Hopeless Romantic

by Francis Gideon

  “There’s something . . . about her, yes?”

  Nick bit his lip, unsure what to say next. His father could tell she was trans, but at least he was trying to find the best place to bring it up. His dad was not a bigot, and not like Levi. He had been a doctor for years, retiring only five years ago while still keeping himself busy with extra activities. He’d had contact with many different types of people, but even with that information, Nick didn’t quite know how his father would react to Nick dating someone like Katie.

  “Yes, she’s transgender. A trans woman.”

  “Which means she was . . .?”

  “Born and assigned the gender male at birth. But she’s a woman.”

  “A woman now, right?”

  His dad clearly meant the surgery, but was trying to tiptoe around it and be polite. Nick sighed. “Don’t be concerned with that aspect of her. No one should be, you know? That’s like asking someone you just met about their medical procedures or what colour underwear they have on. It’s too personal, and you don’t need to know it to have a conversation with them.”

  “Right. Actually, that’s a good point. The doctor in me was coming out. I apologize, Nick. I meant nothing by it.”

  Nick remained quiet, nodding along.

  “I’m glad you have her.”

  “Really?” Nick glanced up from the garage floor stain he’d been focusing on intently. “You are?”

  “Yes. I like her more than Barry.”

  “Is that because . . .?”

  “Because she’s a woman and not a man? No. I like her because she looks at you like you’re the only person she sees. And that’s something Barry never did.”

  “Oh.” Nick didn’t speak for several moments. “She looks at me that way?”

  “Yes. And she makes you smile like she’s the only person you see. We’ve . . . Your mother and I have always liked to pride ourselves on being open-minded. And for always wanting what’s good for you. But I do realize that in the past, we’ve been a little judgmental. We never meant to be, but I can understand it coming off that way right now.”

  Nick tried hard not to laugh or say that was an understatement. He stared at the stain on the ground again.

  “But,” his father went on, “I like to think it was because we were so concerned with what was best for you. Sometimes we conflated the particular choice of partner with how they treated you. I realize now, seeing Katie and the way she looks at you, that we did that before with Barry, and maybe a couple other boyfriends. We never disliked you being gay, I hope you realize that.”

  A lump rose in Nick’s throat. He was aware that his parents’ disapproval had never stemmed from direct homophobia, but hearing it said like this deeply moved him. His parents had always cared, but they sometimes fucked up in their expression. His father admitting to it, and seeking apologies, made Nick’s legs weak. He nodded, not trusting his voice.

  “Good. I’m glad you’re happy. And Nick?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Please tell us when you have money concerns. It breaks your mother’s heart every time when you tell her you’ve had to live on ramen because you have no money. Ask us. We know you’re doing the PhD and things are tight. We’re proud of you for continuing your education. Your independence is appreciated. But we’re your parents and this is exactly what we’re here for.”

  “Okay. Noted.” Nick still didn’t want to ask them for car money, especially since that issue was pretty much resolved now if he could just muster the energy to face Greg again and not be too embarrassed by cashing in pennies at the bank for his credit card. “I appreciate you giving me your house to dog sit.”

  “Not at all. I have an envelope of money for you for your trouble this week, but will you take a little more? Besides the funds I gave you for the bus.”

  “Um.” Nick was glad when his father merely added more cash to the envelope he produced from his blazer, without waiting for Nick’s answer. “Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

  “Not at all. Do me one favour, though?” his father asked.

  “Uh, yeah?”

  “Use some of the money to take Katie out. You know, make her feel like a lady.”

  Nick grinned. “Don’t worry, Dad. Already way ahead of you.”

  “I have a surprise for you.” Katie looked up from her phone gleefully. She’d been texting nearly nonstop on the bus ride back home. Nick had been worried she was talking to Dunja or Ilana about his parents, and that the entire evening had gone poorly. But her smile now—so wide it seemed to split her face in two—made those fears disappear.

  “Do you now?” Nick asked, trying to be coy. “A good surprise or a bad surprise?”

