He looked up at the sound of footsteps and found a young soldier coming towards him. “Captain Romi? I have a note for Karik, from his friend.”
“I’ll take it in. Thanks.”
The soldier handed him the message, bowed and left. Romi wondered if he should read it first, or whether he should give it to Karik at all. Soza knew he was out of the infirmary—hadn’t come to visit—and Romi really didn’t trust him not to be tactless. But then, he was Karik’s lover, and both of them were adults. He collected his notes, and went into the library, knocking at the doorframe to give Karik plenty of warning. “Letter from Soza for you.”
Karik nodded and accepted the note, but didn’t look at it immediately. “Wuh-when do w-we leave?”
“Soon, but there’s no hurry. Two or three days at least. Wepizi would like the risk of deep snow gone before we leave. Are you ready to travel?” He was careful to keep his tone as neutral as possible.
“Y-Yes. S-Sooner the b-better.”
“Well, that’s good to know. Ah, Netu’s been doing some reading up about gerot—he says one of the lingering after-effects can be headaches. Had any of those?”
Karik unfolded the note as he shook his head. “N-no.”
“Good. I’m glad we don’t have such drugs in Darshian.” Karik only nodded again. He read the note and then folded it up, looking troubled. “Bad news?” Romi asked gently.
“Uh...n-no. S-Soza wuh-wants me to c-come to the ah-academy soon. I-If we’re l-leaving, I sh-should go t-today.”
“Would you mind if someone went with you? I’m free, if you wouldn’t object.”
Karik looked up at him with apparent relief. “Th-thank you, y-yes.”
Romi was pleased at the acceptance, both of him and the necessity of an escort. He really didn’t want Karik wandering around on his own—not until they knew what had happened to him. “Why don’t we have lunch and then we can walk over?”
Karik agreed without the least quibble. Though he was hardly friendly, at least he was a lot more civil these days. Romi didn’t know if it was because he appreciated the help Romi had tried to give him, or whether it was because he knew he needed the help. He just hoped it would survive renewed contact with Soza, because if that bastard had a talent for anything, it was for causing trouble.
“I’ve got some of my pay advanced as Andonese coin, and it’s burning a hole in my pocket—would you let me treat you to some street fare? Kepi and Taz found this stall in the market that does the best meat sticks I’ve ever tasted.”
“I—”
Karik flushed and Romi couldn’t work out why at first—then he suddenly realised. “You won’t eat anything I don’t try first, I swear.”
“I d-don’t.... I d-don’t wuh-want to be ah-afraid.”
“I understand, but being cautious isn’t cowardly. You have good reason to be careful.”
“N-No. I wuh...wuh-won’t let him rule me.”
After days of watching Karik slink around like a thief, seeing the familiar flash of pride in his eyes was welcome. Romi nodded in approval. “Then he won’t. Come on.”
Despite that brave determination, Romi could see in every line of Karik’s body just how difficult it was for him to enter the milling throng of people beyond the barracks. Even without Karik’s blond hair, they stood out with their braids and foreign dress, and they got a good many curious looks. Karik had never been bothered by the looks he’d got before, but now he walked with his head hung low, as if ashamed at the attention. Romi didn’t know how to bolster his confidence other than to just be at his side—he couldn’t help thinking Jou or Wepizi would handle this situation better, but it was too late for that.
The stall was busy and they had to wait their turn, but finally Romi had two generous handfuls of the seasoned skewered meat—the smell made his mouth water, and even awoke Karik’s interest. “Here,” he said casually, holding them out.
To his credit, Karik didn’t even hesitate, though he was likely to choke swallowing food that quickly. “I’d ask how you liked it, but I think it’d need to touch the insides of your mouth for you to know how it tasted,” Romi said dryly, which got him a dirty look, although Karik did eat the next bite more slowly. “So, is it as good as I said?”
