Boundaries

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  "Got it. Thanks for helping out a friend." I folded up the bag and placed it in my jacket pocket and walked to the door. "Oh, and just so you know, Jane is on her way here. She stopped by to see me today."

  “Jesus Christ. I don’t have time for her shit today.” He ran his fingers through his greasy hair.

  “Stay strong.” I smiled as I walked to my car.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Maggie and Norma arrived together for group and found seats next to each other. Sonya strolled in a few minutes late and found a seat next to the other ladies. I looked down at my watch, there was still time for Jane to show up. She'd never been on time before; I hoped this time wouldn't be any different. "So, Jane is out of rehab and seems to be doing well. I reminded her about group, so she might show up, but we can start without her."

  “Ah, man. I had a lot to talk about today...I’m not sure I want to be interrupted if she decides to show up.” Sonya sat back in her chair with her legs crossed and let out a heavy sigh.

  “Is everything okay? We have time to listen, right ladies?” I leaned into the circle to check their facial expressions.

  “Oh, yes, dear, I’ve got plenty of time.” Norma’s smile faded as concern took over her face. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  “My life is going to shit. I’m probably going to lose my job and Jimmy is trying to get back together...and everything else just sucks.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  I handed her a box of tissues. “That is a lot to deal with all at once.”

  “Yeah.” She sniffled into the tissue. “Jimmy is the reason I started coming here. He punched me in the stomach when he thought I was pregnant. I knew I didn’t want him in my life, but I didn’t go through with the protection order...I just didn’t have time to deal with it. So, I can’t even do anything about it.”

  "It's not too late to get the protection order. I can help you if you'd like. Just stay after and we can go to the courthouse to get the paperwork." I looked down at my watch to check the time. Maybe Jane wasn't coming after all.

  “No, I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to deal with any of it. He doesn’t scare me; I just don’t want to deal with his bullshit. Like, leave me the fuck alone already. It’s my job that’s really stressing me out. I can’t afford to lose it...I've been there too long. I don’t want to learn something new.”

  “Why do you think you’re going to lose your job?” Maggie tilted her head to the side.

  “Because my fucken boss said if I don’t fuck him, he’s going to find someone who will.”

  “You can’t be serious. That’s against the law.” Maggie looked over at me. “How can he do that?”

  “Well, you are right, it is against the law. He can’t fire you for that. Have you told anyone else about this yet? HR?”

  Sonya shook her head. “I haven’t told anyone. Honestly, I was considering it...but then with Jimmy back in the picture...it’s just too much.”

  "Considering sleeping with your boss?" Judgment slipped out with my question.

  “Yeah.” Sonya blew her nose. “He’s cute and I thought, why not? I might get a promotion. It seemed like a win-win.”

  “So, Jimmy is the real problem?” Maggie took over for me.

  Sonya nodded her head. “I guess, yeah.”

  “What if you tell your boss about Jimmy? Tell him you need him to take care of Jimmy and you'll take care of him." Maggie winked at her.

  “Hmm. That just might work.” Sonya's eyes lit up. “Best of both worlds.”

  I felt my eyes roll and bit my bottom lip. Something felt off with Sonya, more than what she was saying. The sound of the door opening pulled me from my thoughts. Jane entered the room and took a seat next to Norma. "Hi, Jane. I'm glad you could make it."

  “Sorry I’m late, I missed the first bus.”

  “That’s alright, we were just helping Sonya out with a dilemma.” Norma turned and patted Jane’s knee. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad to be back. I learned a lot while I was away.”

  “I’m so happy, dear.” Norma looked around the circle. “We’re all happy for you.”

  "Yeah, it's great." Sonya picked up her phone and looked at the screen. "Oh, it looks like I got to get going. I've got some things to take care of at work."

  Maggie giggled and coughed to hide it. “Have fun, Sonya.”

  “Oh, I plan on it.” Sonya winked at Maggie and left the room.

  Norma and Maggie looked at each other and had a silent conversation. “We’ve got to get going, too.” Maggie stood up and held out her hand for Norma. “It was nice seeing you again, Jane.”

  After the women left, it was just Jane and me. “I’m glad you came, Jane.”

  “Doesn't look like anyone else was. I thought you said they missed me.”

  “Oh, they did, they were just busy today. I’m sure it’s nothing personal. What are your plans for lunch?”

  “I don’t know, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I don’t have any plans for the next few days. I was going to go stop by and say hi to the nurses that took care of me, but that’s it.”

  “Want to go get lunch? My treat?”

