Arman’s blue gaze became even more penetrating. “And Karik?”
“I don’t know what to do about that, my lord. But he has an important job to do here, and I have a position in Temshek. He knows I don’t want to sacrifice my career for love, and I refuse to allow him to. We’re still talking about it.”
Arman nodded. “I understand the issues, and of course it’s a private matter so I won’t interfere. But Temshek.... Such a waste, with your skills and experience, though the army needs good officers, and who knows, you could end up like Lord Jiv.”
“Begging your pardon, my lord, but not on your life.”
Arman laughed. “I see. No love of bureaucracy?”
“Not even slightly. I like to be out in the open air.”
“Yes, so do I,” he said, sighing a little. “Very well. Let’s go over this more carefully, and then you and I can have lunch while I pick your brains. I’ll arrange a carriage for you to go to the barracks. Can’t have you dropping dead of a heart attack, now, can we?”
“I’d really prefer not to, my lord.”
~~~~~~~~
“There you go, Karik,” Reis said cheerfully, setting him down on the path.
“Come in for a bit?”
Reis frowned. “No, better not. But will you tell Kei we miss him?”
“Of course.” Karik hadn’t realised Kei’s self-imposed exile had extended to denying himself the company of his Gifted friends, and even that of Seiki and Mila and his darling Jes. Karik’s appearance at the house of the Gifted had almost caused a riot—even with the warning they’d had—because they all wanted to know how Kei was. “I think he might get better in time, Reis. You know how hard it is for soul-touchers when there’s death and grief around.”
“I know,” Reis said sadly. “But it wasn’t his fault, even if you had died. I’m very cross with your Ma. I told you that, didn’t I?”
“You might have mentioned it once or twice, yes.” Neka had told him that Reis had had to be physically restrained from flying all the way to Ai-Albon to deliver a personal scolding to Karik’s mother, a deed which would have made things even more poisonous than they were now. There was no doubt the Gifted felt very uncomfortable with two of their dearest friends being at such odds with each other, and Karik, too, felt caught in the middle. He hadn’t really known what to say—thankfully, Neka had steered things around to what he’d done on the expedition, and that had distracted Reis and the others.
“Well, I’m saying it again. Now, you bring your big bad soldier to visit soon or I’ll come and kidnap you both!”
“Big bad...? Reis!”
Reis assumed an innocent expression, but spoiled it with a grin. “That’s what Kei called him. He said he just knew you two would get close.”
“Oh, did he now. Anyway, yes, I’ll bring Romi over in a couple of days. I don’t want to scare him off.”
“Oh, I don’t think he scares easily, not from what you told us.” Reis gave him a quick hug. “Please give that to Kei for me. We love him, Karik. Please help him get well?”
“I will. See you in a day or two.”
He waited until his friend rose gracefully into the air and flew away, high above the rooftops where no one would think to look up and wonder at the sight, then went into the house. All was quiet—Pira must be out. No one in the sitting room either, but the smell of herbs being distilled drew him to the workroom, where he found Kei with a bubbling pot next to him on a table stove, busily making notes. He went straight to his uncle and gave him a tight hug. “That’s from Reis and the others—they said to tell you they miss you.”
“Oh.” Kei’s smile was a ghostly thing. “I miss them too. I just couldn’t face them—everyone.... It was like being hammered with nail-imbedded clubs, feeling their pain. It was just too much.”
Karik sat down on the stool next to him. “I understand. But now? Will you call on them?”
“Perhaps.”
Karik nearly sighed with frustration. “Well, Mila and Seiki have invited the five of us to dinner tomorrow. I hope you won’t back out of that. I can’t believe how big Jes is—and she’s talking so much!”
“She’s a real chatterbox, that’s for sure.” He scribbled something in his book, then closed it. “Yes, I’ll go. It seems foolish not to.” But he hardly looked enthusiastic. “And what did Master Pitis say?”
“That you should come back to the academy.”
Kei shook his head. “No, about Romi.”
“Same as you. He’s very excited about the gezin root—do you think it could treat people like Lord Meki?”
“I was certainly wondering if it could. Pitis will have to handle that, of course.”
