The joy that was brought to me
In the form of the age of innocence
The hopes I once had for a brighter future.
In today’s world it all seemed a little less bright;
The betrayal of loved ones, the heart ache of a first love lost.
A lack of drive to experience life and all it holds.
And then…the years passed.
When I looked at myself
I saw an older version of the little girl that held so much hope.
I saw a jaded woman who was staring back at me.
The world changing her view
The realization of coming to.
Actions taken causing her to believe she was at fault for everything.
When I looked at myself
I no longer recognized who it was standing in front of me
The coldness in her eyes
The hardness in her stare
The hatred of her being.
I saw the trash of what never came out of her mouth
Take affect to who she was
I saw the lack of self-respect she allowed others to take forming who she started to become.
I saw no sunlight,
No rainbows,
No promise, and
No vibrant colors full of life.
Instead?
I saw a lie,
I saw weakness,
I saw hopelessness.
And then…the years passed.
When I looked at myself
I saw an adult.
I saw a fighter.
I saw someone who desperately wanted to make a change.
To learn to love herself.
To have the outlook that child had once so
Very long ago.
I looked at myself and saw power;
Power that came from within because of the will she had to fight
Against the doubts,
Against the insecurities,
Against the ones who broke her heart.
I saw someone who finally refused to believe
The lies that were spewed at her as truth.
I saw a woman who had finally realized that others actions, thoughts, and words?
Were their own insecurities projected onto…her.
And then? No years passed.
When I look at myself?
Yesterday? Today? Tomorrow?
I will again see
Rainbows claiming the sky
Beautiful colors, vibrant and full of life
The promise of tomorrow
The hope for a bright future,
Because when I look at myself now?
I see the truth that lives within me,
I see the voice that became loud enough to listen,
I see the person who I’ve always wanted to be.
I see the person who now accepts she deserves to be loved.
Today,
When I look at myself?
I see my self worth,
I surround myself with those who inspire me,
Those who love me for me
And those who encourage me to just…be.
When I look at myself,
I see all of the reasons I will never let life pass me by,
Ever again,
I see all of the reasons, why I lost the battle,
And now, see all of the reasons I came out on top,
I see all of the reasons on why I won my war.
“Kennie? Why’re you crying?” Drew comes walking through the sand to me where I sit, a little uncomfortably, on the swing. He wipes a tear with his thumb. Lifting my chin with his index finger, he bends down and kisses me softly. “Is everything okay?”
I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, just thinking about the past couple of years, and you know me, getting all emotional when I write.” I lift up my journal from my lap.
He chuckles. “Yes, I do know.” He stands next to me and plays with a lock of my hair. “Do you think you’ll ever get tired of coming here? I mean, you used to only come when you were upset.”
“Yeah, that’s how it started, but now? Some of my best memories stem from this very spot.”
“Best memory? No hesitation.”
“Can I have more than one?” I question, looking up at my tall and very handsome husband.
He scratches the day old stubble I love so much and adjusts his glasses. “Hmm…okay, top two, go.”
“The day you asked me to my middle school dance,” I count on my fingers. “And the day we took the picture that made us a ‘beautiful couple’.”
He smiles down at me. “Great answers, Sweetheart, great answers.” He helps me to my feet. “Are you ready to go to the doctor and find out what we’re having?” He breaks out into a mischievous grin.
I’m four months pregnant and today is the day of our ultrasound. To say Drew is excited is an understatement.
“Yes, I’m ready! Let’s go.” We walk hand in hand through the sand. “What do you hope it is? A boy or girl?”
“Sweetheart, I don’t care either way as long as he or she is healthy.”
I nod in response.
“Honestly, either way, Uncle Jax and Uncle Kip will be the two to make a triple threat of either schooling our baby on video games, or scaring the shit out of boys who will never be good enough.”
I laugh out loud and uncontrollably. “That is true.”
We stop when we reach the passenger side door. I turn around and lean against the car rubbing my belly. Drew places his hand on top of mine. He bends down and kisses the tip of my nose.
“And here,” I point to my left cheek. Peck. “And here,” I point to my right cheek. Peck. “Hmm,” I sigh through a smile, “and don’t forget about here.” I point to my lips. He presses his mouth to mine for a short sweet kiss.
When he pulls back slightly, he puts his forehead to mine. He intertwines our fingers, raises our hands to his lips, and presses soft kisses across my knuckles.
“I love you Drew, so much. You’re my fairy tale. The only one I’ll ever want to help create this,” I move our free hands to my belly, “happy ending.”
