Recipe for Attraction

by Gina Gordon

He’d left Carson’s condo in a haze of worry and devastation. And before he even realized what he was doing, he was withdrawing money from the bank machine and making the solitary ride along the highway to the hidden drive that led to the deserted train tracks.

  The goon greeted each rider as they crossed the threshold and when Neil arrived, the dumb-as-a-stump look on the guy’s face turned into a sly grin.

  “Rich boy.” He took his smartphone from his pocket and his fingers typed quickly over the keypad. Obviously he was giving Diaz a heads up. “I didn’t think I’d see your smug face again.”

  “What can I say, I missed our witty repartee.”

  The goon stared blankly. He’d remember for next time to use smaller words.

  Neil reached into his pocket and pulled out the envelope. “I want in.” He slapped it in the goon’s hand just as his phone beeped.

  He leafed through the money. “It’s only a two grand buy in,” the goon said. “This is too much.”

  “I’ve got more to lose tonight.” But he wasn’t talking about the money. He had money, too much money, and no amount of it could fill the gaping hole in his heart. Vivian was gone, and he’d never hear her voice again. And then there was Carson. He needed to make things right. To prove that she was more than Kelly Designs, that she was more than what her father and Martin made her believe. But he couldn’t do that without proof.

  He’d wanted to tell her. That’s why he showed up at her door. But she’d taken his worried demeanor and mistaken it for anxiety. She wasted no time fulfilling her promise and before he realized what was going on, he had an erection and the rest was history.

  But her quick reaction to his act of aggression against Martin was his worst fear realized. Deep down he was nothing more than a goon. Just like the one standing in front of him. She was too good for him. He would always be the man who let her down, who flew off the handle. Like a bull in a china shop, he ruined everything in his way.

  She proved she was more than capable of handling Martin on her own. She didn’t need his help or his investigation. She didn’t need him… for anything.

  “This doesn’t change the return if you win.” The goon chuckled as if he didn’t believe the last words out of his mouth.

  Neil nodded.

  “Mr. Diaz is waiting for you.” He gestured with his head toward the crowd.

  Hector stood in his usual spot on the sidelines, a woman on each arm.

  “Son of a Madewood,” Hector joked. “I thought we’d scared you off for good.”

  “I want in on the next race. I paid your man.”

  “What’s the hurry?”

  Neil growled. “Do you have a spot for me or not?”

  Diaz didn’t like being questioned. Neil recognized the look of simmering anger that passed across his face. But he wasn’t here to make friends. He was here to forget.

  “Join the boys at the start line. I’m sure they won’t mind another rider.”

  Neil rode to the start line. The revving of engines a soothing sound to his brain. When he arrived, one of the riders looked familiar. He’d beaten him last time. Neil grinned. This guy had something to prove. The other two riders looked him up and down before they turned their attention back to the track.

  The flurry of bets happening on the sidelines didn’t surprise him or faze him. It was why Hector had invited him back.

  This time, a buxom blond crossed the line and took position twenty feet ahead. Her blue bra peaked out from the top of her shirt. That would have appealed to him two weeks ago. But not now.

  With helmets in place, the four of them took position. The wind kicked up some dust in front of them and tiny pieces of clay clinked against his helmet.

  His heart thudded in his chest and he’d give anything to be able to wipe the sweat from his brow. But he stared ahead, his hand gripping the brake, his foot just waiting for the moment to touch down.

  Blue bra held up her scarf. Engines revved on either side of him. He whispered a prayer inside his helmet and when the blue scarf came down, he took off.

  Three of them were neck and neck for most of the race. The rider to his right even skidded closer trying to bump him out. But Neil punched it into a higher gear.

  His bike surged ahead thirty feet from the finish. His lips curled up in a smile as he noticed the riders were no longer in his peripheral vision. But his pre-celebration was cut short when he rode over a divot. The bike wavered. He righted it in unison with a gust of wind and he overcorrected. He spun out and hit the ground, the excessive speed scraping him across the red clay. His head bashed against the ground and Carson’s tortured face flashed before his eyes.

