by Freya Barker
"Told her man. I hurt her bad, I have to give her some space. Can you come take over? I have the diner - It'll keep me busy."
"Give her time. You did the right thing. Emma just walked in so I'm gonna bring her along. I’ll stand guard outside."
"Thanks, Caleb."
It takes them less than ten minutes to get to the house. Emma is out of the SUV before Caleb even has a chance to open his door. I run over to give her a hand, but of course she waves off my help. She is just as stubborn as her friend. Two peas in a pod, those two.
"Thanks for coming, Emma."
"Of course. That's my best friend in there." She shoots me a stern look, but when I start to turn away, she holds me back and puts her hand on my face. "I'm angry my friend is hurting in there, but I am not blaming you. I'm blaming fucked up circumstances. Yes, you probably should have told her, but I know Arlene too and I can make a pretty decent guess as to why you didn't. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same. You're a good man, Seb. It'll be alright. She loves you." A peck on my cheek and she is moving into the house.
I look at Caleb, who is back in his SUV on the phone and I lift my hand as I turn to get in my truck and head for the diner. She loves you… God I hope so.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I've been working non-stop since getting here. Beth has been collecting orders and doing her best keeping customers waiting with complimentary breadbaskets and drinks, but I had to hustle to fill the pile of waiting slips. Luckily Caleb had done a decent job at prepping this morning because I find a hearty leek and potato soup hot, fresh hamburgers made and apparently someone had made a run into Cortez to the organic bakery because we have a good selection of breads and buns. As soon as I work away much of the backlog, I start chopping some bacon, onions and peppers and toss them on the grill. I add cut up leftover home fries and ham from the breakfast rush and quickly heat those along. Adding some cumin seed, Hungarian paprika, hot chili flakes, I finish it off with some black pepper and salt before scooping the whole thing into a large greased oven dish. A dozen or so eggs in a bowl with a few good hands full of grated sharp cheddar mixed in, thrown over top, and the whole thing can go in the oven. A quick King Edward Skillet to add to the menu. It'll only take fifteen minutes in the convection oven and it's the easiest thing to make, but it always goes over well. Especially with a bowl of soup and a slice of fresh bread.
With the kitchen a little bit more under control, I venture out to the front, where I am immediately cornered by Beth.
"What happened? Why did Caleb and Emma have to rush out of here? Is Arlene alright?"
I throw my hands up at the barrage of questions and don't really feel like getting into it with Beth in the middle of the diner, so I opt to stay a bit vague.
"Arlene is a bit upset about something and she needed to talk to Emma. Caleb is taking over for me for a bit looking out for them at the house and I'm giving him a break in the kitchen here, while Emma stays with Arlene." From the suspicious look she sends my way, I can deduct she doesn't believe a word I say, but that's too bad. It's all she's getting out of me. "Everything okay out here?" I purposely change the subject.
"Fine. A bit hectic before you got here, but it isn't really busy yet so we're good. Emma mentioned Gus might be in at some point lending a hand at dinner if she isn't back yet."
I'm relieved when a customer calls her over and gives me the opportunity to disappear back into the kitchen.
By the time the dinner crowd is thinning out that night, Beth can barely stand on her feet. Poor woman has been working almost non-stop since morning, same as yesterday.
"Go home, Beth. You're beat. I'll finish up here with Gus." Gus had shown up around four, mentioning Emma was still holed up with Arlene and like a good sport, he picked up a rag and started cleaning off tables and pouring coffee right away.
"What about tomorrow?" Beth wanted to know.
"I'll be here, and likely Arlene will too. Regardless, I'll make sure you have some help. And maybe we'll know more about Julie."
With a nod, she grabs her bag and goes to head out the door, but Gus stops her.
"Wait up, Beth. No walking outside in the dark alone, remember? Dark early this time of year. Let me walk you to your car."
