The Secret Holocaust Diaries

by Nonna Bannister

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  THE LAST REUNION • Grandmother planned a family reunion in 1938, which was the same year Hitler annexed Austria. Every member of the family came. That event proved the final time Nonna’s entire maternal family came together. Nonna remembered this reunion in great detail. She also kept photographs of this event hidden with her throughout the war. These photos have survived to this day.

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  In the summer of 1938, I remember a family reunion. Everyone in the family was there at Grandmother’s Great House. Even those who lived away from home were there for this reunion. The cherry trees had finished blooming and were loaded with cherries—too green to pick. The other trees were loaded with fruit, which would be ripe in the next few weeks. The orchard was very shady and cool that very special night that we had our dinner in the garden. Grandmother put up two big tables and covered them with tablecloths, and the older members of the family helped Grandmother with the dinner. We children (nine of us) played with the ducks in the pond inside the backyard that Grandmother had built just for the ducks. She even had some water lilies planted there. We would sit there with our feet in the water and feed the ducks. Every one of us had little ducklings named after us.

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  GRANDMOTHER’S DUCKS • Nonna had a special love for these ducks. In 1935, Nonna wrote about the ducks: “It rained all night and the pond is overflowing—poor little ducks! My favorite is the one with the white tail—I call him ‘Pierre.’ He comes out of the water and follows me to the gate—wish I could bring him inside the house. (Maybe I could hide him in the basement.)”

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  After the big meal, which was served Grandmother’s style—all three courses—was finished, we all enjoyed playing games. Between the peach trees and the cherry trees there was a huge swing, and I particularly enjoyed swinging in it. The big orchard had a fence around it, and outside the fence gate, there was a lot of space where we could roam around and play freely. Inside the yard, there were beautiful flowers, and in the very corners of the backyard, there were sunflowers growing—they were so big and bright.

  There was a big cottage next to the orchard where Petrovich lived, and however long before that other hired people lived there too. It was a large cottage with small windows, but always there were flower boxes full of pretty flowers planted in them. We children loved to go inside and listen to Petrovich tell us some of his fascinating stories. Next to the cottage, there was a large stable. There were no horses there anymore, and Grandmother used it to store firewood, garden tools, and whatever else had to be put away. The famous sleigh was always parked there against the back of the stable (inside), and Grandmother called it our family heirloom or ornament. It was there like it had been for many years. It was the sleigh used for our rides in the winter (and even long before our time).

  That particular night, we all decided that we would sleep outside, since it was really warm that night, and the moon was so full and bright. We all dragged what bedding we could, and each one chose a place. Halina, Zina, Luci, and I decided to sleep close to the swing between two large trees. All the boys wanted to get close to the cottage and invited Petrovich to join them. There was so much laughter and noise all night long that I doubt if there was much sleep at all. I don’t remember what the rest of them did after 2:00 a.m., but Halina and I decided to go back into the house, and sleep in our own beds.

  This was one of the happy times when we were all together, especially since no one knew what the future was going to bring the next summer. The memories are sweet, though, like many other happy ones that I have.

  22: Remembrances

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  Editors’ Note: At this point in her transcripts, Nonna paused her story, picked up her childhood diaries, read through them, and reflected with pen. She opened to different sections and translated them just as she had written them in her childhood.

  Here she mentions having written her first diary entry at the age of eight, but in every other place she says she began her diaries at age nine.

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  1935–36

  AT THE GREAT HOUSE: TIMES OF UNCERTAINTY

  It is one of those summer nights (sometimes in June), when the windows of the bedroom are open. My bed is near the window, and I lie there listening to all of those little noises that can be heard when the rest of the world is asleep. Somewhere near the window there is a cricket chirping away. Very faintly, but definitely, the little frogs from the near pond are singing their tunes. There is a little breeze coming from the open window, and it gently pets my face.

  There is a full moon, and the little shadows from the leaves of the large trees are dancing across the wall—sort of flickering. All of that is as pleasant as a sweet lullaby. Just before I drift away into a peaceful sleep, there is just this last one thing I notice. It is a smell so sweet from the lilacs that were planted right under my window. It is the last thing which I am so aware of, and it is so enjoyable to me, as though a fragrance that was supposed to induce me into a deep sleep. For the rest of my life when I smell lilacs, I am immediately transported to that very night so many years ago. I am embraced so sweetly with the memory that it is almost as if I were there again. These memories make me feel so warm and peaceful.

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  1938–39

  ANATOLY IS SENT AWAY

  My little heart is torn and I feel so helpless, mostly because I do not understand why these things are happening—why my brother, Anatoly, has to be sent away. I can hardly imagine what it will be like not to have him around. However, there is too much concern in my papa’s eyes, and what they are all talking about makes very little sense to me. I feel so angry because I don’t understand any of their plans, and I really, for the first time in my life, resent Papa’s ideas. I feel so alone and helpless. No matter how hard Mama and Papa tried to talk to me and comfort me with the promise of it all being for the best for Anatoly and the rest of us, I begin to really imagine the worst.

