“Good morning, Jane. I was going to come back so you can get your rest.”
“Nah, I don’t need to get rest…I’m here all day…there will be plenty of time to sleep.”
“I’m glad you’re still here. How are you doing?”
“You don’t have any faith in me, huh?”
Embarrassed at how my social awkwardness seemed to always turn into judgment, I tried to be careful with the words I used. "No…it's not that…I just mean it's easier to…staying clean is hard work, and I'm proud of you for sticking it out."
“I want to get better…I want Carmen to be proud of her mom. I couldn’t do it right for her in life, so I want to do everything I can to make it up to her.”
“That sounds like a great reason to get better. I am so glad you are doing so well. What are your plans after your treatment is complete? Are you still going to rehab?”
“Yeah, those plans didn’t change in the last four days. I still plan to go, and I plan to beat this crap. I have a lot of time to make up for.”
“I’m glad to hear that, Jane. Has Ted tried to contact you?”
“Who? Who’s Ted?”
“You said Ted kicked you out of the house.”
The color in Jane’s face faded away. “Oh, that’s right…I guess I’ve been working so hard at getting better that I forgot about him.”
“You forgot about him? Jane, you don’t have to lie to me. I want to help you, but I have to be able to trust you.”
“Why do you think I’m lying? What makes you think that I would make this up?”
“I don’t think you made up what happened to you, I just don’t think there is anyone named Ted…I think it’s Seth.”
“You think I’m living with my dead daughter’s boyfriend? What kind of a monster do you think I am?”
“Jane…I don’t think you’re a monster. I…I just want to help, and I can’t without the truth. I don’t care who you live with, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
“Why do you care?” She crossed her arms and turned her head away.
"I do care…I've cared about you since the first day I met you. The pain you had that day…when you lost Carmen, is a pain no mother should ever have to go through. From that moment, I just wanted to help."
“You don’t care. It’s your job.” Her tone was tinged with anger.
“That’s not true. I do care. Probably too much. I do want to help you and I am so happy you are going to get treatment.”
“What would it matter if it were Ted or Seth or Jim or whoever? What difference does it make?”
“None, really. I just don’t want to be lied to. I want to know if you are safe.”
“You know drugs make you do stupid stuff. If I lied to you, it wasn’t my fault.”
“I know. Of course, it’s not your fault. Can we start fresh now? Whatever happened in the past can be left there and we start over?”
"If I tell you the truth, you won't think I'm a piece of shit? You promise you'll still want to help?"
“Yes, of course.”
“Fine…there is no Ted.” She picked up the TV remote and started flipping through the channels. “Seth…I live with Seth. He’s the one that kicked me out and hurt me. He’s a junkie, too.”
“Has he come by since you’ve been here? Are you…dating?”
“What? Are we…dating? What kinda piece of shit do you think I am? What the fuck? I’m not an animal.”
“No, of course not. Are you safe? Has he tried to bother you here?”
“Yeah, I’m safe. He hasn’t come by. He probably doesn’t even know I’m gone…or he doesn’t care. He has the place all to himself…that’s probably what he wanted all along anyway.”
“What do you mean? What he wanted all along?”
“Jesus, what are you writing a book? Enough with the questions, OK? I’m tired.” She rolled onto her side and pulled the blanket up over her head.
“I’ll let you get some rest. Sorry if I upset you. If you want to talk later, just have them give me a call.”
I knew Jane had been lying to me. I just didn't expect her to tell the truth so quickly. Still, I wasn’t sure I'd ever know the truth. And, what did she mean it was what Seth wanted all along? Was she talking about Carmen’s death? Does she think he killed Carmen? I wondered how long they had been living together…and if there was anything more to their relationship than she was saying. I didn’t know if I’d ever know the truth, or why I needed to know it so badly.
At my office door, I could see the piece of paper that was stuck in the door jamb. I pulled it out as I opened the door. As I shut the door behind me, I opened up the paper. A note from Tim: Call me, I have something you want. At my desk, I pulled out my cell phone and sent him a text. Call you? What decade do you think this is? As I typed my second response, my phone started ringing.
“Are you calling me old?”
“Maybe…who leaves notes anymore? You know you could just send a simple text, right? It does the same thing.”
“Ha-ha…yeah…I know, but I wanted to tell you in person. Are you still in your office?”
“Yeah, why? Why can’t you tell me now?”
I heard my doorknob jiggle. “Well, are you going to let me in?”
“Were you just hanging around the hospital waiting for me?” I opened the door and hung up my phone.
“Well…I wanted you to see this.” He handed me a manila envelope. “Go on, open it.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll see.”
I pulled the paper out and started to read it. Carmen Davidson’s name was at the top of the page. My eyes went up to scan his face. “Is this…”
“Yeah, it’s the toxicology report. It finally came back. But look at it…look at what it says was in her system.”
I scanned the page to see if I could find what he was talking about. High levels of Benzodiazepines were listed on the report. I looked up at Tim to see his reaction. “This is strange, isn’t it? I mean, do you think she took this much? That’s a lot, right?”