I berate myself for missing that. I have been on eggshells all day, trying not to think of Arlene or the bombshell I dropped on her this morning. Not to think about the damage I may have done to our relationship, which was pretty damn shaky to begin with. Not to think about Julie's mysterious disappearance or all the fucking unknowns we were dealing with. They all come rushing at me now. All these things I have no control over almost knock me on my ass. Instead I slam both fists on the counter in frustration. A sharp intake of breath has me snapping up my eyes, to find Mrs. Evans standing on the other side of the counter, obviously waiting to cash out. Great. I scared the woman half to death.
"Sorry Mrs. Evans. Didn't mean to startle you, it just got away from me. You know what, dinner's on me tonight."
"Tough day, Sebastian?" I crack a smile at the use of my full name. Only my little sister and little old ladies can get away with that.
"Couple of tough days, more like. I'm sorry about your cat, Mrs. Evans."
She just nods, crooking her finger for me to come closer. When I lean down, she puts a hand on my face.
"You're a good boy, Sebastian. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." And turns to walk right out the door, which Gus is holding open with a smirk on his face.
"What?"
"Seems like sound advice to me," is all he says, picking up dishes from the table Mrs. Evans just vacated. I turn and head back into the kitchen starting my clean up there.
When I close the door on the last customer and turn the lock, it has just turned 7 pm. Gus is putting away the last glasses behind the counter when I approach.
"What's going on at Arlene's?" Is the first thing out of my mouth.
"Nothing right now. Emma convinced Arlene to come to our house for the night and Caleb drove them over earlier." His eyes on me are sympathetic. "Look man, give her the time. You know neither Emma nor I will let her hide away."
I sit down on a stool at the counter and rest my head in my hands. I just wanna fucking puke, I feel so miserable.
"There was just no good way, Gus. It was a rock and a hard place, that was it. Fucked up from the get go. Just so much more complicated now."
"No shit."
Needing to stay busy, I get up to close the blinds. "Anything on Julie yet? Or her aunt?"
"Found the aunt, but she says she hasn't seen Julie or the boy since the weekend. Doesn't know where they are and doesn't care. Piece of work she is."
"No wonder she needs help. You can't choose your family."
"Ain't that the sorry truth. She did mention a friend who works at Koko's on Main Street. Something to follow up on."
Closing up the rest in silence, I pull the door shut to the diner. Gus slaps me on the shoulder before climbing in his truck and pulling out of the parking lot. I just watch him drive off, to where his woman… and mine, are waiting. Then I walk around the building to take the stairs to my apartment, preparing myself for a long lonely evening.
I sink back into the large comfy couch that takes up most of Emma's living room. The rest of the house is a bit in shambles with the renovations ongoing, but that hasn't stopped them from putting up the tree we cut down on Monday. The house has a distinct Christmassy feel to it, and as always, it smells like fresh baking in here.
After spending the better part of the day bawling all over my friend, she finally convinced me to pack a bag and come to her place for a change of scenery. Gus scurried out of the house as soon as he saw us walk up the porch, with Caleb in tow. I barely noticed the little man-to-man those two had out there. All I know is that Gus disappeared and Caleb retreated to the kitchen to 'whip up something to eat'. Food. I can't bear to think of eating right now. My stomach is still revolting with all the conflicting emotions tumbling around. Pa
rt of me feels betrayed, but there is another part that finds the single-minded focus Seb obviously had in keeping me safe endearing. I even understand why it was difficult for him to come clean about his reasons for coming to Cedar Tree and staying, especially after Emma played Devil's advocate with me, something she is frustratingly adept at, and allowed me to see a bigger picture, but it doesn't take away my confusion.
Emma walks in and sits down next to me. She's changed into her signature yoga pants and oversized shirt.
"I put some water on for tea, unless you want something stronger?"
"Better not. I've been skirting the edges of a full-blown flare up and took some medication. I drink alcohol now, and I'll be flying high."
Emma giggles. "Might not be such a bad thing."
I turn my head to face her. "God. Don't tempt me. I'd give anything for a joint right now."