Karik nodded, nibbling at another stick in a more genteel fashion. Romi ate his own food with relish—he wished he could get food this spicy in Darshian, but the only people who lived in the south who liked it were the Prij, and he didn’t like Prijian food because the flavours were too oddly mixed. The spices reminded him of the last time he’d seen Lema—she’d cooked a big meat pot, a delicious farewell meal, full of warmth and made with love as was everything else she ever did. Such a beautiful girl to have died so young.
“Is s-something wrong?”
Romi snapped out of his sad reverie and looked around. “No...just remembering a friend. You want a seeded bread roll with that? It’s the best thing to eat with the meat.”
The bread caused no difficulty, but buying a mug of drizu did. Romi could see the way Karik’s thoughts were going—a drink was so much more easily adulterated than bread or meat—and without asking, he took a sip from each mug before handing one to Karik. Karik gave him a rueful look. “I-I’m being s-stupid, aren’t I?”
“No, I don’t think so. I’d have done that whichever of our team I was with,” Romi said quietly. “Now we know the risk...and any of us could be a target, just because we’re different.”
“I-I’m more different th-than anyone.”
“Yes, but we don’t know that it was an important difference. It’s much more likely it was simply because you were outside the barracks and an easy target. Won’t happen again, not now we know to watch out for each other. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t know I could trust you to look out for me.” Karik looked a little surprised at that comment, but it was only the truth. “Now, if you’re finished...?”
~~~~~~~~
Karik was disgusted with himself, allowing Romi’s presence to give him confidence, when he should have been able to look after himself as he had done for years. But no matter how much he tried to think his way out of it, he just didn’t seem to be able to get past the fear. The only thing that worked was the help so freely—and graciously—offered, and for the moment, all he could do was use that to try and regain his stability. He envied Romi—so unafraid, so confident. Nothing like this would ever happen to him. No one would dare try it.
Disgusted or not, without Romi’s presence he would never have been able to return to the market, or eat food he’d not prepared himself. He’d expected to be mocked for his foolishness, and had been surprised at the patience Romi was prepared to show him. Karik could really begin to like the man, if he could forget what Romi had said about his family. As it was, he was just grateful not to be tormented, and determined to get over this stupidity as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to return to Darshian as a cripple—or with this damned stutter he’d worked so hard to lose and over which he had lost all control once more.
Fighting a childish impulse to cling to Romi’s arm as they made their way through the impossibly crowded streets, Karik hoped he would be able to present a calm front to the scholars at the academy. He had already lost so much valuable time, and now it was unlikely he would achieve anything useful. Such a wasted opportunity—Kei would be cross, because talking to the people in Visiqe had been one of the things Jezinke had most wanted him to do.
Romi looked around curiously as they walked through the gates of the academy, and Karik wondered what he thought of it. And then he wondered why he cared—it wasn’t like Romi could possibly be interested in the work of the academy, and his opinion made no difference to Karik. He had to resist treating the man like a friend, just because he was behaving decently while a team member was injured. Romi was not someone Karik wanted as a friend. He was a teammate, a good leader—yes, Karik granted him that much. But never more than that.
“Do you want me to go in with you
?” Romi asked politely.
Karik hesitated, then nodded. “Please.”
Romi smiled. “I’ll be on my best behaviour then.”
“Th-that’ll be a n-novelty.”
Which, to his surprise once again, only made the man grin. He didn’t understand Romi. He could be so touchy, and yet when Karik was outright insulting him, he just saw it as funny. He reminded Karik a little of Arman in that way.
He turned his attention to where they were going. A clerk said the Darshianese visitor was in the library with the other scholars. Karik took a deep breath, tried to look calm and made his way to the reading room.
Soza rushed over to him as soon as he saw Karik. Karik tried not to flinch, but his stomach churned again, and he couldn’t pretend it was the spicy food he’d had for lunch.
