Never Let Me Go: Part 1

by Jessica Gibson

  He didn’t say a word until we were in the air. “How bad is it then?”

  “It’s not good, I’ll tell you that. I can't get her off my mind, man. She’s all I can think about.” I raked a hand through my hair.

  Smith Janner and I had been friends since we were kids. He was the closest thing I had to a brother.

  He looked at me thoughtfully. “What’s to be done about it?”

  “Women, and lots of them.”

  A slow smile formed on his lips. “How much trouble do you think we can cause in the two days we’re there?”

  “I’d put my money on a lot.” I motioned for Sarah, my regular flight attendant, to bring me a scotch.

  “Is this going to solve anything for you? Or delay the inevitable?”

  “Too soon to tell.” I leaned back in my seat. Grace. What the fuck had she done to me?

  “Why on earth are you fighting this so much? From everything you’ve told me, she sounds pretty damn perfect.”

  “I don’t do perfect, and I don't do relationships. I’m not comfortable with them. They’re too familiar.”

  He laughed. “You and your rules.”

  “I like things the way they are. I have no room in my life for change.” I shook my head. “Everything has a place. Sex is just recreation for me, I don't need to be held accountable to anyone to get it.” I downed the scotch in front of me and signaled for another.

  “Pace yourself, it’s a long flight from here to California.” Smith nodded toward the drink Sarah had put in front of me. “The last thing I need is you being too drunk to get off the plane.”

  “Okay, that was one time, and it was ten years ago.” I shook my head.

  “I’ll never forget it, nor will I let you.” He laughed.

  “You’re such an ass.”

  “I’ll own that.” He lifted his drink in a salute. “Who are we meeting when we get there?”

  “The usual suspects. Shaileen was more than happy to take my call today. She promised to show us a good time while we’re in town.” I smirked. Shaileen was a woman who both Smith and I had dated at one time or another. It was never serious in any of the relationships and somehow we remained friends. We sort of looked at her as one of the guys now. A sexy as hell bro. She could drink us both under the table, and usually travelled with a pack of women just as good looking.

  “Sounds like we’re in for a fun couple of days then.”

  The flight was overnight, and we awoke just as we touched down in Los Angeles.

  “Mr. McFadden, Mr. Janner, enjoy your trip.” Sarah smiled as we stepped out into the morning light.

  I needed to stop thinking about her. It was only one night, nothing was that good. I had meetings in the city all day, but Shai had promised to be by our hotel by seven to take us out on the town. I needed the diversion.

  Grace. She was all I could think about these days. I wondered what she was doing, or if she was thinking of me.

  “I still say you should just call her.” Smith’s voice brought me out of my stupor.

  “Call whom?” I shot back.

  “The girl. The one you're running from.”

  “I’m not running. Even if I wanted to call her, I don’t have her number.”

  “Bullshit. You have a dossier on every girl you’ve fucked.”

  He was right, of course. I knew that Grace’s last name was DeLeo, and that she owned her own PR firm. I knew how much she had in all of her bank accounts as well. I could call her, but I wouldn’t.

  “I’m not going to call her.”

  “You are such a chickenshit.” He shook his head.

  “I’m not. I just prefer things the way they are. Women expect too much, and most only want me for my last name and what it can bring them.” I’d only had one serious relationship in the past, and she had proven to be very disappointing. I hadn’t made the same mistake again.

  “I’m letting it drop for now, but it’s not over.”

  Smith was a good friend, but he didn't get it. No one ever did. I still had my mom pestering me all the time about finding a nice girl to settle down with and give her grandbabies. No chance in hell. Not to mention my sister Leah was always trying to set me up with her friends. They didn’t understand me. I didn’t need the messiness of a relationship, I just needed the sex part.

  “Are you going to be at the hotel while I work? Or should we drop you somewhere else?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “The hotel is fine,” he answered as he scrolled through his phone.

  After dropping him off at The W, the driver took me to where I was meeting my clients. I was supposed to be buying out a failing record company, but truth be told, I didn’t care why I was here. I only cared that it was new and that I was going to get laid later in the evening.

  Spreadsheets were set in front of me in the glossy conference room.

  “As you can see Mr. McFadden, with your company’s backing we can achieve a profit within the first year of the merger,” a nervous looking brunette said, fidgeting with her glasses as she spoke.

  “I see your projections.” I tapped a finger to my lip. “Why my company though? Make me see why we are a good fit.” I needed to hear passion from her, to know that she was hungry for it.

  The woman, Casey Woodright, spent the next hour telling me all about the company and how she started it from nothing. She explained that they just needed some backing to make the leap into signing bigger named clients. If I was looking for hungry, she was ravenous.

  “We’ll meet at noon tomorrow to speak again,” I instructed as I stood to leave. “I expect you to show me what you’re working on.”

  “Does this mean you're going to sign the contract?” she asked me anxiously.

  “That remains to be seen, I’ll make my final decision tomorrow.” My mind was already made up, McFadden Industries would become a partner with them. I just wanted her to work a little bit more for it. Nothing worthwhile should be easy to attain.

