by Hayden Hunt
He gave me a goofy, feel-good grin, and I tried to return it. But goddammit, the last person I wanted to be partnered with was him.
Okay, that’s not fair, there are probably plenty of more annoying people in this class that I haven’t met. And he did seem like a nice guy. Plus, he had managed to shoot and develop a roll of film, so he wasn’t totally helpless.
“You and your partner are each going to shoot a roll of film of each other. You two can decide where you want to shoot it. It’s a free-for-all. As long as your partner is the subject of your photos, you can do whatever you want, but bring the roll back by next class period. This is an assignment roll, so you’re going to have to choose at least two photographs from this roll to print and turn in to me. Make sure you’re doing your best work. When you drop by my desk to hand in your negatives, be sure to also grab the assignment guidelines.” She pointed to a large stack of white paper. “Have a good day everyone.”
I did my best not to let out an audible groan. Not only was I going to have to spend an afternoon photographing this guy, but that now also meant I couldn’t just exit class and escape him. We actually had to have a discussion about our project.
“Hey, so I guess we’re partnered up!” Patrick said cheerfully.
“Yep, guess so.”
“I’m glad, man. You really seem to know what you’re doing.”
I’ll admit, this compliment softened me up a bit. “Well, your roll didn’t come out bad either. I mean, I couldn’t see the pictures on it, of course, but it looked good lighting-wise.”
“Yeah, thanks! I actually light meter myself on my digital camera, so that part was a breeze for me.”
Huh, so he is a photography major. Or, at least, he’s a photographer.
“I didn’t know you were into photography?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I guess that’d be hard to gather based on my performance in the first class, huh?”
I smiled politely. “Well, it did seem a little new to you…”
“Yeah, well, this definitely is. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be doing this class if it weren’t required. I’m addicted to my digital photography, what can I say? Photoshop is a godsend.”
“So, you’re a photographer?”
“Yeah, well, not a professional… Not yet, at least. But that’s what I’m here for. What about you? Is this just a gen-ed class for you, or…”
“Oh, no, it’s not just a gen-ed class. I’m not actually even going for a degree. I’m just interested in photography… I mean, I’m not exactly a photographer, though. I also want to do it professionally, though, whenever that’s possible for me.”
“Hey, awesome! So we’ve got a partnership of aspiring photographers. I bet our project totally kicks ass, man.”
I tried not to laugh at him too hard. His enthusiasm was still a little annoying, but now that we were talking about something with actual substance, it was growing on me.
“So, when and where do you want to meet up to do this project?” I asked, as I stood up to hand in my negative and grab the assignment sheet.
“Are you free tomorrow? Tomorrow is my lightest day, as far as classes and work go.”
“Yeah, I work from eight to four, but other than that I’m available.”
“Sweet, we can hit golden hour! In either the morning or evening.”
“Golden hour…?” I asked, sure that this was some slang I wasn’t privy to.
“Yeah, you know, golden hour. The best hour of light during the day? It’s the hour after sunrise or before sunset.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh! So it’s a photography term?”
“Yeah, totally.”
I’d been doing a lot of research, but, surprisingly, I hadn’t heard that. Though I wasn’t terribly insulted that I didn’t know. I’m not the kind of person who gets insecure about that kind of thing. In fact, I love to be taught new things.
And the fact that Patrick knew this, whereas I didn’t, made me like him even more. Obviously, he is a more serious photography student than I had initially imagined. I probably shouldn’t have been so quick to judge him.
“Well, golden hour works great for me. How about before sunset, though? I’m not really keen on anything that forces me to be up earlier than I have to be.”
He laughed again. “I feel you, man. I was hoping you’d say that. I am not a fucking morning person, not at all. Where do you want to meet?”
“Oh, I don’t know…” I thought about it. “How about the lake?”
Our town’s lake is a pretty picturesque place. Not just because of the water, which is nice. But the area that surrounds it is fantastic, too. Off to the right of the lake is this nature trail that leads into a forest-y area. On the other side of the lake, is a sandy beach. So it seems like the most versatile place around here to shoot some portrait photography. We could get plenty of different kind of landscapes in one shot.
“Yeah, sure, that sounds great. Meet me at the red tree an hour and a half before sunset, then?”
The red tree is a tree smack dab in the front of the lake that, a long time ago, had been spray painted red at the bottom. Nobody really knew why, it hadn’t been done to any other trees around the lake. But it did serve as a good, distinctive place to meet up.
“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I nodded.
“Awesome, seeya!”
To my surprise, he didn’t linger in our conversation like he usually did. He must have been getting a phone call or something, because he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and answered it as he walked toward the parking lot.
I still found him kind of annoying but I was surprised to be feeling a little bit better about the project. At the very least, he knew what he was doing, which would make this a lot easier.
And he wouldn’t be a bad guy to do portrait photography of, either. He was actually quite handsome… If you could get past the overly outgoing personality, that is.