“Karik, my dear boy—you look completely well! I understood you’d been severely injured but you’re fine. Obviously the reports have been grossly exaggerated.” Soza glanced at Romi. “Lieutenant, I wasn’t aware the invitation extended to you.”
“‘Captain’,” Romi said politely. Karik had also long ago grown tired of Soza’s insistence on this point. “Karik was kind enough to ask me along since I haven’t seen the academy before.”
Karik stared but then stopped, realising it would point out Romi’s kind lie. Soza sniffed. “We’re not here for your entertainment. Come along, Karik, we’ve wasted enough time. Ritizik has disappeared off somewhere and I need your assistance.”
He took Karik’s arm as he’d done so many times before, but this time, the simple action left Karik filled with terror, paralysing him. “N-no,” he whispered.
“Karik? Don’t be tiresome, we’ve got a lot of work to do before we leave.”
He tugged harder on Karik’s arm, but Karik couldn’t make his legs move. He just wanted Soza to stop touching him—now.
“N-no,” he whispered. “S-stop.”
Suddenly a long-fingered hand reached past him and gripped Soza’s wrist, physically removing the grip. That was the last straw for Karik, and he fled blindly outside to the garden, desperately looking for somewhere to hide. He crouched by a large bush and was quietly sick into the plant bed. His stomach emptied, and still shaking, he sat back on his heels as tears of pure embarrassment ran down his face. Oh, gods, how could he show his face here again?
He flinched as a shadow fell across him, but it was only Romi, offering him a handkerchief with which to wipe his mouth. Karik took it, not wanting to look at the man. Was there any limit to the humiliation this attack was going to bring?
“I’ll fetch some water, or tea, if you want,” Romi said quietly.
Karik shook his head—his guts were still in turmoil. “S-Sorry.”
“Gods, it’s not your damn fault. Soza should have had more sense.”
Karik felt he should defend his friend, but he also felt Soza could have thought about it more. “He d-doesn’t know.”
“Karik, anyone with eyes can see you don’t want to be grabbed right now.”
Karik looked up. “I d-don’t wuh-want to l-look like a v-victim.”
“You don’t—not exactly. But you look nervy and that’s not your fault. I’m sure you’ll get past it soon. But he should have thought. I should have thought and suggested you gave this a miss.”
“Th-this is my j-job,” Karik said coldly. “I h-have to do th-this.”
Romi gave him an exasperated look. “Yes, I know it’s your job. But facts are facts—you’re injured, you’re not up to this, and that’s all there is to it. We’ll just have to work around it, and so will you and so will Soza. You try and force it and this is what happens.”
Karik pushed himself to his feet, feeling much more shaky than he would have liked. “I h-have to go b-back.”
He found his path partly blocked, though he could have got past Romi if he wanted. “Wait. Is there no other way? Can books be brought to you? Could questions be asked by note? We have people who could do the running back and forth, people who’d be glad to be able to help you.”
“I c-can’t. I h-have to—”
“And what if you throw your guts up in the library this time?”
Karik stared up at him in despair. “You d-don’t understand.”
“I’m trying to. I’m trying to help, I just don’t know the best thing to do or say.” He looked almost desperate. “Why don’t I ask Soza if there are books you could borrow, or notes, just for today and tomorrow? Is there anything you have to do, or is it more that you want to use the opportunity? I mean, that you have to do, not him.”
Karik wanted to deal with this himself, but then he thought about the image Romi had evoked, of him losing his nerve while talking to one of the Andonese scholars, and he quailed. “I sh-should go over his n-notes before we l-leave.”
“Then let me borrow them for you, and they can be brought back tomorrow. You’ve got hours of daylight and don’t tell me he doesn’t have other things to amuse himself with.”
Karik found himself swayed more by the pleading tone than the words, and though it was weak, he was weak too. He slumped in defeat. “He wuh-won’t like it.”
“He’ll get over it, and once you’re back in Darshian, all this will be so much less painful. We just have to get past the next week or months—the next few days. You know what it’s like to have a serious injury—you know it takes time.”
