Boundaries

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  I didn’t know why I had such an urge to meet him. The idea of being in the same room with him fueled something in me I’d never experienced before. What would I even do? The phone rang and took me out of the trance I was in. It was Jeanine. She said Jane was on the way in to meet with her, but she didn’t have time and asked if I could see her. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with today. Jeanine wasn’t asking me; she was more telling me. She didn’t have time for Jane, but it didn’t matter that I didn’t.

  I listened to my messages and checked my email while I waited for Jane to arrive. My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, reminding me that I hadn’t texted Tim yet. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Val, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just been busy here. I have to work late tonight and Jane is on her way in.”

  “How late? I wanted to see if you wanted to get some dinner and watch some TV? I hear there’s a Snapped marathon on tonight.”

  “That sounds nice. Come by around 7?”

  “Sounds good, I’ll bring dinner with me. Don’t worry about anything else.”

  “How’d I get so lucky?”

  “I was going to ask you the same thing.” His laugh gave me the comfort I needed.

  “See you later. Thanks for checking on me.”

  “My pleasure. And, thanks for helping Jane. I’m sure you’re just what she needs.”

  A knock on the door startled me. “Oh, gotta go, I think she’s here.”

  The only people that ever came down to my office were Tim, Jeanine, and some of the nurses. Typically, people didn’t feel comfortable down here, and I didn’t feel comfortable being down here alone with people. Some were fine, but the idea of having Jane down here made me feel unsafe. She was unpredictable, and it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to think she would pull something.

  When I opened the door, it wasn’t Jane. “What are you doing here?”

  Tim pulled me into a hug. I felt my body melt into his. I didn’t know how much I needed this surprise visit. “Well, I hadn’t heard from you all day, and you sounded a little stressed last night. I wanted to make sure you were telling me the truth, you know, that you really were fine.”

  “You goofball, you’re incredibly sweet, and this surprise was just what I needed.”

  “I know.” He handed me a coffee and kissed my cheek. “Better than who you expected to see on the other side of the door?”

  “Absolutely. No comparison.” I shut the door behind me and took his hand. “Want to walk me upstairs?”

  “Oh, you think I can be trusted?”

  “I’m willing to find out.”

  His hand in mine filled me with warmth. Feeling safe and protected was something new, but I was beginning to depend on it. That was something I swore I would never do. "Can't wait to see you later. Will you bring your backpack?"

  “It’s already packed.” He bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

  His lips against mine had my heart fluttering. I pulled my hand out of his when we reached the door. “I just want to keep the gossip to a minimum, at least for now.”

  “I get it. We wouldn’t want anyone to think you might be happy.”

  "Yeah, I know, that would be brutal. I'd never be able to live that down. Thanks for stopping by, and for the coffee. It's the best surprise ever." He tipped his hat to me as he walked away. I hoped the awkwardness of our encounters would lessen over time, but I knew the real issue was with me. Living alone for the last sixteen years took a toll on my social skills. Tim was worth the slight uncomfortableness.

  I pulled out my phone, turned on the lights in the conference room and waited for Jane to arrive. I wasn't sure how long it would be before she arrived, but I didn't want to risk her coming down to my office. It wasn't even something I had considered until the scare earlier. On my phone, I opened up the web browser and logged onto my fake Facebook account. I typed in Jane's name and scrolled through the results. I didn't see anyone that looked like her and wasn't sure how to find her. I typed in Carmen's name and clicked on the first smiling face that popped up. It was her. She was so different from Jane, she was beautiful, with a classy vibe to her. She looked like she was going to go places. I didn't see any pictures of Seth or even her mom on her profile. Pictures of her with her friends, hanging out at the beach, the typical teenager stuff. The more I looked, the less I could understand why she would want to take her life. It didn’t add up. If she loved Seth as much as her mom said she did, why wasn’t he in the pictures? And, where was Jane in these pictures?

  I clicked on her friends list. Seth was not a friend, but Jane was. I clicked on Jane’s profile and scrolled through the pictures. It didn’t take long to come across one with her and Seth. That didn’t add up. Seth didn’t look happy, so I guessed it didn’t mean anything. But where were the photos of him and his girlfriend? I looked at the date on the photo…it was posted three years ago. Carmen would have been sixteen. That seems strange that Jane would be hanging out with the older man dating her daughter.

  Jane’s page had so many selfies and drinking photos. It looked more like what I’d expect from a teenager, not a grown woman. She was hard to understand, and these photos made me lose more respect for her than I already had. None of it made sense, but neither did she. I scrolled through Jane’s friends list and Seth wasn’t a friend either. Maybe he just didn’t have a Facebook account. Can’t blame him.

  Lost in Jane’s photos and unstable posts, she startled me when she walked through the door. “You don’t look like Jeanine. Guess if I wanted to talk to you, I would have returned your calls.”

  I hit the button to turn off my phone and turned it over before she could see I had been researching her. “I did leave you several messages, Jane. Is everything alright?”

  “Well, I’m pissed off that you’re calling me a liar.” She plopped down in the chair next to me.

  "How am I doing that, Jane?"

  “You told Jeanine you returned my call, but I know you never did. I know you just don’t like me.”