  SMITH WAS RECLINING ON MY bed watching TV when I walked into the suite.

  “Was there something wrong with your room?” I threw my jacket on the closest chair.

  “No, your TV is bigger.” He grinned.

  “Whatever. Did you speak to Shai?”

  “She’ll be around in twenty or so. Did she tell you her news?” He arched a brow.

  “No. What news?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “I suppose I’ll leave it to her to tell you.” His smirk was annoying.

  I huffed out a breath and grabbed my phone out of my coat pocket.

  “Shai, it’s Logan.”

  “Logan, darling, what can I do for you that can’t wait twenty minutes?” I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Smith alluded to some sort of news you have to share. He says he won’t share, so rather than spend the next twenty with his smug face, I’m calling you.”

  “I’m pregnant and engaged.”

  “Fuck me.” I blew out a breath.

  She laughed. “I’ll take that as a ‘congratulations’ and hang up now so I can concentrate on driving. See you soon.” She hung up and I dropped my phone on the chair next to me.

  “Pregnant.”

  “And engaged, don’t forget engaged.” Smith grinned at me.

  As long as I had known Shaileen, she was wild. She was the one girl who could party just as hard as me. The one who never wanted commitment or a ring from anyone.

  “What are your thoughts?” I sat down on the edge of the bed.

  “She seems really happy, so I’m happy for her. Not much that we can do about it anyway.”

  “Why the hell did she not tell me sooner?”

  “She probably thought you’d be pissed.”

  “I’m not pissed. I want her to be happy, of course. I’m just surprised.”

  “I was, too. Promise you’ll be nice when she gets here.” He eyed me.

  “I’m always nice.”

  “Right.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to go and ch
ange for dinner; I suggest you do the same.” He went through the adjoining door to his suite.

  Pregnant. Shai was pregnant. What was the world coming to? I changed into more casual clothes since it appeared that hitting the town was not on the table. So much for the distraction I needed.

  Fifteen minutes later, Shaileen breezed into my room. “Okay, tell me what you really think?” She flopped down onto my bed. She was gorgeous, of course, and her long strawberry hair was piled on her head in a messy bun. Her blue eyes held the question she had just asked.

  “I don’t know, Shai, I’m in shock.”

  “I told you a while ago I was dating someone,” she countered.

  “Yeah, but dating doesn’t always add up to a baby and a marriage, especially in our cases.”

  “I guess I just reached a place in my life where I wanted more. I’m not a kid anymore, and I don't want to be sleeping with random men for the rest of my life. Don’t you ever want more?”

  Grace. She was more. “I don’t know. Sometimes I do.” I went to the bar and poured myself a scotch.

  “Smith told me you met someone,” she said hesitantly.

  “He has a big mouth.” I glared in her direction. “She’s nothing, just a girl I met in Chicago, not serious. It was a night, nothing more.” I pounded the drink and grimaced as fire descended my throat

  “I can tell by your tone it wasn't nothing,” Shai said softly.

  “I don't want to talk about it.”

  “Maybe you need to,” she challenged.

  “Did Smith put you up to this?”

  “No, he didn’t. I’ve known you for a long time, Logan, and I want to know that you're going to be happy and taken care of.”

  “You make it sound like you’re dying. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I’m happy the way I am, with no attachments.”

  “No, you aren’t. The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be. I thought I was happy, too. It was all meaningless before I met Alex. The partying, the sex with strangers, it’s not going to make you happy, but she will.”

  “How do you know that? You never met her.” I crossed my arms defensively.

  “I can see it all over your face. She got under your skin.” She gave me a look that told me she knew I was full of shit.

  I sighed. “She did get to me. I can't stop thinking about her. The way her hair smelled, and the curve of her spine as she was lying next to me in bed. She’s in my head.”

  “Why aren’t you doing something about it then?” Shai demanded.

  “It’s been too long. I let her walk out and didn’t try and stop her. She doesn’t know who I am really, only my first name. It was only a night, but it was more at the same time.”

  “Can you find her again?” she questioned.

  I grinned. “I never lost her. I know where she is.”

  “Then why are you here with me, instead of there with her?”

  “Because I'm terrified to find out if what I felt was real or not,” I said softly.

  “Did she ask you to stay?”

  “No. She begged me to ask her not to leave.” Just saying the words hurt. This was not good at all.

  “It was real.”

  “How do you know? I let her leave, Shai, what if I go to her and she tells me to go to hell?”

  “I just know, honey. Ask yourself this—will you be able to go the rest of your life without knowing for sure if this could have been something?”

  “I don’t know.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. This was exactly why I didn’t do strings.

  “You've never been this way about someone, not even…”

  “Don’t say her name.” My tone was sharper than it should have been. “I’m sorry, I just can’t talk about her.” I softened.

  “I know honey. I was there through it all.” She patted my leg. “I just think you need to give this a chance and see where it goes. You owe it to yourself. You deserve so much more than what you allow.” She put a hand on my cheek. “I used to think that somewhere down the line, you and I would find each other again, when we were both ready.”

  I started to speak, but she silenced me with a finger.