"I think it's bizarre. That is a lot. It looks like she tried to overdose, but how would she have been able to cut her wrists like she did? It just doesn't add up. Why would she want to cause physical pain when she could have just taken the pills?"
“That doesn’t make sense. I mean, why would she do both? Do you think someone did this to her? Is that what you’re thinking?”
"I don't know. If we had these results before the case was closed, I don't think it would have closed so quickly. I think there's a case here, but what can we do now? There's nobody to examine now. There is no evidence. No case."
“So, someone gets away with murder? Carmen gets thrown away…and the baby…” I stopped as I thought about two lives that were stolen. “Their lives didn’t matter?”
"Of course, they mattered. They matter. It's just not going to be easy to charge anyone with murder when we don't have proof."
“What if someone confesses? Then would they get in trouble? Would they have to pay for what they did?”
“Well, that’s still tricky. They might, but there is also a chance they might not. It’s hard to say what would happen. And, how would they get a confession?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t want to think that it’s so easy to kill someone and then walk away like nothing happened.” As the words left my lips, my breath left, too. Essentially, that was what I did. The difference was I was ridding the world of a monster, where a monster stole two beautiful babies. I closed my eyes tight and shook my head to get the thoughts out. No. There was no way this was the same.
"Are you okay, Val?" Tim reached over and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, …it's just…too much."
"I know. I don't like this either. But don't give up. Justice might be served when you least expect it. I believe in Karma, you know, what goes around comes around.”
“You’re right. Whoever did this to them will get what’s coming to them.
” My recent conversation with Jane replayed in my head. "It was Seth...I have no doubts...Jane told me he was a drug dealer...he would have had access to the pills...he didn't want to deal with Carmen or the baby...it's the only thing that makes sense."
“I see why you think that, but we have no proof. And, we don’t know if Carmen had a prescription...it’s a common prescription.”
“She was pregnant...she wouldn’t have been taking it...”
Tim pulled me into a hug and kissed me. "Val, I know you want Carmen to have justice, but it is out of our hands. We can't bring her or her baby back."
I let my body fall into him. “I know. Life isn’t fair. It really sucks sometimes.”
"It really does. Sometimes it takes way too long to figure things out, and sometimes they just fall into place. But look at it this way, the energy you have put into Carmen since she died is probably way more than anyone had in a long time. Your interest in her and her death is something I'm sure she would have appreciated. You've got such a big heart, Val. Right now, I think the best thing we can do is keep her memory alive and be there for her mom."
"I love you, Detective Phillips. You’re right, as usual.” There was so much more to say, but he was right. It didn’t change the fact that Carmen needed justice...deserved it, and if no one else was willing to get it for her, I knew what I had to do, even if I had to do it alone.
After Tim left, I had to talk with Jane again. I needed some questions answered that only she would know the answers to. When I entered her room, her bag was packed. "Where are you off to?" My voice took her by surprise.
“What, are you a mind reader, too? I was just going to ask them to call you.”
“Well, that is a quality I would love to possess, but no such luck at this time. What’s going on, where are you going?”
“That’s what I wanted to tell you...they found me a bed at a treatment facility about an
hour away.” She picked up a brochure off her bedside table and handed it to me. “Hope Springs Eternal Rehab Center...kind of a cliché name...but I hope it does. I am ready for this. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Wow, Jane, that was fast. I am proud of you. I know you’ll do great. I can’t wait to see all of the great things you are going to accomplish.”
“Whoa...slow down...let’s take one step at a time.” She laughed. “I mean, that’s what I’ll be doing there, taking one step at a time towards recovery.”
“Ha-ha...cute.”
“Ah, the creativity didn’t come from me, it’s in the pamphlet.”
“Well, regardless as to where it came from, I am proud of you for taking the first step.”
“What brings you by...if you didn’t know of this new, exciting development?”
“I... ah...just had some questions...but they can wait.”
“I have some time before my ride gets here. What do you want to know?”
Jane was in such a good mood; I wasn’t sure now was a good time to bring up Carmen. The thought of having to wait until she returned from rehab made me antsy. “It’s nothing...really. It can wait.” Regret filled me as soon as my answer left my lips.
"Come on, help me kill some time. What is it? What do inquiring minds want to know?"
“I just had some questions about Carmen. I’ve been thinking a lot about her, and I guess I just wanted to try to learn as much about her as I can. Are you up to talking about her today? I don’t want to make you...”
“Make me what? Sad? Angry? Pissed off? You’re pretty good at all three, but I don’t mind. I like talking about her.”
“Did Carmen ever take any prescriptions?”
“No, she didn’t like pills. I couldn't even get her to take pills for a headache. I guess watching me act like a fool was enough to make her never want to touch anything.”
“Do you think anyone else could have gotten her to take something? I know love can make you do funny things.”
Jane paused and averted her eyes from mine. "No. I told you she didn't like it. What made you think of this question anyway?"