  Jane looked up at me. “Lunch, not lecture?”

  “Of course.” I smiled to help convince her. “I’m going to grab a drink at the cafeteria before we leave, do you want something?”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll take an orange juice.”

  “Alright, I'll meet you in the lobby in fifteen minutes? Is that enough time for your reunion?” I looked down at my watch.

  “Yeah, that should be enough time.” She stood up and walked down the hall to the med-surg unit.

  When she turned the corner down the long hall, I went to my office and got my tote bag and jacket. I put my hand in my pocket and felt the crinkling of the plastic bag under my fingers. My heart raced as I inhaled a deep breath and exhaled it slowly to remain calm. I locked my door behind me and walked up the stairs to the cafeteria. At the cooler, I grabbed two bottles of orange juice and a water and swiped my badge to pay. Before I left the room, I pulled a spoon out of the basket by the napkins and tucked it into my jacket pocket.

  I looked around the room, it felt like everyone was watching me. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I made my way to the single-stall bathroom down the hall from the conference room and locked the door behind me. I pushed up my jacket's sleeves and took out the plastic bag and spoon from my pocket. I pulled a pair of purple latex gloves out of the box on the wall by the mirror and put them on. I put a paper towel on the counter and dumped out a few of the pills. With the remaining pills in the bag, I took the spoon and started to crush them.

  In just a few presses of the spoon against the pills, they turned to powder. I opened one of the bottles of orange juice and poured some out into the sink and carefully guided the powder into the drink. I returned the cap and gave it a shake and watched as the powder dissolved. I placed the remaining pills back into the bag and repeated the steps. Once the lid was back on, I gave it another shake and held the bottle up to the light. The particles slowly blended into the liquid.

  I took a damp paper towel and washed the outside of the bottle and then dried it and placed it in my tote bag. A knock on the door made my heart leap into my throat. "Just a minute." I pulled out a few more paper towels and washed down the counter and wrapped the spoon and plastic bag into the lump of soggy white paper. I took a few more paper towels out and placed them on top of the trash, pressing it down with my gloves still on. I took the gloves off and wrapped them up in more paper towels and tossed them into the trash can. I flushed the toilet, pulled down my sleeves, put my tote bag on my shoulder and picked up the two drinks off the counter, and exited the bathroom. There was no one waiting on the other side of the door. I must have taken too much time.

  Jane was waiting for me when I arrived in the lobby. “I thought you stood me up.” She stood up and walked toward me.

  A nervous laugh escaped. “N
o, sorry, just had to make a quick phone call.” I handed her the orange juice. “I’m starving, how about you?”

  “Yeah, I haven’t eaten yet today.” She rubbed her stomach over her coat. She opened the orange juice and took a drink.

  “Want to grab a pizza? Lawrenceville pizza is always pretty good.”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. I haven’t had pizza in a while.”

  The pizza place was only a five-minute ride from the hospital. I turned the radio on to discourage small talk. Jane sang along with Adele and then OneRepublic, only stopping when the radio shut off with the car. "What kind of pizza do you like? We can get whatever you want." When I got out of the car, I looked back at my tote bag on the floor of the back seat, where I had placed it before we left.

  "I love Hawaiian, no one else does, though." She shut the door and walked with me into the restaurant.

  "I like it. I order that every once in a while." I held the door open for Jane. Once inside, I ordered a large Hawaiian. No drinks. We found a booth in the back, away from the window facing the parking lot, and waited for our pizza.

  “Oh, look at that rock.” Jane grabbed my hand and held it up. “When did that happen?”

  “Just a few days ago.” I pulled my hand out of her grip.

  “That hot cop? Or some other guy?”

  “The hot cop.”

  "Well, that escalated quickly." She laughed. "I'm happy for you. He seems like a nice guy…but I don't think you can ever really trust a cop. At least that's been my experience."

  “Thanks. He’s pretty great.” It was easier to ignore than to engage. “So, tell me, how was it going home?”

  “It’s a little rocky. Seth said he doesn’t want me there, but it’s my place, too. I think it’ll just take a little time.” She picked up a napkin and twisted the end into a point.

  I picked up my jacket off the seat next to me and felt the pocket. "I left my phone out in the car. I'm expecting a call from work. I'll be right back." When I got out to my car, I put on my thin, black driving gloves and picked up my tote bag. I pulled out the orange juice, gave it a quick shake, and replaced it with the one Jane took a drink out of. I took my phone out of my bag and brought the other juice with me. Before entering the restaurant, I tossed the bottle into the trash.

