Wow. I can’t imagine her not confiding in her friends or family—especially her family. If memory serves me correctly, they’ve always been close. He continues on, and I start to get the feeling he’s been dying to talk to someone who wasn’t directly involved. A pang of guilt creeps up on me for leaving him hanging for so long.
“After a couple of months, she seemed to be doing better but then shortly after, she became what you saw…vacant. She’s never really in the conversation, she never speaks up in group conversations, she makes excuses about being busy; I know my sister, and all she’s doing is sitting at home alone thinking about God knows what.
“We’re worried about her man.”
Well, fuck. This is a lot to take in. I didn’t think Kip would lay it all out on the table, but he cares a great deal about her, and clearly doesn’t know what to do.
“Well, I’m here to stay. I’ll help in any way I can to bring the old Kennie back.” He looks at me with disbelief strewn across his face, “That’s a promise.” I confirm.
I pay close attention to things, so, I know I read him correctly when he sees my words aren’t bullshit. Why would they be? We’re talking about Kennie here. He nods at me, “So… you ready to find some stuff for your place? We need to pick up Jax still, right?”
“Yes and yes.”
“Well lead the way. I don’t know where you live.”
We stand to dump our finished coffees in the trash. On the way out, all I can think about are ways to become a bigger part of Kennie’s life; regardless of the fact that it most likely will send her brother over the edge.
ON MY DRIVE home, I continue to replay Drew’s words repeatedly in my mind… “I have a lot of time to make up for. Rest assured it starts with getting to know the ‘new improved Kennie’ you speak of.”
Between his blunt words, and how tender his kiss was, my thoughts were in a cloud. Therefore, I didn’t realize I’ve parked in the garage of my building. I gather my things, and take the elevator to the eleventh floor, where I reside. Walking to my door, my mind is in a clouded haze. I’m usually alone with my thoughts, so this isn’t anything out of the ordinary…but this time, they’re thoughts of Drew. I can’t believe he’s really back, I can’t believe how gorgeous he’s grown up to be, and I can’t believe his incessant stare downs make me feel something; even if it happens to be discomfort. He’s been back for all of five minutes and I’m forgetting the most important part of the adult Mackenzie—I’m an empty shell of who I used to be and I’ll never be good enough—for him, for myself, or for anyone.
Ugh! Why can’t I find anything to wear? I stood there as I stared at all of the clothes in my closet, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“Babe? Are you still not ready?” I heard Wes yell from our bedroom.
It was the night of Wes and my two-year anniversary. We’d started a tradition in going to dinner in the Ybor City district, grabbing a cup of coffee and buying tickets to see a live comedy show. Although November, or any month for that matter, is generally warm in Florida, that night the weather had decided to give us a break, gracing us with something a little cooler. Undecided between skinny jeans, a light sweater and flats; or skinny jeans, a long sleeved fitted v neck shirt and wedges, I’d taken longer than expected. I went for option number two. The shirt was a dark shade of purple, so the contrast brought out my eyes. Well, I thought so anyway. I came walking out of the closet to see Wes, who sat on the edge of the bed, flipping through channels until he landed on ESPN. He looked insanely hot in his all black ensemble. I loved when he went all monochromatic on me; especially with dark colors because it matched his dark hair and dark eyes.
I smiled as I took him in, “Ready to go, babe?” I asked him. He looked away from the television at me with his brows furrowed, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?”
My smile faltered a little, “Well yes, I’d planned on it. Why? What’s wrong?” I assessed myself.
“Well babe,” he scratched his chin thoughtfully. “It’s just really tight and revealing. Plus, you’ve gained a few pounds with the holidays coming up.” He added nonchalantly then turned his attention back to sports.
Turning around, I headed back into the closet as I tried to mask my hurt feelings. Wes was never intentionally rude to me, ever. I knew he just desired for me to be the happiest version of me there was. He always pushed me when I lacked incentive to push myself. Plus, he’d been right; I had gained a few extra pounds. It obviously wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me when I’d felt bloated earlier.