  “Oh, Jane, that’s not true. I’m sorry you didn’t get the calls I placed. Maybe I have the wrong number.”

  “Huh? How would you have the wrong number? How hard is it to dial the right one?”

  I pulled out the folder of the intake forms from the group members and handed her a copy of hers. “Is that the right number?”

  Jane threw her head back with laughter. “No. That’s the made-up number I give to people I don’t want to deal with.”

  “Oh, I see. So, it was you who didn’t want to talk to me.”

  Frustration filled her when the truth filled the air. “Well, it’s your job to find the right number. If I want to talk to you, you should do everything in your power to reach me.”

  She was impossible. I didn’t want to waste my time with her, but I needed to try to make the best of this situation. It didn’t appear she was going to go anywhere anytime soon. “Well, now’s a good time for you to give me the number you can be reached at. That is if you want to talk with me.”

  She picked the pen up off the table and took the notepad away from me and wrote her number big enough to fill the whole page. “There.” She pushed the notebook back at me.

  I took a long, deep breath as I held my necklace between my thumb and index finger, rubbing it, reminding me how much she is probably hurting. "Thank you. I will use this number from now on." I glanced up at the clock in the room; she'd only been here a few minutes, but her presence was exhausting; it always felt like so much longer. "What can I do for you, Jane?"

  “I just wanted to tell you that I think Carmen did kill herself. You know, the more I think about it, the more it just makes sense.”

  “Really? Because I was going to tell you I believed what you were telling me before.”

  “No, none of what I said means anything. I just forgot to take my pills, and you know how that goes.”

  “No, Jane, I don’t know how that goes. Why did you change your
mind? Are you protecting someone?”

  “The only person I am protecting is Carmen. I went to one of those psychic people, and she told me Carmen wants me to move on and accept that she did this to herself. I just need to respect her wishes.”

  “So, Carmen told you to drop the whole thing? No one else?”

  “Yes. So, I just wanted you to know Carmen doesn’t want anyone snooping around. I wanted to talk with Jeanine, to let her know you were knocking boots with that detective, so…”

  “Hold on, you came in here to tell my boss you saw Detective Phillips at my place when you stalked me to find out where I live? Are you serious? What does it even matter that he was at my place?”

  “I liked you before I knew about him, but now I don’t trust you. Maybe you’re an informant. Maybe you are after me. How do I know?”

  “That’s disappointing to hear. I wanted to help you, Jane, and I’m sorry you feel that way. I can tell you the one thing I am good at is keeping boundaries clean. I don’t mix business with pleasure. I don’t share information with people who don’t need it, and I’m hurt you think that about me.” I could feel the skin on my neck start to break out in hives. My body never did tolerate stress very well.

  “Police are all the same. They can’t be trusted. I’m worried he’ll take you down the wrong path.”

  “Thank you for your concern.” I cleared my throat. “Just seconds ago, you told me you came here to get me in trouble with my boss, and now you’re worried about me?” I tried to shake the disgust away with a shake of my head.

  “Yes.” She reached over and put her hand on mine. “I miss being a mom so much, I guess I just wanted to mother you.”

  What the hell was happening? This woman clearly should not be left to her own devices. The judgment part of my brain was getting louder, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I said something I shouldn’t. I used everything I had to inhale peace into my lungs. “Well, thank you, Jane. That’s kind of you.”

  “So, is it OK with you if I come to the group meeting next week?”

  “Sure, we’d love to have you.” I forced a smile as I stood up. “I’ve got a lot of work to do, so I’ll see you next week?”

  “Wait, I’m not done.” She reached into her large Coach purse and pulled out a piece of paper. As she unfolded it, I saw tears flood her eyes. “Here, just look at this. Please.”

  I took the paper and read the first few lines. I sat back down as I read the paper. My eyes met hers when I found what she wanted me to see.

  “She was pregnant. I could have been a grandma. Not only did she kill my baby, but she killed hers, too.”

  “Oh, Jane, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  “I can’t help but be angry with her, even more now. But it makes sense. She never would have been able to take care of a baby.”

  “You think she knew?”

  “Don’t be stupid, a mother knows when they are pregnant. Didn’t you?” Her eyes pierced my soul as she looked through me.

  “I’m not a mom, Jane, so I couldn’t answer that.”

  "Come on, you're what, forty? And, you're not a mom? Let me guess, you're a virgin, too."

  “Let’s not turn this into something about me, Jane, let’s focus on Carmen.”

  "This just proves to me she did it. This was what I needed to believe the cops." She took that paper from me, folded it back up and returned it to her purse. "Case closed."

  “How are you doing with this new information? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Do you have family?”

  “I don’t have anyone. Carmen was my family.”

  “What about Seth?”

  “Oh, he can never know about this. He’d never be able to forgive her. She killed his baby.”

  “You think it was Seth’s? You don’t think she was seeing anyone else?”

  “Are you just trying to piss me off? No, Carmen wasn’t a little whore. She was dating Seth, and he was the only man she’d been with.”

  “No, I’m sorry, Jane. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just asking questions. We’d love to have you join us on Tuesday. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

  She stood up and walked to the door. “So, remember, case closed.”

