In Pieces

by Alexa Land

  “It was a completely one-sided relationship: I was the bottom, end of discussion. He never once sucked me, or even touched my cock. It was all about his pleasure. And I was so desperate for his love and attention that I didn’t question it.” I sighed and looked into the fire again.

  “Finally, one day just a couple weeks after my fifteenth birthday, our luck ran out. It was after school, and we were at the very back of the locker room, thinking everyone had gone home. I was on my knees giving him a blow job, when a group of his friends came around the corner and caught us in the act. Jason quickly shoved his cock in his shorts. And then he did the very last thing I’d ever expected. He pushed me and said, ‘Fucking faggot, get off of me.’ To his friends he said, ‘This goddamn queer just tried to suck my dick.’ I was beyond stunned, all I could do was stare up at him in disbelief. And then one of his friends grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. They were all so much bigger than I was. They were a couple years older and all of them were athletes, on the baseball team together. I barely weighed eighty pounds, I was just this scrawny kid.”

  A shiver passed through me as I remembered that day. And I said quietly, “They started hitting me, calling me every name they could think of. I was completely terrified. One of them pinned my arms behind my back while another punched me in the face. And then…then one of them said, ‘Come on, Jason. You’re not going to let this homo get away with that, are you?’ And….” I paused for a moment to steady myself, then said, “And Jason drew his fist back and punched me in the stomach. He joined them, he….” I had to pause for a few moments, wrapping my arms around myself. Finally I said quietly, “He was so afraid of being found out, of his friends discovering he was gay, that he started to beat me, just like they were doing. The one holding my arms threw me on the cement floor after a while, and they all started kicking me. I remember looking up at Jason, tears streaming down my face as he towered over me, kicking me, calling me a faggot….”

  “Oh God,” Kieran whispered.

  It was a while before I said, “If the P.E. teacher hadn’t heard the commotion and broken up the fight, I think they could have killed me. I was in the hospital for two weeks. Both my arms were broken, and I had to have surgery because I was bleeding internally. I was stuck at home for almost two months after that while my injuries healed. I didn’t know what had happened until I finally went back to school.”

  I fell silent again, for so long that Kieran finally whispered, “You ok?”

  I nodded, then said, “My father didn’t know that Jason was my boyfriend. He’d just decided telling me what happened would be upsetting to me, so he didn’t say a word and kept me away from the news. And I was a loner, I really didn’t have any friends, so no one else told me, either.” After a pause, I said, “I walked into school that first day back, and all the kids were staring at me, whispering and pointing. They looked angry, and I didn’t understand why. But then I saw the memorial, at the end of the hall.” I closed my eyes and could see the shrine before me, every last detail – the photos, the letterman jacket, the trophies, the notes from all the students….

  “Jason had killed himself, two days after he helped his friends beat me up. I guess the guilt was just too much for him. And the whole school somehow blamed me for his suicide. Maybe if the homo hadn’t come on to him, he wouldn’t have been forced to beat me up and then feel guilty about it – I mean, I guess that was the logic. In the note he left his parents, he’d written ‘I feel terrible about what I did to Chris. He didn’t deserve that.’ He didn’t out himself though, not even in death. He didn’t tell them I was his boyfriend.”

  I sighed quietly. “Jason had been a star athlete, a golden boy, a local hero in a town that thrived on sports. I was nothing. Less than nothing, just a small, quiet kid who liked to draw. Oh, and gay, which everyone always suspected, but which was now confirmed. They needed a scapegoat for his death, and I was it.”

  I watched the fire for a while before I said, “You can see why I couldn’t stay in that town. I left Georgia just days after going back to school and vowed never to return. And I never have willingly, though my father had someone bring me back a few times, as you know. He could never keep me there, though. First chance I got, I always fled. Wexley, Georgia is my own personal hell. I don’t know why my father could never see that.”

