I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead before shrugging off my coat and throwing it on to the fence. The wind cooled my face, and I welcomed the light mist of rain that accompanied it. Hot from exertion, my mind was working overtime as I climbed into the cab of the digger. The bucket swung as my hand slipped on the controls, my fingers slick with rain and mud.
‘Steady!’ Theresa shouted, jumping out of the way.
‘Sorry!’ I said, pausing to take a breath before drying my hands on my coat. I set to work, churning over the soil and filling in the empty grave. I tried not to imagine how Emma had felt as she shovelled dirt on top of Luke’s body. Disgust rose within me. I wanted to pack my things, take my child away from this awful place and start again. But I had so many unanswered questions. Who was the man I’d met in Leeds? Surely that meant that someone else was in on the secret too? They could be watching us right now, waiting for Emma to lead them to Luke. I shivered, grateful that Theresa had arranged to dig at night. She was reliable, someone I could trust. Unlike my wife. Throughout the haze of revulsion, one question loomed clear in my mind. Yes, I wanted to leave, but did I want Emma to come with me? And could I trust her with my son?
CHAPTER SIXTY
ALEX
2017
Dawn streaked the sky as the rising sun bled on the horizon, signalling the beginning of a new day. With a heavy heart, I climbed down from the digger, dreading the muddy trudge back to my car. My legs felt like lead as I approached Theresa, who was kneeling on one knee over the wrapped remains. Overwhelmed with guilt, I laid my hand on her shoulder and squeezed. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I should never have involved you. I honestly didn’t expect to find anything.’
I noticed fresh tears on her cheeks as she rose, and she bowed her head as she wiped them away. It was her all over, wanting to appear strong and in control. ‘It’s so sad,’ she said. ‘To end up like this, reduced to a pile of bones in an unmarked grave.’
I sighed, unable to keep my opinion to myself another second. ‘I know Emma’s my wife and I love her, but how could she?’ I glanced down at the remains. ‘This was a real person, a human life.’
But Theresa did not have the answers any more than I did. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, and I drew my arms around her. ‘Shh, it’s going to be OK. We’ll sort this out, I promise.’
She wrapped her arms around me, the warmth of her body providing comfort. I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of her hair. Silence fell, and we drew back from each other. I cleared my throat.
Having sensed my hesitance, Theresa stepped away, heat rising to her cheeks. ‘Sorry,’ she said, wiping away the last of her tears. ‘It’s not like me to fall apart like this. You go home to Emma. It’ll be morning soon. She’ll be wondering where you are.’
‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ I said. ‘Act like nothing’s happened.’
‘You have to. What choice do we have? At least now you can sell the house without worrying about what they’ll find.’
But it was not that easy, and we both knew it. Time after time I had prayed Emma had got it wrong and this would all be proven to be a mistake. But now, with the evidence of a body, there was no disputing the facts. I was living with a stalker who had murdered her victim. Her mental health was already declining. What if I said the wrong word, threatened to take Jamie away? Was this the fate that awaited me?
As I drove towards home, I could not imagine what Theresa was going through, with those skeletal remains in the boot of her car. Just what had she planned? What would she say if she were stopped by the police? It did not bear thinking about. But right now my worries were closer to home. The sight of light in our bedroom made me grip the steering wheel tight. What was Emma doing up at this hour of the morning? Was Jamie OK?
I quickly flung off my wellingtons and protective trousers before changing into my shoes. There was nothing I could do about the mud lining the sides of the car, but at least I looked reasonably clean. I opened the front door, only to be met by Emma, wide-eyed and staring, with Jamie clinging to her side.
‘Daddy!’ he cried, running towards me, and I quickly checked him over before taking him in my arms. He clung to me tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. ‘Hey, it’s OK,’ I said, trying to provide reassurance. ‘Everything’s going to be all right.’
‘Mu . . . Mummy said there was a bad man outside,’ he stuttered, each word piercing my heart.