"I may have something for you after we eat. Something to help you sleep."
My eyes bug out. "No shit? You? Life in Colorado is really agreeing with you, isn't it." I have to laugh at the sheepish look on Emma's face. I've been known to use pot occasionally in one form or another, as a means to take the edge off pain that is otherwise difficult to treat. But Emma rarely indulged, and if she did, only from whatever I had available. Times certainly have changed if she has a stash of her own.
"Caleb actually picks some things up for me at the dispensary in Durango when he comes to visit."
"A bona fide supplier. That's me." Caleb walks in with three mugs of steaming tea. "Had I known you use it for pain control, I would have offered to pick some up for you as well, Arlene. Next time let me know."
"Thanks. By the way, with you two here, who is at the diner?"
Emma and Caleb exchange glances, but it is Caleb who answers me. "Seb is in the kitchen. He left straight there from your house. It's his way of still looking after you while giving you space."
That brings a lump to my throat and I take a sip of my tea to mask it.
"Gus went to help for the dinner rush when we got here."
I nod. "You guys really have been amazing, helping out the way you have. Everything seems a little unreal at this point. I mean, there haven't been any more calls - not since the cat - but with Julie gone missing now, I just feel like I'm missing the plot somewhere. I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow and try to get some normal routine back."
"What about Seb?" Emma wants to know. "How will you deal with seeing him all day?"
"Honestly? I don't know. Look, I don't hate him. It isn't as simple as that. He is obviously a very decent man and his intentions are good, I just don't know if I can trust what is between us. I mean, I barely trust what I’m feeling. How am I expected to trust what he thinks he feels? You have no idea what kind of risks I've already taken. I don't know if I have it in me to completely let go of the edge and just jump."
The next few minutes are silent, as if we are each considering my dilemma until Caleb interrupts the silence. "I think it isn't so much the circumstances as it is you that is holding you back. There is a big step you keep forgetting to take."
I can't help but bristle a little at his words, but he grabs my hands and forces me to hear him out.
"You know what I mean. Everything that is going on around you right now is distracting as hell, but the fact remains, you owe it to yourself to process and deal with some of the shit you were handed."
"I know that, Caleb, but I've had other things on my mind." I snap at him, but as usual, Caleb is unflappable and just looks at me patiently.
"You do realize that the sooner you get a handle on your past, the better equipped you are to deal with your present and your future?"
Oh fuck. Why the hell does he have to make such sense? From the look in his eyes I see he recognizes that the message has finally reached me. Resigned I drop my head, but not before I catch Emma mouthing 'Well done' at Caleb. Bloody conspirators!
I am in luck. I manage to get a hold of Dr. Mora, the therapist Gus referred me to, just as she is leaving the office. My original appointment had been for December 2nd, but when I explain my current circumstances briefly, she agrees to see me before her first scheduled appointment tomorrow. Now I'm nervous, never having had any kind of therapy before, I don't know what the hell to expect. Emma assures me to just be myself and keep an open mind. I can do that. At least, I think I can.
Two hours later, with some food in my stomach and the taste of a very special pot-laced chocolate truffle still lingering on my taste-buds, my frickin' mind is as open as the sky… and as empty. Blissfully so.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The crowd at Koko's is pretty thin. Still pretty early on a Wednesday night. Broncos aren't playing until tomorrow night and the Avalanche are out on a road trip until next week. Most of the TV screens are tuned into various other hockey games currently playing in the league, but things wouldn't really start heating up until after the Christmas break. It had taken me an hour or so of rambling around my apartment after trying to distract myself for a bit with a phone call to Faith. But in the end, the need to do something won out.
When I take a seat at the bar, a tatted up dark-haired woman in her thirties wearing a shirt with the bar’s name stretched over her ample tits, struts over.
