by Freya Barker
The diner is busy when we walk in the door at a little past eight the next morning. To my surprise I had fallen asleep at some point during the night after all and didn't wake up until the smell of fresh-brewed coffee reached me. Arlene was up before me and planning to go in to work today. She didn't appreciate my reminder that she was supposed to stay home a full forty-eight hours and today was only day two. Of course that resulted in Arlene trying to get her way and me putting my foot down. That did not go over too well until I suggested we go to the diner for breakfast so she could check in, provided she didn't interfere with the goings on and would come home with me after, without any fuss. She promised, so we'll see.
Caleb is the first person we encounter. The big Native- American is standing behind the counter, looking ridiculous in a cook's apron and sporting a cocky smile when he spots us.
"See you weren't able to keep the boss lady at home, were you?"
"Fuck off, Caleb."
"Should've tied her to the bed, my friend. Always works for me." He says with a shoulder shrug.
"Hey. You two Neanderthals, I'm. Right here." Arlene bites off. "And for the record, Caleb. That was way too much information. I could've lived a long and happy life without that knowledge, I'll have you know."
Caleb throws his head back and laughs. First time I've ever heard that. Throwing a kitchen towel over his shoulder, he leans on the counter.
"What can I get you folks? I assume you are here for breakfast, or did you just come in to harass your underlings?"
"Bite me, buddy." Arlene's retort is delivered with a smirk on her face. "If you can manage, I'll have a mushroom omelet with home fries."
"Three eggs scrambled, bacon and rye toast for me, thanks." I add.
"Sure thing. Coming right up. Have a seat and Beth will be right with you." When he disappears into the kitchen I try to lead Arlene to a seat, but she tries to follow Caleb into the kitchen.
"Hey. Where are you going?" I stop her.
"I just wanna go have a look."
"No, you’re not. We're gonna sit down and have breakfast. Look around you. All these people look well taken care of. The place is clean and no one is running, screaming for the exit. It's under control. Let's sit." I firmly take her by the arm and march her to an empty booth.
"Must you manhandle me?" She challenges and part of me is happy to see her fighting spirit back. This is the woman I know.
"If you're not gonna listen and follow through on what we agreed on, then yes. I must."
With a derisive snort, Arlene starts rearranging the cutlery on the table before she checks the levels of the condiments. I smile.
"What's so funny?"
"You are. You can't help yourself. You don't want to believe everything is running as it should, even when you're not here."
"That's not true." She frowns as she seems to ponder that.
"No?" I raise my eyebrows questioningly holding her gaze. After a silent power struggle, where neither of us seem to budge, Arlene finally lowers her eyes.
"Whatever."
My smile only gets bigger. Damn scrapper, fighting for every inch even when she knows she's in the wrong. Leaning my elbows on the table I take her face in my hands and kiss her full on the lips, startling the breath out of her.
"What'd you do that for!" She hisses at me. "We're in the middle of the diner. Everyone can see."
"Yup," says Beth, who appears at the booth with a pot of coffee. Arlene drops her face in her hands while I flip up the cups on the table.
"Morning, Beth. How's things?"
"Everything is running smoothly. Hard to believe, isn't it? Without the sergeant-major here to keep us in line." She winks at me and earns Arlene's dirty look from between her fingers. It doesn't seem to have an effect on Beth, who has been working here since long before Arlene owned the joint, and seemed immune to her bark.
"Emma will be in for lunch and Caleb will be back for the early dinner shift." She fills us in.
"Where is Julie?" Arlene wants to know.
Beth fidgets a bit and I have a feeling she'd rather not get into that right now, but Arlene is not likely to let up.
"Uhm… I actually haven't been able to get a hold of her. Last time we spoke was yesterday morning when she said she was on her way in. She never showed. I called her phone a few times but was sent to voicemail right away. Emma hasn't heard from her, either. She had made arrangements for Liam, Julie's little boy, for this week."
