Becoming His Little One

by Isabella Olivia Ellis

After he was done with the rub down, he slipped into bed beside her, his naked skin on her own. They passed a couple blurry hours, wrapped in each other's arms, his chin resting on the top of her head. They were both half-asleep, yet still conscious of the other.

  Finally, just before Carolyn was about to give in fully to the heavy weight of her eyelids, Dave lowered his mouth to her ear and murmured, "I have something for you, Little One."

  Sleepily, she smiled into his neck. "Mmm, yeah? What is it?"

  He pulled away from her- to her dismay- and rolled off the bed to walk across the room to his dresser. In the poor light, Carolyn watched as Dave pulled a long, flat box from the top drawer. He climbed back onto the bed and handed it to her. Pushing herself up by her elbows, she crossed her legs and sat up to open it. The box had no markings that she could see and when she lifted the lid, she was taken aback. Inside was a choker necklace comprised of two thin strands of crystal, met by a white gold O in the center.

  "It's not technically a collar." Dave explained. "It's not important to me to follow prescribed rules of the lifestyle. It doesn't signify any exact period or training. I thought you deserved a piece of jewelry, and it has a special meaning for us."

  Carolyn bit her lip and repeated do not cry do not cry over and over in her head like a mantra. This was the first out-of-nowhere gift a man had ever given her. Sure, Bill had given her an engagement ring when he proposed, but that was to be expected. This was different.

  "It's beautiful." She whispered, running her hand lightly over the smooth center O.

  Chapter Eight

  In his first text inviting Carolyn out to dinner, Dave had clearly specified that the evening's focus was to be on romance rather than kink. Though, of course, his underlying tone was that of dominance. This line specifically had caused Carolyn to smirk- Wear something red, it's my favorite color. Then, a few hours later, he had sent a second one reading, I have some bad news, Little One.

  The latter text message had bothered Carolyn all day. She was incredibly relieved that it was a Saturday and not a school day. She was far too distracted to focus on a lesson plan. What could that mean? Did he have some wife stashed away who was returning home? While it seemed ridiculous, it wasn't a far cry from something Bill would have done, so anything was possible. Was he a criminal? Being kicked out of the military? Trying to will herself to stop letting her mind wander to such fanciful places, Carolyn set up a calming playlist to listen to while she dressed for the evening. The only dressy red item of clothing she owned was a clingy pencil skirt she had bought for a New Year's Eve party a few years ago. This she paired with a plain black long sleeved V-neck shirt and black kitten heels.

  They had agreed to meet at a restaurant on the Redondo Beach pier. While she waited for him in front of it, Carolyn watched the waves crash over and over again on the shore below. She could remember coming here a couple times with Bill, who never wanted to stop and enjoy the environment, who was always hurrying her to eat or shop, so they could leave. Probably so he could meet up with his mistress. That, though, was the past. And now she could take her time and admire the beauty around her. She had found a man who understood her needs as well as his own. And, with that thought, Carolyn turned on her heels to see Dave coming down the boardwalk to meet her.

  Once they were seated and their drink orders had been taken, Dave, in true military man fashion, wasted no time in telling her exactly what he needed to. "I've got orders. In one month, I am due to report to Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado Springs. Usually they give us more time than this, but I have to replace someone being medically discharged."

  So, that was that. It felt as though Carolyn's heart had squeezed into a ball and rolled straight into the pit of her stomach. Months of doing, well whatever they had been doing, only to be shunted to the side at the last minute. Just moments ago, she'd been reveling in how happy she was in this situation, and now she was learning it wouldn't last.

  "I don't want this to be the end, Carolyn." Dave said, reaching across the table to take her hand.

  Those words set off an even worse internal panic. It was one thing to have to get over another man who walked out of her life. It was quite another to try to make whatever they had work over hundreds of miles. "Dave, I don't know if our arrangement is something we can make into long-term."

  "Arrangement. That's an interesting way to put it." He paused to take a sip of the wine the server had just delivered. Then he asked, "And why not?"