Wes broke my concentration when I heard his deep voice come up behind me in the closet. “Baby?” He slipped his arms around my waist as I contemplated what to change into.
“Yeah?” I asked him, my voice was a little shaky.
“I’m sorry, that was rude of me. You look great. You always do. My impatience got the best of me and I was just being an ass.” He leaned in nuzzling my ear. He planted light kisses from the top of my shoulder up to my neck. “Let’s go baby, I’m starving.”
I twisted in his arms to gaze up at him. “Are you sure? I know you’re right. Maybe this is too much?”
“No, I promise, its fine and you look perfect.”
Thoughts of Wes always bring me to a dark place. I’m there more often than I care to be and when I am, the feeling of disgust almost always makes an unwelcome appearance. So, I do what I always do when that happens—I change into a pair of running shorts, a tank top and some running shoes. Grabbing my IPod and house key to slip in my sock, I head out the door for a run.
I usually run every morning. Although I skipped today, I can now make up for it before the day is over. I have plenty of time before Cass and Ade join me for our girls’ night tonight.
I head past the security desk, wave to both guards on duty and step out into the slightly breezy late morning October air. I set out to start my jog along Bayshore Blvd. Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Skindred and The Black Keys give me the exact pace I need to maximize my running time. The views of the gorgeous mansions all in a row on one side, with the bay and its crashing waves on the other, make for a very peaceful run. This is my normal route; I’ve worked my way up to seven or eight miles depending on my mood.
ABOUT AN HOUR or so, and a good sweat, later, I’m back to my building taking the elevator up. I exit the doors and pass a guy whom I’ve never seen before. Not that I’m a nosy neighbor, but I’ve lived here awhile. I’m pretty sure I would’ve recognized a tall, good looking guy with arms covered in vibrant colored tattoos. You’d have to be blind for that sort of thing to go unnoticed. I give my sleuthing skills a shot to try and sneak a quick glance, but instead, see he’s staring at me as he walks by. Shit! Way to be smooth. I look down at my feet quickening my pace, eager to pass him—until he speaks to me.
“Hi.”
I stop dead in my tracks, turn around, and crane my neck upwards to see him eye to eye; all too aware that I’m literally sweating my ass off. “Hello,” I manage awkwardly. I’m rarely up for holding conversations with people I do know, much less people I don’t, so this interaction is starting to give me anxiety.
“Do I know you?”
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. “No, I’m sorry I don’t believe you do,” I respond darting my eyes from his.
He scratches the stubble on his chin and I notice he’s got tattoos across his knuckles as well; I think it spells out “love” but I can’t be too sure because the movement was so fast, “I’m pretty sure I do. You look really familiar to me.”
I stand there while my anxiety reaches new heights, really wishing this whole entire encounter was over, “Maybe I just have one of those faces?” I give him a small smile and turn to start walking again.
“Mackenzie!” I hear the snap of his fingers.
Who the hell is this guy?!
I stop, circling on my heel thoroughly confused, as he continues on. “Mackenzie Tillson! I knew I recognized you, you haven’t changed one bit. Well I mean you’ve grown, bu
t you’re just like I remember.”
“I’m sorry you don’t look familiar to me,” I keep looking at him, surprised my anxiousness is subsiding at the warmth in his deep brown eyes. What am I missing?
He laughs, “Oh I didn’t think you would. I’ve change quite a bit. It’s me, Jax! Jax Dean, Drew’s little brother.”
Oh. My. God. Jaxon “Jax” Dean. He’s no longer the scrawny little kid I remember—at all. He’s grown up to be a really, really good looking guy too. What is with the Dean men being so hot?
I feel my cheeks heat up, so I try to remain calm. “Wow, Jax! Long time no see. How’ve you been?” Then I remember where we are; standing in the hallway of my condo building. “What’re you doing here?”
