I fell back onto my bed, curled into a ball, and cried for hours.
I CAN’T BELIEVE it’s her. I haven’t seen little Kennie in what…eleven years? I thought she looked familiar when I was standing in line, but now that I’m approaching her table, I realize how “little” Kennie has done a lot of growing up.
She’s smoking fuckin’ hot.
She still has those big crystal blue eyes although they look duller, perhaps a little more vacant; still has the long dark brown hair, and damn has she matured—even more so from the last time I saw her.
At first I don’t think she recognized me, but the look of confusion is no longer on her face; it’s now replaced with realization—as if everything has clicked for her as to who I am—but she seems almost timid to speak to me. I can’t say I blame her though; she probably has some questions about where the fuck I’ve been, and why I dropped off the face of the earth for so many years.
Yes, some apologizing is in order.
Stopping in front of her table, I notice her two friends size me up curiously.
“Kennie? Little Kennie Tillson, look at you all grown up.”
Her head rises up at me and she nods slowly, “Drew? Andrew Trey Dean?” Then, curiously enough, she looks down almost immediately.
That was odd…
This is not the little outgoing tomboy I remember. “Yeah, it’s me! Come here and give me a hug! It’s been far too long.” The sound of metal scrapes against wood as she lifts from her chair and steps toward me. Finally looking back up, she gives me a smile.
There’s definitely something wrong because this smile doesn’t reach her eyes in the least. I open my arms to embrace her, and am transported back to our last goodbye.
After our goodbye, I walked out of Kennie’s room, hearing the click, a soft thud sounded as I leaned my head against the door. I heard a muffled sound, so I turn and pressed my ear to her door. The muffled noise became clear—it was her sobbing. That did me in and broke my heart. Leaving Kip fucking blew as it was; but leaving Kennie? Life just wasn’t fucking fair. I knew Kip would’ve murdered me if he knew I’d started to develop feelings for his little sister. That bastard was so damn overprotective, it was scary. I couldn’t pretend to understand it since I didn’t have a little sister, but fuck! I didn’t know how she did it—she weaseled her way in, and I cared about her more than I should have. I was supposed to be looking out for her—not falling for her. And, since we were leaving, there wasn’t even a ghost of chance for it to have been a remote possibility. I could’ve convinced Kip I’m not some douche bag who was trying to get into his sister’s panties. My choice had been stripped away; maybe it was for the better.
I exhaled a slow breath as I pushed off of her door silently, grabbed Kip, and headed back over to my house so we could say our proper “bro” goodbyes.
She pulls back from the hug to look up at me, “Drew, I’m so rude,” she laughs at herself, and the sound is about as gorgeous as the rest of her. “These are my friends, Cassandra and Adriana,” she points down to the two sitting expectantly at the table.
Even though there’s something off about her laugh, I really notice her friends now because they are staring at me incredulously. In all honesty, they’re both pretty hot too, but not Kennie-hot. I love that she’s got curves.
I hold my hand out, “Hello nice to meet you, I’m Andrew, but you can call me Drew.”
The Spanish one, Adriana I think she said? Shakes my hand and smiles, “Well hello Drew, you can call me Ade, and this one right here,” she points with her free hand to the pretty blonde, “you can call Cass.”
“Hello,” she waves and smiles.
“It’s nice to meet you both,” I nod, and turn back to Kennie. “May I?” I ask, gesturing to the empty seat next to her.
“Sure.” She glances at her friends, and sits back down so I follow suit easing in next to her.
Before I can strike up a conversation, Kip’s voice booms, “Drew my man! I see you found Mackenzie and friends. These three go practically everywhere together.” He laughs as he claps me on the back.
She seems to have visibly relaxed since he came up to the table. Maybe the vibe I’m getting from her is just my misconception? Maybe she’s still pissed at me for losing touch for so long? I take a mental note to question Kip later when Kennie’s not around.
“Don’t be jealous because we find Mackenzie much more appealing than you, Kip,” Ade sarcastically tells him once he’s seated.
I chuckle internally.