“He says they can’t manage without you.” Karik folded his arms. “All that work to get you specimens, and now you’re not interested.”
“Karik, please don’t push.” Kei’s eyes were full of pain. “Let’s stop talking about me. Romi’s a very good man. I’m so happy for you both.”
“Huh, I’ve a bone to pick with you about that, uncle—‘big bad soldier’?”
Kei actually grinned. “Oh dear, someone’s been telling.”
“Someone’s been gossiping. But he’s a very good man. He was so kind to me.”
“After Visiqe?” Karik nodded—there was no point in hiding things from Kei. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“If I knew, that would be half the problem solved. I can’t remember. I just have these awful dreams, and sometimes images...well, more bursts of feeling...just ambush me. Romi keeps setting them off—it’s driving me insane.”
Kei put his hand on Karik’s arm. “Flashbacks are like that. I’m afraid you might have to get used to them—but if my own experience is anything to go by, you do get used to them.”
“But...what about Romi and me? Will it always be between us?”
Kei raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I don’t think it was between you last night, was it?”
Karik’s face grew instantly hot. “You knew?”
“Of course—how could I not? It was so lovely to feel,” he said with a sigh. “Such happiness and love from you both. It warmed me through.” Then Karik stopped being embarrassed, glad to have brought a little joy to his beloved uncle. “Did your memories cause a problem at all?”
“Not for a moment—it was wonderful. But...what if next time...?”
Kei squeezed his arm. “Then you wait until it passes, Karik. And you trust Romi to wait with you—he will, I’m sure of it.”
Karik was, too, but then that reminded him of the other huge problem in his life. “But he’s going back to the south. Ma and Pa would kill me if I went with him, even if I had a place to go—I can’t work at the academy, not with....”
He stopped, but from Kei’s expression, his uncle understood. “Arman will deal with Soza, Karik. Once Master Jezinke gets his report, I doubt Soza will have a position there any longer.”
“But we don’t have any proof.”
“We have enough,” Kei said grimly. “The theft of the specimens and the other falsehoods he told us—gods, the lies he put in his reports, you have no idea—will be all Jezinke needs. Pitis will deal with that side of things.”
“You should be dealing with it. Pitis doesn’t handle people, you know that.”
Kei frowned at him. “Nephew, you’re as stubborn as an urs beast.”
Karik felt his temper rising. “Look who’s talking,” he retorted. “Why did you give up your job?”
“Because I got you killed, or so I thought. I’d caused four deaths, needless deaths, and harm to others.” Kei got up and moved away, turned off the little stove and covered the pot. “I thought you of all people would understand.”
“All I understand is that if I’d died, it would have been for nothing. My sacrifice would have meant nothing. And all the work we’d done would have been thrown away.”
“Karik—”
“No, let me finish.” At the back of Karik’s mind, he w
as horrified at speaking to his uncle this way, but his dander was up. “Romi blames himself for Soza, Arman blames himself, you blame yourself, and I blame myself. But the only person who’s really done anything wrong is him. No one knew he wasn’t just incompetent, Kei. No one.” He fixed his uncle with a fierce glare. “It’s really arrogant of you to think you’re supposed to be infallible.”
Kei’s hands fluttered helplessly. “But he...assaulted you.”
“He could have raped me in Urshek. For all I know, if I’d stayed, he would have. Do you really think you made me do something I didn’t want to do with my whole heart? Something I would do again, even knowing all I do now?”
That statement surprised Kei. “But...Karik, you let yourself be persuaded by me.”
Karik let out a derisive snort. “Uncle, I’m not sixteen any more. Ask Romi how ‘persuadable’ I am. We clashed non-stop for the first few months. No one makes me do what I don’t want to do. I listen, I make my own mind up, and that’s that.”
“I can’t,” Kei murmured. “I can’t...I owe it to your mother.”
“Ma’s wrong. Wrong and cruel in this. I’ll tell her that too.”
“No, you can’t...she was hurt so terribly badly. No, I can’t let you hurt her. Please.”
