved to have what you just willingly threw away.”
Nick showed up moments after Tyler stopped talking, and it was time to go over the concept designs. Beckoning Rose over as she was getting too far away, Jonathan introduced her as his daughter to Nick.
“I have two girls of my own.” Nick smiled as his eyes stayed on Rose. “Children are a funny thing. When they’re young, they are so much work, but then when they get older, like in their 20s, they’re beautiful human
beings if you do it right.”
Jonathan was pleased to hear it mellows out in the long run. “I’m not looking forward to her being in her teenage years.”
Nick laughed and waved his hands. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies. But yes, children are truly a blessing.”
Going over the concepts, Nick held each concept Jonathan had sketched and colored up to the spot on the beach. He wanted to see what it’d look like. Picking the third one, he nodded. “This is my casa. My whole family will come and love the beach in this house right here.” He shook hands with Tyler and Jonathan, then before he left, he came closer to Jonathan. His voice was low and serious. “These little ones we are entrusted with need their dads more than anything. Have a beautiful life, Jonathan.”
Nick left the beach, Tyler walking him up to his car. Jonathan turned and looked at the waves as they crashed against the shoreline. He held an uneasy feeling within him knowing that he might’ve just thrown away the best thing to happen in his life since Marie. He prayed. Lord, please help me.
#
That evening, instead of staying the night in Ocean Shores, Jonathan decided to drive all night in order to get home by morning. He knew sleep wasn’t going to be an option for him anyway, so why not drive? It didn’t take long for Rose to crash out after her chicken nuggets and milkshake. At a stop to get gas, he downloaded an audiobook of the Bible and synced his phone to his car in order to listen to it.