Leaving Salt Lake City

by Matthew Timion

  Still without hearing from Jessica, I was always paranoid that she would suddenly show up. One evening while Manny, Krystal, and I were watching television the phone rang, and it was Jessica. She was back in the country and was LIVID that I had contacted her family. She was LIVID that I had talked about her to them. I told her that I had the support of the caseworker and the therapist. She reminded me that her dad had a lot of money and that family would support her. I was going to have a long road ahead of me.

  I was then forwarded an email from one of her brothers. She sent an email to her brothers asking the following:

  Stewart and Robert,

  Matt told me that the two of you agreed to testify against me in a custody hearing which determines if he or I will have primary custody of Manny. Is this true? That's all I would like to know.

  Jessica

  She had lied again. She didn’t have the support of her family. She was only then attempting to obtain their support after our phone call. Her brother Stewart from Denver replied to her saying:

  Jessica,

  For the record, I supported Matt's desire to seek primary custody. However, since you felt the need to corner me like this, I'm thinking I just might testify if it ever came to that.

  I'm not going to go over every reason for my stand, but I will say that Vince managed to single-handedly get the ball rolling. My contact with Vince during that crisis highlighted his lack of concern for you. He refused to tell me what was happening to you, and hung up on me while I was frantically trying to assess the situation. Thoughts of you being victimized by a stranger out of our reach crossed my mind. I was scared for you and your safety. I later felt dissatisfied with your poor explanation of events. The whole thing got me questioning everything, from your alcohol abuse to the environment Manny is exposed to in NC.

  I don't, for one minute, question your love for Manny. But I also don't see a problem with Matt seeking primary custody, based on what I've seen.

  Stewart

  Jessica knew she couldn’t do anything. She was bluffing. Her other brother, with whom we spent Thanksgiving, told me about his response to Jessica. He said he would not take sides, but that he would also not lie. A judge hearing the truth was something that Jessica couldn’t have. I imagine she was panicking at that point.

  I emailed Stewart shortly after to find out what his thoughts were on the emails and the threats of legal battles. He replied.

  It wasn't easy, but I'm done with diplomacy. I think she'll be quite surprised by my response, because it's not in my nature to be confrontational. But it's the right thing to do, and she's terrorized people long enough. If her plan was to disprove our support, I think it just backfired.

  I don't care what she says about Vince. [My wife] and I don't ever want to meet him.

  I'm glad, you deserve some rest. I remember how exhausting it can be to chase after a little one :)

  Take care,

  Stewart

  I shot off another email a day later asking if Stewart had heard anything. Asking if Jessica had perhaps replied.

  Yeah, she replied the next morning saying it's unfortunate that we chose to side with you, and that any further communication from Robert and me is unwelcome and will be ignored.

  We kind of figured that would happen so it doesn't come as too great a shock. I spoke with Robert later and her e-mail hasn't changed his mind. Needless to say, neither one of us have replied to her message.

  No point in doing so. We can't force her to be a part of our life. If at some point she changes her mind, we will welcome her back, as always. Life goes on!

  Let me know if she says anything. Take care...

  Stewart

  Upon reading his email,I sighed in long overdue relief. Her family knew she was crazy and they still supported me. Jessica apparently had no issue cutting off her family just like she had cut off so many friends over the years. It oddly felt great to know that the family of my ex-wife supported me instead of their own flesh and blood.

  During all of this I lost my job. This was the second time in less than a year. The company I had worked for would routinely lay off half of their employees every year right before Christmas. I was a victim of this mass layoff. My experience running my fuel economy website and working on the radio station’s websites allowed me to find a new job within two weeks. It was closer to my home than my previous job. I would be working as a computer programmer for a website selling skin care products. It wasn’t glamorous, but it paid a little more than my fantasy job in radio, which unfortunately was now something I had to abandon. Working in radio would have been easier if I didn’t have parental duties. Now that I was a full time parent, some dreams needed to be put on hold or disregarded completely. Raising Manny and being a father were more important.

  Over the course of a few weeks Jessica kept calling me to give me strict rules that she wanted me to follow so she could allow me to keep Manny. She accused me of being an alcoholic and a drug addict. I took the afternoon off of work and took a drug test. I had the lab send her the results. “I never want to be accused of this again from you." I proceeded with my lawyer ensuring that he was always in the loop. The irony is that had she signed the divorce paperwork in the first place it would have been next to impossible for me to change the custody agreement. Her inaction gave me the opportunity.

  Soon she requested that I mail her the new copy of the divorce I had filed. My lawyer sent it to her. She still had not agreed to my having custody, but from what I could see the case was a simple one. There was no way she could win. There was also no way that I could afford it.

  Jessica wanted to come for Manny’s birthday party again. It had been almost a year since she had moved to North Carolina, and it was now almost seven months since she had last seen Manny. I wasn’t sure how the visit would work out. After all, we both

  still had legal and physical custody of Manny. Nothing was finalized. Could she just take him and leave? I called my lawyer and he assured me there was no way Jessica could take Manny out of state with her. “Let her come,” my lawyer said, “there is nothing she can do.”

  | THIRTY ONE |

  Is There a Doctor in the House?