Karik got up and went to Kei, pulled him into a hug—his uncle was shaking like a leaf. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” Gods, Kei was so brittle now—the least thing set him off. “I can’t believe she would use my death as an excuse like this.”
“She spoke from the heart, a heart which had been broken. I knew how she felt,” Kei said bleakly, pushing Karik away and rubbing at his reddened eyes. “I took the most precious thing in her world and killed it. Her son—the son I wished I’d had. The son I might have had,” he added softly.
“Oh, Kei.” Karik felt his own eyes tearing up. “After Ma and Pa, you’re the most important person in the world to me.”
“Romi is, you mean,” Kei said with a painful smile.
“No, you. Romi knows his place.” He saw his uncle draw breath to argue. “Stop telling me what to think, damn it.”
“I just—”
“Kei!”
“All right.” Kei let Karik guide him to a stool, and accepted his handkerchief to wipe his face with. “I’m sorry. I know you want this to be fixed, but I can’t...think about it just now.”
“I know,” Karik said, hugging him again and letting Kei feel his affection and concern, hoping it would offer a little comfort. “I just want you to do the job you love and I want to keep working for you. We make a good team.”
“We did.” The past tense did nothing to reassure Karik, but he hoped a few seeds had been planted in Kei’s stubborn brain.
They sat like that for a minute or two, but then Karik heard footsteps. “Hello?” They both turned at the sound of another voice. “Am I interrupting?”
“No, Romi, come in,” Kei said, gently pushing Karik away and standing up. “How did you get on with Arman?”
Karik went to Romi’s side and put his arm around his waist, still new enough to this whole thing to find it a thrill to be allowed to do so. Romi looked weary, fine lines more pronounced around his eyes, but he didn’t seem ill. “Fine—we had an interesting discussion about Andon over lunch. He has big ideas.”
“That’s Arman for you,” Kei said with a smile that went nowhere near his eyes. “Now, Karik, you go and be a good host and make him some tea. I’ll be out in a minute, and Pira should be home anytime now. Shoo, go on.”
Karik had little choice but to obey, following Romi out to the kitchen. “Please tell me you didn’t walk from the barracks.”
“No, Ma, I was given a lift both ways. Treated like a Ruler. What’s up with Kei?”
Karik waited until he got his kiss, then went to fill the kettle from the cistern tap. “I was trying to persuade him to go back to work. I wasn’t getting very far.”
“It’s only been a day. Everyone’s still in shock. Tiko kept saying ‘I can’t believe it’ every five minutes—got a bit tiresome, but I guess I know why he’s like that.”
Karik shook his head at his own impatience—Romi was right of course. “I just want to fix it all.”
“I know. Come here.” Karik obeyed, and got a hug for his effort. “Give them time. I was talking to Arman about this—it’s not a simple situation.”
Karik tried to free himself, and when Romi persisted in holding him, he gave his lover a glare. “I’m getting a bit fed up with people assuming I’m either half-witted or an infant. I’ve known Kei all my life—I know exactly how not simple this is!”
Romi raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry—forgive me?”
Well, how could he not? He even graciously allowed Romi to bestow another toe-curling kiss on him, before realising he needed to put the water on to boil. He turned to do that—Romi grabbed his arm playfully, something he’d done dozens of times. But this time, the simple gesture tipped Karik straight into a nightmare—one where he was held down and forced, and he couldn’t get free, and there was so much pain and fear.... He was blinded by his terror, frozen by the pain—trapped forever, trapped and helpless, waiting for the next—
“Karik. Karik! Gods, Karik!”
He was being shaken hard, painfully, and that gave him a rope with which to pull himself up from the dead, icy place into which he’d been plunged. With an enormous effort he opened his eyes. “I....” It wasn’t even a word that emerged. His teeth were actually chattering, he felt so cold.
“Sit. I’ve got you.” Romi’s arms were tightly around him, pulling him down onto the bench chair. “I’m sorry, love,” he whispered. “Didn’t mean to grab you.”
“Not you,” Karik muttered. He felt nauseated, cold sweat prickling on his forehead. How could such a simple thing make him fall apart like this?