  When I finally looked up at Kieran, tears were streaming down his face. His voice was a rough whisper when he said, “I am so sorry that happened to you.”

  I gathered him in my arms and said gently, “It’s ok, Kier. It was a long time ago.”

  “And now you’re comforting me,” he said with a sad little smile. After a pause, he said, “I hate that life has treated you so unfairly. I absolutely fucking hate it.”

  I stroked his hair absently for a while, and said, “Between my mom and Jason, maybe you can see why I never wanted to rely on anyone, and tended to assume people would let me down.” Then I added, “Oh, I forgot part of the story. Jason had left a note in my locker. All it said was, ‘I’m so sorry. I love you.’ He didn’t sign it, like maybe he didn’t want to leave any evidence behind that I’d meant something to him. But I knew his handwriting as well as I knew my own.” I sighed quietly and let go of Kieran, running a thumbnail along the edge of the area rug.

  Kieran looked at me closely, his voice little more than a whisper when he said, “You blame yourself, too. You blame yourself for Jason’s death.”

  I shrugged and stared at the rug. “I know that’s irrational. I know I was the victim in all of that. But…yeah. I guess a part of me always has felt it was my fault somehow. I always thought that about my mom’s suicide, too. I know it doesn’t really make any sense, but I still carry it around with me.”

  “Christopher—”

  I looked up at him and stuck a smile on my face, cutting him off. “I really shouldn’t have told you all of that now. We came up here to celebrate and be happy. Instead, I’ve just cast this grey cloud over everything.”

  “No you didn’t. And I’m so glad you opened up to me,” he said softly. “Given all that’s happened to you, I’m honored and humbled that you’ve let your guard down and let me get close to you.”

  “You’re the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself. I really didn’t know if I’d be capable of this, of having a relationship, but I had to try because I wanted you so much.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him before saying, “I’m sure of you, Kieran. I know you’ll never hurt me, and I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too.” He ran his hand down my arm and said, “You’ve carried so much for so long on your own. I hope you’ll learn to let me help you. I can bear some of the weight, help you lighten the load.”

  “It’s not like I’d want to burden you.”

  “You wouldn’t be.”

  I climbed onto his lap, straddling him, and kissed him deeply, then said, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ll always love you, and I’ll always take care of you.”

  “Right back at you, every word of it.”

  I kissed him again and his lips parted for me, my tongue caressing his. We kissed for a long time, his cock hardening between my legs along with mine, and I tilted him onto his back after a while. He parted his legs for me and I stroked his cock gently, then slicked my fingertip with his precum and pushed it inside him. He sighed with pleasure against my lips and spread his legs wider, giving himself to me. I took my time working his little hole, then got up and retrieved my backpack from beside the front door.

  I squirted lube onto my palm, then went back to stroking his cock with one hand as I slipped two slicked fingers inside him and worked him open. When I unzipped my jeans and reached for a condom, he said, “Six months. I know you need time to get comfortable with the idea of unprotected sex. But in six months, when you’re test again and you know for an absolute fact you’re not going to hurt me, I want us to stop using condoms.”

  I considered that, then said, “
Ok. I think I can do that.”

  When I’d prepared myself, I pushed into his body and took him slowly, deeply. He looked so perfectly blissful underneath me. I grinned at him and said, going back to what he’d told me when we’d first arrived at the cabin, “My own personal boy toy, huh? That’s a hell of a birthday present.”

  He grinned too. “I’m hoping you’ll get a lot of use out of your present.”

  “I’m guessing I will.”

  We took our time, building slowly. I stroked his hard cock as I thrust into him, and said after a while, “The few times you’ve been inside me, it was all on my terms, me on top riding you. I was thinking you might want to fuck me a different way. Is that something that you’d like to try? Or are you really just more comfortable bottoming?”

  “I love bottoming, but I want to try anything and everything else with you, too.”

  I smiled at that and kissed him. “Well, ok then.” I eased out of him and discarded my condom, and handed him a new one. “I belong to you, Kier, just like you belong to me.” I grinned at him and said, “Take control, baby.”