THE END
FIRST AND FOREMOST, I would like to thank God. None of this would be possible without my faith and belief in him.
To my parents, for always believing in me, no matter how crazy my dreams seemed. For always pushing me to be the best. For knowing even when I didn’t, that I could do what I have set out to do. For the solid foundation you’ve both displayed as parents and as husband and wife. For instilling the values that I still carry with me today. For always supporting me and having faith in what I can do and what God’s plan was for me. I am truly blessed to call you mom and dad.
To my brother, Joshua Delgado, for his gaming advice because I wouldn’t have known any better otherwise…Brother tested, gamer approved. Thanks bro. And of course, my awesome sister, Tiffany Delgado Weber, for being my cheerleader and a great support system. Love you both.
To my dear friends Sandra Cotto, Tasha Hansen, Nydia Rivera, and Julie Gordon, for constantly telling me I could even when I thought I couldn’t. For lending an ear when I had doubts, and for being a huge support along this journey. I love you all more than you will ever know. You all are my inspiration to keep moving forward daily. There are so many more of you to thank, and I am beyond blessed to have the support system I do in each and every single one of you.
To my photographer, Bella Calderon, and model, Jazmine DiGiulio, I love you both so much. I appreciate you both taking the time out of your hectic lives to make my vision come true, for calming me down when I was in crisis mode, and for being such a blessing to me. Without the two of you, there’s no way I could’ve pulled it off, so thank you! You are both so amazing and I’m proud to call you family.
To my graphic designer, Nelani Palomino, who would’ve thought a dance class would bring us to where we are today? Thank you for making my cover everything it is. I couldn’t be happier with the result; you’re brill
iant and truly did an amazing job! You are so incredibly talented! I love you honey <3
To my editor, Brittany Graves. Once my dance instructor, then one of my favorite book nerds, then a friend, then finally to my editor. You did an incredible job and I’m so happy with how it turned out! Thank you for your honesty and professional eye, lady :)
To my peaches, my best friend in the whole entire world, Kristy Heisler-Little. You are my shining star, my sister from another mister, my light in the darkness. Because of your belief in me, in what I can do, and my goal to inspire others, it’s always seemed attainable. You have no idea how much you’ve helped mold me into a better woman and friend. To the next fourteen years baby! A friendship like ours only comes around once in a lifetime. You were brought to me and rooted into my life at the exact moment it was needed most. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I have all the faith in the world that you too, will achieve your dreams! I love you. “Tonight, we ride!” <3
To Catalina Bedoya, my Cat…*sigh* I simply think the world of you! Thank you for being so supportive and being like a little ray of sunshine. Your suggestions along the way, the ideas you sparked that helped nudge some of my favorite scenes, and your enthusiasm and feedback for EaBJ was beyond fantastic!
To Yari Campos, we lost our way for a time, but found each other again. Thank you for your feedback, honest critics, love, support, friendship, laughter, and helping EaBJ become what it is today. You may be the asshole friend (inside joke) who never remembers to call or text, but you always answer in a time of need or a time to celebrate. When I hit publish, we will need to schedule an outing for drinks again. I. Love. You. And you are so special to me. :)
To Karinna Baez, thank you for all of your help, the late night vox sessions, for the numerous amount of changes I made to my story, for the penciled in Tuesday Starbuck’s dates to keep my mind from being fried whilst writing this story, and for your ridiculous humor. Thank you for being a beta and helping along the way. *heart hand motions*
To Ashley Hartigan Tkachyk, thank you for your brutal honesty and feedback on my story. I appreciate all of the suggestions you gave to help make my story better each time!
To Dawn Kidle, for your flash like speed reading abilities, excitement in my story, and great attention to detail. You were so helpful during this process and I appreciate it, and you, so very much. Your encouraging words always came at the best time!
To Jennifer Pikul Gass, Babe. There are no words to describe how humbling your support and love for me, as a friend, and as an author have been. You had poms poms waving even before I decided to embark on this journey. Had it not been for you, and my constant nagging at all hours of the day about EaBJ, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost it lol. Thank you for being you. Thank you for the brainstorming when I was lost, thank you for never waning in your support, thank you for always lending an ear. I love you!
