The Dancer

by Jordan Silver

  “Why? Don’t you think I can dress myself?” I’m sure she thinks I’m kidding, but I was having serious issues with her plans to go out dancing, especially if she was going to be doing that damn dance in public.

  In the end, short of forbidding her to go, which I’m sure wouldn’t go over well, I had no choice but to let it go. After one last kiss to tide me over I left her without looking back. This shit was even harder than the first time.

  I’d dealt with the guilt of leaving her alone in the city with everything that’s been going on, that’s why I’d asked mom to babysit. If she knew that shit she’d freak, but it was the only way I was going to be able to do this.

  I haven’t heard or seen shit about Morrison, so I figured Cox had squashed whatever it is he’d had planned. But now he had the cops and my boys on his ass, so I wasn’t worried about him getting to her.

  As for Arlene she was as good as dealt with and was no real threat. I’m just going to miss my girl like hell. I’m at that point in our relationship where I can’t close my eyes at night if she’s not in bed next to me, so the next two nights ought to be fun.

  The only thing that kept me going is what I had waiting in Miami and what this weekend meant for her, for us. For that reason I was able to put everything else aside and focus.

  My first afternoon was spent doing interviews, which were a breeze because I pretty much knew who I wanted to hire. There were two very surprised single mothers whose income had just tripled overnight by the end of the day.

  Saturday morning I had an appointment with the jeweler I’d trusted to make her ring. I was more nervous now that the shit was done than I was when I ordered it. That little velvet box held a lot of promise and responsibility in it.

  Once I give her this shit I have to stay true to what it represents. It’s not that I’m not ready, I think I’ve been ready to make her mine two minutes after we met.

  But my girl comes with a lot of baggage and I’m the man who’s gonna have to spend the rest of my life making sure I don’t fuck up and hurt her.

  I don’t talk about this shit with her, but it’s never far from my mind. And after that little run-in with her dad I’m even more determined.

  If she were anyone else I wouldn’t even consider the shit that I’m about to do. But because she means everything and because her heart has already been broken, I have to give her this.

  I Facetimed her at nine that night and found her in the media room with a bowl of popcorn, already in one of my jerseys like she was ready for bed. “I thought you were going out, where’s Sherrie?”

  I heard mom in the background and saw Travis in his usual chair. “Her sitter fell through, and since you took Trevor to Miami she couldn’t find anyone last minute. Her mom had something else planned.”

  I hid my smile and didn’t even feel guilty about where I was headed. “I’ll take you dancing when I come home baby. So you’re staying in?”

  “Looks like.” She didn’t seem too torn up about it as she stuffed her face with popcorn and argued with her brother about what movie they were going to watch.

  Mom, who knew what I was up to, came on the screen and smiled at me before taking her seat next to my girl. “I’ll see you in the morning honey, I have to go fight Travis for the remote. Love you bye!”

  I stood frozen in place for the next three minutes after the screen went dark. Did she know what she said? It was so casual, so effortless. My heart did its dancing shit and I had the biggest fucking grin on my face when Tony came to the door.

  “What’s gotten into you? You kill somebody?”

  “Shut up asshole, my girl just told me she loves me.” He rolled his eyes like a teenage girl and followed me out the door.

  For the rest of the night I didn’t hear or see anything. Although I was the one who’d planned the evening it no longer held any real meaning for me. My mind and heart were back in New York with her.

  She’d said those words so easily. Coming from her I know what that shit meant. I feel even more strongly now about the choice I’d made.

  I didn’t really hear the music around me, or see the room full of friends that I’d asked to come here tonight. I just wanted the night to be over so I could get back to her tomorrow.

  I was fucking floating on air and the loss of my freedom didn’t hurt nearly half as much as I

  thought it would. In fact it didn’t hurt at all, because I knew that what I was getting was so much better.

  In the morning I was like a kid about to go on a field trip. I’d barely slept the night before, too excited to get back to her.

  “Did you remember the ring?” I patted my jacket pocket where I’d put it as I climbed into the backseat of the car for the ride home. It had been a long flight back, the longest, and Tony hadn’t made it any easier.

  That ass ragged me all the way from Miami to New York with his shit. I made the mistake of telling him what she’d said again and he acted like it was no big deal. That’s when I stopped talking to his dumb ass.

  “Hurry up I want to get home before she wakes up.” I took out her ring and looked at it again. Four carats of brilliant diamonds that shone almost as bright as she does.

  “You think she’s going to like it? It’s not too big is it? What about the shape, you think she’ll like this one? Maybe I should’ve gone with the round one

  instead of the princess thing.”

  “Bruh, get a grip, you’re making the rest of us look bad.”

  “Who’s us?”

  “Men, anything with a dick. Damn bruh, she’s got you turnt.”

  “Drive the damn car.” I picked up the newspaper and opened it blocking him from view. I wasn’t concentrating on the words until I got to the police blotter.

  “What the fuck?”

  “What happened?”

  “Morrison, somebody fucked him up.” We looked at each other in the rearview mirror. “It says he was found in the meat packing district with his arms and legs broken. He’s still in the hospital with a concussion. Cox?”