I glared at Emma, trying to keep my tone low. ‘What the hell’s happened?’ I said, rubbing Jamie’s back as I soothed him. But Emma stared at me vacantly, tears springing to her eyes. ‘Emma!’ I said, trying to snap her out of whatever trance she was in.
She pointed to the door. ‘It was Luke. He was outside.’ She turned, leading me out to the kitchen. Every light in the house was switched on. ‘Here,’ she pointed at the kitchen window. ‘I saw his face in the window.’
Her eyes were wild, her hair windswept. I glared at her mud-caked feet in disbelief. ‘Have you been outside?’ I said, fear creeping up my back as I thought of where I’d been just minutes before.
‘We need to call the police,’ she said, staring over my shoulder through the window. ‘I heard noises. He’s out there. It’s only a matter of time before he comes back.’ She grabbed my arms, making Jamie tighten his grip. But the more I tried to reassure our son, the louder Emma became.
‘Can’t you see?’ she said, grabbing my forearm. ‘He’s been doing all these things and blaming me!’
‘Pull yourself together, you’re frightening Jamie,’ I said, yanking my arm from her grip. I had just had the most horrific night of my life, and now it seemed never-ending. How could I tell her that the noise that she heard was most likely the digger Theresa had hired? Holding on to my son, I checked the doors and windows were secure. ‘Has anyone been in the house?’ I said, trying to establish what had happened in my absence. I was rewarded with a quick shake of the head. I carried Jamie back to bed and wrapped him up in his blanket. Dawn had seeped through the sky as soft shafts of golden light touched his bedspread. ‘Where were you, Daddy?’ Jamie said, his words punctuated with a yawn.
‘At work. But I’m back now. What happened? Did Mummy have a nightmare?’ I said. It was the only thing I could think of, to chase his worries away.
Jamie shrugged, drawing his teddy to his chest as the memory filtered in. ‘Mummy woke me up ’cos she was shouting. But when I looked for her, there was nobody here.’ His bottom lip trembled. ‘I was scared.’
‘We’re here now,’ I said, fingering his soft blond hair from his forehead.
‘Mummy said there was a bad man outside. She was trying to chase him away. I don’t want the bad man to get me.’
I inhaled deeply, trying to push my rising anger down. The only bad man was the one in Emma’s head. I couldn’t afford to leave Jamie alone with her any more. ‘You get some sleep,’ I said. ‘Mummy was just dreaming. Daddy’s going to look after you. I’m never leaving you alone again.’
Jamie raised his little finger for the most solemn of vows. ‘Pinky promise?’ he said, and my heart melted as I joined my little finger in his. ‘Pinky promise.’ I kissed him on the forehead before I rose, and left his bedroom door slightly ajar. I had made a vow to my son, and I would not let him down. I had seen the evidence with my own eyes. Held the skull of the man Emma had murdered. As soon as she left the house, I was going to Leeds and taking Jamie with me.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
ALEX
2017
I found Emma in the bathroom, furiously scrubbing at the soles of her feet. Puffs of steam clouded around her, and she seemed oblivious of my presence. How long had she been awake? Had she slept at all? Anger and pity fought for dominance as my emotions twisted inside me.
I drew an intake of breath at the sight of her red raw skin. ‘Emma, stop it,’ I said, taking the nail brush from her hand. I passed her a towel before turning off the tap, wincing as I almost burned my fingers.
‘We nee
d to call the police,’ she said, drying between her toes.
‘And have another social services report made?’ My words were firm. ‘Just what happened tonight? Jamie said you left him alone again. How could you?’
‘Luke . . . He rang the house phone. At first I thought it was a silent call, then I heard a voice on the other side. Next he started banging on the front door and then the back. It was driving me mad . . .’ She raised her hands to her temples as if her thoughts were causing her pain. ‘Then I saw him at the window. I’d had enough, so I ran outside to have it out with him. But he was gone.’
‘Will you listen to yourself?’ I said, shaking my head. ‘Running outside in your bare feet leaving Jamie on his own?’
‘It was only for a minute. I did it to protect him.’
‘It was only for a minute in the car park, remember, when you almost got him killed? You’re acting crazy. Isn’t it time you told me the truth?’