Karik started. “Wuh-what?” How did he know about that?
“Your, um, scar. Soldiers notice that kind of thing,” Romi said apologetically, gesturing towards his own stomach. “Must have taken some healing.” Karik nodded—the explanation was simple once he realised. He tended to forget the scar was there—it was such a long time ago. “Don’t punish yourself for things that aren’t your fault. You can rely on me to point out things that are.”
Karik gave him a dirty look for that, but Romi just grinned. “There’s a seat over there. I’ll speak to Soza and explain, and then we can get back to the barracks.”
Karik wished this was all unnecessary, but there was no arguing that he really couldn’t achieve much the way he was unless he accepted Romi’s help, so he agreed, taking a seat on the wall bench. He closed his eyes against the warm sun and wished this nightmare could be over.
~~~~~~~~
Romi shook his head as he walked back into the academy. Pissing Soza—if he’d set out to upset Karik, he couldn’t have done a better job, and yet Romi would have bet that with a little more sensitive handling, Karik would have managed all right. The man didn’t want for courage, though he was definitely deficient in the taste department. Until the day he died, Romi was sure he would never know what an intelligent person could see in Soza.
He plastered his most polite and diplomatic smile on his face as he walked back into the library. He needn’t have bothered—Soza was on the warpath. “Where is he? What have you done to him?”
Romi just gave the stupid man the look he deserved. “Not what I did, you damn fool. What do you mean hauling him around in that fashion when he’s only days out of the infirmary? Have you no sense at all?”
Soza drew himself up to his full, not very impressive height. “Are you presuming to tell me how I should or should not behave around my friend, lieutenant?”
“Call me captain, Soza. You’re not insulting me, you’re insulting the man who gave me the rank, and I’m sure Lord Arman would love to know that.”
“Lord Arman would never have promoted you if he’d known how scandalously you were going to behave.”
Though they had kept their voices low and were speaking in Darshianese, they were drawing curious and annoyed looks from the Andonese researchers. “Let’s take this outside,” Romi said, keeping a close eye to make sure Soza didn’t attempt to rush off to find Karik. He was wise to do so, because the moment they left the library, Soza turned on him.
“What have you done with him? I wish to speak to him this instant.”
“Too bad,” Romi said with all the concern of
a man deeply uninterested in Soza’s happiness. “Karik’s feeling unwell, so I’ve come to collect any notes you want him to look over, and any books he might need. He can read them at the barracks.”
“Impossible! I can’t hand those over, and certainly I can’t ask the people here to lend books to someone like you.”
Romi shrugged. “Oh well, then I’ll explain that to Karik.”
“I’ll explain it myself. Where is he, the garden...?”
Romi planted a firm hand in the middle of Soza’s skinny chest to stop him moving. “No. I told you, he’s unwell. You already upset him, and you’re not doing that again.”
“How dare you! Karik’s mine!”
“Karik’s his own, Soza. I don’t believe in people belonging to others. Anyway, you don’t seem very concerned about him.”
“I would be if you let me near him, you pitiful excuse for an officer.”
“That’s too bad too,” Romi said. “You’re not going near him today, and you’re not going to be alone with him until we leave. Lover or no lover, you’ll just hurt him and for the good of the team, I can’t allow that.”
Soza’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you’re not paying a little too much attention to Karik? One would think you have a personal interest in keeping us apart. I wonder if he knows about that.”
Romi shook his head with disgust. “Think what you like and say what you like—you’ve already fed him so many lies about me, more won’t make a damn bit of difference. My interest in Karik rests in the fact he’s a member of my team—a well-liked and very valuable member too. You, well—someone’s already asked my permission to tip you into a ravine, so I’d watch my step if I were you. If it comes to choosing whose welfare is more important to the success of this expedition, there’s no damn choice.”
Staying Power (Darshian Tales #3) Page 28