  “Who else? Serves his ass right, at least he’s still alive.”

  “That’s some weird timing. I didn’t tell Cox I was leaving the city. Tony.” When he didn’t say anything my suspicions grew.

  “I told you to stay out of that shit. Now you don’t have to worry about him.”

  “You’re not tied up in this are you? Nothing’s gonna come back on you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now get out.” Asshole, I didn’t even realize we were pulling up to my place. “Take your ass home and stay out of shit. I find out you got tangled up with Cox it’s going to be your ass brother.”

  Fuck, now I owe that asshole a solid. It would’ve been easier if I’d dumped Morrison’s carcass in the fucking Hudson myself. Shit, I hope he doesn’t think we’re friends now or some shit.

  I forgot all about Morrison when I got out and headed inside. All I wanted was to see her face. If I’d known what was waiting for me I would’ve turned right the fuck around and headed back where the hell I came from.

  Chapter 38

  I was so excited about him coming home I hardly slept a wink. I got up with the birds and was in the kitchen having coffee even before his mom woke up. I couldn’t sit still even though it was going to be a while before his plane landed.

  These few days without him have been eye opening. I missed him so much it was like a physical ache. But I made a breakthrough those two nights I spent in our bed alone.

  I’ve finally let go of my fear enough to let myself truly feel and trust in his feelings for me. Everything he does, everything he says, makes me feel like this is the real thing, that I’ve been lucky enough to find that one in a million. He’s nothing like my dad, who I now know is weak.

  Seeing him with his new wife, the way he acted, has opened my eyes to who he really is, and I can’t imagine Max being that kind of man. It’s an entirely different thing seeing your dad as a man and not the father figure he’s alway
s been.

  I feel sure that I can one day get over the hurt he caused me and because of that I can now see Max for the man that he is. His strength instead of making me wary, only enhances mine. And the fact that my life has changed so much for the better since knowing him doesn’t hurt.

  Because of him my life no longer sucks and my future doesn’t look so grim. And he did it all without asking anything in return. I feel safe in accepting him as he is. To not look behind every word he says for a different meaning.

  I still have moments of panic when I think that I’m not deserving and it will all come crashing down when I least expect it. But those times he’s always there to bring me out of my funk.

  He’s attentive, loving, kind and so much more than I ever thought he could be, being the man he once was. And above all my heart loves him and that’s enough for me.

  My phone pinged with an incoming message. I snatched it up thinking it was him calling to tell me he was on his way, but it wasn’t his special ring.

  I didn’t recognize the caller and thought it was a wrong number until I read the words. I sat frozen for a few seconds not believing what I was looking at.

  My mind went to some surreal place where it refused to accept. It was too much of a coincidence that I was just this minute thinking about how good my life was now, for this to be real.

  I heard footsteps enter the room behind me, but didn’t look up. I wouldn’t have been able to see through the tears anyway. How could life change so drastically from one minute to the next?

  “Annabelle, what’s the matter honey?” I passed the phone to his mother as my gorge rose. How stupid can I be? How could I let myself fall for this? My heart hurt so much it was hard to breathe.

  “Sweetie, there must be an explanation, don’t jump to conclusions. Let’s call Max and ask him about this.” I wanted to yell at her that he was her son so of course she’d say that, but the words got lodged in my throat.

  My limbs felt heavy and my body hurt like I’d been punched in the chest. I felt even more bereft now than I had when my life fell apart the first time. Because this time all my hopes had been dashed.

  He’d made me believe in him. Had this all been some sick joke? But he’d gone to such lengths. Who does that? Is it a male thing? Are all men just wired that way?

  All those thoughts and more ran through my head in a matter of minutes as I tried to make sense of what was going on. Why does my life keep imploding like this? Am I cursed? Am I destined to be alone? To be constantly hurt by the people I trust?

  I don’t know how long I sat there, but the room kept filling up with people. Sherrie and her mom were there. I only knew that because she put the baby in my lap.

  Travis kept calling my name but I couldn’t even answer him. I saw our life being turned upside down again and anger finally took over from the pain. I should’ve known better than to let my brother get tangled up in this. I got up from the chair and headed to the bedroom to pack.

  “What are you doing? Where are you going?” My brother followed behind me. “I don’t know, but I can’t stay here.” I couldn’t think about how my life was going to change, how everything that I’d been looking forward to had come to an end with one photo.

  Sherrie came into the room and sent Travis out. “Babe, you need to calm down. There must be an explanation, I know Max and this is not his style.”

  “You saw the same picture I did. He had some woman all over him last night.”

  “I know that’s what it looks like, but there could be a million reasons for that. Did you even look at his face? Did he look like he was having a good time? Wait until he gets back and talk this thing through. I just called Tony and they’re almost here.”

  She talked, I packed. It wasn’t much because I wasn’t taking any of the things he’d bought me only what I’d brought with me. It’s a good thing I hadn’t followed his advice and thrown out all my stuff.