  “That was just a young girl’s fantasy. We were never meant for each other. I love you, more than I should at times, but it’s there. Over time that love changed to something else, it morphed into something non-emotional, something more platonic. I think you’re truly remarkable, and you are worth so much more. Your money means nothing, all of it, the power, it means nothing if you don’t have someone to come home to at night.”

  “I love you too, Shai, and I used to wish that I could love you the way you deserved. I’m happy you found someone, and you know I’ll be Uncle Logan to your kids.”

  “And they will love you as much as I do.” She put a hand on her stomach.

  I hadn’t noticed the bump before, nor had I seen the ring on her finger. For the first time, I could see how happy she was.

  “Come on, let’s go find Smith and Alex.” She held a hand out for me to help her up.

  I arched a brow in silent question.

  “I told them we needed a minute.” She pulled me into a hug. “I love you.” She kissed my cheek.

  “I know you do. I love you, too. Now let’s go so I can meet your fiancé.” I pressed my lips to hers gently. My Shai was all grown up.

  “GRACE? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING to me?” Faith snapped her fingers in front of my face.

  “What? Sorry.”

  “I said Hope is on her way up and then we have to run if we’re going to make it to the airport in time to meet Charity’s flight.”

  I was so excited to see her again. She’d been away studying at Oxford for the past two years in England. She was coming home for the summer, and we were elated.

  “Come on, get the lead out,” Faith ordered.

  “I’m coming; I’ll meet you downstairs—I just need to find my shoes.”

  Hope talked nonstop the whole way to the airport.

  “Has it been a while since you’ve had adult interaction?” Faith laughed as we got out of the car.

  “No, why?” Hope had a quizzical expression on her face.

  “You literally talked the entire time.”

  “I did not,” she scoffed, looking offended.

  “You really did.” I patted her arm. “It’s okay, though, I don’t mind.”

  “I’m sorry. John’s been working so much lately, and I’ve been home with the baby by myself. I guess I didn’t realize how starved for attention I was.” She smiled sheepishly.

  “You know I’m always only a phone call away,” I whispered as we walked into the airport.

  “I know you are. You're busy with work, too, though.”

  For the first time, I noticed that my sister looked sad. Maybe domestic bliss wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

  “Come on, I don’t want to miss her coming down the escalator,” Faith called out from ahead of us.

  Turned out that us hurrying didn’t matter, Charity’s flight was delayed by two hours.

  “So, do we leave and come back or stay?” I asked the others.

  “We may as well stay. We can get magazines and food and meet back here to wait,” Hope mused.

  So we all split up in search of food and magazines. I was perusing the magazine rack when a familiar face jumped out at me from the cover of Forbes. My heart stopped. There he was, in full color, smiling at me under the headline “The Billionaire Bachelor”. Logan.

  I bought the magazine and sat in the first open seat I could find, flipping to his story and reading it through, twice. His last name was McFadden, and he was apparently the sole heir to some huge corporation that owned about a zillion other companies.

  I scoured each page of the story, looking at pictures of him with various women at charity events—the ballet, the opera, and all sorts of other snooty rich people events. They were all blonde and cut from the same mold; apparently he had a “type”. I for sure didn�
�t fit that mold. I wasn’t tall or statuesque.

  Seeing him was like a punch to the gut, even if it was only on paper. It reaffirmed that I was not, in fact, over him in any way. Logan McFadden. His last name, I could look for him now if I wanted to. Did I want to? Was I willing to find him and risk him rejecting me?

  “Hey, we’ve been looking all over for you.” Hope plopped down in the empty chair next to me, her brown eyes worried.

  “Sorry. I found this and sort of lost track of everything.”

  “What is this?” She flipped to see the cover of the periodical.

  “Logan,” I whispered.

  “What?” Her jaw dropped, and she studied his picture. Naturally, she knew about my brief encounter, but not all the details.

  “It’s an article about him and his life. Just seeing his face again…” I felt my composure waning.

  “Wow, he’s a hottie.” Hope peered at him.

  “I know,” I groaned.

  “Like, really hot. You never said he was this hot.” She looked closer.

  “Yeah, he’s insanely hot,” I said glumly

  Faith found us a few minutes later.

  “You have to find him; you know that, right?” Faith proclaimed.

  “What? Don't be crazy.”

  “Grace, seriously, you have been awful since that night. You need to do this, to see if there is something there.”

  “What am I supposed to do? Show up at his office in New York and say, ‘Hey, remember me? We had a one-night stand three months ago, and I can’t stop thinking about you?’ That would be nuts.” Just the thought of doing that made me sick to my stomach.

  “What if he feels the same way, though?” Hope chimed in—the voice of reason, as usual.

  “What if he doesn’t?” Could I do this? Could I fly across the country, chasing my destiny? The thought of him rejecting me again made my stomach twist.

  All thoughts of Logan were erased by the impending arrival of Charity’s flight from England. As soon as we saw her tall blond head coming down the escalator, all of us screamed her name and ran to tackle her.

  “It’s so good to be home.” She hugged me tightly, while we waited for Hope to bring the car around. “The UK was amazing, but there’s nothing like being home. I missed all you crazy bitches.”