Alison Littlewood

by A Cold Season

  ‘Ben told me you wanted to leave.’

  She stirred. ‘I—’

  ‘You don’t have to explain to me.’

  ‘No, it’s okay. I was just feeling trapped here – with the snow and no phones and everything. I thought a few days away would do us good.’

  ‘It’s easier for me, I suppose. There’s no one outside I really want to call.’

  Cass laughed. ‘Me neither.’ A tug at her heart. Not any more. ‘It was for work.’

  ‘Is that all? In that case you should definitely stay. There’s more to life than work, you know.’

  ‘Is there?’ Cass hadn’t really meant to say it, didn’t mean the question, but when she met his eye, his look was serious.

  ‘You know, Cass, next time Ben is out – at Sally’s or whatever – I think I should cook you dinner.’

  She didn’t know what to say.

  ‘It’s not Cassandra, is it?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Your name. Sally calls you Cassandra, but I don’t think that’s it.’

  ‘No— No, it’s not.’

  ‘I think— Hmm, now … ’

  She pushed back her hair. ‘You won’t guess.’

  ‘So it isn’t Rumpelstiltskin.’ He grinned.

  ‘My name was Cassidy.’

  ‘Cassidy. Yes, it suits you.’ He paused. ‘Was?’

  ‘It was my maiden name. Before—’

  ‘Ah. Sorry. So, Cassidy, what’s your real name?’

  She bit her lip.

  ‘Come on, it can’t be that bad.’

  ‘I should make those drinks.’

  ‘Something traditional, I think. Rebecca? No – Verity. Faith. Hope.’

  She swallowed. ‘It’s Gloria.’

  ‘Gloria.’ He savoured the word, like a taste.

  ‘How did you know?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That it would be something traditional. My father was religious.’

  ‘Well, it would have to be, wouldn’t it?’

  ‘Why?’ She still didn’t understand.

  ‘Darnshaw’s a pretty traditional place. And you came back. It’s in your blood.’

  Cass laughed. She went to the cupboard, lifting down mugs. Still she felt exposed, like a child caught in some secret. Gloria. She doubted even Ben would have remembered that.

  Gloria. Because you will bring glory to God. Hosanna in the highest.

  ‘I hope I can still call you Cass.’

  She turned. ‘You’d better,’ she said. ‘And if you tell anyone—’

  He waved his hands in mock terror. ‘I wouldn’t dare,’ he said. ‘It’ll be our little secret.’ He headed for the door. ‘In return for that dinner,’ he said, and slipped out of sight.

  Later Cass peeped in and saw them side by side, laughing and cheering at the screen. She made them pasta, not asking Mr Remick if he wanted to stay. He looked so comfortable – and when she brought in the food Ben turned to her. His eyes were sparkling, and this time they didn’t fade when he looked at her.

  The pasta was tasteless, the sauce bland, and Cass apologised for it, though Mr Remick ate with gusto. She told him about her visit to the farm and the result.

  ‘The locals aren’t all as friendly as me, are they, Ben?’ He winked. ‘What you eat can depend on who you know around here. There’s plenty of food about – a lot of farming land, you know. But they’re a shy lot.’

  Cass thought of the farmer closing the door in her face. ‘Something like that.’

  ‘They’ll take to you soon enough. Then you won’t be able to shake them off. It’ll be apple pies at dawn, stewed mutton all day – as long as you don’t mind taking half a sheep. Or the odd live chicken.’

  Cass pulled a face.

  ‘You can’t be squeamish with this lot.’ Mr Remick’s eyes flashed. ‘Can she, Ben?’

  Ben nodded enthusiastically, spooning red sauce into his mouth.

  ‘Anyway, you took your life in your hands trying the Broath place. Even I have trouble getting anything out of them.’

  ‘We were going away,’ said Ben.

  ‘So you were. Well, I’m glad you came back. Who else would I play soldiers with?’

  ‘We saw some stones,’ said Ben.

  ‘Ah,’ said Mr Remick, ‘you did, did you?’

  ‘He means the standing stones on the moor,’ said Cass. ‘You could see them for miles against the snow.’

  ‘I thought as much. Yes, I imagine they’re quite a sight just now. They’re called witch stones, you know.’

  ‘They’re what?’

  ‘Witch stones. The one with the hole in the middle was meant to be especially efficacious, I believe. They were placed on the village boundary to keep witches and bad spirits out, supposedly. Of course, they could just as well keep them in. You have met the locals?’

  He raised his eyebrows at Cass, mock serious, and she laughed. ‘They make a good place for a picnic, anyway.’

  ‘A picnic in the snow? Ah, an adventurous eater. I’ll have to remember that.’

