The Bollywood Breakup Agency

by Naina Gupta

  ‘Look, what can I say? Navin won’t confirm what he is going to do.’

  ‘Can’t you make him stay on PAL?’

  ‘I actually like him, V. Well, love him. I don’t want to jeopardise that by appearing to be pushy and domineering.’

  ‘Like you were with Kiran, you mean?’

  ‘Harsh!’

  ‘But true. Look, speak to him again, will you? Change his mind. Because I don’t know what I am going to do miles from home without you.’

  ‘Do what every other rich wife does in Mumbai?’ Neela suggested.

  ‘Which is what, exactly?’

  ‘Shop.’

  *

  A few days later, Navin was looking over at Neela, who had fallen asleep on the sofa, while watching PAL again. Despite her always saying that she was fine, he could see that she had been hurting thanks to all the nonsense with his dad, and now Navin wanted to be there for her. Perhaps they should return to Mumbai so that she could live the life she wanted to? But on the other hand, he had wanted to leave PAL for so long. His dream centred on living a normal life. Well, as normal as it could be given his position as second most handsome Bollywood soap star in India, as voted by the readers of Bollywood Today.

  And there was also the issue of his acrimonious relationship with his ex, Sanjana, the woman who also played his on-screen wife. Moving to England would put a stop to her antics, as well.

  Slipping out from under Neela’s arm, he waved goodbye to Daadi-ji and Soorbhi and headed off into town for a meeting with his lawyer. There was a contract with PAL awaiting him if he wanted it, but the decision had to be made today. They had to screen the alternate ending if he didn’t sign.

  Or replace him with another face. It was PAL, after all.

  If only his parents would stop refusing his calls. After trying everything, including admitting that maybe for once they had done the right thing in trying to set him up with Neela, there was still only silence. His dad was understandably still angry about the kind of girl that she was, and his mum, well, Navin suspected she was more annoyed that her daughter-in-law would be the attractive one, instead of worrying about Neela’s so-called reputation.

  Diya Trivedi had the typical glamorous Bollywood style, but over the years her looks had begun to fade. To have a disobedient, attractive addition to the family would just be the icing on a rotten, ill-tasting cake. And Diya hadn’t even met Neela yet! When she discovered that her future daughter-in-law had a mind of her own, family relations wouldn’t exactly improve.

  It had been the same thing with Sanjana. Diya had loved her until it became clear she might become part of the family, and therefore competition. And Sanjana without makeup wasn’t half as good looking as Neela.

  And there was the new flat he’d just purchased near Marble Arch. Renting that out would be a hassle, although he supposed Rishi Solanki could ensure his interests were protected.

  Turning his Aston Martin into a public carpark in Soho, Navin knew he had to make a choice, and fast. Less than fifty metres away, there was a young female lawyer waiting for his answer.

  Whatever it would be.

  *

  As she was dressing for disaster-recovery talks and dinner with V, Neela’s phone buzzed. She quickly perused the text message.

  Hi. You don’t know me, but my cousin gave me this phone number weeks ago. I need a marriage broken up.

  Another job? She promised not to, hadn’t she? But despite her initial decision to give up the de-arrangement business, she kind of missed the intrigue. Well, she wasn’t married to Navin yet; one last job wouldn’t hurt, would it? Neela, flattered that her reputation was spreading, quickly called the number back.

  ‘Hi, you just texted me?’

  ‘Yes, hello.’ He spoke to her in Gujarati.

  ‘How can I help?’ Neela replied in the same language.

  ‘A while ago my cousin met you. He didn’t know your name but gave me your number. I was engaged at the time and he thought you might be able to help.’

  Wondering who the cousin could possibly be, Neela asked if it was his engagement he wanted broken up.

  ‘No, no. I am married now. Unhappily, but what can I do? But I am calling on behalf of my family. My cousin, who is very eligible and successful, has become engaged to the most unsuitable woman imaginable.’

  ‘That’s terrible.’

  ‘Yes, well, he is insisting on marrying her and might be bringing her back to Mumbai, but we feel she would be bad for the family’s reputation and want her gone.’

  The way he said ‘gone’ made Neela shiver. ‘Well, I will do what I can to break them up. The cost is 2000 pounds. Plus costs.’ After all those flowers for Rupali, Neela wanted to make sure she wasn’t out of pocket this time.

  ‘We agree to the costs. What happens now?’

  ‘Now, you tell me about the relationship, but first things first. What’s her name?’

  ‘Neela. Neela Solanki.’

  *

  ‘No my baby cannot be born now! He has no father!’

  ‘I’m sorry but you have no choice, the baby is on its way.’ The doctor turned to the rest of the family, who were all still wearing the shocked and confused expressions of the past few episodes. ‘I’m going to have to ask all of you to leave.’ The family dutifully left the room just as another doctor and several nurses entered. More doctors were on standby in case the labour went wrong.

  Just as the family members were about to pace up and down the hallway, they heard a baby’s cries coming from Ishika’s room.

  They crept to the door to take their first views of the infant. The real Payal realised that she had left her bag on the waiting room chair, so she turned around to pick it up. As she did she gasped. At the sound, the other family members forgot the new baby, and turned around to discover what the commotion was.

  Over a three minute period, Lohit, the real Payal and Mummy-ji stared. The camera panned close-up across each of their shocked faces. Dramatic music played to prepare the audience. Lohit thought he had seen a ghost and nearly fell to the floor in fear, grabbing a nearby chair.

  Finally, the camera turned to face the object of their terror.

  They were face to face with Navin.

  THE END

  Neela’s story continues in BOOK TWO of the series

  The Bollywood Wife,

  due out in 2012.

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