  “It was already closed, Jane, that wasn’t up to me.”

  “Just don’t you forget it.”

  After I saw her exit the hospital, I went up to Jeanine's office. I couldn't keep this all to myself, especially if Jane didn't trust that I wasn't going to stick my nose into the case. The smell of grapefruit and cinnamon greeted me before I knocked on the door. She did not look as busy as she had said she was. "Hey, do you have a minute?"

  Her eyes looked up at me, “Is everything alright?”

  “I’m not sure.” I closed the door behind me before she even invited me in. “Jane just left, and well, I’m not even sure where to start. Oh yeah, how about thank you for pawning her off on me.” I crossed my right leg over my left as I leaned back in the armchair in front of her.

  "Val, you know I'm busy, it's the end of the month, and there are so many reports that have to be done."

  “Save it. I was more or less yanking your chain. But, seriously, that woman is unhinged. I didn’t want to say anything before, because it isn’t anyone’s business, but when she came over to my place the other night, Detective Phillips was there.”

  “Wait…when she came to your place?”

  “Oh, I thought I told you that?”

  “No, I think I would have remembered that.”

  "Yeah, well, the other night, she showed up. I opened my door, thinking it was Detective Phillips, and she walked in. She said she wanted to talk. I was super uncomfortable…for obvious reasons, and I tried to get her to leave. I told her I had company coming, but she didn't care."

  “Oh my god, Val. You need to tell me this when it happens. I wouldn’t have had you meet with her if I had known.”

  “She’s in the group, I can’t just kick her out of it.”

  “True. But, I’m not comfortable with this.”

  "I knew you wouldn't be. I told her she couldn't come to my place and she agreed. But today she told me she was coming to tell you about Detective Phillips and me. I know I don't have to explain myself, but I just wanted you to hear it from me."

  “Val, it’s not really a surprise. It’s easy to see the chemistry between you two. It would do you good to have a little fun.” She winked at me as she folded her hands on her desk.

  “Gross.”

  Her lack of laughter made it even more uncomfortable. “What’s gross about two grown adults having a little fun? It might help you enjoy life a little.”

  “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll make sure it stays professional.”

  "I don't doubt that. Thanks for telling me, but it isn't my business. I trust you, Val. You have nothing to worry about. If it gets too much with Jane, please let me know. Don't try to handle her on your own. Okay?"

  “Okay. Thanks for the awkward talk.”

  “Anytime. You’re doing a great job here, Val. I enjoy working with you.”

  I nodded my head and headed back to my office. It was hard to hear the compliments from Jeannine. It was so much easier to not get connected to people. My visit planned with Donald Brice at the end of the day would not be something she would approve of. It was not something I would have ever done before, and I wasn’t even sure why I was going. There was just something in me that needed to go and meet this monster.

  Chapter Twenty

  I pulled into the driveway at Donald Brice's house and nausea crept up on me. I put my car in park and pulled out the handouts I had picked up in the nutritionist's office at work on diabetes. I wasn't an expert on nutrition but knew enough to slide by. I checked my shirt and cardigan to make sure I had taken my name tag off. It was always embarrassing having strangers greet me by name and having no idea how they knew me, then realizing later I had left my name tag on.

  My heart raced
as I played the visit out in my head. What was my purpose here? I really didn't know. All I wanted to do was put a face to the evil monster Sonya told us about. I pushed a pen into my pocket, opened the door of the car and started to walk toward the front door. The world went quiet as thoughts began racing through my head. What if he knows my real name? What if someone else is here? What if he knows? I took a deep breath that filled my lungs and pushed it through my pursed lips. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just visiting an old man.A calmness washed over me as I pushed the worry out of my mind. I raised my hand to pull the brass knocker back when the windowless door opened. “Stephanie?”

  Startled by his eagerness to greet me left me speechless.

  “Stephanie Mills? You’re here to see me? Correct?”

  There was a slight stutter in my response, “Y-yes, that’s correct.”

  “Well come on in, I’ve been waiting for you.”

  He held the door open for me to enter and then closed it behind us, taking extra care to lock it before walking away. The click of the lock made me turn my head. "Oh, sorry, just habit." He said as he went back to unlock it.

  He motioned for me to enter the living room where he asked me to have a seat. I scanned the room and noticed framed photos of young children lined the wall leading to the stairs. I sat in the seat furthest from the maroon recliner, hoping it would put a distance between us. I set the manila file folder next to me to keep him from sitting next to me.

  He made his way to the recliner and turned off Family Feud that was playing on the flat-screen television perched on top of a stand. "So, how does an old man like me get lucky enough to have a pretty young lady stop by for a visit?"

  The taste of bile climbed up my throat. “Um, there’s a new program at Lawrenceville Regional Hospital that provides education to people with diabetes.”

  “This is a new program? I seem to remember meeting with someone at the hospital years ago and walking away with a bunch of pamphlets. I didn’t learn anything. I threw that rubbish away once I got it home.”

  “Well, the new part of the program is that we, um, we, ahh, take the program to people’s homes. We want to see if it helps to have the discussions in a comfortable place.”