‘The thing is, I’m going today. I’ve not been . . .’ I swallowed. ‘I’ve not been very well. I’m taking a break in Leeds. We’re going to rent somewhere until the sale of the house goes through.’
‘Want to talk about it?’ he asked, eyeing me curiously.
I shook my head. ‘Not now. I’m sorry to leave you both in the lurch.’ The phone rang, bringing an end to our conversation.
I checked my watch, it was only nine o’clock. I wanted to ring Alex, see if he was up, but the thoughts of his disapproving voice were enough to make me wait. Today would be Jamie’s last day in nursery. I could check him on the webcam and see how he was getting on. Tonight we would pack for Leeds, and tomorrow we would begin our new life. Just one more day, that’s all I had to get through. One more day and we could start again. But the thought felt like a lie. Life was not a fairy-tale, and my happy ever after would not be so easily granted.
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
EMMA
2003
‘Tea for Two’ was an unusual name for a place that served mainly coffee. Regardless of the name, its customers did not seem to mind. It was one of my favourite haunts, when I could afford it. Lots of students came here because of the cut-price drinks. Balancing my cappuccino on the narrow window counter, I craned my neck to watch the baristas at work. My stay in hospital had clarified my thoughts, making me see Luke for the predator he was.
My vision had been filled with his face as I tried to sleep at night. Every time I’d close my eyes, he would be there, but not in the way I wanted. I had imagined him hovering above me with a pillow, his face twisted and angry, just like before. I could believe it – almost. But there was something I needed to know. Was the man I fell in love with just a figment of my imagination? Had Luke presented what I wanted to see? The answers came when I was sorting through the charred remains of the pathetic fire I had lit in my room. Embarrassed by my own stupidity, I had peeled back my photo from the picture of Luke that I had stolen. The girl beside him was pretty, young and blonde, with a face I had not recognised the first time round. It was only when I sought clarity that it sparked a memory in my brain. Now here I was, trying to gather up my courage as I watched her work. She could not have been much older than me – eighteen, perhaps; maybe more?
By the time her customers had cleared, the remnants of my drink had gone cold.
‘Can I get you anything else?’ she asked, rubbing a damp cloth over the counter and gathering up a sprinkling of crumbs. Dressed in black trousers and long-sleeved shirt, the badge pinned to her chest identified her as ‘Vicky’.
‘Just five minutes of your time,’ I said, slipping her photo from my pocket. ‘This is you in this photo, isn’t it? You and Luke?’
She froze as she caught sight of the image, her eyes locking on to his face. ‘Where did you get that?’
‘In his bedroom,’ I said, slightly shame-faced. ‘Please. Did you go out with him?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ She cocked her head to one side. ‘No . . . Surely not. You’re just a kid. How old are you?’
‘I’m sixteen,’ I said, mildly offended.
‘Well, take my advice, honey, steer well clear. He’s not called Mr Love ’Em and Leave ’Em for nothing.’
‘It’s too late for that,’ I said, staring at my empty cup.
‘Vicks, can you give me a hand?’ A bearded man popped his head from behind the counter.
‘Give us two secs, boss,’ she replied. If anything, she seemed relieved to be called away.
‘I can’t get involved, sorry,’ she said, before taking my empty cup.
‘Please,’ I said, touching her sleeve. ‘I just want to know what he’s like.’
‘He’s a bastard, that’s what he’s like.’ Her forehead scrunched as she paused for thought. After a few seconds, she leaned forward, keeping her voice low. ‘For most people, a relationship begins when you date someone properly. Maybe that first kiss, or something more. For Luke, it’s the first moment he sets eyes on you. Seducing you, gaining your trust – the lead-up is his favourite part. As soon as he’s broken you down and got what he wants, he switches off. It’s like that person you fell in love with just isn’t there any more.’
‘So it wasn’t just me,’ I said.
‘Far from it. He’s had loads of teenage girlfriends; a proper little heartbreaker, he is. But take my advice, keep away from him. He’s got a nasty temper when he’s provoked.’