  “Now I don’t have a damn coat. And I gave up my studio.” I dropped down on the bed when my legs went weak. What am I going to do about the school? I’d had so many plans for the future, and now this.

  I looked at my phone again, but the picture hadn’t changed. It was still a photo of Max sitting at some bar with some chick draped all over him. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it too long and closed it up again.

  His mom blocked me from going out the door, my brother pleaded with me to wait and talk to him and Sherrie took my bags and hid them somewhere.

  I didn’t scream like I wanted to, I had gone ice cold inside. I was strung so tight I knew that if I released what was inside me I’d end up in a padded cell somewhere.

  And just when I was at my breaking point, he walked through the door. “You lying son of bitch.” I threw the phone, hitting him in the face before taking off down the hallway.

  Now that he was here all that I’d been holding inside wanted to break free, but I couldn’t even face him. I felt like such a failure. Obviously something was wrong with me that first my dad and now him, the only man I’d ever given my heart to, had betrayed me.

  I locked the door and threw myself across the bed when I looked down from the window and realized it was too far a drop for me to make a jump for it.

  I wanted to go back out there and rip him a new one. I wanted to scratch his face and hit him until the pain in my chest went away. But I knew that wouldn’t change anything.

  He’d still be the asshole who’d pretended to want me, to not want to leave me, when he knew he was going to be with someone else this weekend.

  I ran to the bathroom and threw up the few sips of coffee I’d drank and rested my head on the cool marble floor until my world stopped spinning. I made my way back to the bed and curled into a ball, wishing the day would come to an end.

  MAX

  “What the hell, what’s that about?” I looked around at the three women and one teenage boy who were gathered in front of my door.

  “You fucked up bro.”

  “Sherrie, language.”

  “Not now mama. Max what did you do?”

  “Uh, somebody wanna tell me what the hell is going on?”

  “Look at the phone.” Sherrie’s words made no sense and I didn’t like the look on Travis’ face, it was the same look he had when his dad was here.

  I did as she asked and looked at the phone not understanding what the hell I was looking at until the night before came back to me. “What? This is some chick who asked me for an autograph, how did you get this?”

  “Someone sent it to Annabelle, read the caption.” I looked at the words that made no sense. They implied that I was about to go up to my room with this chick, whoever she was.

  I walked down the hallway to our room and she’d locked the door. “Anna open the door.” I jiggled the lock and called out to her again. “Annabelle.” Still no answer.

  The situation was finally registering. Someone had set me up. I remember the girl asking me for an autograph, remember her slipping and falling, her arms landing around my neck to keep herself up.

  I must admit it looked suspicious as hell, but she should know better by now. “Get away from the door Anna.” I kept my voice nice and even because I could imagine what she was thinking. With her past it may be asking too much for her to overlook something like this.

  And even though I was starting to get pissed off that she believed this shit of me, I had to keep a cool head. I kicked in the door and she made a run for the bathroom.

  “Stop right there, what the hell are you thinking?” I grabbed her around the middle and took her back over to the bed and dropped her. She bounded back up, still not talking to me, but looking mad as hell.

  “Let me out of here, I have nothing to say to you. Is this why you had to go to Miami?”

  “Anna, I didn’t sleep with her, I don’t even know her. She came to the club and asked for an autograph…”

  “You’re lying, I don’t believe you. I’ll never believe anything you say again. I should neve
r have trusted you, I should’ve followed my mind and stayed as far away from you as possible.” She was screaming by the time she finished.

  She headed for the door and I grabbed her again, telling myself not to put hands on her. “You’re not going any fucking where.” How the fuck can I get her to understand if she won’t even listen to what I have to say?

  She was understandably pissed, but as the one at the wrong end of this shit I wasn’t far behind. I tried explaining again but she actually covered her ears and screamed.

  This is the shit I was trying to avoid. I’d made the choice to change my whole life around so that she never had to go through this shit, but here we are. I guess the last few weeks meant nothing to her, and that shit just pisses me off.

  After the lengths I’d gone to this is the thanks I get. She wouldn’t even give me a fucking chance. I brought myself all the way down the way I’d learned to-to control my anger. Now I was pissed, the kind of cold pissed that don’t give a fuck.

  “You want to know what I was doing this weekend? This is what I was doing.” I’d wracked my brain trying to figure out how to give her this ring, coming up with different ideas. But this scenario wasn’t one of them.

  I took the box from my pocket and threw it at her, that’s how mad I was. “I got my boys together for one last night of partying, and no, fucking some random chick wasn’t part of the plan.”

  “I thought since you have trust issues that once I put my ring on your finger I won’t ever give you reason to doubt me, but I guess I was wrong. I’m not your father, and I’m no longer interested in spending the rest of my life paying for his shit.”

  I left the room, headed I don’t know where. “Where are you going son?” Mom tried to stop me at the door. “Get out of the way momma I gotta get out of here.” I opened the door and walked out with all of them calling me back.

  “Travis, I didn’t do this shit.” I felt like I owed him at least that much.

  “I know, just give her some time.”

  “I’m all out. Do me a favor, get Tony over here, make sure she doesn’t leave, she has nowhere to go.”