  And then everything went black.

  …

  Neil opened his eyes and didn’t recognize where he was.

  Bare, beige walls. Itchy blanket. And…pain. He groaned.

  “Good morning, asshole.”

  He turned and focused on Cole sitting in a chair beside him.

  “You’re in the hospital if you’re wondering,” he said, flipping through the pages of a magazine. “Almost killed yourself last night.” He looked up. “In case you were wondering why you’re here.”

  He remembered.

  After his blow up with Carson he’d hopped on his bike and rode out to the race site. And he’d raced. And he’d…”

  “Did I win?” He turned to Cole who shook his head with disgust.

  He remembered leading the race and then he spun out and then he woke up. Here.

  “How did I get here?” He didn’t recognize his own voice.

  “I’m not really sure. Jack got a call from the hospital. Apparently someone dropped you off. Whoever you’re hanging around with is a great friend to drop you at the door and take off. You should send them a fruit basket.”

  He understood why. Too many questions. No one was going to risk a tangle with the cops.

  The door to the hospital room opened and Finn and Jack walked in.

  “You’re awake,” Finn said, a warm smile curving at the side of his mouth.

  “Are you coherent?” Jack asked.

  Neil looked between the three of them and nodded.

  “Well, good.” Jack approached the end of the bed. “Just want to know you’ll remember the conversation when we tell you you’re a fucking idiot.”

  “Jack?” Finn said.

  “No.” He held up his hand. “We’re not doing this. We’re not tiptoeing around the situation. I knew something was up a year ago and I did nothing about it.”

  Jack looked the most angry he’d ever seen him.

  “Sorry, Finn,” Jack looked over and shook his head. “But this stops now. King, you’re going to tell us what’s going on with you. The truth. All of it.”

  “It’s none of your—”

  “Business?” Cole said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s not going to fly anymore.”

  They weren’t his keepers. He didn’t need a babysitter. He was the oldest, for fuck sake.

  “Look, it’s fine.” He looked at all three of them, finally settling on Finn. “I’m fine.”

  Finn hesitated before he spoke. “What about your temper? The disappearing.”

  Christ. Even Finn was against him.

  “The bikes.” Jack said.

  Neil let out a long, heavy breath.

  “What about bikes?” Finn asked.

  “He’s totaled six or seven. He’s being careless.”

  Neil let his gaze drop to the blanket that laid over him. They wouldn’t let up. Not until he told them the truth. He might as well get it over with. “I was racing.”

  “Racing?” Cole’s face gave away his disgust. “As in street racing?”

  Neil nodded.

  “Christ Neil, you could have gotten yourself killed,” Jack said. “Do you know how—”

  “I know.” He lifted his arm but quickly let it fall to the bed with a groan. It felt like a one hundred pound weight was attached to his wrist. “I know exactly how dan
gerous it is and that was the point.”

  He needed the release. He needed to let go of all of the anger. The guilt and fear. Of not knowing what to do with himself now that Vivian was gone.

  “She wasn’t supposed to die. Not so soon. Not like that.”

  His brothers stood still, barely taking a breath for fear of startling him. They knew it wouldn’t take much for him to shut down, let the guard fall back in place. But not this time.

  This time he needed to man up and be honest, even if they couldn’t fully understand anything he was feeling.

  “I don’t know what to do. I…I have all this anger. All this sadness. I didn’t know what to do with it and one night I went for a drive. I was stopped at a light and a guy came up with a bike and I knew what he wanted.”

  He wasn’t completely crazy that night. He had at least second-guessed the decision to race.

  “Afterward, he asked if I was interested in something a little more dangerous.” And that was the beginning. He eventually found Hector Diaz and the rest was history.