  It was March of 2009 and Manny’s birthday was worth celebrating. He was turning six years old, meaning he had been with us (Jessica and I) for over two and a half years. I was the primary caregiver for all but six months of that time. His home was with me in Salt Lake City.

  Jessica emailed me her flight plans. She told me her father was driving from Arizona in order for Jessica, her father, and Manny to have breakfast. Their breakfast together would provide me some time to buy decorations, pick up Manny’s birthday cake, and get the house ready for the birthday party. Alan, my new roommate, and Krystal helped set up. Manny was ready and waiting to be picked up at seven thirty in the morning. He waited. Eight o’clock came, and he still waited. He sat patiently by the door until Jessica finally showed up around ten o’clock. She didn’t get out of the car. Manny ran outside and Jessica opened the car door to give him a hug. “You’ve gotten so big!”

  After a few hours Jessica’s father knocked at the door. He was dropping Manny off. Jessica was nowhere to be found. “Jessica lost her purse. She’ll be here later." I offered to let Manny’s grandfather to stay for the party. He declined. The party started at one in the afternoon.

  Two hours later Jessica showed up. She sat by herself on the couch watching Manny and his friends run around, play instruments, and destroy a piñata.

  We chit chatted a bit, but it appeared my fears of her kidnapping Manny were overblown. After all the lies she had told me over the past few months, I had assumed the worst of her. I was glad that my worry was unfounded.

  The party died down and the guests left.

  “I’m so sorry I was late." I didn’t know if she meant for the breakfast or the party.

  “My alarm didn’t go off in the hotel room, and my dad just waited for me in the lobby. He never called. He never tried
to see if I was okay.”

  “Manny waited for you for a long time.”

  Jessica looked past me not making eye contact. “That’s too bad," she said.

  “And what about the party?”

  “While at lunch someone stole my purse. It had my drivers license in it. I had to get a new picture ID before my flight tomorrow.”

  She was either the most unlucky woman in the world, or all of the bad things that kept happening to her were intentional.

  She took Manny out to buy some presents for his birthday. They came back a half hour later, and Manny was beaming. He loved being with his mom. He missed her so much and seeing all three of us in the same house together was probably the best birthday gift he received that year.

  Jessica and Manny went back to his bedroom to play with his new toys. They got to spend some time together for the first time in over seven months. I heard Jessica go into the bathroom a few times. It must have been weird for her to be in my house for the first time since she moved out. She had picked that house out herself. She had painted some of those walls. Every morning she had showered in that bathroom. I have always wondered if it was as weird for her to be in my house as it was for me to have her there.

  Alan, Krystal, and I were in the living room talking. Jessica came out of the bathroom and into the living room.

  “Do you have a doctor you go to locally?" It was an odd request, especially so late at night.

  “Is everything okay?" I thought that maybe something was wrong with Manny.

  “Manny’s fine. I have been throwing up blood.”

  “Krystal is a nurse." I only stated it. I wasn’t trying to volunteer Krystal, and luckily Krystal didn’t jump out of her chair and take Jessica’s pulse.

  “Oh, I’ll be okay,” Jessica replied.

  Manny’s birthday turned out great despite his mom being late twice and her vomiting blood in the bathroom. Manny was just happy to see his mom. I was happy to see her go.

  A few days after the birthday party Jessica called me.

  “Hey, I know you don’t believe anything I say,” she started. I was so glad that she finally understood the issue I had with her lying. “But I saw a doctor today, and I have cancer.”

  “Cancer?" I had graduated to two-syllable retorts.

  “Yeah, it’s ovarian cancer. Vince and his girls are pretty upset about it.”

  Once again I had no idea what to say. I let her keep talking.

  “The doctor thinks that’s why I threw up blood at your house. Matt, if you want the name and number of the doctor here it is." She proceeded to give me her doctor’s name and number, who I called the next day. I was never permitted to get her medical information. I could neither confirm nor deny her story.

  “And...” she paused, “I think it was all for the best that Manny stayed with you because I don’t want him to see me get sick like this. I don’t want him to worry. I’m certain I’ll be starting chemotherapy, and I won’t have the energy to help take care of him.”

  I talked with my mother about this new development. We both concluded I had to play along whether I believed her or not. I really didn’t know what the truth was. I did know, however, that if someone was willing to lie about cancer they had to be one of the craziest people in the world. Jessica seemed off-balance to me, but not I-will-lie-about-having-cancer crazy. I had to push forward, and at her request, I didn’t tell Manny that his mom might only have six months to live.

  It finally felt like closure was happening. She was going to sign the divorce paperwork, and I would have custody. Manny would be away from her craziness. But then the cancer added a new weird element to the equation. Jessica’s mother had died of cancer so I knew her family probably had a higher predisposition. Considering she only had six months to live if untreated, her only option was a partial hysterectomy, which she had planned for the following week. I started to really think that Manny would enjoy being around his mom more. If her time was limited I might regret not giving him the opportunity.

