A Girl of White Winter

by Barb Hendee

  Taking Adina’s hand, I fled the sitting room.

  * * * *

  About two hours later, Royce came to my room. I was in my nightgown and dressing robe, but I knew he’d be coming and would want me to wait. I didn’t mind having to stay up and was simply glad for the two hours of privacy behind a closed door.

  He appeared more sober, so he must have stopped drinking, but he was troubled.

  “Kara,” he said upon closing the door. “I’m sorry about what happened down there. I did not mean for that to happen. Adina was right, and I could see you were distressed.”

  Though Royce had once before mentioned hoping for my forgiveness, this was the first time he’d ever said he was sorry. He had indeed shamed me, and his thoughtlessness had prompted those two men to start bidding. But the apology was another quagmire for me. If I offered my forgiveness, it would suggest he was at fault. He might blame himself, but no matter how much regret he might feel, he would not want blame from me.

  “You couldn’t have known how they’d behave,” I said. “And you put a stop to all that rough talk quickly.”

  His body relaxed, and his eyes drifted as if he thought back to the conversation. “Yes,” he said. “I did stop it.”

  Again, he was my hero, my protector, and he came to me, touching my face. “For all Alexi’s power and money, he doesn’t have anything like you. He’s always envied us this manor, and now he envies me for you.”

  He was pleased, and any potential crisis was past.

  Leaning down, he kissed me.

  Dutifully, I kissed him back.

  * * * *

  The next day, we served our guests a late breakfast and then walked them out to the courtyard to say goodbye. Several wagons of luggage and at least twenty royal guards were waiting.

  “Keep an eye out if you’re on the road near dusk,” Trey told Francis. “We were attacked not three miles north of here.”

  Alexi kissed Adina’s hand and thanked her for the pleasant stay. Both men were on their best behavior this morning, perhaps even somewhat embarrassed by the events that had followed the chess match. I supposed, in their defense, they had been drinking.

  As I stood halfway behind Royce, Alexi did not attempt to kiss my hand. But he glanced at me and said to Royce, “If you ever change your mind…”

  “I won’t,” Royce answered. “But come back soon. You’re always welcome at our table.”

  The men mounted up, and we waved our goodbyes. I was not sorry to see them go.

  As I started back for the front doors, Royce stopped me.

  “I need to ride out on an errand,” he said. “And I won’t be home until mid-afternoon.”

  I knew better than to ask him about his business. “Would you like me to wait until you return before having lunch served?”

  “No, you go ahead and eat. I don’t know how long this will take.”

  With that, he strode off for the stables, and I walked back through the manor doors with Trey and Adina.

  “I’m going to make sure the guest rooms are cleaned,” Adina said. “Kara, would you like to come?”

  As I was about to agree, Trey interrupted. “I’d like Kara to come to the sitting room.”

  “Goodness. Whatever for?” she asked.

  He smiled. “I’d like her to play a game of chess with me.”

  Shaking her head, Adina started toward the stairs. “Whatever you like, but it’s far too early in the day for chess.”

  Trey looked to me. “Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  Together, we walked to the sitting room. The fire in the hearth had been lit, and the air was comfortably warm. I liked the way the daylight streamed in through the windows.

  Trey said, “I’m not Royce. Play your best game.”

  Sitting at the game board, I asked, “How do you know I let Royce win?”

  “I’m no fool, and I’ve watched you. You lose too skillfully.” He sat. “I’ve not done enough to make you feel welcome here. I was worried at first and thought Royce had made a mistake in choosing you. But he didn’t. No one could handle him better than you. I’ve never seen him so at ease with himself, and I’m well aware what this must cost you.”

  Dropping my gaze, I didn’t trust myself to answer. He knew. He knew a good deal more than he’d let on.

  “You are welcome here,” he added, “and wanted here. Adina adores you, and in all areas but one, you have my protection.”

  Lifting my head, I assumed the caveat meant that he could not protect me from Royce. Still, his promise moved me. I’d never had Lord Jean’s protection.

  Trey motioned to the board. “You play white.”

  * * * *

  I won the first game, but he beat me fairly on the second, and I enjoyed myself immensely. With Lord Trey, I could drop all pretense and be myself.

  Adina came to join us, bringing both my embroidery and hers. The servants brought us lunch and tea in the sitting room. After lunch, Trey offered to read a novel aloud while we did needlework, and the three of us passed half the afternoon in quiet companionship. I could not remember having been this close to feeling peace or contentment since my arrival.

  In the late afternoon, Royce came home and stuck his head in the door, but he didn’t enter. “Are you all in here?”

  “Where have you been?” Trey asked. “Kara said you went off on some errand.”

  Still not entering, Royce answered, “I did. But I’ve brought a gift for her.”

  My heart sank. I hoped I would not have to feign pleasure over some gaudy piece of jewelry. The afternoon had been so enjoyable.

  “Are you ready?” Royce asked.

  “What are you up to?” Adina asked.

  Royce entered, wearing a full cloak, but I could see he carried something beneath it in one hand. As he approached, he drew his hand out to show me the gift.

  I took a quick breath.