‘But if I don’t stop him he’ll just keep on doing it,’ I said, knowing I couldn’t just leave it at that.
The girl straightened. ‘I’m sorry, love, but he’s not my responsibility.’
My brow furrowed as she walked away. Unlike her, I couldn’t just let it lie. I had been lucky, I survived the fire I had lit. I couldn’t allow him to hurt anyone else, not when I was equipped with the truth. But the police had been called, I’d been served with a harassment warning. Who would believe me now?
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
ALEX
2017
I exhaled in relief as I caught sight of Jamie shoving his feet into his furry brown slippers as he sat on the edge of the bed.
‘Guess what?’ I said, smiling widely. ‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’ There was nothing more Jamie loved in the world than a surprise. As for me, I’d had more than my fair share.
His face lit up with excitement as he ran towards me, bouncing as if he had springs in his feet. ‘What is it? Is it ice cream?’
‘It’s far better than ice cream,’ I said, bending on one knee to accept his hug. ‘We’re going to Nanny’s today, and she’s going to buy you all the ice cream you want.’ I knew Mum was counting off the time until she got to see Jamie again.
Jamie had responded with a squeak of excitement before a dark cloud crossed his face. ‘What about Mummy? Is she coming too?’
‘Mummy’s going to follow on,’ I said, feeling a pang of regret. Was I doing the right thing, leaving without telling her? I could not have this argument in front of our son.
‘Mummy had a knife. She was going to get the bad man.’ Jamie raised his hand in a stabbing motion, filling me with terror. Any remnants of doubt dissipated in that second. I needed to get Jamie away and fast. I checked my watch. Soon she would be logging into the school webcam to check that he was there. ‘Did you see anyone apart from Mummy last night?’ I asked, the response being a quick shake of the head. ‘I think she just had a scary dream,’ I reassured him.
‘Playing with knives is dangerous,’ Jamie said, repeating a phrase I had drummed into him many times before.
‘That’s right,’ I said. ‘Mummy was very naughty, and she won’t be doing it again. But she feels very bad for frightening you, so perhaps we won’t talk about the knife any more. Now, what say we get you dressed for Nanny? She can’t wait to see you.’
I quickly flung our belongings into a suitcase. I could come back for the rest later, when I had Jamie safely tucked away. Mum was only too pleased to help. Not that I could tell her everything. Within half an hour Jamie had eaten and the packed cases were in the hall. I took one last glance around the house I had dreamed about leaving. I had never envisioned it would end like this. I found a piece of paper and scribbled a note.
Emma,
I’ve taken Jamie to Leeds for a break. Theresa knows everything. She will help you to sort yourself out. When you’re feeling better, you can follow on, but right now some time apart would do us all good. Jamie said you had a knife last night, and that you left him alone because you were going to stab someone. Is this really how you want your son to see you? You need to face facts. You need help.
I’ll call you later. Please, for the sake of our marriage, see a doctor. I know everything and I’m willing to work through this. But you have to make the first step.
Love,
Alex
After strapping Jamie in the back seat of the car, I dialled my mum’s number. ‘Hi, it’s me,’ I said, trying to sound happier th
an I felt.
‘Oh? You don’t usually call me this early. Everything all right?’
I smiled. That was my mum, straight to the point. I imagined her with a cuppa and a magazine in front of the television, waiting for Loose Women to start.
‘Not really, but it’s nothing to worry about. Listen, would you be able to put Jamie and me up for a few days? I’m leaving now.’
Her demeanour brightened. ‘Of course, I’d love to. There’s lots of room here.’
It was true; Mum still lived in my childhood four-bedroomed home. ‘I thought you’d say that. Hopefully, there won’t be any traffic hold-ups. We’ll probably stop for a break along the way, but if I leave now I should be with you by around two.’
‘Wonderful. Just enough time for me to pop out and get some shopping. I know how much Jamie loves his ice cream.’
‘Don’t go to any trouble, Mum, and not too much junk for Jamie. He’ll be bouncing off the walls.’
I could sense her hesitation on the other end of the line. ‘And Emma . . . is she coming too?’