  “A good one. Don’t worry.” She kissed his nose quickly. “This week and a half, and your parents and dog, have all been fantastic. Don’t think otherwise.”

  “I wasn’t . . .” Nick stopped talking when Katie arched a brow. She knew him too well already. He slid a hand over her knee, which she patted with her palm. The sky was dark, nearly no light whatsoever because of a new moon, so the lights of Waterloo were a blessing when he saw them. Rain had come in the evening, leaving most of the streets marked with puddles. Nick had almost forgotten about the surprise entirely by the time they got off the bus, where Tucker was there waiting for them.

  “Hey,” Tucker said. “Good trip?”

  Katie walked right over to Tucker and wrapped him in a hug. He hugged back, then reached out to take Katie’s backpack from her.

  “What’s going on, man?” Nick asked. “I thought platonic hugs were our thing?”

  Tucker laughed. He raised his arms for Nick to hug him, which he did, though their bags got in the way.

  “Nice to see you again,” Tucker said. “How was your getaway?”

  “Excellent. Too short,” Nick said. “But you two are freaking me out with your little demon smiles. What’s going on here?”

  Tucker gave Katie another grin, before he held up a familiar keychain.

  “Is that . . . for my car?” Nick looked past Tucker to the bus station parking lot. Tucker pushed the call button on the car and the lights on his beautiful, precious, sweet, little rust-filled Mazda 3 lit up.

  “My car? With a battery? And brakes? It can start?” The questions fell out of Nick’s mouth so quickly he was barely allowing for Tucker—or Katie, for that matter—to answer. His legs moved faster than his mouth as he ran to the car’s door. He opened the door and sat inside, hugging the wheel. Tucker still had the keys, so Nick contented himself with holding the steering column like it was a child.

  “My sweet car. My baby. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “You do that a lot, don’t you?” Katie teased. “I’m beginning to think you have a thing for engines.”

  “I will never take my car for granted again. Never, ever.” Nick petted the emergency break and the dashboard. “I have never hated public transit so much in my entire life.”

  “Hey,” Katie said. “I still use it. And you wouldn’t have met me without it.”

  “Not true. I would have found you in the Grad House one day.” Nick got out of his car so he could hug Katie. She gripped him tightly, her fingers stroking his back. It didn’t seem to matter that it was still really dark at night and the rain was misting again, they still continued to hug. By the time they pulled away from the embrace, Tucker had loaded their bags into the trunk.

  “So, I have to ask—what the hell just happened?” Nick said. “Why do I have a car? Did you somehow win a poker game against Greg? Which I hear is easy, by the way.”

  “I wish.” Tucker glanced at Katie and leaned against the hood of the car nonchalantly. “You want to tell him?”

  “Sure.” Katie took Nick’s hands in hers. “You know my furious texting all this week? I said I was texting a friend or Ilana . . .?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I was texting her. And Dunja. And Tucker. And my boss at the Grad House, Danny. I was basically organizing an art show
in one of the Grad House’s upstairs rooms while I was gone, so I could sell some paintings and help you get your car back without going into massive credit card debt. Tucker helped us to organize and convince Danny to use the upstairs without charging us for the cover fee, since we’d also be selling old art that’s been there for years, and he could use that cash to finally give the place another coat of paint. As soon as Danny was on board, Tucker got your car back from Greg first, because we needed it to cart paintings back and forth.”

  “And Greg let that happen?”

  “He called you,” Tucker said. “But you weren’t answering. I think he was desperate enough to get the car off the lot, he would have let bandits take it. But thankfully, he remembered me and let me take the spare set of keys you’d given him. And then it was just me, Dunja, and a handful of people from the Grad House carting sculptures and canvases into the upstairs room. We had so many we eventually just stuck them on the wall downstairs for people to see. I’m sorry if there’s dirt in the backseat, by the way. It was for a good cause.”

  “Are you serious? Really?” Nick gazed from Tucker back to Katie. “You did this all for me? And it all worked?”

