“Oh no, it’s perfect. Come here.”
I stretch my arm to hold the door open wider for her. She walks right under it without having to duck. I wrap both of my arms around her waist from behind. Placing my chin on her shoulder, I whisper in her ear, “Hi.”
She giggles, “Hi.”
I nudge her to move forward with my arms still wrapped around her. We make it a few steps down the hall before I hear her gasp, “Oh my god.” She breathes out and turns in my arms. “How did you? When did you? I…oh my god.”
I’M SPEECHLESS, COMPLETELY and utterly speechless. I always knew Drew was different, but this goes so far beyond any expectations I’ve ever had.
Walking into his living room, there are elegant lilac candles everywhere; they range in all sizes, but maintain a circular theme. He has them placed strategically throughout his whole condo—on his dining table, kitchen bar, coffee table. Not only are there candles, but also small bouquets of white hydrangeas placed around the candles. The lights are off, but it doesn’t matter. It’s solely illuminated by candlelight. My gaze scans the whole room, taking everything in. Soft classical music plays in the background while Drew starts to sway our bodies back and forth in tune to the soft rhythm humming along. It’s perfect. Absolutely, undeniably, wholeheartedly, perfect. I can’t believe he did this. I can’t believe he went through all of this trouble…for me. A lone tear escapes my eye.
“Oh my god,” I breathe out and turn in his arms. “How did you? When did you? I…oh my god.” No coherent thoughts can be formed in my mind right now. I can’t even express what I’m feeling to him properly.
“Is this okay?” He looks down at me.
“You’re joking right? This is more than okay. How did you…? I didn’t take that long did I?” I ask in confusion.
He chuckles at my response. “No you didn’t take that long. I had this set up earlier. Jax helped me.”
“It’s…so…beautiful.” Another wet drop escapes my eye.
“Why are you crying, Sweetheart?”
“It’s just that…no one has ever done anything like this for me before, I don’t know. I feel…special.”
“Well, you are special.” He taps my nose lightly and then moves to slip off the sweater from my shoulders. He lets it fall to the floor. His hands reach down. Unbuttoning my shirt slowly, he keeps his gaze locked on me. His jaw ticks and his beautiful green eyes come to life with the illumination of the candles. My heart beat races and I can’t help but give him a nervous smile. One by one, the buttons come apart leaving more of my skin bared to him. He stops midway and tilts his head to the side, as he whispers, “Is this all right?”
I can’t form a response, so I nod my head to reassure him how all right I am with this. Standing there with my hands to my side, too nervous to move, Drew continues to move down lower and lower. Once he’s finished, he takes a step back and brings his fist to his chin. He assesses me while I stand there fighting the urge to refasten all of the buttons he’s undone. That is, until, he pierces me with a wanting look.
“Kennie. You’re so…damn…beautiful.” He reaches his hand out and skims his index finger across my face. He takes his thumb and gently rubs it across my bottom lip. Standing there, with part of his shirt hanging out, and his bowtie hanging loosely from his collar, he grins. The adorable boyish grin I’ve grown to crave when I’m around him, is more electric in this moment than I’ve ever remembered it to be. He pulls me closer to him and gently pecks me on the lips. His arms wrap around me and I feel his fingers lazily glide up and down my back. He presses his forehead to mine as I raise my hands to unfasten his buttons.
I hold his gaze as I move in likeness with the slow sensual assault he demonstrated. Moving lower, I can feel his heartbeat quicken in pace. He moves his hands to stop mine once I’ve reached the very last one on his shirt. Intertwining my fingers with his, he pulls my arms around to wrap around his waist from behind and starts walking down his hallway slowly. “Follow me.”
We reach his bedroom door. “Close your eyes for me.” I shut my eyes and hear the door open. He grabs both of my hands, guides me a few steps, and then has me stop. “Okay, you can open them now.”