For some reason I don't have a good feeling about this. When Julie begged off Christmas tree cutting with the rest of us, I was getting some odd vibes off her, but I was too focused on Arlene to look into it further. Dammit. I regret not pulling her aside at the time. One thing for her to be in late from time to time, but unusual not to hear from her, or be able to get a hold of her.
"Anyone know how to get in touch with her aunt?" Arlene is one step ahead of me and asks the question that is brewing in my mind.
Beth shakes her head. "Emma talked to Gus and he is looking into that already. Sorry we didn't say anything but we figured you wouldn't be able to do more than we were already doing, and you sounded like you could use a bit of a break. You mad?" Beth eyes Arlene tentatively.
"You know what? I'm surprised I'm not. I'm worried about her, but you're right. Nothing would've changed had I found out earlier. S'okay, Beth. Really."
Relieved, Beth heads off to get our order leaving us looking at each other.
"You want to check it out, don't you?" She asks me and she’s right. I do, but I won’t leave her side, not for a second. Not without knowing who is out there playing sick games with my woman.
"I'm happy that Gus is looking into it. Truth be told, he is the better man for the job anyway. Let him do the investigating. I'll take care of protecting what's mine."
Her smile does me a world of good after the shit days we've had. "Yours, huh?"
"No two ways about it. Staked my claim in public, didn't I?" I tease her, making her snicker.
"Ape."
"You betcha. With some mean opposable thumb action, if you recall." At that she bursts out laughing, causing half the diner to turn their heads in our direction with stunned expressions on their faces. I guess laughing is another luxury Arlene hasn't afforded herself a lot. That is going to change, for both of us.
It's Caleb who shows up with our plates a minute later. "You heard about Julie?" When both of us nod, he says; "Beth just mentioned it. I'm heading into Cortez as soon as Emma gets in to see what I can find out. Thought I'd let you know."
"Thanks. Keep us in the loop."
"No problem. Enjoy your meal." With a wink for Arlene and a chin lift for me, he disappears into the kitchen.
"Damn, he's good. You may have some competition, Cookie." I shoot Arlene a glare at her use of that ridiculous nickname.
"What are you talking about?"
"His omelet? It's frickin' fantastic."
"It's a bunch of eggs, Arlene. Not that hard, you know." I'm getting a little irritated. Seriously. You'd have to be an idiot to mess up eggs. I know she likes Caleb, but 'frickin' fantastic' for a simple omelet is a bit over the top. Not like it's a soufflé.
"You jealous, Seb?" I can hear the smile in her voice and when I look up, I see the mischief in her eyes.
No shit. Not a feeling I’m familiar with, but the thought of another man feeding her has me pissed off. I am so fucked. Not only that, her smart mouth and teasing has me hard as a rock and I'm glad I'm sitting in a booth so I can shift slightly to hide the obvious boner she gives me with her taunting. Witch. It's all I can do not to yank her over the table and have a taste of her alongside my breakfast. Plunge inside her, balls deep, and feel her wet heat suck me in. Christ! She turns me inside out. I have to press my hand on my erection to ease the pressure some.
"You yanking my chain, woman?" I growl at her, which only turns her smile wider.
"Maybe…"
Leaning over the table, I grab the back of her neck and pull
her face closer. "I have no compunction about turning that juicy ass of your red, you know."
Instantly a flush creeps up her cheeks and her breath hitches. There. Serves you right. That takes care of that smart mouth, at least for now.
The rest of the meal is eaten in silence, only accompanied by an occasional heated glance across our plates. When Beth comes around with fresh coffee again, both of us decline and I get up to pay the bill while Arlene slips into the ladies room. At the cash register, Caleb is waiting for me.
"She tell you yet?" Immediately the hair on my neck stands on end.
"The fuck are you talking about?" I bite off, not liking the intimate way he talks about Arlene.
"Relax. She never told me anything. I guessed. I just figured if she told anyone, it would be you."
Okay. That takes me aback a bit.
"She's told me several things." I am careful with what I say, not about to share anything Arlene has confided in me, but I’m curious to know where Caleb is going with this.