  I spent some time looking on the Internet for houses in North Carolina. I wanted Manny to have both parents available, and honestly I wanted it too. I wanted to be able to take a weekend off. I wanted the freedom once in a while to do something that I wanted to do. Maybe I could even watch a movie that wasn’t made for five-year-olds.

  For the next few weeks, I kept looking at houses while Jessica started calling more frequently to talk to me and Manny. A few times I asked her how the chemotherapy was going or how her hysterectomy went. I was always answered with one word answers such as “fine,” or “okay." I figured she didn’t want to talk about it. I figured the cancer treatment was taken care of. As much as I hated her for lying about her past and the CIA nonsense I didn’t want to see her die. Manny didn’t deserve that.

  I was on the hunt for options. My job didn’t pay well so I had no real attachment to it. I just wanted what was best for my son.

  While searching for options, I received a wedding invitation. It was one of our friends from the ex-Mormon group, who I had seen less and less of after becoming Manny’s full-time parent. I just didn’t have the time. I decided to bring Manny. Weddings are, after all, a family affair.

  Half of the group no longer liked me. Since I more or less had to publicly side with Jessica and Vince for the sake of raising Manny a number of them were highly offended. It hadn't helped when Vince had called one of them a “faggot." I was hoping to see Lester, our flamboyant yarn-loving minister, at the wedding. He was one of the people who was turned off by my presence. He couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as me.

  I found Lester, introduced him to Manny, and said to him while gesturing towards Manny, “This is what all of the fuss has been about. This is what I have been fighting to protect.”

  “I know." Lester was calm.

  “I need to find a way to obtain forgiveness from you and James." James, who also had attended our wedding, was the one whom Vince called a faggot.

  “I forgave you a long time ago, Matt. James, on the other hand, is his own person.”

  “Can you have him call me?”

  “I will tell him to answer when you call." I had every intention of calling James. I wanted to apologize and make things right. I never did though.

  That evening I saw a number of people I had not seen in a long time. It was good to reconnect with these people who had been a major factor in my decision to move to Utah. I had a drink with a friend named Evelyn, who was oddly enough Vince’s former girlfriend. I told her I would love it if she came over sometime to catch up. Evelyn was the woman who had hosted the costume party about two years prior.

  Spring break was fast approaching, and it was Jessica’s turn to take Manny. She had made no mention of the divorce paperwork or her cancer. If I had been in her shoes I would have been so overwhelmed with just trying to survive that divorce paperwork would not have mattered to me either.

  On a play date with Robert’s kids, the topic of Jessica came up. I told him about Jessica’s cancer. “I’m sorry Matt, and I know this sounds harsh, but I’ll believe it when she’s dead." These people had known Jessica her entire life and knew what she was capable of. I started wondering if perhaps the cancer was real or just another shot at getting sympathy.

  Soon afterwards I put Manny on a plane to visit his mom for the week. Even if I didn’t want him to go I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

  | THIRTY TWO |

  Time Together, Time Apart

  Spring 2009

  Manny arrived in North Carolina safely, and from what I could tell Jessica was okay with Manny living in Salt Lake City. There was no talk of his living with her again. She talked about her time with him as a temporary thing. It seemed like my worries were going to be over.

  Due to Manny needing to fly out to North Carolina as an unaccompanied minor, connecting flights were out of the question. Airlines do not allow unaccompanied minors to have connecting flights. Since Jessica lived in North Ca
rolina, the closest direct flight was at an airport five hours away in Baltimore.

  Until just a few weeks before his Spring Break, Manny's trip to North Carolina was in question. Jessica called me one night crying.

  “I was in a car accident. I got a ticket. I totaled my car.”

  “Oh my God. What happened?”

  “I was taking someone home late one night after a party,” she said. The story sounded all too familiar. “It was raining and I hydroplaned. I ran off the road and my car is totaled."

  “At least you’re okay.”

  Sobbing, “I don’t have enough money to bring Manny here for Spring Break." I didn’t know if she was trying to get me to pay for it or not.

  “Let me know what you can figure out Jessica." This was her time with Manny and I refused to fund it.

  Soon afterwards, the tickets were purchased. Jessica bought another SUV, this time a Nissan Xterra. This was the second car she had totaled since we had separated. Her excuses were always valid ones, usually ones having to do with the weather. I wondered though how so many bad things could keep happening to her. Rape, cancer, two totaled cars, and all of her furniture that I had sent to her was ruined.

  The weeks without Manny were always stressful. I wondered if she was going to try to pull something. I was still unsure what she was capable of. In the back of my mind I kept thinking of her cancer and how she didn’t have much time to live. I researched ovarian cancer relentlessly on the Internet. If someone has ovarian cancer, even with treatment, there is a good chance that it will spread to the stomach. Stomach cancer rarely results in a cure; treatments maybe delay the inevitable.

  Manny needed to be near his mom even just for a few years before she died. It would be a disservice to him to refuse my son time with Jessica before she died. I realized nothing was really holding me in Utah besides ensuring Manny’s stability. I told her of my plans to possibly move to North Carolina. She was excited at the idea.