I peeped in through the car window at Jamie, who was no doubt listening to my conversation. Leaning against the door, I briefly turned my back to him. ‘Maybe later. We’ve had a bit of a falling out. Listen, Mum; I’ll explain everything when I get there. I have Jamie strapped in the car, and we’re ready to leave. Can you do me a favour?’
‘Of course,’ she said.
‘If Emma rings, say you’ve not heard from me. The last thing I want is her turning up on your door.’
‘OK, but I’d like to know why—’
‘She’s not been well,’ I interrupted. ‘Problems with her nerves.’ I was speaking on my mum’s level now. It was a phrase she had used many times before. ‘If she knocks on the door I don’t want you to answer it. She’s not thinking clearly. I don’t want you to let her in.’
‘Really, I can’t do that, turn my back on my daughter-in-law,’ Mum scoffed. ‘Surely we can sort this out.’
‘We will sort it out, but you have to promise me. Don’t answer the door to her, or anyone you don’t recognise.’
‘Very well,’ she said. ‘But I want to know everything that’s been going on.’
‘You will,’ I said, not necessarily meaning it. Some truths were too horrific to deal with. I opened the car door and climbed in. It was time to walk away.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
EMMA
2017
‘Sometimes it’s not so much you choosing the dress as the dress choosing you,’ Josh said, sounding like a natural. I watched through the crack in the door from the back of the room as he coaxed our newest client.
‘We have lots of different types to select from,’ he said. ‘Silhouette, A-line, fitted, flared, you name it, we’ve got it. You’ve a figure that’s crying out for a fitted dress.’ He looked the woman up and down with the eye of someone who knew what they were talking about. ‘Then you have waistlines to consider . . .’ Material rustled as he worked his way through the hangers. ‘We have Empire, natural or asymmetrical. Then you have to decide which neckline you want – halter, strapless, sweetheart or V-neck.’
‘Gosh, I didn’t know there was so much to take into account,’ the young woman’s mother said. Josh dazzled them with a smile, acting like an old hand. ‘Some people just like to come in and pick something off the hanger, but we like to look for the wow factor, something that will blow people away. A lot of our gowns are preloved, but they’re all bang on trend. Take this rail, for example,’ he said, flashing his potential bride a smile. ‘We’ve got glamorous to simple, sparkly to vintage and everything in between. I could keep going, but I think the best thing to do is to try on some fitted dresses and see where you go from there. The wedding’s not for another nine months, is that right?’ he asked, and the young lady responded with a nod of the head. ‘Well, you don’t look like someone whose size fluctuates so at least we don’t have to worry about lots of alterations.’
My shoulders dropped as I relaxed a little. At least my business was in safe hands. Which reminded me, where was Theresa? She was meant to be helping this morning but was yet to make an appearance. I had tried both her phone and Alex’s but received no response. Come to think of it, Jamie was yet to show up on the CCTV. It was eleven o’clock. Surely Alex had woken up by now? I quickly checked the diary, which was free of further appointments.
After clearing it with Josh, I popped outside to knock on Theresa’s flat upstairs. It had come with the lease of the shop and, at the time, provided her with a home. I was so sorry for her after her divorce; I couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like, being cast off like a bag of old clothes. Now, as I knocked on her door, butterflies flapped mercilessly in my tummy. Alex was deliberately blanking me. What if I was the one who would end up being alone?
Relief swept over me as she answered, but it was short lived when I caught sight of her red-rimmed eyes. Still wearing her pyjamas, she led me up the narrow set of stairs to her one-bedroom flat. A thick, cloying smell hit the back of my throat as I inhaled, making me temporarily forget my concerns. ‘Sorry about the mess,’ she said, pulling back the living-room curtains. White streams of dust-moted light flooded in. It served to highlight the takeaway cartons, peeling wallpaper and piles of clothes littered around the room. I had been so busy with the business I had not visited Theresa’s flat in months. I hadn’t even asked her how she was. ‘Are you OK, Sis?’ I said, casting a concerned eye over my sister, who was hastily finger-combing her hair.