  “Oh yeah,” Katie said. “Art show was a success. Tucker made back all his money for the car and other expenses he fronted for you. Danny got enough to paint the place, and sold enough alcohol to make him happy for a long time. The extra cash from the show, well, I figure you and I could use it for our little trip. Unless you really want to get better groceries, first.”

  “My dad gave me some cash for that. I just . . . I can’t believe this. You didn’t have to do any of this.”

  “I know I didn’t have to. But I did. And I wanted you to be happy.”

  “I am. I’m so happy.” Nick restrained himself from flailing all over the car again. He could breathe easier now. His hands no longer shook, and his mind was no longer reeling at the mess he was going to have to clean up this week. The cash in his pocket was a surplus. His credit wouldn’t tank. He and Katie could take the trip they really wanted to take and not have to stay in a gross motel to do it. It wouldn’t be a five-star place, but things were better. So much better than they had been a day ago.

  And considering how good things had been, that was a miracle.

  “Oh my God.” Nick let out a relieved breath. “My life is so much better now. The wedding is in two weeks and we don’t have to take a Greyhound to Niagara. I don’t have to calm Greg down. Oh thank God.”

  “How’s that for a grand romantic gesture?” Katie laughed.

  “And platonic gesture,” Tucker added.

  “You two. Both of you. Come here.” Nick moved into another hug with Tucker before he wrapped his arms tight around Katie. He kissed her cheek, then her lips, savouring every last bit of the embrace. “I’m . . . I’m taking you both out to dinner, okay?”

  “For Chinese?” Tucker asked. “I think Katie would like number seven on the menu.”

  “Yes,” Nick said, laughing as he got behind the wheel of his car. “All of that sounds perfect.”

  Tucker was right: The number seven on the menu was really good. He and Katie mixed and matched their meal (she got the number four), while Tucker stayed with his tried-and-true eight, since it had yet to let him down. They ate their meals right from the packages in Nick’s living room while watching a civil war documentary Tucker really enjoyed on Netflix. When it came time for dessert, Nick ran out and grabbed them all Oreos from the corner store, since that was one dessert everyone could be happy with. The freedom to simply go out and buy something as simple as Oreos filled Nick with a sense of freedom he hadn’t had in such a long time. Katie being there to greet him when he returned only added to the effect.

  “Hey,” Katie said, nudging Nick after they’d turned on a new documentary. “I think Tucker’s asleep.”

  Tucker was sitting in the armchair next to the couch, his hands folded over his lap. His neck was craned back on the chair, his mouth slightly open.

  “Definitely asleep,” Nick confirmed. “Should we cover him up and leave him here?”

  Katie nodded. She spread the blanket from the back of the couch over his body while Nick shut off Netflix. Tucker stirred a little, but soon went back to sleep. Nick led them both into his bedroom and shut the door behind Katie.

  “I still can’t believe you did that, you know,” he said. “You sold your paintings for me. Is the art show still on?”

  “Yeah, it ends tomorrow. We can pick up whatever extra cash there is. Maybe you can even see some of the paintings too.”

  “I’d like that. Thank you so much. Again.”

  “Hey. You’re taking me to a wedding where I get to dress up. So I think we’re even.”

  “It’s not about being even. It’s about sharing the burden, I guess,” Nick said. They both sat on his bed, facing each other like they had been on the couch.

  Katie rubbed her thumb on the outside of his hand. “Sure. No matter how you want to phrase it, I’m there for you.”

  “Are you? Because I keep waiting to wake up from the dream, you know?”

  She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss against his mouth. Then she pinched his arm. He squirmed away, rubbing his arm but laughing.

  “See?” she boasted. “Not a dream. Now stop doubting a good thing. You introduced me to your parents. As your girlfriend. I’ve never had anyone do that before.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I’ve always been an exotic fuck or someone to keep in a closet. An experiment or something that can’t go beyond first-name basis. There’s something that Ilana and I realized very, very early on in transition. And it’s not the truth that matters, but what people say is the truth. You know what I mean?”