There is no way he’s real. There’s just no freaking way. My mouth drops open in shock as I take in everything. Beautiful vibrant red rose petals are everywhere. I can barely see the bedroom floor because it portrays a blanket illusion of red. On his dresser, his bed, and his nightstand, the theme continues but with beautiful white candles.
“Drew,” I breathe out. “What is all of this?” I’m fighting so hard to hold back even more tears at how surreal this is.
“This,” he sweeps his hand around the room, “Is how our first time should’ve been.”
For the second time tonight, I’m speechless. I saunter over to him. Standing on my tiptoes, I brush my lips across his. “Thank you.”
Wrapping my arms around him, he pulls me closer to intensify the kiss. His lips part mine with a sensual ease as his tongue sweeps across mine. I moan into his mouth at how good it feels to be this way with him again. Except this time, there’s no rush. We have all of the time in the world to savor this moment of us. He breaks away from my lips and inhales a shaky breath. Raising his hands slowly, he pushes the shirt off of my shoulders. I’m left standing there in my black lace strapless bra and matching thong with my heart rate rising rapidly. I move to open his shirt and push it off of his shoulders.
He lifts his arms so I can remove his undershirt. I giggle because he has to bend for me to reach the top of him. When he straightens, I let my gaze follow all of him. Tall, lean and muscular; just as I’d pictured. When my eyes sweep across his abs, I notice parts of letters peeking around the front of his body. I reach my fingers to trace the letters. He turns to his side and lifts his arm for me to see. Starting from the middle of his side are the words “vive ut vivas” written vertically. He clears his throat putting my exploration at a halt and causing my eyes to move upward.
His deep voice breaks the silence and his green eyes dance in the candlelight. “It means ‘live so that you may live’.”
I smile in response. “That’s…inspiring.”
In one movement, his index finger tilts my chin so he can lean in to kiss me. Our lips continue a lazy assault on each other. He frames my face with his hands deepening our kiss. My hands reach out to undo his pants letting me feel how hard his length is. It instantly makes my insides quiver with excitement. He moves to help me undress him. When his pants slide down, he stands there before me in just his boxers.
He’s so incredibly hot, it’s unreal to me. Guiding me backwards so that I’m flush against his bed, he unhooks my bra moving at an agonizingly slow speed to remove it from my body.
“Lay down, Sweetheart.” His words are gentle yet commanding. Lying there practically naked on a bed full of rose petals, I’ve never imagined anything more perfect. My nerves are gone. He frees himself from his boxers and grins down at me. He leans over me with his fists pressed into the bed on either side of my head and stares at me. I feel his body just mere inches away from mine. His hardness presses against my thigh—he smiles and starts placing light kisses on my lips, down to my shoulder blade, across to my other shoulder blade, then down to my chest.
My stomach tightens when his lips cover my nipple. He sucks and playfully bites before he blows a soft stream of air. The mixture makes the air cold causing me to moan loudly, shifting with want. He moves over to my other nipple and repeats the same movements. I moan again, even louder, and become even wetter. I hear a soft deep chuckle as he continues down my body. Stopping right below my waist, he taps his finger for me to shift my weight up so he can remove the last piece of clothing left on my body. Tossing it aside on the floor, he shifts his shoulders in between my legs.
“Kennie?”
I push myself up on my elbows and can sense my eyes are dark with desire. “Yes?” My voice comes out in a whisper.
“I want you to watch m
e eat you. I said earlier you looked good enough to eat tonight; I want you to see how much I enjoy my meals.”
My mind is spinning. I have no chance to respond because his tongue swipes across my clit. I throw my head back, “Drew!” He settles in more comfortably and keeps his eyes pinned to mine. There’s no breaking away from this. His tongue moves in and out and all around me. Within minutes I feel as if I’m about to explode. I start to move my hips in rhythm to the motions he makes with his mouth. Before I come, he stops. The pounding and need of a release is so prevalent, I can’t contain myself.