Caleb runs a hand over his face and seems a bit at a loss.
"I know she was hurt, I can sense it. Don't ask me how, I just did. It's deep, this pain. Don't think this is something she can get over on her own."
"What are you saying?"
"You two together are a good thing. You're good for each other, but unless she gets some professional help, the trauma will always be part of your relationship. Honesty and professional help."
As effective as a cold shower, Caleb's words cooled the heated blood in my veins. How does that man know so much? I know what I have to do and I fucking hate it. I have to add more hurt to the woman I have come to love. I have. Haven't told her, don't know if I'll have the chance any time soon and don't think the time is ripe for confessions of that kind, but the fact remains. I’ve waited too long already. The truth has to come out.
"If she turns me away, will you make sure she's alright?" Fuck. I hate asking that, especially of him.
"Don't think it'll be necessary, but you have my word without question."
With that, Caleb leaves me to wait for Arlene who comes out of the ladies' room just seconds later.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"Anything planned today?"
The first words from Seb since we left the diner. I thought it was pretty clear what the plans had been up until it was time to leave, then he turned cold all of a sudden. Attentive enough, opening the door and shit, but the heat from earlier is gone.
"Nope." I answer. "Just twiddling my thumbs at home until you can peel me off the walls. Any bright ideas? Want to go look for Julie?" A firm shake of his head tells me that plan can go out the window. Damn. No bite.
"Not getting in Gus' way. Maybe we can drive into Durango this afternoon if you feel like it. We can see."
I haven't been in Durango for fun in donkey years. Every time I've gone has been for a pick up or drop off, or to visit the dang hospital. I might actually enjoy the pretty drive this time, but first I want to find out what is going on in that head of his. Something has turned his mood and I'm not about to let that slide.
"I wouldn't mind going… later."
Once home I head for the kitchen. "I'm making another pot of coffee. You want more?" I ask Seb over my shoulder.
"Yeah, I'll have another cup." He responds before slipping up the stairs. I'm not going after him, no matter how much it kills me to be patient. I keep myself busy pulling mugs down and scrounging around the pantry for some cookies or something, chocolate wouldn't hurt either, but it appears I have ransacked my stash at some earlier date. There isn't a damn thing left in any of my hiding spots. Something is making me nervous. Why else would I be craving sugar after just downing a sizeable omelet?
By the time the coffee is done I have conjured up so many different scenarios in my head - most of which having a pretty dire outlook for me, so by now my stomach is rolling. This is what not working does to me. It allows me to drive myself crazy, and that damn Naomi Waters thought she was being helpful. I'll tell her when we have our next girl's night out. Idle hands put this chick in a straightjacket!
I wish it were warmer so we could sit out on the deck, but it’s been pretty overcast this morning. Normally it's nice, even in the early winter when the sun is out to sit out there with a coat on and something warm to drink. Not so nice today, so living room it is. I holler upstairs to let him know coffee is ready because I haven't seen him yet, but I did hear the shower a bit ago. I hear his boots on the stairs and sit down on one side of the couch, my hands wringing in my lap. Jesus, Arlene! Get a grip. He leans over the back of the couch and tilts my head back.
"What are you doing, Spot?" Fixing his eyes on mine he strokes the line of my jaw, but doesn't let me turn away.
"Waiting for you." I squeak out. He runs a finger down my nose and over my lips to my chin, holding me firmly before he kisses me.
"You seem nervous. How come?" Walking around the other side of the couch, he sits down and pulls me into him. I straighten up a little and consider him.
"If I'm nervous, it’s only because your mood flipped like a flapjack and I've been trying to figure out why."
A tad pissed, I resist at first when he wraps me in his arms and tries to pull me onto his lap, then he mumbles 'sorry' in my ear and I easily give in, snaking my arms around his neck.
"I realized there is still a lot for us to deal with, to talk about. It's so damn easy to get distracted with you. All I think about is being inside you, having my mouth on you, but I want it without any secrets."