  "I just…I don't know. If I couldn't even keep a husband under normal circumstances, how does this transfer to a relationship?"

  "Carolyn, relationships aren't pre-packaged situations that fit every couple. We don't have to do what everyone else does to be normal."

  "This isn't something we can build a relationship on, Dave." Carolyn pressed her face into the palms of her hands. Though she could not see him, he was close enough for Carolyn to feel the warmth of his body.

  He sighed, minty breath blowing over her, and said, "The relationship has been built, Little One. There's no use questioning the foundation once the house is up."

  "I just don't think I can handle another messy end to a relationship. It's too much hurt. Bill and I were the epitome of the perfect couple, and that ended horribly. What can I expect of a relationship that began in a BDSM chat room?"

  "What does it matter where we began? How we feel is valid regardless of all of that."

  The panic continued to spill over Carolyn, much like the waves she had just been watching. It kept flowing over her, threatening to drown her. "I just can't do it, Dave. I'm sorry." With that, she stood up to leave.

  His arm shot up and he grabbed her hand. "Sit down, Little One. Now."

  Automatically, she did. She was used to complying with his wishes. It seemed unnatural to stop, even now.

  "I have to go, Little One. It is my job. We don't have to decide right now. Let's have a nice dinner, all right?"

  Carolyn nodded, but her heart wasn't in it. She had already made up her mind on the issue.

  Chapter Nine

  Carolyn watched as the fat drops of rain hit her living room window and then slid down. As she sipped steaming coffee from the mug clasped between both of her hands, she mused on her life and how she ended up where she was. Dave had left that morning, and she hadn’t been able to even bring herself to drive up to Los Angeles to see him off. It hurt too much. And now, here she sat, feeling sorry for herself. Scribble, oblivious to his master's inner plight, pawed at Carolyn's pants and mewled with satisfaction.

  As the saying goes, que sera sera. What's done is done. Clumsily, she placed her cup down, slopping coffee over the side and spilling it onto the window seat cushion. With the haughty indifference only a cat can perfect so well, Scribble hissed quietly and leaped down from her perch.

  Screw it. Feeling slightly inebriated, Carolyn used the back of the sofa to steady herself as she made her way to the mantle to retrieve her cell phone. After concentrating to dial her best friend, she held the phone to her ear with her shoulder.

  The phone's ringing stopped, there was a click, and then her friend’s voice filled the line. "Carolyn? Isn't it a little late for you?" asked Amy.

  Carolyn glanced at the clock. It was 10 pm, well past her usual school-marmish bedtime. This riled some small self-resentment inside the pit of her stomach. Fuck New Year's resolutions. "I can't stop thinking about Dave. And I really don't want to be myself right now."

  There was silence on Amy's end. "So, don't be you. Be whoever you wanna be."

  "What are you talking about?"

  Carolyn could almost hear her friend thinking, and she could certainly picture it. Amy's brows would be scrunched together and her mouth would be pursed and twisted to one side. Finally, she replied. "First of all, get out of whatever cardigan and lounge pant set you've got on."

  Before Carolyn could get out a word of false protest, Amy barreled on. "And then get into something sexy. Do something with that hair. Put on
some make-up. And I will be by to pick you up in thirty minutes."

  "Whoa. Come on, Amy. I know I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, but it's late. I'll just go to bed and we can do brunch in the morning."

  Amy clicked her tongue. "No. No. No. We are going out. You are going to stop sitting alone every night watching reality TV and mourning a guy who moved away. I will help you move on!"

  Knowing Amy was likely to show up regardless of her protests, Carolyn felt herself caving in. "All right. You win. I'll get dressed and we can catch a late movie or something."

  "Fine. I would much prefer to get you out and about and meeting people, but hey, baby steps. See you in twenty minutes."

  Sighing, Carolyn clicked her phone off, set it back on the mantle, and headed upstairs to find something presentable to wear to the theater.