He smiles at me and places a soft peck in between my thighs. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m disappointed. I need the release. I crave it with so much hunger. Before I can say anything, he moves his mouth back to me and licks vigorously. I’m panting incredibly loud as he continues to lick and suck at rapid speeds. I explode and try to move back. He grabs my legs and keeps with his assault; it feels so good—too good. “Drew!” I come again; harder and louder this time. I’m too weak to move so I fall back onto his bed breathing heavily. He lessens his pace, the circular movements of his tongue coming slowly to a halt. I peer through at him through my lashes when he rises.
He hovers closer to erase the distance and his eyes soften.
He lowers his voice. “I’m going to take such good care of you, don’t worry. Right now, I want to be inside of you.” Easing himself back down, he spreads my legs even further. “I’m just going to make sure you’re wet enough.”
He begins another round of continually swirling his tongue over and over. I grasp the sheets and bunch them in my fists. The motions coming from his mouth switch from quick rapid movements, to slow and sensual. I’m so weak from coming over and over—knowing I will come again—I can barely hold myself up any longer. I’m gasping for air, building higher yet again. My knees start shaking. If he licks me one more time, I won’t be able to hold back. Right before I explode for the third time, he eases away from me. I whimper at the pleasure being stripped from me, but then he picks me up and scoots me a little bit further back. He climbs on top of me and nudges my entrance.
“Drew, it’s been awhile for me,” I inform him softly.
“Oh, Sweetheart, I intend to go slow.” With those words he pushes further into me. He slides in easily and pauses letting me get accustomed to him. I sigh in contentment as he pulls out and pushes back in. His forearms are on either side of my head, holding himself up. Leaning in, his mouth consumes mine. Our kisses mold to each other and our tongues move as one. I can taste myself and sense the buildup coming again.
I break away and gasp out, “I’m so close, Drew, so close.” He starts a slow ascend in pace with each time he enters me. I’m mesmerized by his pale green eyes. He pumps faster—harder; I can’t hold on any longer. I start to thrash below him, its building. The feeling is so intense. The harder he pumps, the quicker I can feel myself going over the edge,
“Come for me, Kennie.” Two more hard pumps and I let go. Screaming his name, holding on to his arms so tightly, I feel the quickness of his pace continue. This past time, I came the hardest. My legs are tingling, and as I tighten around him, can feel his growth even more inside of me. Before too long, he lets go.
He rests on top of me for a minute, his face buried in my neck. His chest is heaving in and out, but coming to a steady pace slowly. Once we’ve both found ourselves breathing regularly, he lifts his head to look at me. His hair falls a little over his eyes. I move my hand to push the strand away. When I retract my hand, he catches it with his mouth and places a soft kiss on my palm. Skimming his fingertips along my jaw line, he murmurs, “This is definitely how our first time should’ve been.”
Warmth radiates through my body and my both sides of face pull up into a grin that cannot be contained.
I had to say goodbye to Drew again yesterday. I didn’t think it would be hard the second time around, but what did I know? The past two years, I’d only seen him a handful of times. By the time he came back around, there’d be someone new in his life. Although, last night gave me some hope. I knew there’d been a moment between us. A small spark of electricity—both of us acted in a way that would’ve ultimately pushed the limits of our feelings for each other. I couldn’t be alone in thinking the lingering touch, the nearness of each other, was just because.
Back and forth I swung sullenly. Every time he left, it got harder. The next time though, he may come back and we could really test the limits of the moment that escaped us. I smiled at the thought of seeing him again, no matter how long the year would trudge on. I had something to look forward to. I tapped my pen on my notebook thinking of what to put to paper. There were so many possibilities for what could happen. I dreamed of the next time I would see him and how much further we would go to explore what I felt hanging between us.
Possibilities are endless when I think of my first time.
The nerves that shoot through me at the thought,
The excitement that builds from what it could be.
The increased heartbeat at the one I desire.
The one I want to call,
My. First. Time.
The smile that plays across my lips,
The way my eyes brighten at making it official.