‘The truth?’ she said, looking at me as if I were speaking a different language. ‘I’ve told you everything.’
I almost laughed out loud. I could have told her about recovering Luke’s body, that it couldn’t possibly have been him at the door. And who had fathered Jamie, a ghost? But she was not in the right frame of mind to take it in. I thought about my son asleep in his bedroom and the pinky promise I had made. Right now, he would be safer without her, at least until we sorted this mess out. Emma had lied from the beginning. Now she was saying that Luke was back, even though Theresa had what was left of his body hidden God knows where. I had to accept the truth. Emma was unwell, a danger to those around her. It stopped here.
She followed me into the kitchen. ‘You don’t believe me, do you? You think I’m making it all up. How am I meant to protect my family if you don’t listen to a word I say?’
I stepped back as she leaned on the kitchen counter, suddenly aware of the block of knives near her hand. One of the knives was missing. I tensed, waiting for her next move. I would not be her next victim. She followed my glance to the knives behind her. ‘So you’re frightened of me now? What’s going on with you?’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you. I’m just trying to make you understand.’
I ran my fingers through my hair. I needed her to calm down, to recover the situation so we could both carry on with our day. ‘I’m tired,’ I said. ‘I’m going to bed.’
‘What about Luke? We need to sort this,’ she said.
‘We will. Tonight when you get back from work. I promise.’
I hoped to leave it there, but Emma followed me into the bedroom. ‘Work? You want me to go to work?’
I nodded, undoing the buttons of my shirt. ‘It’s best we keep things normal for now. Go to work, give Josh a call, see if you can get him to come in. Then, when you’ve got cover for the shop, we’ll go to Leeds. Sort out the sale of the house from there. After tonight, I’m not spending another night in this house.’
Emma sighed wearily. ‘I suppose we could rent somewhere until it all goes through.’
I felt like a shit for lying to her, but I had no choice. ‘I don’t have to be in work until later. Let Jamie sleep in. I’ll take him to school on my way.’
‘OK,’ Emma said, hanging up her clothes in our wardrobe. ‘I’ll talk to Theresa when I get in, tell her we’re leaving early.’
I turned away, unable to look her in the face.
I didn’t expect to sleep, and it felt like minutes had passed when the alarm on my phone rang at nine. It was a relief to see that Emma had gone, leaving me a note to say she would ring me later on. I pulled back the duvet, a sudden thought making me freeze in my tracks. Jamie. What if she had guessed my plans and already taken him from me? An image flashed through my mind, of Emma disappearing with my son. I had vowed to protect him yet here I was, asleep in bed. I padded across the hall, my heart thundering in my chest. Would he have left without making a sound? Emma was paranoid and upset. Stories of mothers killing their children came to the forefront of my mind. Time seemed to slow down as I pushed open Jamie’s bedroom door.
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
EMMA
2017
I rubbed my eyelids, which were still sticky with make-up from the day before. I strained to remember if I had showered this morning. Had I even brushed my hair? My focus had been on keeping guard on our home. I didn’t know how Alex could sleep after everything I had told him the night before.
Had I known he’d be called into work I would not have taken a sleeping tablet the night before. It had brought with it fierce nightmares, and when I first heard the phone ringing from the hall I struggled to differentiate reality from my dreams. I had jumped out of bed, my heart beating wildly as I crashed through our bedroom, knocking over our bedside lamp and almost falling to my knees. I had half expected the ringing to stop by the time I got to the hall.
‘Hello?’ I breathed, trying to calm my voice in case it was Alex on the line. Yet even as I awaited a response, I knew he would have called my mobile phone. Just when I decided it was another silent call, a voice spoke from the other end. It was faint and muffled, torn by the backdrop of the wind. I held my breath as the words were delivered . . . ‘Let me in, little puppy, your master has come home.’