4
Patrick
I sat waiting at a bench near the red tree. I got here a little early, mostly because I had nothing to do and wanted to get out of the house. I’d had another awful conversation with my mom this morning, and I could use a distraction.
And I definitely couldn’t keep using alcohol as my distraction. It wasn’t healthy. If I kept using it as my escape, I was no doubt going to end up in the throes of alcoholism eventually.
Okay, that was a little dark and probably me being way too cautious. But I have watched my mother struggle with binge-drinking all her life, and I don’t want to end up like her. Not in any way.
The worst part about talking with my mom this morning was because I had the overwhelming feeling that I had needed to help her somehow. She is losing control of her life, and I hate to see it.
It doesn’t need to be this way. Yes, her marriage failed, and I know that’s awful, but she can move on with her life. She can meet someone new. She’s not at all unattractive for her age. And when she’s not being overly nitpicky and crazy, she is a nice, caring woman.
But she’s so insistent on beating a dead horse that I’m not sure that’s ever actually going to happen.
On the bright side, my dad seems to be doing okay. More than okay, actually, he sounded happy for the first time in… well, forever. And he deserves to be after all the crap and years of unhappiness he’s had to deal with through his life.
But it also still sucked that I didn’t have him to rein my mom in anymore. I used to be able to rely on him to deal with her crazy, but, obviously, he’s gone no-contact with her. And he should, it’s the only healthy thing to do when she’s acting this way. But that does mean that I’m now the only person to calm her crazy.
It’s all just more stress than I want to deal with. I want to be happy. I want to be a normal college student doing normal college student things. Not attempting to be ringleader in my parents divorce.
At least it was nice being at the lake right now. It did calm me considerably, just staring out at the water as
soft waves rolled through it. And I was very excited about this shoot today.
I don’t know why, but I like Rich. I probably shouldn’t because I have reason to believe he doesn't like me much, but I don’t know. I’m drawn to him a bit.
Maybe it’s the fact that he’s older than me. He comes off as much more mature and more serious than other students with whom I’m in school. And I like that. I’m normally surrounded by people who don’t seem all that serious about their lives.
And I guess that’s hypocritical for me to say, because, from the outside looking in, it kind of seems like I’m not very serous about my life, either. I’m always out drinking, partying, and hooking up with random guys.
But all of that is just to cope with the absolute shit show that my life currently is. All of the more serious things in my life that are weighing me down. I don’t feel like things are all fun and games for me like they seem to be for some of my peers.
And even outside of my familial issues, I’m not usually the kind of guy that likes partying this much. School is important to me, my future career is important to me, and I’d much rather be focusing on that. I think if I didn’t have such heavy stress on me, I’d be living my life a lot differently right now.
So it should be nice to hang out with someone who seems to be equally serious about their future. And a future in photography, no less!
I’ve always been passionate about the arts, but photography is my one true passion. I can’t explain it, there’s something about transforming what I’m seeing with my own two eyes and trying to transfer that into a photograph, it’s just a beautiful process. And I like to think I’m pretty good at it.
Maybe not this film shit, though. I won’t lie, in my mind this class is only holding me back. It’s time I could be spending mastering my digital photography skills. But I’ll also acknowledge that it could be good to learn the basics.
“Hey, there.” I heard Rich call from behind me.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” I asked, as he sat down on the bench next to me.
“Not much. Ready to shoot?”
He’s so short and to the point. He forces me to realize just how much I talk. With my other friends who are also really outgoing, I don’t realize how much I dive into conversation. But with him, I can’t help but notice. He seems to talk about only what’s absolutely necessary.
This only made me more interested in him. It gives him a mysterious vibe. I can’t quite figure him out, he doesn’t give me a lot of details to go off.
I’m absolutely stoked that he’s going to be the subject of my pictures. His mystery mixed with his good looks is inspiration for me. I already had an idea of what I wanted to do.
“Yeah, I’m ready, where do you want to begin? Do you want to shoot the first roll or…”
“No, you can.” He said. “Where would you like to start?”
I looked around. Even though I’d been here waiting for him, I hadn’t really spent any time planning where I wanted to shoot him. I was a fly-by-the seat-of-your-pants kind of guy.
“The forest area.” I said suddenly.
I don’t know why that sounded like the best idea for me. I guess I simply didn’t see his personality meshing well with the lake. I don’t know, I just pictured him in the solid, dark calm of the forest.
“All right, lets go,” he said, making his way over there. I quickly followed.
“So, how’s your day been?” I asked.
He may be naturally quiet, but I didn’t plan on letting him get away with that. If we were going to spend the next hour together, I wasn’t going to do it in silence.
“Pretty good,” he answered. “Boring. Yours?”
“A little less than boring,” I answered honestly.
“In a good way or bad way?” he questioned.
“Bad… Mostly, bad.”
He looked over at me questioningly, as if trying to assess whether he wanted to ask me anything else based off of this. Apparently, he decided he did.
“And why’s that?”
“Oh, just got into a bit of a fight with someone close to me.”