  It was a puppy, perhaps twelve weeks old.

  “I’ve been told her name is Lily,” he said. “But you can change it.”

  I dropped out of my chair onto the floor as he set her down, and she ran to me, wriggling in my arms and licking my face. She was white, with soft fur, and I was overwhelmed. I’d never had a dog, and she already appeared fond of me. Her small body was warm as she whined and licked my face again.

  “Do you like her?” Royce asked. “I could see you’ve little interest in jewels, but I wasn’t sure what else to buy you.”

  I couldn’t answer, and my eyes were wet. I did not just like her. I loved her. He had brought me sweet company, something of my own to care for.

  “Kara?” he knelt down and saw the tears on my face. “What’s wrong?”

  He sounded tense now, as if he’d guessed wrongly, but I rushed to say, “Nothing is wrong. She’s perfect. Thank you so much.”

  My voice shook, and he then seemed troubled that I was too moved by his gift.

  Perhaps he had not known that I’d been lonely.

  That night, when he came to my room, I had Lily with me. I’d arranged for bowls of milk and water and had been feeding her small bits of meat. I asked him if she could be allowed to sleep in the room. The idea of the puppy in the room didn’t appear to bother him, but he was still troubled by my reaction to her.

  “Kara, have you been happy here with me?” he asked.

  How else could I answer? “I’m very happy.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “I love you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Autumn passed into winter.

  Lord Trey told me they traveled a good deal in the spring and summer and were sometimes expected at court, but in late autumn and winter, he preferred to remain home at the Capello estate—as he appreciated a warm fire.

  For my part, I appreciated our quiet d
ays, and I’d even begun to find some measure of contentment in my new life. Adina and Trey were good company, and I delighted in Lily as she grew. She always came on walks about the estate with Royce and me. At first, he’d seemed put off by my overt affection for her, but this soon passed, and he began attempting to teach her to fetch a stick for him.

  However, I never forgot my place or my duty here: to make Royce feel like a generous protector. For some reason, he needed this. I obeyed him in all things. I watched his face and his moods, and I adjusted our conversation or activities accordingly. As time drifted on though, one thought continued to nag me.

  In many ways, my relationship to Royce bore similarities to my relationship with my lady.

  Of course I had duties for him that I’d never had to perform for Lady Giselle, and in bed, he’d begun teaching me new ways to please him. I found some of the acts unpleasant or degrading, but I never let him know this. For the most part, as long as I made him feel like a kind and gentle man, he behaved like a kind and gentle man. I could simply never disagree with him or complain to him or show him my true feelings.

  Still, as a family, he and I and Trey and Adina did well together inside the manor during those cold days, playing cards and sipping hot chocolate in the evening by a fire. I was almost beginning to accept my role and place in the household…and then everything changed.

  One night, Royce walked into the dining room with a piece of paper in his hand. His expression was unreadable, but his jaw line was tense.

  He looked to Trey.

  “Loraine is arriving home,” he said. “Tomorrow. Before lunch.”

  * * * *

  In the night, Royce kissed me in desperation and with more pressure than usual, bruising one side of my mouth. He seemed to dread his wife’s impending arrival. But he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t tell me anything, and I was left to wonder. Had he told her about me? Did she know he’d taken a mistress in her absence or was I to be an unwelcome surprise?

  The next day, shortly before the lunch hour, we gathered in the dining hall to wait. Adina looked beautiful. Lord Trey looked resigned. Royce paced like a wolf.

  I had no idea what to do or say.

  We were not there long when a guard entered. “Lady Loraine’s party is coming through the front gates, my lords.”

  “Thank you,” Trey answered. He looked to the rest of us. “We must go to greet her.”

  Trey and Royce led the way, with Adina and me following.

  As we walked down the hall, I grew nervous to the point of being frightened.

  Before we reached the front doors, Adina took my hand. “It’s all right, my dear. Royce wrote to her several weeks ago and informed her that he’s taken a formal companion. This is common practice for men of his station, and he’s well within his rights.”

  I cast her a grateful look. This was somewhat of a relief. At least Loraine had been informed.

  But then we stepped out into the courtyard to a scene of chaos and activity. Fifteen of our own guards were dismounting their horses. There were two wagons, heavily laden with trunks and crates and casks. Servants climbed down from wagons and hurried toward a covered carriage with high wheels in the center of all this.

  A thin girl with a frightened expression reached the door first, opening it.

  “Might I get some assistance!” came a voice from inside the carriage.

  Quickly, one of the guards strode to the open door and held out his hand. A woman took it and emerged into view, stepping onto the ground. Her gaze flew to another guard who was attempting to unload a heavy trunk from a wagon.

  “Be careful with that trunk!” she ordered. “There are porcelain plates in there. Break one, and it will come out of your pay.”

  This was my first sight of Loraine. As someone Royce would choose for a wife, she was not what I expected. She was perhaps ten years older than him, in her early forties, wearing a burgundy satin evening gown and a heavy ruby necklace during the day, as travel wear. Her bosom was large, as were her hips, and her waist was thick. Her eyes were prominent, and so was her nose—with a bump at the bridge. Her mouth was wide and full. A mass of reddish blond hair was her best feature, and this was piled elaborately on her head.