  “Why wouldn’t you say something? Why didn’t you come to us?” Finn leaned in, slowly, cautiously. As if he was some skittish deer on the side of the road. But he understood. He wasn’t the most approachable.

  “We’re all hurting.” Cole got up from his seat and stood beside Finn.

  Jack kept his distance. His face a mix of fury and sadness.

  “No more racing,” Finn said. “If you need to blow off steam we’ll go to the gym or—”

  Neil scoffed. “You want calls at three in the morning?”

  “Whatever it takes,” Cole said.

  It had taken a long time for Neil to truly trust the three men standing around him. He knew they had his back. But this was beyond anything he ever expected.

  “I hate you right now,” Jack spat.

  “Jack?” Finn punched him in the arm.

  “No.” Neil held up a finger because he couldn’t lift his arm. “Let him finish.”

  “You’re so quick to judge everyone else and the mistakes they make. Always so high and mighty, King is always right.” Jack gripped the bar at the end of the hospital bed. “Bullshit.”

  He was right. He never let anyone ever question his decisions. Until he met Carson. She called him out on his shit from the very beginning.

  “This racing is the worst decision any one of us has ever made. It’s dangerous and stupid and…” Jack shrugged. “You’re just not allowed to do it anymore.”

  Neil smiled. His little brother taking a stand. It was good to see Jack taking the reins, coming into his own. It was a long time coming. Neil, on the other hand deserved, every insult hurled his way. He was a hypocrite.

  “No more racing. I promise.”

  “What about Carson?” Cole asked.

  “What about her?” There was no Neil and Carson, not anymore. She made that very clear last night. But in the light of day, he knew what he had to do. He was going to follow through with his plan to bring Martin down.

  The Madewood’s didn’t give into blackmailers.

  Cole shot a gaze to Finn who rolled his eyes and then landed on Jack.

  “It would save us a lot of time if you just admit you love her now rather than ten minutes from now when we can’t stand listening to you anymore.”

  “I…” Shit. He did. “I do. I love her.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” Finn asked.

  “I’m not good enough for her.”

  “Fuck that,” Finn shouted. “Don’t you dare believe anything that jackass said to you yesterday.”

  “He was right.” Neil yelled. He tried to sit up but his ribs screamed in pain. He slumped back on the bed. “She needs someone who doesn’t fly off the handle when things get tough. She needs someone who’s…” Someone who wasn’t going to disappoint her. Someone who was in control of his emotions.

  “I’ve screwed everything up for her. Thanks to me, her career is in the toilet.”

  “I’m sure she doesn’t think that,” Cole said.

  Neil laughed. It sent a sharp pain down his ribcage. “She made that perfectly clear last night. She lost an account because of the sex tape. But I’m going to fix it.”

  He didn’t know if it was even possible. He didn’t know what sort of skeletons Martin Connelly had in his closet, but if he had any, Neil had no problem holding those skeletons over his head. And he’d never threaten Carson again.

  “It’s just a matter of time before I fly off the deep end.” He wasn’t in control of his emotions, his actions. He couldn’t be trusted. “Look at what I do. I punch people in the street. I risk my life. I have no consideration of what my actions do to other people in my life. That’s not husband material. She needs a man who will be able to pick up their daughter and not tense up.”

  “Neil…” Cole approached the bed. “We’ve all been through a lot of shit. But that doesn’t mean we’re destined to be alone.” He pointed at his brother. “Look at Jack.”

  He was going for comic relief. But it just wasn’t enough.

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit, brother,” Finn said. “You’re a good man. And the only thing stopping you from becoming a great man is you.”

  “Look, I appreciate the pep talk, but things with Carson are done. She needs to move on and so do I. I have a farm to open and this is going to put me behind schedule.”

  “So if she showed up here you wouldn’t tell her you love her,” Jack asked.

  “No. She doesn’t need to know that. It will just complicate things.” His brothers looked devious. “And none of you are going to tell her that either, got it?”