  ‘Oh, no … ’

  ‘Hmm. I’m not sure I’ll be able to rustle up anything too exotic.’ He stopped short when he saw Cass’ expression.

  She turned to Ben, who was looking from one to the other, his eyebrows raised. Then he grinned at the teacher. ‘I’m going to Mrs Spencer’s,’ he said.

  After a moment, Cass and Mr Remick burst out laughing.

  Cass went to sleep thinking of Mr Remick, the easy way in which he’d slipped into their household, wondering whether, some day, she might want him to stay. It was a new kind of thought. In the time since Pete had disappeared, Cass had considered many things: where they would live; how Ben would grow up, never again knowing his father; how to keep Pete’s memory alive for him, making sure they never forgot. It hadn’t occurred to her that she might some day think about moving on. It made her heart beat faster. Life, sneaking in the door before she had even recognised it, making all the colours seem brighter.

  She remembered Pete offering up those fragments of blue, letting them fall to the ground. She closed her eyes.

  When she dreamed, though, it wasn’t Pete who came to her but her father.

  They were standing in the church. Cass looked down and saw the frothy white dress. It was splashed with something dark, but the light was so dim she couldn’t see what it was. She thought of blood, but no, it was raining outside – she could hear it pattering on the roof and the windows and the walls, knocking to come in. It was muddy out there and she had fallen, clumsy as usual, spoiling her dress. Spoiling everything.

  The window behind her father suddenly blazed. There was no colour in it, just brilliant white light. Her father didn’t notice. He caught hold of her dress, smoothing it, the dark stuff getting on his fingertips. He brushed it away with an expression of distaste.

  The man, Daddy, Cass wanted to say, but she couldn’t. Her mouth fell open. Someone dark was behind her father. He came out of the light and wrapped one arm around her father’s shoulders. Her father didn’t seem to feel it.

  The dark shape was taking her father from her. Cass couldn’t see its face but she knew that was what it was doing. She also knew the shape was wrong, too thin somehow. Although she couldn’t see its expression, she knew it was smiling. The smile was wrong too, a twisted, diseased thing.

  Cass sat upright, gasping for breath, a whisper still echoing around her ears.

  Gloria. Because you will bring glory to God. Hosanna in the highest.

  She pushed the covers away and swung her feet out of bed. For a moment she thought she heard a faint scritch in the walls, then it was gone. Cass stood, the night air cool on her skin, and went to check on her son.

  She had only got as far as the hall when she heard Ben moan, a long drawn-out sound that made her heart contract. She pushed open his door and went in.

  Ben was on his side, his face relaxed, the image of peaceful sleep. His hand was tucked under his chin.

  Cass bent over him, w
aiting to see if he would make that sound again. He did not. His breathing was steady and deep and she listened to it for a while. She wondered what he was dreaming of. Maybe he too had gone to sleep thinking about Mr Remick.

  Cass straightened and turned to go, but as she did, Ben let out another sound. This time it wasn’t a moan but a single word, spoken quite clearly: Daddy. Cass waited, but there was nothing more.

  FIFTEEN

  The first person Cass saw outside the school was Mr Remick. He grinned and waved, and Ben ran to him. Whatever his dream, it must have faded with the daylight, but it had stayed with Cass. She could still hear him saying that word: Daddy.

  ‘A penny for your thoughts.’ Mr Remick was at her side, the plume of his breath masking his face. It was colder than ever: winter, tightening its grip.

  ‘I was looking out for Lucy,’ she replied.

  ‘I’m afraid you missed her.’ Had the gleam faded a little from his eyes? ‘She dropped Jess off early today.’

  Cass frowned. She couldn’t help suspecting that this might have something to do with the odd email Lucy had received from Cass’ client. Maybe it had even prompted Lucy to look at the files she’d been given to email. Cass winced inwardly at the thought. She rested her hand on Ben’s head, as much for her comfort as her son’s. Then she pulled it away. Had it been Ben who had done that to her work? She wouldn’t have thought him capable. But that drawing …

  ‘Ben, why don’t you go inside? I want a quick word with Mr Remick.’

  ‘Mu-um.’

  ‘Go on. I’ll see you later.’ Cass bent to kiss him and he squirmed away.

  ‘They grow up so fast, don’t they?’ Mr Remick said. ‘Is there something I can help with?’

  ‘No. I mean, not really. I just wanted to ask about Ben. I was a bit worried, after the drawing you showed me. I wondered if you’d noticed anything else unusual.’

  ‘Not at all. He’s a fine boy, Cass. Nothing to worry about there.’

  ‘Has he drawn anything else like that?’