The one I always saw myself with,
Wanting more than anything for it to become a reality.
My. First. Time.
The way I want you to call me yours,
The way you smile at me,
The tone your voice takes when you whisper things to me.
The nickname you gave me,
How it’s grown on me.
The gentleness in your touch when I’m feeling sad,
The protectiveness you display when I’m hurt.
My. First. Time.
The pure giddy emotion that exudes from me,
When I see you,
When I remember the things you did,
Just to cheer me up, just to see me smile, just so I wouldn’t cry.
The way your eyes soften when you think no one sees.
The way you tilt your head and grin at me,
The playfulness in your actions, in your words.
My. First. Time.
I may have thought it childish to want these things.
For me, for us.
I may have felt these things could never be,
But there’s no denying how I feel about you.
How I hope you feel about me.
My. First. Time.
I want it to be with someone special,
With someone who respects me, someone who cares about me.
If I were to ever feel an action would be perfect,
It would be everything I would like to experience with you.
My. First. Time.
If I were ever to describe what a first time should be,
It would be:
Anytime. Anyplace. Anywhere.
As long as it was you, as long as it was with me.
“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Drew rubs his stubble along the top of my shoulder. The roughness draws me back to the present.
“Nothing’s wrong.” I give him the thumbs up for reassurance.
He props his head up with his hand. Those beautiful eyes linger on my face as his hand traces circles around my belly button. Both of us naked, lying there with the candlelight as the only illumination, he no longer contains his laughter. “Did you just give me the thumbs up?”
I clasp my hands to my chest. “Why yes, I believe I did!” All of the sudden his movements are too quick for me to dodge; I giggle uncontrollably as his fingers attack me. “Drew!” Gasping for air, I swing my arms to reach out and stop him.
“I had no clue how ticklish you were. It’s on now.”
“No!”
His deep throaty laugh overtakes the light music floating throughout his place. When he finally decides to stop, his expression houses raised eyebrows. “You sure everything’s okay? It felt like you went somewhere
for a minute.”
My heart rate quickens a little, “Do you remember how I used to go to the park swings all of the time?”
He nods.
“Well, I was just thinking of the very last time I saw you before recently. The time Jax interrupted…whatever it was we had that night. I was thinking of a poem I’d written the next day.”
“What was it about?” That knowing look pairs with lips that pull up to form a wide smile.
“Hmm…I can’t remember.”
“Do I need to resort back to tickling for information?”
“No, please don’t,” I reply laughing. After a few moments, humming to the song playing softly, I respond, “It was about what I wanted my first time to be. The feelings I had for you and what I thought it could be with you.” I lower my eyes and hold my breath.
I hear a low whistle sound. “Really? And did it live up to your expectations?” I raise my gaze to see his expression soften, but still playful.
“Well…” His fingers start to slowly guide up the side of my stomach, in preparation to tickle me no doubt. “It beyond met my expectations.”
Drew’s hand freezes. He leans in and pecks my lips softly. “All of these years later, we still found each other,” he whispers against my lips. “The wait for you was completely worth it.”
TONIGHT WENT BETTER than I could’ve ever hoped for. Perfection. That’s what I see when I look down at her—nothing but pure perfection. Everything about her makes me crave her even more. Her touch, the way she giggles, the light in her eyes, the way she loses control, and the looks she gives when she thinks I don’t see. They all have me falling—falling hard. I refuse to let such great moments be ruined by things past, things I need to still deal with. She deserves the best I have to offer, and if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll do it for her.
We’re both lying back down in my bed after round two. This last time she was more wild—uninhibited, and it was the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I stroke her hair softly and can feel her snuggle up closer to me. She has her right arm sprawled across my stomach gently tracing my tattoo. After a few minutes she stops; I hear her breathing become deeper. I lift my head up a little and look down. She’s asleep and looks so incredibly peaceful. This is all I’ve ever wanted for her since I realized what my feelings were.
Ending a Broken Journey Page 22