She shook her head. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything. The divorce papers came through today. I’m officially single.’ She gave me a watery smile. I berated myself for being so selfish.
‘Come here,’ I said, reaching out to give her a hug. But it was brief as she turned away, making an excuse to open the window.
‘I’m OK. It’s what we both wanted. It just it makes me angry when I see everything that he has and . . .’
‘You’re stuck in this shitty flat,’ I finished her sentence.
She smiled, despite herself. ‘Careful, Sis, you’re beginning to sound like me. But yes, I’m halfway through my life, and I’ve sod all to show for it.’ She picked up a pile of unironed clothes from the sofa and made space for me to sit down.
‘I hate to see you like this,’ I said. ‘You’ve always been the one who keeps me afloat.’
Lost in her misery, she didn’t seem to hear me. ‘You know what hurts the most? I put off having children for years because he wanted to wait, and now he’s dumped me for his pregnant girlfriend. Time is ticking. Who’s going to want me now?’
I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘We pretty much gave up on having kids and now Jamie’s in our life. He’s a big part of yours too, isn’t he?’
Theresa nodded as she stared at a photo of Mum, which was hanging crookedly on the wall.
‘Are you missing her?’ I said, trying to put my problems aside.
She responded with a one-shoulder shrug, as if she did not trust herself to speak. There must be more than the divorce upsetting Theresa. Her flat had not fallen into decay overnight. But our conversation was cut short as her mobile phone rang on her table. My husband’s name flashed up on the screen, and we met each other’s gaze. Why was he ringing her and not me? Theresa snatched the phone, quickly disappearing into the kitchen. Just what was going on?
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
EMMA
2017
I waited in the living room as my sister spoke in low tones to Alex on the phone. As I took a step back, I was drawn to the stagnant, earthy smell coming from her open bedroom door. I turned around, wondering what she had in there that would cause such a stench. I didn’t notice Theresa’s voice fall silent until I was at her bedroom door.
‘Everything all right?’ she said, an edge to her voice.
I jumped. ‘You gave me a fright. Yeah, sorry, it’s just that . . . well, I think the place needs a bit of an airing. I was going to open your bedroom windo
w. There’s quite a pong coming from there.’ I glanced down at the muddied boots outside her bedroom door.
‘It’s nothing, just a problem with the drains,’ she said, leading me back to the sofa. ‘I’ll get it sorted, but I need to tell you something first.’
‘I should really be getting back to Josh,’ I said. ‘I only called in to see if you were able to make it to work today.’ Then I remembered that Alex had called, and I read the concerned look on her face. ‘Is something the matter?’ I said, gripping her forearm. ‘Jamie . . . is he OK?’
‘They’re both fine. Alex rang from a stop-off at a petrol station. He wanted me to talk to you.’
I frowned, taking a seat beside her. ‘Why didn’t he call me himself?’
Theresa rubbed her face as if this was the last thing she needed to be dealing with, on top of everything else. ‘He’s taken Jamie away for a few days. He’s asked me to come and stay with you while you sort yourself out.’
My heart flipped in my chest. Taken Jamie away? ‘I don’t understand. Where’s he gone?’
‘He didn’t say. He’s going to call you later once Jamie’s settled. He told me what happened last night, how you were running around the house with a knife, scaring Jamie half to death.’
I rose, my fists curled by my sides. ‘It wasn’t like that. I was trying to protect him. Luke was at the window. I saw him.’
‘Settle down,’ she said calmly. ‘He’s not left you or anything, he’s just taking a break. It’s been very stressful for him too, you know, and he’s got his new job to consider. If he blows that, then none of you will be going anywhere.’
‘He had no right taking Jamie like that, not without my permission.’
‘Emma, this is me you’re talking to. I know you better than anyone, and you’re not an easy person to live with. Your eating disorder, all that stuff with Mum, and now Luke. People do have limits, you know. I think you forget that sometimes.’
I looked around the dirty flat, at Theresa’s dishevelled appearance. I had come here for my own reasons, but was shocked to see what a state she was in.
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