He pulls me into a hug—sweat and all—even though I didn’t offer one and chuckles, “I’ve been good. Have you seen Drew? I figured him or Kip would’ve told you we were back.” He says pulling me from his embrace.
“Oh, yeah. I actually ran into Drew this morning. Just found out you guys were, but welcome back.” He still hasn’t answered my question as to why here though. Here, as in my place of residence.
“Ahh, okay. Well, I was in charge of securing a place for us to live, so here I am. We’re moving in right down the hall.” He points in the direction I was originally heading. “We’re going to be living in 1120.”
This has got to be some kind of cruel, sick joke someone is playing on me. I feel my insides start trembling and my knees start to shake. This can’t be. Three doors down from where I live? I was doing perfectly damn fine hating the bane of my existence every day on my own. But an added reminder of what I could never have living a few feet away? It’s just so…inhumane. Karma’s getting a great big laugh at my expense, I’m positively sure of it.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “Sounds great Jax. We’ll be neighbors then, because I’m in 1114.” Did he have to know that?
“No shit.” Jax grins at me and winks crossing his arms across his chest.
No shit.
SINCE I’M NOT really familiar with the area Jax has found for us to live, I’ve entered our address into my phone’s GPS. Kip decided to just leave his car at the coffee shop and ride with me. Two bird’s one stone, and because, well, my car’s fucking awesome.
“Dude, seriously? This car is sick.” Kip states, looking around checking out my car as I follow the directions of my GPS.
“I know man, I know. People just don’t appreciate the classics anymore.” The tapping noise from me petting my dashboard sounds over the music.
I love my car. Fully restored 1966 Buick Skylark two door sport coupe; black racing stripes on slate grey paint, all black on black leather interior… A super turbine 300 2-speed transmission? Hell yes. I could go on all day about my car. It was originally a project car for when Jax was going through some pretty shit times. Dad thought it would be good to work and restore; to help with the anger he was experiencing. Although it was meant for Jax, who ended up working through his issues, he wanted me to have it. He knows I feel this car gave us a second chance at being a family, and Jax not spiraling completely out of control. I named her Benedetta for that very reason. It means “blessed” in Italian and it’s what I consider her: a blessing to our family.
“How long have you had her?” Kip asks me, “I’m assuming it’s a she?”
“Yeah it is,” I confirm with a smile. “Her name’s Benedetta. I’ve had her for about five years.”
“Italian? You work on her yourself?”
“Yup. And nah, it was a ‘family project’ for Jax, my dad, and I.”
I pull into the parking garage of our new place when Kip looks at me confused, “Why’re we here?”
Now I’m confused. “Uh, because this is where Jax and I live? It’s the address he gave me anyway.”
“Here? You guys live here?”
I have no clue why Kip is being so fucking weird about this, “Yes? This is where we live apparently. Thought that was established. What’s the problem?”
I’m about to park the car when I see Jax waiting by the elevator. He’s leaning against the wall with his foot propped up, arms folded across his chest. He catches sight of Kip and I, giving us a head nod. I pull up beside him as Kip gets out letting him in the back.
“I don’t have a problem Drew, it’s just, this is where my sister lives.”
No shit. She lives here? I’m going to have to remember to thank Jax for this. Although I’m sure he had no clue. Hell, who knows? This is a big building anyway; we’ll probably never even run into each other.
“Oh? Does she now?” I give him a smirk.
“Bro! You’ll never guess who I just ran into!” Jax exclaims as he climbs in the car. Before I can answer he tells me, “Mackenzie. Little Mackenzie Tillson.”
Kip gets back into the car, and Jax continues, “Kip, I didn’t know you’re sister lived here. I ran into her in the hallway and stopped her because she looked so familiar. It took me a minute to recognize her. I think I may have freaked her out because, let’s face it, I don’t look the same,” he chuckles at himself. “But there she was. We live like three doors down from her,” he finishes.
“Wait, you live on the same floor as her too? What are the odds?” Kip questions out loud.