  The pizza was on the table when I returned and Jane was already eating a piece. “Didn’t think you’d mind if I dug in.”

  “No, not at all. There’s nothing as good as hot pizza.” I placed the phone on the table and put a slice onto my plate. The conversations stopped while we ate. I looked up at the TV on the wall playing the recap of the weekend sports. I had no idea what I was looking at, but it gave me an excuse to not make eye contact. I felt like a farmer getting ready to take my cow to slaughter. The less chance I had at getting attached, or sensing her emotions, the more likely I was to finish the job.

  Jane took the last slice off the tray and took a bite. “You didn’t want this, did you?”

  "No, it's all yours." I pushed my plate away from me and refocused my attention on the TV. When she was finished, I picked up our plates and the pizza pan and we walked out together. I picked up my phone and looked down at the screen. "Oh, no, it looks like I have to get back to work. I won't be able to bring you home. Do you want me to drop you off at the bus stop down the road?"

  “Yeah, sure.” She got into the car and took a drink out of the orange juice. I held my breath as her sip turned to a gulp. “I guess I was thirsty.”

  I pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the road to the bus stop. "Sorry I can't take you home."

  “It’s alright, it’s not that cold out today.” She opened her door and started to get out of the car.

  “Jane. Don’t forget your juice.” I pointed at the bottle, careful not to touch it.

  "Oops, I almost forgot. Thanks for the pizza." She shut the door behind her and made her way to the bench at the bus stop. As I drove away, I saw her take another long drink from the bottle. I wanted to watch and make sure it was enough, but I didn't want to be there in case it was.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  My office phone rang. When I looked at the number, I saw it was Tim. "Hey, Tim."

  “Val, I, ah…I have to tell you something.”

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  "Yeah, I'm fine. I have some bad news, I'm afraid."

  "Oh, no."

  “Val, I was just called to the bus stop by Lawrenceville Pizza…and…it was for an unresponsive female.”

  “Okay.” My heart was turning upside down in my chest.

  “It was Jane. She was pronounced dead at the scene.”

  "Oh, my God. That's awful."

  “Yeah, I know. It’s such a shame. It looks like an overdose, but we won’t know until the autopsy.”

  “Wow. I thought she was clean.”

  “You just never know when a bad day will hit.”

  “No, I guess you don’t.”

  Acknowledgments

  I want to thank my family for their patience and support during my writing process. For listening to me talk through different characters and scenes and encouraging me along the way. To my children; every dream I achieve, I do it for you. To my husband; I am forever grateful for your unconditional love and for believing in me, even when I can’t.

  I want to thank the ladies from the senior center that encouraged me along the way. You helped keep me focused. To the ladies from the writing group; I have enjoyed traveling alongside you in your writing journey. Your enthusiasm and love helped keep me motivated. We are lucky ducks.

  Many thanks to the people who helped Boundaries come to life:

  Victoria Cooper for the amazing cover. Her work can be found at Facebook.com/VictoriaCooperArt.

  Proofreading by the Page: Samantha Wiley, Rachel Pugh, and Anne Dailey for editing and proofreading.

  Diane Abesse for the first round of edits and beta reading. Jill Nichols, Robin Locke, and Sarah Hart for beta reading.

  To the victims of child abuse and domestic violence who become survivors; I believe you. You are stronger than you think. You are not alone. Never stop believing in yourself. You are worth so much more. Take time to love yourself first; you won’t regret it.

  Thank you to the readers. Without you, my characters would never have any fun! Your honest feedback is always appreciated and helps improve my craft. Reviews help other readers as much as they help me. Please consider leaving one.

  Resources

  If you or someone you know is struggling, please know there is help.

  Domestic Violence Hotline

  www.thehotline.org

  1-800-799-7233

  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

  www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

  1-800-273-8255

  Child Abuse Hotline

  1-800-4-A-CHILD

  National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

  www.nami.org

  1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

  About the Author

  Jessica Aiken-Hall, author of her award-winning memoir, The Monster That Ate My Mommy lives in New Hampshire with her husband, three children, and three dogs. She is a survivor of child abuse and domestic violence and is a fierce advocate. Her mission is to help others share their story.

  She has a master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling, with over a decade of experience as a social worker. She is also a Reiki Master and focuses her attention on healing.

  When she is not writing, she enjoys listening to Tom Petty, walking along the beach, looking at the moon, and watching murder shows.

  To follow what she’s doing next check out http://www.jessicaaikenhall.com.

 

 

 
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