The blonde one shakes her head and stifles a laugh. Kennie sits there quietly, watching the exchange.
“Oh Ade, as much as I love my baby sister, we both know that’s not true…” he smirks at her, “…for you anyway. It’s okay, you can drool now that I’ve arrived.” He leans back in his chair and places his hands behind his head with a satisfied smile.
She laughs and smacks his arm, “In your dreams, Kip Tillson.”
AS ADE AND Kip continue on with their banter and battle of comebacks, I see everyone laughing and enjoying themselves. I had no clue Kip would be here, but I knew once I saw him, I could relax because he can always transition even the most awkward of situations.
On the other hand, I’m hyper aware of Drew just mere inches away from me. I haven’t seen him in…oh, I believe ten or eleven years? As curious as I am as to why he’s back, and as much as I want to just ask, I refrain, keeping my mouth shut. I can’t even look him in the eyes without feeling like he can see straight through me. For whatever reason, this realization makes me feel ashamed. This is me. This is the exact girl I’ve grown to hate. My thoughts of self doubt always at the fore front of my mind reminding me I’m not good enough, and may never be. With all of these heavy thoughts floating around my mind daily, I push it aside and collect what few pieces I’ve gathered in this short reunion with Drew: While he’s grown up to be an extremely gorgeous man, I’m way less than average; where he’s confident in himself, I’m beyond insecure; where he’s charming, I’m socially inept.
Sighing inaudibly, I refocus my attention to the conversation at hand, and hear Kip ask Drew, “So where’s Jax? I thought he would be coming along as well?”
“Who’s Jax?” Cass speaks up.
“He’s my little brother,” Drew leans back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, “And to answer your question, Kip, since I’ve been handling most of the business merger, I told him his job was to secure us a permanent residence.”
“There’s another one of you?” The sly look Ade shoots Drew’s way leaves nothing to the imagination, but all I can focus on were his words of the merger.
“As in, my father’s business merger?” It’s too late to stop the words tumbling out of my mouth. What makes it even more unnerving? Everyone around me stops talking. I know I’m not much for conversation, but it’s not like I don’t ever speak.
Kip jumps in, “First of all, Adriana, keep it in your pants,” His head moves back and forth in a disapproving manner, while her response is to flip him off, “and yeah sis. Dad and Mr. Dean’s businesses have decided to merge and expand. I swore I told you all about this, didn’t I?” His expression goes slack, “That’s why dad hired you to do the photo shoot?”
My father hiring me, I remember. The other stuff? Not so much. It’s my own fault really. I let my mind wander to things I’d rather not remember, instead of paying attention to tangible people having intelligent—for the most part—conversation directly in front of me. I play it off and wave my hand, “Oh that’s right, now I remember. Silly me.” The corners of my mouth lift nonchalantly.
Drew uncrosses his arms, leans forward resting on the table, and tilts his head to the side eyeing me curiously. When my gaze locks on his, he smiles; and it’s such a great smile. Before I hold eye contact for too long, my head shifts the opposite way.
“Mackenzie?” Cass looks at her watch as my attention reverts back to her.
“Yeah?”
“Ade a
nd I need to get going, not all of us are talented enough to live off of our freelance work.” She winks.
“Oh sure, I’ll be heading out soon anyway.”
“Okay, well Ade and I will come by later okay? Friday night, three amigas wine and movie night, right?”
I laugh. The sound's completely foreign to my ears, “Right. I’ll see you later.”
“Nice to meet you, Drew!” Ade stands up and waves.
“Nice to meet you,” Cass follows right after.
“The pleasure was all mine ladies, have a good day.”
“Hey what about me? I don’t get any goodbyes?!” Kip interjects as Cass and Ade start walking away from the table.
They both laugh at him. “Goodbye Kip,” Ade says in a singsong voice as she winks and blows him an air kiss.
I just shake my head.