"Hey gorgeous. What can I get ya?" Her voice is raspy with probably too many years of smoking, drinking and hard living, but that doesn't stop her from trying to seduce me with it. There might have been a time, years ago, when this would have been just the hook up I was looking for. Rough, gritty, a bit dirty and lewd, but most of all forgettable. There wasn't a single twitch of interest in me now. I have to chuckle. Fuck me. Arlene owns me. Unfortunately, my chuckle seems to have given off the wrong vibe ‘cause the dark haired chick is now leaning her tits on the bar and scraping her nails over my forearm. I sit back and pull my arms to my sides.
"Just a beer." I turn my back on her, watching one of the bigger screens where an Eastern Division game is ending in a shoot-out.
"Here you go, handsome. My name is Tanya. What brings you here?"
I have no choice but to abandon the game and try to focus on the reason I came here tonight. Information.
"Just checking the place out. Girl I work with mentioned it. Said a friend of hers worked here and it was a good place to grab a drink."
Interest sparks in Tanya's eyes. "Yeah? What's her name… the girl you work with?"
"Julie." At the mention of Julie's name I see recognition flit over her face, before she hides it behind a flirty smile.
"Could be a friend of Connie's. She's not scheduled tonight."
"Too bad. Although I was kinda hoping to bump into Julie. I know she lives in Cortez. Figured since she recommended the place, she might come here regularly herself."
"Not many female regulars here, honey." Tanya says with what likely is supposed to be a seductive pout. Definitely not a good look on her. "Not on my shifts anyway. More likely to find the guys hanging at the bar." She leans in and semi-whispers, "You ask me, it's my ink that turns them on." She proudly sticks out her arms, displaying the full sleeves of colorful tattoos.
"Beautiful work." I admit.
"You're welcome to see the rest of it." She flirts with me blatantly. "Maybe give me a chance to look yours over as well?"
I'm sure the intent was to get a rise out of me, instead I feel my balls shrivel up in my jeans. There is something slimy and calculated about this chick. I need to keep my focus though. Tanya knows more than she is letting on.
"So do you own this joint, Tanya?" I ask, hoping to move the conversation into safer waters.
"Ha! No, my bro… my boss does. He's in the back." She catches herself.
"Think he might know Julie?" I try, but it appears I've pushed my luck, because all the attempt at seduction is instantly gone from Tanya's face and replaced with a scowl.
"No. He doesn't know any Julie and I think you've overstayed your welcome." She plants her hands on her hips and stares me down. Not itchi
ng for a confrontation, I down my beer, slap the glass on the bar and walk out the door.
Gotcha! Tanya lies for shit. Her boss, or if my guess is correct, her brother, might well be the 'friend' at Koko's. Not a girlfriend, like I had assumed, but a guy, and one who obviously does not want his connection with Julie known. That is something for Gus to figure out, although he is likely going to give me shit for coming here tonight.
Flipping up the collar of my leather jacket against the cold wind, I walk around the side of pub to where I parked my truck. It isn't until I turn the key to unlock my door that I notice the street light about 20 feet away that had been on when I got here is no longer burning. The hair on my neck stands up and just as I'm about to turn around my face is slammed into the side of my truck. I can hear a distinct crack and my vision instantly blurs. All I hear is the rushing of my blood as the adrenaline kicks in and I start fighting my attacker. Or attackers, at this point, I have no clue. My face is smashed into the driver's side door and someone is pounding the piss out of my kidneys and ribs. I'll be pissing blood tomorrow. A well-aimed kick to the back of my knee, drops me like a rock and I can't hold back the howl that escapes me. Fucking hell. Not ready to concede so easily, but still half blind, I roll and use my good leg to aim a kick in the general direction of the bastard who is turning me into mincemeat. By the flurry of expletives and insults, I'm gathering I made some kind of contact and I'm squinting to try and make out who the hell is standing over me.
"What the hell? Matt! What the fuck are you doing?" The screeching is coming from the direction of the bar and if I'm not mistaken, it is the grating voice of the Koko's barmaid, Tanya.
"Fuck off, you idiot!" The big guy has his big ass boot on my throat now, and it is all I can do to keep him from crushing my neck.