  He sat up and smiled at me. “If you insist,” he said with a wink, and then he scooped me up in his arms and kissed me passionately. And take control he did. He stripped me completely and lubed me just like I always prepared him, rolled on a condom, then pulled me onto his lap and pushed himself into me.

  I sighed with pleasure as I wrapped my arms and legs around him, my head on his shoulder. He grasped my butt and thrust up into me, and after a while he stood up, our bodies joined throughout, and fucked me by raising and lowering me onto his cock. I moaned and threw my head back, surrendering to him.

  After a few minutes like this, he spun us around and pushed my back up against the wall, kissing me hungrily as he took me hard. Oh God, it was so good. I would have thought it impossible, after years as a hooker, for there to be any firsts left for me. But this was a first. I opened up to him, heart and soul, as he took me, holding no part of myself back, letting myself feel and enjoy all of this, all of him. I’d never felt so connected to someone, so in love, partners in every sense of the word.

  My Kieran apparently had quite a few ideas about how to top me, and he next carried me across the room and laid me on my back on the dining room table. As he fucked me, he reached down and took my cock in his hand, stroking me. “God you’re beautiful,” he murmured as he thrust into me, and I smiled at him and ran my hands down his big arms, spreading my legs wide for him.

  When we finally came it was incredibly intense, both of us yelling as our orgasms shook us, Kieran thrusting into me forcefully as my cum spattered across my body. And after he came, he continued to slide in and out of me, but slowly, gently, bringing both of us back down. A huge aftershock went through me, my body almost convulsing. His hand gently massaged my spent cock for a few moments, until finally he let go of it and scooped me up in his arms, lifting me to meet his kiss.

  I was completely spent, my body shaking from the force of my orgasm, and he eased out of me carefully and discarded the condom, then carried me to the bedroom. He laid me down on the pillows, then cleaned me up gently, the expression on his handsome face so blissful. Finally he retrieved the big blanket from in front of the fireplace. It was nice and warm when he draped it over me, and he climbed in bed and gathered me into his arms. “I love you,” I whispered, sleep closing fast, my head on his chest and my arms around him.

  “I love you too, Christopher. Always.”

  It was late when I awoke, the cabin lit by the soft glow of firelight. Kieran was already awake, and smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss when my eyes opened. I grinned at him happily, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, and returned the kiss deeply.

  Despite having exhausted ourselves a few hours before, both of us were soon hard again, stroking each other’s cocks as we kissed. Kieran grabbed one of the pillows and tossed it toward the foot of the bed, and I grinned when I saw what he was up to. We lay diagonally across the mattress and rolled onto our sides facing each other. He took my cock between his lips as I did the same to him, draping an arm over his hips.

  We sixty-nined slowly, sensually, working each other back up, his cock swelling in my mouth as mine swelled in his. I savored the taste of him and took him deep, then slid all the way to his tip before sliding back down, my free hand caressing his balls. Kieran came right before I did, his load warm and rich and salty on my tongue. My yell was muffled around his big cock as he sucked me hard and I unloaded into his warm, wet, sweet mouth.

  Finally, when we were both completely spent, I eased off him and collapsed onto my back. “God that felt good,” I murmured.

  He sat up quickly and stared at me wide-eyed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Kieran let out a bark of laughter before covering his mouth with his hand and murmuring, “Oh my God.”

  I sat up too and raised an eyebrow at him. “This is a really weird form of afterglow,” I told him with a grin.

  He dropped his hand, an astonished expression on his face, and said, “You have no idea what just happened.”

  “Um…we sixty-nined. I know it was your first time doing that with a guy, but your reaction is kind of unusual.” I was still grinning at him.

  All of a sudden, he burst out laughing and grabbed me in a hug. “I love you so much,” he exclaimed, burying his face in my hair.