My very fortunate brother got genuinely blessed in the looks and all around great everything department. He’s tall, has a lean athletic build, hazel eyes, dark brown hair, and a perfect smile. The list goes on and on when it comes to my big brother; including the fact that he’s the best big brother in the world. He may not be able to fix me and make me better like I know he so desperately wants to, however, he’ll never give up on me. I love him for that; especially since I’ve practically given up on myself.
“Mackenzie, I’m gonna go grab a coffee, need anything? Drew? You need anything?” Kip asks looking back and forth between us.
“No thanks, I’m good.” I hold up my coffee.
“Yeah sure man, medium black coffee. Thanks.” Drew says.
Kip gets up and walks over to the line, which has now grown, for the wait of a morning jolt before work. Just as I feared; he left Drew and I alone. I’m instantly nervous and feel utterly exposed.
“So Kennie, how’ve you been all these years?”
I don’t look up at him. Instead, I play with my half drank, now lukewarm, cup of coffee. “I’ve been good, how about you?” There’s no way I’m baring any of my issues with Drew. I repeat—no way.
I’m met with silence.
That is, until, I feel him turn towards me, lean in closer and move his thumb and index finger in to tilt my chin up to him. My breath hitches; I’m trying so hard to avert my gaze, but I can’t look away.
“Kennie,” his eyes stare into mine so intensely, “What’s happened to you?”
What’s happened to me? What’s happened to me?
Now that was a pretty loaded question. A lot has happened to me, as a matter of fact. None of this I say to Drew, obviously. What’s even more disconcerting is he can tell something’s wrong with me. Apparently, my acting skills were not as convincing as I had originally presumed. However, does he really think after all of these years he can swoop in and know anything about me, my life, or better yet, even have a right to ask?
I dispose the cycle of negative thoughts breeching to the surface, and continue my act of nonchalance, “I’m not sure what you mean Drew, nothing’s happened to me—same old Kennie, just a little bit older.”
I’m still staring into his eyes and I can tell he doesn’t believe me. He drops it anyway, and releases my chin. When my gaze falls back to my coffee, I hear him breathe a deep sigh.
“So how’ve you been? All of these years, how did Virginia treat you?” I sneak a glance at his face. He’s leaning over now, with one arm on the table—fist propping his head up as he continues to stare at me.
“I’ve been good, really good—Jax as well. Now, anyway. He had some issues awhile ago, but he’s back on track,” Drew smiles and reaches his free hand to stop me sliding my cup in between my hands absent mindedly.
I so badly want to ask him what he means by Jax having issues, but refrain because it means I would need to actually participate in the conversation, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Instead, I stare at his lingering hand which has stopped the idle movement of my cup and simply respond with a faint smile, “Good, I’m glad to hear it.”
To avoid any more awkward and unwelcome conversation, Kip comes back up to the table like the saving grace he is and hands one cup off to Drew. “So what’d I miss?”
“Nothing too exciting,” Drew answers with amusement in his voice. I see the perfect opportunity to slide on out of here and break away from my extreme discomfort. He’s just being nice to his childhood best friend’s little sister, that’s all. There would be no reason for him to be interested in me in any way other than formal and polite, regardless.
“Mackenzie, did you hear me?” Damn. Why do I always distract myself by not listening to conversations taking place before my very eyes?
“No Kip, what’s up?”
“I asked what you were doing for the rest of the day,” he leans back, and rests his left arm on the back of the empty chair beside him. I notice now he’s dressed casually and not in work attire. He’s got on a navy blue button up shirt and some light faded jeans. “If you aren’t busy, I’m taking the day off. Drew, Jax and I are going to look around for some furniture for their new place.”
I stare at him blankly as he continues on, “You know we could use a woman’s opinion with all of that girly shit, besides you like the design stuff anyway, right?”
He’s right, I do, but there’s no way I’m going to further push the boundaries of my comfort level, so I make something up. “You’re right, I do,” I say, “but I have some other projects I need to finish for my clients.” Looking back and forth between the two with an apologetic expression, I see my out. “Speaking of, I should really get going. It was really good seeing you again, Drew.” Standing up to move out, I breathe a small sigh of victory. I lean down to kiss Kip on the cheek, and that’s when… Drew volunteers to walk me out. Really?