  “Yes, King.” They said in unison.

  “Mr. Harrison?” A nurse walked into the room. “It’s time for some meds.”

  He nodded.

  Cole took his seat beside the bed and Jack and Finn left the room again.

  Hopefully, he’d be out of here soon and then it was back to work. Full speed ahead. He had a restaurant to open and Martin to expose. In the meantime, all he had to do was steer clear of Carson, giving her the space she needed to move on, forget that he ever existed. He didn’t want to cause her pain and heartache and that seemed to be what he did best when it came to her. He only had to prepare himself for one more encounter at the opening. And then they would take their separate paths…and never look back.

  …

  Carson raced through the sliding doors of the emergency room and skidded across the wet floor to the nurse’s station.

  “Neil Harrison? What room can I find Neil Harrison?”

  One of the nurses barely looked up from her computer screen. The other shot her a half-smile and picked up a clip board. Jesus fucking Christ.

  “Carson?” A tiny voice carried from the crowded hallway to her right.

  Sterling stood in the doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  Someone she knew. She’d have her questions answered. She turned to the nurses and said, “Good thing I wasn’t in a rush to see my injured friend. Thank you so much for your exceptional service.”

  Without waiting for a response or a dirty look, Carson flew over to where Sterling stood. “How is he? What happened? Is he going to be all right?”

  Her heart raced in her chest and the sound of her blood rushing too fast in her ears made it difficult to concentrate on things around her, but she grabbed Sterling around her biceps and hung on to every word she said.

  “He’s fine. A cracked rib and sprained wrist. A few cuts and scrapes but for the most part he’s damn lucky.”

  She mumbled a silent prayer. When she’d gotten the call from Jack telling her that Neil had been in an accident, it was the wake-up call she had needed. Last night she blamed Neil for the actions of her father, almost happy to have someone to blame for his disappointment rather than herself. She’d been too afraid to stand up to the man that had been stringing her along for years, her own flesh and blood. But no longer. Neil was too important to give up. He was worth the
disappointment from her father. Work was not the most important thing in the world.

  She had been through this before. It had been her own living nightmare. Watching her friend spin out on the dirt. Holding him as he died in her arms in a ditch on the side of the road. She had made the promise then and there to stop acting out like she was invincible. She hung up her racing helmet and went on the straight and narrow, making money through legitimate source of income like architecture. The realization that she could lose someone else that meant so much to her put everything into perspective.

  She stepped back, shaking her head. She loved him. Too much to give up on him.

  “Carson, are you all right?” Sterling asked. She stared at her with the most curious look.

  She nodded.

  “I don’t know what the hell he was doing riding his bike in the middle of the night. Stupid ass. I’m so angry with him.”

  “He asked for you.”

  “Really?”

  After last night, she doubted she’d ever hear from him again. She was even contemplating skipping the opening of the farm. Too much history. Too much drama.

  “Well, he was drugged up at the time. The doctors put him on some pretty heavy-duty pain meds. He kept saying your name and someone named Diaz. Do you know anyone with that name?”

  Carson shook her head. She was not going to be the one to rat him out.

  “Is he still drugged up?” She hoped he was. He was no doubt in pain. And it might be easier to face him if he was a little loopy.

  “Yes, but he’s alert. I’ll take you to him.”

  After a few silent steps, Sterling asked, “What’s going on with the two of you anyway?”

  “That’s a very complicated answer to a very complicated question. And I wish it weren’t the case.”

  “So then…you’re not together?” Sterling sipped her coffee hiding a smile. Whatever Carson said to Sterling would go right back to Jack, and probably the rest of the brothers. She wasn’t one to lie.

  “No. I can say with great certainty that after last night, we are not together.”

  “But you care for him?”

  She nodded.

  “So then why aren’t you together?”

  “Carson.” Jack waved her down as he walked out into the hallway. “I’m so glad you could make it.”