“I’m not sure. I just want to understand what frame of mind she was in to want to take her own life. You said before she was into drugs.”
“What frame of mind do you think she was in? I mean, she killed herself...I don’t know what else to say.”
“So, you think she did it to herself?”
“What are you talking about? You know she did.” A bitterness left with her words.
“I just mean...you had said...well...that you didn’t think she could have done this, and she was into drugs. Do you remember that conversation?”
“I wasn’t in my right mind. There’s no other explanation. I was angry at Seth and I wanted to get him in trouble. That’s all that was.”
“So, there’s no doubt in your mind?”
"No." She crossed her arms tight against her chest. "And you should drop it." She walked over to the window and looked outside. "I'm sorry, but I just want to get on with my life, and if I have to keep wondering what went wrong with Carmen, I'll never get better."
Her explanation didn’t sound right; it seemed like she was covering for someone. I also knew she was not going to answer any more of my questions, and now I had more than I did before our talk. "I'm sorry, Jane, I won't ask you any more questions. I don't want to get in the way of your recovery."
My apology softened her. As she uncrossed her arms, she made eye contact. “I just can’t let my mind take me to those places...you know?”
The tears in her eyes made my heart hurt for her. Justice for Carmen was all I was after, but not at the cost of destroying Jane. The pain of losing a child was something I was familiar with. My hand went to my neck, where my fingers wrapped around the broken heart. Thoughts of Gabriel weighed down my heart. “Actually, I do know.” I couldn’t fight the tears back. I adverted my eyes to the window, to try to get my mind off Gabriel and back to Carmen. “And, I’m sorry I upset you.”
“Nah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. My ride should be here soon…I hope.” She picked up the white and green plastic bag with the hospital’s logo on it and walked to the door.
“Jane, there is one more question that I do need to ask, what is your address? I have some forms to fill out for the group and want to make sure it’s complete.”
“Like where I was staying before I came here?”
“Yes, your last physical address.”
“156 Wildflower Avenue, apartment 3…but I don’t know if I’ll be going back there or not.”
“That’s okay, we can change it if we have to. Good luck, Jane. I’m rooting for you, all of us are.”
“Thanks. I’m ready for a new life.”
Chapter Thirty
If Jane wasn't going to answer my questions, the only other person I knew who might was Seth. He was the last person I wanted to see, but he was my only hope. Wildflower Avenue was on the other side of town, but only a fifteen-minute drive. When I found 156 on a ramshackle white apartment building, I knew I had arrived at my destination. I put my car in park, took a drink of my iced coffee and opened the car door. A large breath I had been holding expelled from my lungs as I took in my surroundings. There were children's toys spread across the lawn, a gas grill covered in Bud Light cans, a black, mangy looking dog tied to a doghouse and a dumpster overflowing with trash. I scanned the building to see if I could find apartment #3, the second door on the left had a black, upside-down number three to the right of the door. As I got closer to the door, I noticed the flowerpot complete with dead mums. This was the right place.
I knocked on the door. The second my knuckle hit the door, I regretted my decision. "Just a minute." A male's voice shouted from inside. When the door opened, Seth stood in front of me, wearing a dark blue hoodie and black sweatpants. He looked like he hadn't showered in days, the odor coming from his apartment confirmed that.
“Hi, Seth, I’m…”
“I don’t want any.” He went to shut the door.
/>
“No, I’m not selling anything. I just had some…questions.” My heart beat against my chest as I tried to come up with a plan to convince him to talk to me. “I’m with the hospital and I’m offering a cash reward for information about Carmen Davidson.”
“What kind of information?” He opened the door, leaving only enough space for his head to poke out.
"Well, …we just want to make sure we did everything for her…you know…to make sure it wasn't our mistake."
"Oh…so, they sent you here to cover their ass?" He cleared his throat with laughter.
“Um…yeah, I guess you could say that.”
"What's the reward? How much are we talking about?" He opened the door and motioned for me to come in.
“Well, that depends on the information, but you’ll get $50 just for answering some questions.”
“Just to answer questions?”
"Yes. It's that easy." Standing in the kitchen, I scanned the apartment. The trash overflowed onto the floor and dirty dishes filled the sink. The cupboard doors were open, exposing the lack of food.
“What do you want to know?”
“Do you know if Carmen was on any kind of medication?”
“No, she didn’t like to take anything, not even for a headache.”
“So, to your knowledge, she wasn’t on any medication for anxiety or depression?”
“No, not Carmen. Her mother…well…she’s a different story. She’s on all kinds of stuff…she couldn’t get enough pills…”
“Do you know what kind of pills her mother was taking?”
He walked into the bedroom and came back with a plastic basket filled with prescription bottles and handed them to me. “These are what she had been on…the last time I saw her.”
The bottles still had pills in them. The first bottle I picked up was Xanax, prescribed to Jane. Bottle after bottle of different drugs with Jane’s name on the labels. “She just left her pills here? Do you know where she is?”
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