Kei came rushing in, eyes wide with worry. “What’s wrong? I felt...Karik? Are you all right?”
“Flashback,” Romi said briefly, kissing Karik’s temple. “Kei? Hold him—I’ll get some water.”
“Tea,” Kei amended, exchanging places with Romi and putting his arms tightly around Karik. “Something warm and sweet. What triggered it?”
“Me,” Romi said, not giving Karik the chance to answer. “I was stupid and grabbed him.”
“You weren’t stupid,” Karik said, almost shouting. He rubbed his arms hard—he was still so cold, cold as death, and it was as if he would never get warm. Kei took his hands to quiet him—Karik felt his fear ebbing away as his uncle held him, but didn’t protest the strain on Kei. Sometimes, you had to take what help you could get, he thought. “It was just something ordinary. It always is.”
“Yes, I know,” Kei murmured. “Romi, it isn’t you, and it’s not anything Karik’s doing. I want to talk to both of you about this.”
He waited until Romi made the tea, keeping a firm and comforting arm around Karik the whole time. Karik felt like a fool, but he always did after one of these damn things—at least Kei knew what it was like. Unless someone had had a flashback or panic attack, they just didn’t realise.
“Now,” Kei said. “First of all, Romi—don’t blame yourself. That won’t help Karik and will make him feel worse for upsetting you.” Romi nodded. “And Karik, you already know this isn’t under your control, so apologising and getting embarrassed is pointless and makes Romi feel worse. Understand?”
“Yes, but—”
Kei held his hand up for Karik to shut up. “Wait, nephew. This problem isn’t going to go away just because you’ve fallen in love and had sex.”
Romi sat up very straight and gave Kei a startled look, which made Karik grin despite himself. “Soul-touchers,” he explained with a shrug.
“Oh. I hadn’t realised.... Sorry, Kei.”
Kei gave Romi a benevolent smile. “It’s all right, Romi, I’m quite used to it.” Karik hoped Romi understood—he’d explain later if he didn’t. “But back to my point—all the love in the world won’t stop the
se attacks. But time will make them easier, as I told you before. The first time I saw men fighting after...well, you know...I literally passed out cold. Now, I just feel sick and patch the fools up. It’s been only a few months, a few stressful months, and it seems you have already come a long way. There’s no miracle cure, but you can certainly survive.” He hugged Karik again. “How do you feel?”
“You know that better than me,” Karik said, his usual response to the polite but pointless question. But he did feel a little easier. Not so cold for a start.
“Romi? Do you understand?”
“It’s what I’ve been saying to Karik since it happened, but I’m glad to have someone who knows confirm it. I’ve felt like a bumbling fool most of the time.” Karik gave him an admonishing look—Romi had been so kind to him. He was definitely not a fool.
Kei agreed. “Not at all. Karik’s very fortunate—but then, so are you,” he said, teasingly, squeezing Karik a little. “Now, I’ve also found the best thing to do is just get back to normality as fast as I can after an attack—take my mind off it. So I promised Pira I’d start our supper, and you can help me.”
Kei set them cleaning vegetables, and set out pots in his usual efficient way, keeping up a stream of chatter which, as time went on, was more naturally cheerful and made Karik feel like he was finally at home again. Romi kept close to Karik, leaning on him and smiling reassuringly, and Kei made sure to touch his shoulder or hand as he passed, giving Karik a little taste of peace as he did. Karik felt so loved and cared for—and he felt there really was hope that this nightmare would not dominate his life.
He looked at Romi’s calm, intelligent features, and the wise and beloved ones of his uncle, and thought, yes—perhaps time and kindness would be enough to fix this. He would just have to have faith.
Staying Power: 47
When he had come home and found Karik comforting his distressed uncle, Romi had been afraid they were in for a re-run of the evening before. With Karik’s attack, he almost despaired of things ever returning to happy normality. He was surprised and relieved the situation calmed very quickly thanks to Kei’s honest efforts, and for the first time since he’d returned to Darshek, he stopped feeling like a slightly unwanted guest. He was now just part of the household—even, dare he say it, part of the family.
Staying Power (Darshian Tales #3) Page 58