Normally, I’d readily admit that it was a fight with my mom and even delve into why we argued. But Rich was such an enigma that I felt uncomfortable being a completely open book with him. I wanted to partake in some of his secrecy.
But that didn’t last long, because, let’s face it, I’m just not as secretive person.
“Girlfriend troubles, huh?” he asked.
“Girlfriend?” I laughed. “What made you think that?”
“Well, I thought I heard you arguing with her on the first day of class. On the phone, I mean.”
I laughed again. “Oh, god, no. That wasn’t my girlfriend. That was my mom.”
“Your… mom? Really? I guess the way you spoke to her, I didn’t expect that.”
I eyed him. “The way I spoke to her, huh? Do you mean to imply I was disrespectful toward her?”
“Well, honestly, a little bit, yeah.”
“Yeah, well, trust me. If you got as many phone calls as I did, you’d be disrespectful sometimes, too. She calls literally just to force her misery down my throat. Usually in the form of trash-talking my father.”
For the first time since I’d met him, I felt that I actually had Rich’s interest. Something in the way he was looking at me right now. It was obvious that he wasn’t forcing the conversation the way he had been before.
“Is that who you argued with today?”
“Yeah, unfortunately. It’s kind of a mess. My parents are divorcing, and, while my dad is a pretty rational person, my mother isn’t. I mean, this is a woman who will lose it about one dish being left in the sink. Obviously, she’s taken it pretty hard. And I guess I’m her only shoulder to cry on. Or, well, maybe I should say yell on.”
He gave me a soft look of sympathy, which caught me off guard because his facial expressions rarely seem to change. He had that deadpan thing going on.
“I’m really sorry. That’s awful. I totally understand shitty parents making your life hell.”
“Yeah? You have crappy parents, too?” I was surprised to hear him say this. He was being a lot more open with me than he had been previously. Of course, he didn’t just start rattling off about his personal life the way I did. Everything with him was a subtle hint.
“Oh, yeah. My parents and I don’t even talk anymore. We’re as distant as can be.”
I didn’t bother asking why, I knew I wasn’t going to get an answer.
“Sucks, right?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “It does.” He paused for a moment before asking another question. “So you don’t have a girlfriend, then?”
“What?” I asked, caught off guard. I had forgotten him even mentioning a girlfriend just a moment ago.
“I mean, you said you weren’t fighting with your girlfriend. Does that mean you don’t have one?”
I had to laugh again. “No, definitely not. I’m, uh, not actually into women at all.” I said hesitantly.
“You’re gay, then?”
“Yep,” I said, hoping I wouldn’t be hit with any judgment. Though, in this college town, it wasn't that common for people to be outwardly homophobic. Mostly, I didn’t worry about it. But right now, I really wanted Rich to like me, so I was more antsy than usual.
He gave a short smile. “Oh, me too.”
I jerked my head toward him. “Really?”
I’m not sure why I wasn’t expecting this. I guess I have an attitude of assuming other people are straight until proven otherwise. But I also usually have an idea of when someone is gay. Guess my gaydar was totally off on this one.
But I was both excited and disappointed that he, too, was gay. Excited because, you know, he was totally cute, and I had a little bit of a crush on him. And disappointed for the same reason. Because, you know, at least if he’s straight, he’s out of reach, and I have no room for fantasy.
And I really shouldn’t fantasize because there is no way this h
andsome, mature man who has his life together will ever be interested in someone like me. It had probably been better when I’d thought I didn’t have a chance. Which I still don’t.
“Really. It’s not obvious, huh?”
“Not terribly, no.”
“Huh.” He nodded. “Well, that’s good to know.”
I wanted to ask if he was dating anyone, but that would be too obvious and too desperate. So I tried to steer the conversation away from the both of us being gay.
It wasn’t too hard because, just then, I saw the perfect place to photograph him.
“Hey, let’s stop here.” I told him, staring at a small clearing in the trees. There was a little square dock that broke out in front of the trees. It hung over the lake, just barely, and was covered in carvings and drawings that kids had done over the years.
“Stop… here?” he asked.
“Yeah… This is where I want to start taking your picture.”
Framing him in front of the lake when it was open and had the beach to the right of us, it didn’t feel right. But this was perfect. It was secluded; it had that dreary forest feel. But the water behind him would be perfect, if I could get the lighting right.
“Oh… okay.” He looked a little awkward. “Sorry, I didn’t anticipate what it was going to be like to actually pose for pictures. I’m not sure I’ll be any good at it. “
“I’m sure we’ll make it work.” I assured him. “Don’t stress. But take a seat over there on that dock for me.”
“All right, hold my camera?”
He said, as he handed it to me.
“No problem.” I wrapped it around my shoulder as I began to meter my camera and attach a flash to it.
“You’re using a flash?” he asked, curiously. “In this lighting?”
“Yeah, it’s bright enough out here to meter to the right aperture, but I’m going to need to use a fill flash to be able to see my face.”
“To… see my face?” He asked. It was obvious this hadn’t occurred to him. It felt a little weird, teaching him when he was older than me and, I assumed, more experienced.