Fuck yes. This day just keeps getting better and better. I smile to myself because this news is just the icing on the cake to seeing Kennie after all these years. I put my car in drive, heading off to go shopping for furniture.
Like a chick.
And just like that, my smile is gone.
FOUR HOURS LATER, Jax and I are dropping Kip back off to his car at the coffee shop. Everything should be delivered next week, so we’re all set. It was brutal. I’ll never understand why women like to do that shit. I kind of wish Kennie would’ve taken Kip’s offer to help us, though. I’m sure shopping with her all day would’ve been fun—and of course, checking her out. The only other thing constant on my mind all day is that she and I are fucking neighbors.
“Hey Drew? You want go out to that Irish bar I was telling you about tonight? O’Dwyer’s?” Kip’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Jax said he’s in.”
“Yeah, sure man. Sounds good.”
“Alright, well then I’ll come by and get you guys around ten,” Kip exits my car. Jax gets out climbing in the front seat, clapping Kip on the back. “Alright, we’ll see you later.”
I LOCK THE door after saying goodbye to both Cass and Ade. Sighing, I lean my back against the door. It’s been quite a day; Drew being back, him and his brother living a few doors down from me... I don’t know how I’m going to be able to avoid them constantly. What I do know is I need to try. Drew’s presence overwhelms me completely, so a distraction from my soul searching is the last thing I need in my life.
Thankfully, I had my girls here tonight to unhinge me from all things Drew. I almost forgot how much I’ve missed them. It became evident after tonight how distant I’ve truly grown from them—and everyone else for that matter.
“Hey Mackenzie! You ready for tonight?” Ade asked me over the phone. It was Saturday night, which meant the work week was over. Cass, Ade and I had plans for dinner, drinks, and some much needed girl time.
“Yes! I’m excited. We’re doing what? Mexican for dinner, and then maybe a bar downtown, right?” I repeated the potential plans back to her.
“Yes, that’s what we’ve got so far. We’re so excited to see you! It seems like it’s been forever since we’ve had a girls’ night.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been spending so much of my downtime with Wes. I’m sorry for being such a terrible friend,” I admitted a little sadly. I truly was. I knew a large part was because I had been spending a lot of time with Wes. Not just with him though. Sammy and her friends had preoccupied a significant amount of time as well. Sometimes it was hard to be around Cass and Ade, because although they supported my happiness, Wes was not on their list of likes. And, because of that, Wes in turn had taken an extre
me disliking to them. They’d never been openly rude to him, but maybe I had, a time or two, expressed things they would say in my anger with him. Suffice it to say, I hadn’t spent as much time as I would’ve liked to with my best girls.
“Oh please! You’re not a terrible friend. We do miss you, but we understand you have a life too, silly.” She had an uncanny ability of always making me feel less guilty for being an asshole, and I loved her for it.
“Okay fine,” I relented. “I’ll see you girls tonight.”
We said our goodbyes and hung up just as Wes came walking in from playing football with the guys.
“Hey babe, who were you talking to?” He strolled over to me all sweaty and planted a kiss on my cheek.
“Oh, it was Ade. We were confirming plans for our girls’ night tonight.” I looked at him and smiled; a smile that died rather quickly at the look that was on his face: disgust.
“Um, Mackenzie, when were you going let me in on this little outing with the ‘girl’s’?”
“I did tell you Wes, all week I’ve told you. I haven’t seen them in forever.”
“Well, when you told me you were hanging with the girls I assumed it was with Sammy and her friends.”
He would’ve assumed it was with them. They were constantly around anyway. I needed quality time with my old friends too. “Yeah, well it’s not. I see Sammy all the time. Hell we both do, they’re always around. I miss Cass and Ade.”
“Babe, you know how I feel about Cassandra and Adriana. So, sorry, but I’m not okay with you going out with them.”
Since when did I need his permission to do anything? He also knew how much I hated it when he used their full names; like they’re foreign to him or something.
Ending a Broken Journey Page 3