  Chapter Ten

  She had been avoiding logging into OE since Dave had left California a month ago, but Carolyn couldn't stay away any longer. There were transactions from her hairstyle business to process and orders to fill. Someone in Tampa wanted a hot pink Mohawk with green tips by Monday. It will be fine. As soon as I finish sending the stuff off, I can log out. Ten minutes, tops. But seconds after logging in and before Carolyn could even open her business link, the little mailbox in the upper right corner of her screen began flashing. It's probably not him. Surely, he's busy with work or moving in. Or maybe even a new girl…

  But it was. When she clicked the icon to open up the chat, Dave's Lou44 avatar's face greeted her. "I was hoping you would log-on."

  Carolyn's fingers shook as they hovered above her keyboard. A little twist of jealousy wriggled in her stomach. "Have you been visiting the good ol' Flog often?"

  Dave's avatar's face remained passive as he typed back. "No. I haven't done anything in OE except log-in and hope you come on. You know, since you won't answer my calls, texts, letters, smoke signals, carrier pigeons…"

  Smiling softly in spite of herself, she said, "I know. I'm sorry. You moving has just been really hard on me."

  There was a pause in his typing, just a blank stare from Lou44 and a blinking icon showing that he had started to put something in his chat box. And then, "Can I see you?"

  "You're in Colorado."

  "Carolyn," he said, which nipped at her heart a little, since he had rarely ever called her anything but Little One, "you know that I didn't mean it that way. Log into Skype. See you in a minute."

  Then his avatar went dark to signal that Dave had gone offline. Completely forgetting about any business she had to do in OE, Carolyn logged out herself and then opened Skype. As soon as her screen loaded, the little box popped up and asked if she wanted to accept a video chat from Dave.

  In a few seconds, his face filled her screen. His eyes were crinkled into a smile at the corners, and she could see he was still in his uniform, the assortment of greens bringing out the hazel of his eyes. "Hey, beautiful."

  Carolyn laughed, recalling the first time he had called her beautiful. It still gave her stomach the same tumble of nerves. With that, the two dropped any awkwardness from not speaking in so long and began to share what the other had missed. Dave told her about the new Air Force base he was stationed at, and Carolyn told of her and Amy's recent visit to the beach.

  During a lull in the conversation, in which they just smiled at each other, Dave said, "You know, Carolyn. My offer still stands. I found this great new house. Two fireplaces, view of the Pike's Peak from the master bedroom, plenty of room for two. Well, three if we are counting your cat. He doesn't take up much room, though."

  Eyes growing hot with tears, Carolyn was taken aback by how hard these words hit her. She was surprised by how bad she ached inside to just say yes. To say, Okay, I'll come. I'll come right now. I just want to be with you. But after the pain and heartache of Bill, she just couldn't do it, couldn’t force the words out. She couldn't force herself to take the jump. She ducked her head in an attempt to hide her face as she replied. "Sounds beautiful, Dave. It's just, you know, I still have a few months of school. And Colorado seems so far away…"

  Hands lifted in mock defeat, Dave said, "All right. All right. I get it, I guess. Just don't disappear on me again, okay? You mean a lot to me."

  Carolyn nodded. They made plans to Skype again in a few days, and they each hung up. Ignoring the emotions tumbling around inside of her, she pushed everything else aside and started going over her lesson plans for the week.

  Chapter Eleven

  Though it was still a month away from the end of the school year, the kids had summer fever, bad. On top of that, the upper class had 8th-grade-itis, the smug self-satisfaction and unwillingness to work that can only come from being about to move on to high school. So, that Friday, rather than force any more reviewing for the end of the year tests, Carolyn passed out some ecosystems and biomes coloring sheets she had left over from the previous year, some boxes of crayons and markers, and told them to go crazy.

  After sitting back down to finish inputting information into her grade book, she felt her desk vibrate slightly. Smiling, she leaned down to peek at the phone in her top drawer. Dave, of course, saying that he was thinking about her during a break from the field exercise he was running.