  “I would have thought my family would have missed me enough to ride out and greet me along the road,” she said somewhat petulantly to the thin, frightened girl.

  “Welcome home, my lady,” said Lord Trey.

  Her head turned toward us in the doorway, first to Royce…and then down to me. For a moment, she wrinkled her brow until realization began to dawn. Taking a step closer, her eyes moved over my face in complete shock.

  How could she be shocked? Adina had said she knew.

  The shock turned to something more malevolent, and on instinct, I stepped up behind Royce.

  With a cry, Loraine stumbled sideways.

  “Royce!” she cried. “I am not well.”

  Like lightning, he ran forward and caught her arm. “My dear. Let me help you.”

  His voice was different than I’d ever heard it. He sounded…deferential. Putting one arm around her back, he supported her and led her past us through the front doors. He did not look at me.

  “I’ll get you upstairs and find a cold cloth for your head,” he said to her.

  Once they were gone, I turned to Adina.

  What had just happened?

  * * * *

  Almost immediately, Adina grasped my hand and led me to the sitting room. Lord Trey remained in the courtyard to oversee the unpacking of the luggage.

  Once in the sitting room, I sank down on a low couch by the fire, speechless.

  Adina sat beside me, clearly distressed. “You see why I’ve never told you anything about her? I knew you’d need to meet her before I could try to explain.”

  Yes, Loraine was a force of nature, but my confusion lay in another direction. “But Royce was so…he was so…”

  “I know,” she answered. “He is always gently nurturing with her. He has to be.”

  Shaking my head, I didn’t understand.

  Adina sighed. “Has he told you anything about our finances?”

  “No.”

  “Rents and taxes from the villages come in to Trey. But about fifteen years ago, before my time here, more of the tenants and farmers began moving to the cities, decreasing the Capello income. Trey found he could make his own tax payments to the king, but there wasn’t much to spare. Soon…there was even less, and he began having to dismiss some of the servants.”

  “But we live so well now.”

  She nodded. “Eight years ago, Royce married Loraine. She’d become besotted with him and wanted the marriage. I don’t know if he wanted it, but his mother was still alive then, and I had joined the household, and he worried for our comfort. Loraine’s family is among the richest in all of Samourè, and she’s first cousin to the king. Her dowry came in the form of a large yearly stipend, and from the stipend, she pays Royce an allowance. From that allowance, he pays for everything here: the servants’ salaries, the fine meals we eat…our clothing. He’s been generous to both me and his father.”

  I absorbed this slowly. Since my arrival, Royce had been buying me gowns and slippers. Had the money come from his allowance from Loraine?

  “So you see,” Adina went on. “He has to cater to her. The few times he’s tried to curb her demands upon him, she’s threatened to cut off his allowance.”

  “Her demands?”

  Again, Adina sighed. “Loraine views herself as the sweetest of women, kind and loving to everyone. She sees herself as a victim, that people do not appreciate her. She is often ill and needs to lay upon a chaise lounge here in the sitting room so that we can attend to her. Royce has spent many nights in her room, mopping her head with a cloth and seeing to her needs because she wants no one but him…and yet she find
s fault with nearly everything he does or accuses him of not doing enough.”

  “And he accepts this?”

  “He has no choice. And if he ever needs to exceed his allowance, she exacts more of his attention. In early autumn, he lost a thousand silvers in a card game and knew he couldn’t take that much from his allowance. That’s why he sold the land to your de Marco lord. He needed the money. Loraine never needs know about the debt now.”

  I could hardly believe the things she was telling me. Why had I known none of this?

  “But…” I began, “he believes she will accept my presence here?”

  “Now she has no choice in that. As I told you before, he’s well within his rights. But you are not what she expected. You look and behave nothing like the young women of court—and that is what she expected to find. Worse, Royce cares for you. He’s come to need you in the same way some men need strong drink or opium.” She paused. “I don’t know what the next few days will bring, but we all must tread carefully.”

  * * * *

  That night, when I walked into the dining hall, everyone else was already present. Royce was pale, but he stood talking politely to Loraine. She wore a gown of royal blue silk with yards and yards of fabric in the skirt.

  Royce glanced over at me in the doorway, and in an unguarded moment, the longing on his face was unmistakable. Loraine saw this, and her features twisted. She looked at me in open hatred. And who could blame her? She leaves for a few months to visit the baths and comes home to find that her husband has installed a mistress.

  Lord Trey smiled and walked to me, offering his arm and leading me to Loraine. “May I present the newest member of the household,” he said to her. “I trust you will grow as fond of Kara as we have.”

  Loraine said nothing and glowered down at me. Standing next to her, I felt overly diminutive and wondered how I would possibly make it through dinner.

  Once we were seated, Adina asked Loraine polite questions about her visit to the baths and any mutual friends Loraine might have seen. But Loraine answered the questions tightly and made it clear that she was distressed. I sat across from her and Royce, trying to focus on my plate, but halfway through the second course, I lifted my head to find him looking at me.