I tell him I’m okay, but he insists. To continue to argue would just make things even more awkward, so I relent. We make our way outside while Drew assures Kip he’ll be right back. I’m walking ahead of him with my eyes downcast, praying for this to be an easy exit. When we reach my car, I turn around and look past him.
“Well, thanks for walking me out Drew, but see? I’m fine.”
He looks down at me and scratches the stubble shadowing his face, “Have you ever seen the movie, The Italian Job, the Mark Wahlberg version I mean?”
My brows scrunch in confusion, “Yes…?”
“I only ask because you see, you say you’re ‘fine’ but realistically you could be using ‘fine’ to cover what you really are—freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional—like in the movie.” He points out.
I should be upset. I would be upset…but, the fact of the matter is, I’m embarrassed because he’s right. Mistaking my stunned silence while I mull over my thoughts, he continues, “Or maybe you just hate me for not coming back?” He bends down so he’s eye level with me, “Is that what it is? You know, one of my only regrets was never coming back, Sweetheart.”
His words resonate with me. I’ve seen my worth, though. It’s come at me more than once, and I can say with full certainty, Drew is way beyond my worth. His comment, however, takes me by surprise. “Hate you, Drew? Of course not. Why would I hate you?”
His shoulders lift in question, “I don’t know. It was pretty dick of me to drop off and disappear…I was just assuming.” He stands up straight to where he towers over me, forcing me to crane my neck upwards. He does look worried, but masks it with a gorgeous smile. “So then tell me, Kennie, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing’s ‘up’ with me Drew.” Why does he keep asking me that? “This is the new, improved Kennie,” I assure him, sweeping my left hand up and down the length of me.
He smirks at me, “Mhm, sure. You’re not fooling me. But, if that’s the game you want to play, then I’ll let it be for now.” He cocks his head to the side, “I know I’ve been gone for awhile so I have a lot of time to make up for. Rest assured it starts with getting to know the ‘new improved Kennie,’ you speak of.” He leans in, placing a kiss on my forehead, before he turns on his heel to w
alk back inside.
He can’t be serious, can he?
I DECIDE TO take quick glance before entering the coffee shop; looking back at Kennie over my shoulder. She’s standing there with a stunned look on her face, and, when she notices me looking, she quickly enters her car.
It could’ve been considered a pretty dick move—calling her out about her life which I know shit about and whatnot—but, it is what it is. Something’s different with her, and it’s driving me nuts that I can’t place it. Maybe I have no right to demand answers, what with me just coming back. However, I’m never one to be patient when it’s something I want.
And I want her.
I run my hand through my hair in frustration walking back to the table with Kip. I’ve decided I’m going to see what information I can pump out of him.
“So, your sister’s all grown up... Much quieter than I remember though,” I remark as I sit back down across from him.
Kip’s elbows sat propped on the table. He stretches, then places his hands behind his head and furrows his brows. “Yeah, she’s definitely grown up, but she hasn’t been the same since she broke off her engagement last year.”
I almost choke on my coffee. Engaged? Little Kennie was engaged? Damn. I guess I shouldn’t find that surprising since we’re adults, and well, she’s smoking hot, but still…color me fucking surprised. “Oh yeah? What happened?” Keeping my tone even, I question.
Kip looks at me, his eyes clouded with trouble. “We don’t really know. She started pulling away from all of us; hanging more with this one friend she met through work. She seemed happy when we saw her, so we didn’t really think much of it.
“After a while, she would cancel on family dinners frequently, make excuses as to why she was always late. We wouldn’t see her as often anymore,” he rubs his hand over his face, “and we—as in my family, Cass and Ade—all feel it had something to do with her ex, Wes.” He pauses, “Then one day out of nowhere, she calls us to say she’s broken off her engagement, and he’s moved out. She stopped hanging out with all of her old friends; saying it was a part of her old life and she was trying to move on...”
Ending a Broken Journey Page 2