  If she had been asked before Dave had moved, Carolyn would have assumed that a relationship with a BDSM basis couldn't have lasted distance and not being in each other's physical presence. Dave was proving her wrong. Very wrong, she had to admit. If she had known that they had such a strong foundation when he had asked her to move with him, well, things would have been very different. She sighed, forcing herself to stop ruminating on that regret and return to her grade book.

  Following a brief after-school meeting, Amy caught up with Carolyn in the parking lot. "Hey. What are your plans tonight?" she asked. And then, not waiting for Carolyn to reply, she said, "Do you want to grab some dinner at that new Brazilian place? My treat."

  "Sure," said Carolyn, shrugging and coming across more indifferent than she had intended, which she realized when she saw Amy's face fall a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I've just been thinking a lot."

  "Well," Amy replied, hooking her arm through one of Carolyn's and directing them towards her car, "You'll just have to tell me about it at dinner."

  Amy held her questions until both women had filled their plates at the salad bar and the meat servers had sliced thick hunks of beef and chicken for them. Then, as Carolyn took her first bite, she asked, "So, what is going on?"

  Rolling her eyes at her very persistent friend, Carolyn said, "It's Dave. What else?"

  Spearing a cherry tomato onto her fork, Amy held it up philosophically. "The long distance thing not working out? I don't think I could do it."

  Carolyn finished chewing her next bite, swallowed, and replied, "It's not that it's not working out. We're getting along great. He never misses a chat. He even sent me a handwritten card. Who does that anymore?"

  Amy shrugged. "So, what's the problem then?"

  "The problem is that it isn't enough. I want to see him in person. I want to feel his skin. I want him to make love to me."

  This stopped Amy in her tracks. "Did you just say make love?"

  Carolyn nodded.

  With a sigh, Amy said, "I think you know what you need to do. You either have to break it off, which didn't work the first time. Or you need to move there, which is obviously what you want to do."

  Carolyn shook her head. "It's not that easy, Amy."

  Amy squinted at her, pointed at her with her fork. "It is that easy. And that's what scares you."

  Despite the fact that Amy could be a little weird, Carolyn knew her friend was often right. She took a sip of her iced tea, and then the two began to talk details.

  Chapter Twelve

  After giving hugs to the three guys who came out to help her and Amy pack her apartment- two physical education teachers and one guy from the math department- Carolyn turned to face her best friend. "Well, the trailer is
loaded and hooked up. My place is clean as a whistle. Scribble is in his carrier. I think I'm ready to hit the road."

  Scrunching her face up and crossing her arms over her chest, Amy said, "I think it's going to work out, but I'm still so nervous for you. Are you scared? What if you get there and he has some baby mama at his house?"

  Managing to choke back her snort of laughter, Carolyn cried, "Baby mama? Amy, what have I told you about watching all of that reality TV?"

  "All right." Amy conceded. "Maybe not a baby mama. But I am serious. I guess it's because this isn't something the Carolyn I've known for five years would do."

  "That's exactly it. I'm not the same Carolyn you've known for so long. That Carolyn let her husband treat her like dirt and then walk out without a peep. That Carolyn never did anything she really wanted to. Since I met Dave, I started taking risks. And I liked them. They made me happy. He makes me happy."

  Reaching forward and pulling Carolyn in a gripping hug, Amy said, "Okay. Okay, I get it. I'm happy you're happy, and I trust your decisions. Just know that if you want to come back for any reason, you have a place to stay with me. Are you sure you wanna leave today, though? It's already noon."

  "Thanks. Seriously. And yeah, Flagstaff is only eight hours away. I'll stop there for the night and get to Colorado Springs tomorrow. It's a lot of driving, and Scribble will be pissy, but it's worth it."

  Her friend gripped her in one last good-bye hug, and then Carolyn got in the car, punched in the address of the Flagstaff hotel she had booked for the night into her GPS, and then hit the road.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The next morning, Carolyn’s GPS led her out of Flagstaff and straight through Colorado to Dave's house without a single mishap. She had known it would be quite the change from Southern California, but she still found herself gaping at the still snowcapped mountains of Pikes Peak like some kind of yokel.