  On the days when I’d rather spend some time out of school, I would take my books, and also my music books and ice skates, to school with me. I would leave school during the big recess and make my way to my music school. Sometimes I would go across the street to the theater where Mama and I performed often. I was ballet dancing on the stage, and Mama would accompany my dancing by playing the piano. The theater would be empty (with only the keepers and the cleaning crew there). I would practice my music on the piano with the curtains up so I could see the auditorium. I thought that by doing this, I could imagine the theater was filled with people, and therefore when I had to be on the stage, I would be able to do it without paying any attention to the audience or having any stage-fright spells.

  Sometimes, I would be caught by my music teacher, and she would look at me playing as she stood behind the stage. I really would get a lecture from her, and I thought that she would tell my parents about it. But she never did. However, somehow I thought later that my mama and papa knew what I was doing and just let me go on this way. After all, I was making good grades, and our private tutor made trips to our house regularly. The Russian school, and whatever was going on there, bored me extremely. We went to classes every day for eight hours, and had three recesses—two small ones for twenty-five minutes, and one long one for forty-five minutes. I would go through my tests fast, and it angered my teachers.

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  1939–40

  It is springtime in the year 1939. The lilacs are in bloom everywhere, and the clusters are hanging over the fences near everyone’s home. The entire town is filled with the magnificent aroma from the lilacs and other flowers that are in bloom. Almost everyone in town and in this village has an orchard, however small or large it may be, and some of the fruit trees are in bloom also. It is a beautiful sight that can transform one into a world of dreams and hopes.

  However, there is a WAR going on! Hitler has invaded Poland. It is the worst war that our country, or the whole of Europe, has ever seen. World War II has been launc
hed, and it is all over the continent. Hitler has decided that he has to have it all—or nothing. Life comes to a halt for almost everyone, and all the dreams and happiness that we lived for are put on hold. The Russians have cut all communications with the West and are suspicious of anyone who makes even the slightest move to contact the outside world. Grandmother dismisses all the hired hands except Petrovich. Our family is extremely worried about what the future holds.

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  WORLD WAR II • In August 1939, Hitler and Stalin signed a non-aggression pact dividing Poland between Germany and the Soviet Union (joined by Lithuania and Slovakia within a few months) and preventing the Soviets from defending Poland from German invasion. On September 3, Great Britain and France declared war on Germany.

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  Anatoly is coming home for his last visit with the family—Grandmother’s brother from Riga, Latvia, is taking him home with him. The entire family is in an emotional and confused state by all that is going on. Mama is not in agreement with sending Anatoly away, but the decision had been made in order to save him from the war. Mama and Papa have many emotional outbreaks between them.

  Grandmother’s brother took Anatoly to Riga, and we never saw Anatoly again.

  Mama was with child and was having a difficult time dealing with all the emotional stress she was under. Papa was trying to be as helpful as he knew how. These were sad times for everyone, but especially for me. I was so young, and all that I could think of was that I was unhappy over losing my brother and all the other things that were taking place in my world. Mama had a difficult pregnancy because she came down with malaria fever, which she had contracted when she and Papa went fishing and she was bitten by mosquitoes. She developed a high fever and would have bouts of this fever and have to stay in bed. There was very little medical help available, and certainly no modern medicine was available during those years.

  Mama was able to carry the baby to full term, and on August 29, 1940, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl whom she named “Taissia,” in honor of her dear friend Mrs. Solzhenitsyna. However, little Taissia was born with the malaria fever, and the disease had caused liver and kidney problems. On September 3, little Taissia died, and I saw my papa cry for the first time. These were truly some of the hardest times of my life, but with my grandmother’s help, I was able to overcome my sadness.

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  BABY TAISSIA • Nonna wrote this poem, dedicated to Anatoly, in April of 1945. Her reference to “three days” conflicts with her recollections of the baby’s birth and death dates, which would have made her five days old.

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  BABY TAISSIA

  We had a little sister, brother.

  She looked so small, her eyes so blue.

  Taissia, was she named by mother—

  To me she was a doll, no substitute for you.

  Three days had passed since she was born.

  They moved her from the crib to the divan.

  Our Mama stood there—her heart was torn,

  Then Angels took her babe to Heaven.

  Our home was filled with sorrow, brother,

  And I saw Papa cry again.

  You should be here to comfort Mother;

  I longed to see you, though in vain.