  “I think. Like, if I say the best romantic comedy is Say Anything, but you and everyone else says it’s not, then it doesn’t really matter. Because majority rules.”

  “First of all,” Katie said, nudging his shoulder. “I said we’d call a draw on that film. But yes, more or less, majority rules. And it can get really, really isolating knowing something like your gender, but having everyone tell you you’re wrong. That’s why Ilana and I paired up and refused to be separated, and why Jonas and I sent postcards. Even after I dropped out of the program and decided I didn’t want surgery, but they both did. We’re still in it together, because we gotta be. You need at least someone on your side.”

  “Yes,” he said. “Always.”

  “You’re on my side, Nick.”

  “Of course I am. I couldn’t not be after all of this.”

  “I know . . . and that’s why . . .” She stumbled as she spoke, trying to smile, but Nick could tell she was almost on the verge of tears.

  “Whoa.” He held her hands. “What’s wrong? What did I say? I’m sorry . . .” He pressed a tight kiss to her lips, only to have her laugh as one tear fell from her eyes.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all. That’s the point. You’re on my side. And I love you. That’s all. It’s just as shocking and surprising for me.”

  He hadn’t realized how good it would feel until he heard her say it. He smiled and never wanted this moment to end.

  “Nick? You got quiet.”

  “I know, I know. Everything’s fine. Just say it again for me?”

  Katie narrowed her eyes. She drew their bodies closer together and pressed her mouth against the shell of his ear. “I love you. I love you. All of you.”

  “I love you too. It’s as simple as that.”

  “Good. Now, maybe tomorrow we’ll see the end of the art show. How does that sound?”

  “Really fun.” He took Katie’s hand.

  They exchanged a couple of slow, passionate kisses before they lay down on the bed together. With their clothing on and their hands tangled, they fell asleep without another care. When Nick woke in the morning, neck stiff but with her still in his bed, he knew none of it had been a dream.

  “I have the perfect playlist,” Katie said. Nick had pick
ed her up from her apartment moments ago, and now they were turning onto the highway that would take them on the nearly three-hour drive to Niagara Falls. Nick was pleased to see she had completely covered the one thing he’d run out of time for in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Katie held up two CDs labeled with black and green Sharpie markers. They read, Wedding Before and Wedding After.

  “I also have one labeled Summer 2015, but since it’ll be officially summer on Sunday, I’m going to wait until we play that one.”

  “Wow. I’m impressed. But what kind of songs are reserved for after the wedding?”

  “Well, I guess you’ll just have to listen to find out.”

  Katie slipped the CD into Nick’s player as he merged onto the highway. She grabbed a pair of sunglasses from her red purse and slid them onto her nose. Her hair was long and wild at her sides. When she rolled down the window, her hair was swept up and she looked utterly elegant—almost like a movie star. She wore a bright-purple top that was tight across her bust, but tapered down and flowed out like a short dress. She had some black tights on underneath, which stopped midcalf and she topped her ensemble off with purple heels that weren’t too overwhelming. Katie had picked this outfit for the wedding a week ago and worried incessantly that her tattoos would be visible. Nick had insisted it would be fine; he was pretty sure Erin had a couple of tattoos she’d be hiding under her dress, so she would probably like to see Katie’s.

  Nick wore loose blue jeans with a torn-up Smiths T-shirt, since his tux was already with Levi and Alex at the reception hall. There was no rehearsal dinner—for a party as small as this at fifty people, there was no real point in rehearsals aside from Alex practicing his vows in the mirror. The plan was to show up a couple of hours before the ceremony at six, so Nick could get dressed with Levi and Alex. While Nick rode over with the wedding party after the ceremony was over, Andrea, Erin’s sister, had promised him that she’d keep Katie company until the reception, where they’d be reunited again. Katie and Nick had gone over that side of the plan so much that Katie seemed more at ease, which relieved him. She fidgeted with the music, not with her hair or makeup anymore. Nick had told her a dozen times before leaving that she looked great, and she seemed to finally believe him.