  “I love you too.” My arms encircled his shoulders.

  Finally, he pulled back a few inches and said, “Christopher, you just swallowed my cum.”

  “Yeah, I know. I—” All of a sudden, the full impact of that statement hit me right between the eyes, and I burst out laughing.

  “So now,” I said when I caught my breath, “I’m going to have to explain to the doctor at the phobia clinic that the only thing I’ve been able to swallow in almost a year and a half, besides water and crackers, is my boyfriend’s semen. That’s going to be embarrassing.”

  Kieran gathered me in his arms and settled us onto one of the pillows, a huge smile on his face. “It’s awesome,” he said.

  “I didn’t even think about it.”

  “You were too busy cumming.”

  “Yeah, I was.”

  He kissed the top of my head, and after a moment asked, “You’re going to a clinic?”

  “I have an appointment Thursday. It seemed like the place with the most straightforward approach, out of all the options in that printout you gave me. And they specialize in trauma-induced phobias.”

  “That’s so great.” He beamed at me, then glanced over the top of my head. “Oh hey, it’s twelve-oh-five. Happy birthday, baby.”

  I stretched up and kissed him. “Thanks, Kier. And thank you for bringing me back to Tahoe. I love it here.”

  “You’re welcome. This is the second of many, many weekends we’ll be spending here, you know. You’re going to get sick of this place after a while.”

  “So not possible.”

  Kieran sat up in bed and smiled at me. “I think you should unwrap your present. Your other present,” he amended with a wink.

  “Shouldn’t we wait until morning?” I asked, but he was already out of bed and heading to the living room.

  “Nope. Definitely not,” he called.

  He was back a minute later, the big box in his arms, each hand closed around something. He put the box on the bed beside me, then turned his back to me and quickly arranged whatever he was holding. When he turned back around, I saw that he’d predrilled a little hole in one of my crackers and planted a red-and-white swirled birthday candle in it, which he’d lit. He tossed a lighter onto the nightstand, then sat down beside me and said, “Happy twenty-first birthday, Christopher. I love you so much. Which is actually why I’m not singing to you right now.” He grinned and added, “Make a wish.”

  I smiled at him and closed my eyes, then blew out the candle. “What did you wish for?” he asked.

  “A thousand more nights exactly like this one. And I’m not worried ab
out telling you and cancelling out the wish, because I already know it’s going to come true.”

  He smiled at me and set the cracker on the nightstand. After I leaned in and kissed him, he exclaimed happily, “Open your present.” He was so excited that he very nearly bounced up and down on the mattress.

  I got up on my knees and very carefully unstuck the tape at one end of the big box, then unfolded the flap of paper. I repeated that with another piece of tape, and he asked, “What exactly is this thing you’re doing?”

  “The paper’s really pretty,” I said. “I’m trying not to mess it up.”

  “Oh my God,” he said with a grin. “You’re completely nuts. You know that, right?”

  “I do know that.” I smiled at him and carefully peeled back another piece of tape, and Kieran moaned and face-planted onto the bed. After a moment he resigned himself to what I was doing and sat up, tilting the big box onto its side for me so I could carefully remove the tape along the bottom seam.

  “I have never in my life seen anyone do this,” he pointed out, and I just grinned and peeled off yet another piece of tape. “Next time, I’m gluing it together. Then you’ll have to tear it up.”

  “Last piece.” I peeled back the strip of tape, then lifted off the bright, colorful paper. He set the box back on its base as I swung the paper and its stuck-on bow off the side of the bed, and then I murmured, “Oh wow.” The picture on the box showed a beautiful midnight blue and black telescope, and I ran a hand over the glossy image.

  He looked nervous. “Do you like it? I was thinking about how much you enjoyed that meteor shower, and I know a lot about astronomy, so I thought maybe I could show you some more stuff. But, I don’t know, is this a really self-centered gift? Is it too much about me? If it is, tell me honestly, and I can take it back. I can—”