To Stephanie Greco Horning, thank you for making me feel completely legit before I ever dreamed I could be. You unwavering support never went unnoticed. Your enthusiasm in my story and my characters has helped to keep me positive. Thanks baby girl <3
To my EaBJ street team girls! Cristin Parker Terwilleger, Trish Patel Brinkley, Jennifer Diaz, Amy Haigler, Ashley Truelove, and America Matthew, I love you girls! The fact that you want to help spread my story is beyond any expectations I’ve ever had. Thank you!
Cristin your sound advice always helped me see things differently, and helped keep things in perspective for me. So for that, I thank you for being, well, awesome. Trish, my beautiful British Crumpet. For always checking on me and being the best cheerleader ever. I love you girls!!!!
Thank you to L.B. Simmons for simply being so good to me. Thank you for bringing me to Julie, she’s simply AMAZING! Can’t wait to have a new makeup look for you! <3
To E. L. Montes, I’m not sure I can put into words what you mean to me, but I’m going to try. It started with a poem that made you cry and blossomed into an amazing and unexpected friendship. You have been a solid rock for me throughout this whole entire process, and as much as you don’t think so, I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. My CP, soul sista, bestie…I can’t imagine a time you weren’t in my life to cry, whine, laugh or vent to. You are genuine, caring, and selfless. I’m lucky and blessed to get to call you my friend (or soulmate, you know). Thank you will never be enough because you deserve so much more than that for all of your hard work and efforts, but thank you. I love you honey bunny <3 I will forever be your #favoritehashtagwhore (inside joke) Perfectly Damaged is going to rock people’s socks off, you just wait! Can’t wait to ride that journey with YOU!
To the amazing bloggers and reviewers. Lookin’ for a Bookin’—Ashley Freaking Truelove, woman. Thank you for taking me under your wing in this big and scary world, for showing me the ropes and for loving me and what I do so much. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you…I’ll never let go :) We’ll share that board in the middle of the ocean until we’re rescued! Books, Babes, and Cheap Cabernet, Sweet Dreams Book Blog, and Angie’s Dreamy Reads for being there from day one. You girls are simply amazing! To all of the bloggers who took a chance on me, every single one of you is appreciated. There are so many incredibly talented authors in the world today and you still found the time to appreciate my story. The passion and love you all have for the written word is mind blowing. You spread the word for the simple love of reading and enjoyment. With nothing in it for yourselves, you help us, the little ones, the ones who just want to be heard and have a voice. There are so many to name, but, I appreciate you all.
Last, but certainly not least, to my readers. Without you all, I wouldn’t have the privilege to do what I love to do. Write. If it weren’t for the excitement you show on a daily basis, this journey I’ve embarked on, wouldn’t bring me as much joy as it has. Thank you for taking a chance on me, thank you for listening to my story, thank you for wanting to hear what I have to say, but mostly, thank you for taking a chance on Drew and Kennie’s story. <3 I’ve always found poetry a better way to express myself, so this is for all of you:
Through this experience I’ve come across,
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’ve made new friends,
I’ve lost people I thought were dear to me.
Through this experience I’ve come across,
The hardships, struggles and sacrifices,
it takes to make this a life.
The late nights, the doubts, the fears
Of the unknown, of what I have to share.
Through this experience, I’ve found
It’s okay to be afraid; it’s okay to be scared,
It’s okay to be overwhelmed.
I’ve learned that no one is perfect,
That everyone deserves a second chance,
And that some people in your life will truly amaze you.
Through this experience, I’ve found
How much enthusiasm the written word brings out
In everyday people.
How readers’ voices are the most inspirational,
The most humbling.
Through this experience I’ve found,
Not everyone will love you or what you do,
But if you believe in yourself?
At the end of the day,
So will others.
Through this experience, I’ve found
That without the constant support in
Every. Single. One of you,
I wouldn’t love what I do.
Thank you for your continued support,
The good reviews,
The great reviews,
Even the bad ones.
Because of you, I continue to grow.
Because of you, I learn,
Every. Single. Day.
“Be Inspired. Be Beautiful. Be YOU.”
- MLD ....My life motto.
I LOVE ANYTHING and everything pertaining to make up or beauty. I love to write and shop. I love goin
g to the movies and spending time with my friends and family. I love to dance. I love to laugh and to make others laugh. I'm inspired by dance, music, poetry, and photography. I feel there is beauty in everything. I believe to get respect you have to give respect and to treat others how you want to be treated. I love everything and anything vintage. I love Jesus and believe in having faith in the unseen and unheard. I love to have fun and make new memories. But mostly, I love life. Enjoying the road I'm on and making the most of it :)
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Ending a Broken Journey Page 32