  23: Germany Attacks Russia

  Late Summer, 1941

  The last few months were full of confusion for me. I no longer liked my school and tried to find some way to skip school and stay home whenever I could manage. My grades started dropping from all A’s to B’s, and even some C’s. Soon, Mama and Papa became very concerned and decided to move me to a Ukrainian school that was near our house, only a couple of blocks away from where we lived. However, being among strangers, with all the teaching being done in the Ukrainian language, had become a new problem for me. I took off more and more often, and spent a lot of time at my music school, dancing and practicing my piano lessons (with music—there was nothing else to hear). I also drew a lot, and spent many hours in my room reading Papa’s German, Polish, and Lithuanian books. The news of the war came almost as a relief for me. There was so much sorrow and problems for everyone.

  Everybody was talking about the war. The Germans are heading toward us. Whatever will become of all of us? It was a great relief for me just to not worry about school, for the time being anyway, because the schools were closed most of the time, especially after the German planes started to bomb our town regularly. Somehow I sensed that I would never have to go to that kind of school again. But all of that unknown ahead was scary in spite of whatever I was thinking.

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  SURPRISE ATTACK • On June 22, 1941, the Germans invaded the Soviet Union—thus breaking their ten-year nonaggression pact after only two years.

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  I played the piano and read constantly just to forget what was going on all around. The next few weeks were times of much confusion and fear. The German planes started bombing our town regularly, and the Russian military was moving out, taking all the civilians who wanted to be evacuated with them. The trains were loaded with people every day. The people were confused, and did not know what to do—to leave their homes and belongings and board the trains or to remain behind and face the inevitable. People with small children were the first ones to board the trains. The Russian soldiers were roaming through the streets encouraging everyone to leave. They were telling stories of much horror about what the Germans were bringing as they occupied the territories.

  Papa had already decided that we would stay behind, hoping to get a chance to cross over to the other side of the border. It was our only chance to get out of Russia and move to Poland or farther west. It was a longtime dream, and now was our chance to have it come to reality. We would wait for the Germans and try to explain, hoping that they would allow Papa and us to travel to Romania or Poland—anywhere out of Russia.

  Papa had planned it all for so long, he did not anticipate any problems: As soon as the first wave of troops moved out, we would deal with the German authorities, who would help us get out of the country. Papa spoke German fluently, and he counted on making them understand our plight and to help us out.

  However, the Russians had other plans for the people, and that was to evacuate everybody and then bomb and dynamite everything that was left. They took all the people that wanted to be evacuated, but they also took many civilians against their will and loaded them on the last departing trains. Many of them were young children who were forced to leave their parents behind. The Russian troops were scavenging throughout the town, gathering up people to put on the trains. Petrovich, my grandmother’s hired hand, was one of those. Grandmother had sent him down to get some coal that the Russians had dumped along the railroad tracks. People were picking it up and taking it to their homes when Russian soldiers rushed them and forced them to board the trains. Petrovich had left that morning, and when Grandmother missed him, she went looking for him. All she found was his cart still loaded with coal. We never saw him again.

  As the Russians moved out, they burned or dynamited everything in sight. They wanted to make sure that when the Germans arrived, there would be no food or anything else left for them to find. Those of us who were left behind were of little or no concern to them, since they had labeled us as traitors anyway.

  Most of those who had managed to stay behind did so by hiding in their cellars or wherever they could find some hiding place. It was getting cold outside, and the cellars were cold and damp. Many people became sick with colds. Without medical help and little medicine, many of them died of pneumonia. We stayed in our cellar for days, getting out only at night.

  The fields were mined and traps were set up just about everywhere. Now and then you could hear an explosion and then screams of someone who met his or her fate by stepping on one of those traps. The artillery could still be heard far away, especially at night, and it sounded like rolling thunder. We all knew that the fighting was going on not too far away. Occasionally, Russian planes flew over and wou
ld drop a bomb or two. There was nothing left to bomb, but they seemed to enjoy scaring those that were left behind. They would open fire on the people on the streets while they were flying over. And they flew so low that you could almost see the pilots. There was no doubt that the planes were Russian.

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  “THE PLANES WERE RUSSIAN” • German Luftwaffe bombings of civilian transports have been documented, yet Nonna was certain these bombers were Russian.

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  We were spending more time in the cellar than in the house itself. The frequent bombings and the searches by the Russian soldiers were keeping us hidden in the cellar for much of the time. Aunt Tonja and her two girls, Zina and Luci, and Aunt Xenja and her husband, Vladimir, decided to board a train that would take them farther into Russian-occupied territory. Aunt Tonja’s husband, Alexey, was already two hundred kilometers away working as a chemist in one of the factories, and they were hoping to get there and be near him. Aunt Xenja and Uncle Vladimir wanted to go along to protect Aunt Tonja and her young children. They planned to travel as far as Taganrog, where they would pick up Aunt Olga, who was there alone with her five children after Uncle Vanya died in a plane crash into the Azov Sea (he was flying a plane as a test pilot). Uncle Leonid was already out of town for several weeks—we did not even know where he was at that time. Uncle Zhenya and his wife, with their two very young children, were thousands of miles away in Irkutsk, where he was stationed in the air force.