‘No,’ I gasped in horror, using both hands to slam down the phone. It was only then that I heard the banging noise coming from our front door. I stumbled through the darkness, flicking on every light to ease my discomfort. But as soon as I approached the door, the thumping stopped. It wasn’t Alex, it couldn’t be. But I felt his absence keenly and had summoned up enough courage to approach the door when a dreadful rapping noise of fists on glass filled the air. My heart beat like a jackhammer, and I could physically feel the sudden rush of adrenalin pumping through my veins. I jumped as a sharp rap rebounded against the back door. I needed my phone but my mind was hazy, and I could not remember where I’d left it. I leaned against the wall as I tried to focus my thoughts. I needed a weapon.
Running into the kitchen, I had every intention of grabbing a knife, anything to protect Jamie. That’s when I saw a hooded figure pressed against my window. I screamed, dropping the knife to the floor.
Just like before, I blinked and the figure had gone. Anger rose from within me. I picked up the knife and gripped the handle tight. Thinking back, I don’t know what possessed me. I had felt trapped in a nightmare, my thoughts disjointed, but my resolve was fierce. I had to strike first, because this time Luke would not be satisfied with sex or telling my husband all. Murder was the only form of punishment that would satisfy him now. I opened the back door and ran into the night with the knife held high, screaming at Luke that I was ready for him. But the only sound was Jamie crying from inside the house. I jogged around the house, returning to the kitchen door, realising too late that I had left it wide open.
‘Mummy?’ Jamie spoke from the hall, tears streaming down his face. Shoving the knife in the drawer, I locked the back door, realising what I had just done. I had frightened my son to death and acted like a madwoman. ‘It’s OK,’ I said, my hands trembling as I pulled him towards me. ‘I’ve chased the bad man away.’ That’s why he was crying, wasn’t it? Because he had heard the banging too? As a key was shoved in our front door, my heart stalled in my chest. It was Alex. He had looked at us in bewilderment and I heaved a breath of relief that I had put the knife back in the drawer.
Looking back, it was hardly any wonder Alex had reacted with suspicion. Jamie had clung to him, terrified, and only then did I realise my feet were caked in mud. I tried to tell him about Luke, but his eyes were alight with anger and disbelief. He made me feel like I was losing my mind. Numbly I walked into our bathroom while Alex took Jamie back to bed. It was only later when we had spoken that I realised my husband was right. We could not wait any longer. We needed to leave tonight.
I was ready to leave for work by 7 a.m., quickly peeping in on a sleeping Jamie before I went. Shame washed over me as I recalled what had happened the night befo
re. What had I been thinking of, leaving him alone and vulnerable in the house like that?
I got into work, my shoulders drooping as I tried to carry on with my day. I knew Alex would take a dim view of me leaving Jamie alone, even if it were just for seconds. I took a slow breath as I pushed my anxiety down. Lately, I was going through periods of lucidity then falling into what felt like clouds as I withdrew from the world. Anxiety was taking me over, and it frightened me to the core. I had not been able to bring myself to tell Alex the full extent of my issues. I tried to remember when I had last kept down a meal. As if on cue, my stomach rumbled to tell me it had been far too long. I smoothed down my print dress, catching sight of a dropped hem. My eyes trailed down to my feet and only then did I realise I was wearing odd ankle boots. Both brown, both suede, but the one on the right had a fringe on the side. I exhaled a moan. What was happening to me?
The jingle of the bell above the door set me in motion.
‘Hello, anyone here?’ It was Josh. But as I walked out to greet him, his face fell.
‘Emma, are you OK?’ he said, his face creased in concern. He was dressed in his usual work clothes: black trousers and a shirt. Unlike me, Josh had made an effort with his appearance.
‘I’m fine,’ I said, trying to sound more positive than I felt. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘You texted me,’ Josh said. ‘Don’t you remember?’
A vague memory infiltrated my mind. I brought my fingers to the side of my forehead, wishing the clouds would clear. ‘Oh yes, I forgot. I was going to ask you to cover some extra shifts. Are you up for it? I’m leaving soon, but I need cover for the shop.’
‘Yes, I texted you back, saying I was on my way in.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I’m glad you’re here.’
‘I can work as many hours as you like,’ he said. ‘When do you need me?’
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