I still can't quite fathom having this effect on anyone and am reveling in that knowledge when it suddenly hits me. "Secrets? But you know all there is to know about me, and you've told me about yourself, about Faith. Well, not a lot about Faith and I'd like to know a lot more, but I figure you'd get around to telling me. Who has more secrets?" The nervous feeling in my stomach from earlier is turning into a pinch when I see guilt in Seb's eyes.
"You may not want to hold me after you hear what I have to say."
Despite the niggle of doubt in the pit of my stomach, I stay firmly attached to him as he takes a deep breath.
"I explained to you how my sister got hurt. Well, Faith ended up brain damaged and stopped developing mentally and emotionally. Physically she is unable to look after herself and needs full time care. She was placed in a facility and I waited until I was twenty-one when I was able to get custody of her. We moved to Montana to get a fresh start together. I ended up working as a sous-chef at a small restaurant and Faith was looked after by a neighbor while I was gone. We did okay." Standing up, he leaves me no choice but to let him go from my grasp. He turns to me and sinks down on his knees in front of me, placing his big hands on either side of my face. "This is the part where I need you to look in my eyes so you can see the truth, and please hear me out. All of it, Arlene."
Okay, that little niggle? Turning into a big fucking hurricane in my stomach now. I do not have a very good feeling about this. Still, I nod at him. "Okay."
"We had new neighbors who fought a lot. It got out of hand one night and I walked into the man beating his wife and I snapped. I beat him badly. They arrested me for assault since the wife never filed charges against him. She ended up testifying against me. I received five years and got out early for good behavior. During most of my time inside, I had one cell mate."
And suddenly I felt like throwing up as small connective pieces of information started forming a vague pattern in my mind. The timeline, the location, his appearance in Cedar Tree, the phone calls? Some of this didn't make sense…but before I can question him about my suspicions, he carries on.
"I don't handle abuse well, Arlene. It pulls at me. I failed someone once at great cost, and I may have failed another, if you count my neighbor. I didn't know who you were, but when that son of a bitch started spouting off about how he would beat you to try and break you, I wanted to kill him. I wish I had, but I had Faith waiting in a nursing facility. Waiting for her big brothe
r to come and get her and I couldn't risk leaving her to face life alone. Had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't have stopped to think. He'd be dead."
With one hand stretched out in front of me to ward him off, I pull myself into a corner of the couch. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I try to get some control over the whirlwind of emotions rushing through me all at once.
"When I was released I needed a job and a place to make a new start with Faith. I figured Cedar Tree was as good a place as any and it would give me a chance to keep an eye on you. That bastard talked often about revenge on you for putting him behind bars. I couldn't let that happen. I can't let that happen."
I hear the words and I understand their meaning, but for some reason all I feel is a deep sadness. The one thing that filled me with hope and a taste of happiness, a new step to a possible future, a new me - turns out to be a big lie. At the very best it was a tainted connection, darkened by the fucked up shadows of our pasts.
When Seb tries to get close to me, I ward him off with my hand and a shake of my head. I seem to be unable to form words.
"Okay, Spot. I'll give you time, but hear this. What I just told you has nothing to do with what has happened between us, or how I feel about you. Look at me, Love."
Reluctantly I give him my eyes.
"I care for you so much, and you know it. Whatever you tell yourself, it isn't because of some misguided hero-complex, because you are the furthest from a victim I can imagine. So fucking strong and resilient and annoyingly independent, it makes me want to spank your ass red, but what you are not - is a victim."
When he bends down to kiss my forehead, I can't help but flinch and I see it hurts him, then he’s out the door. He hasn't even had a sip of his coffee.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when Emma comes in and scoots on the couch beside me, putting both her arms around me and hugging me close. Only then do I dare let the full gamut of emotion wash over me and I cry ` while my soul sister strokes my hair.
I fucking wrecked her. I could see it in her eyes. The slow realization of what I was saying and then the disbelief, the shock and ultimately the pain. I sit in her driveway in my truck and dial Caleb, who answers right away.