  ‘I don’t think so. I’ll check with Sally, but I’m sure she’d have mentioned it. Ah, speak of the devil.’ He waved, and a shrill voice answered.

  ‘Cass, glad I’ve seen you.’ Sally barged over. Damon had been following in her wake but now he peeled away and headed inside. ‘I wondered if Ben could come for tea tonight. We’d love to have him, wouldn’t we, Damon? Now, where’s that boy gone? Honestly. Anyway, he’d like to show Ben more games, and maybe have some of the others over so that Ben can make friends. Actually, that was my suggestion, but—’

  Cass opened her mouth to answer and saw Mr Remick’s eyes fixed on her, shining with amusement. She took a deep breath and made up her mind. ‘It’s really kind of you, Sally. I appreciate it. It’s good of you to help him fit in like this – he likes it here. So, yes, thanks. But I’ll walk over to yours and collect him this time.’

  Sally took in a huge gulp of air. ‘Oh, delightful! I’m really pleased. Thank you so much. One of these days we’ll all get together, shall we? You, me and the kids.’

  ‘I’d like that. I mean it; it’s kind of you to be so welcoming. Ben and Damon really get on, don’t they?’

  ‘Of course, of course. Well, I must—’

  ‘Actually,’ said Mr Remick, ‘we meant to ask you about Ben’s pictures. Has he been drawing anything that might be of concern to you, Sally?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Anything overly gruesome, maybe, or depressive. Anything you might not approve of?’

  ‘Not at all. He’s a good little boy. He fits right in.’

  ‘Well, that’s fine then,’ he said.

  Sally smiled and hurried towards the doors as Mr Remick turned back to Cass. ‘Even better,’ he said, ‘it looks like you’re free for dinner this evening.’

  She paused. The way Ben had cried out in his dream echoed in her mind.

  ‘No cold feet, I hope, Ms Cassidy?’

  She took a deep breath. ‘No, you’re right. It looks like I am.’

  He leaned towards her as if he were going to plant a kiss on her cheek, then straightened at the last moment and waved at a group of women walking down the hill towards them, their children in tow.

  As Cass left two things sprang into her mind: the first, that she had forgotten about her client’s files in the space of the last five minutes. The second was that if she didn’t collect Ben from school that afternoon, she wouldn’t see Lucy again before the weekend.

  At three o’clock Cass set out up the lane. She was already irritated by the idea of another walk to the school, particularly as she’d have to get back again to get changed for dinner, and then walk into the village a second time. But she had to see Lucy.

  At least thinking about Lucy saved her from worrying about dinner with Mr Remick. Her stomach rolled over whenever it entered her mind; it had been a long time since she had done anything like that.

  She had been intimidated by Pete too at first, but he had been so full of colour, laughter, life – the things that had drawn her to him. Pete had drifted through the world, moving from one place to the next without ever putting down roots; it was something that never troubled him. It didn’t touch him. And when Cass was with him, it hadn’t touched her either.

  When she looked up she was surprised to find herself already opposite the post office. Irene was just closing up. When she saw Cass she gestured towards the post box and shook her head.

  Cass hadn’t expected the roads to be clear today. Winter was really setting in. She looked up at the hills rising all around her and thought of the standing stones, keeping watch, keeping the witches out.

  Soon Cass heard distant voices on the cold, sharp air: it sounded as if the children were outside. A shrill voice rose over the others, squealing. It didn’t sound like a squeal of joy. Then came the lower, imperative shout of a man. Cass hurried to the corner and looked down. The children were huddled together, a mass of brightly coloured coats. Someone was on the ground.

  She hurried down the hill, slipping on the ice, regaining her balance and pressing on. A red coat was among the rest, a flash of pale hair above it. Ben. He wasn’t the one on the ground then. Cass drew a deep breath. The child on the ground was a little girl, long dark hair lank on her face. As she drew close, Cass could see that the child’s cheek was streaked with red.

  There was a shriek, and Cass saw Lucy rushing towards the huddle, pushing past a young boy to get to the fallen child. Cass realised the girl on the ground was Jessica.

  When Lucy reached her daughter, Jessica had started to cry, and Cass felt a rush of relief. It wasn’t crying that concerned a parent most when their child was hurt; it was silence.

  Mr Remick was suddenly in the heart of the group and calm spread from him. The children subsided and the teacher glanced around and said something in a low voice that Cass couldn’t catch. Some of the children moved back and now she could see Myra was there, holding a child by the shoulder and guiding him towards the car park. Cass caught Myra’s eye, but the woman looked pointedly away.

  There was one child still standing with Mr Remick, Lucy and Jess and Cass’ heart sank. It was Ben. As she watched, Sally went to him and rested her hands on his shoulders. Then Ben saw his mother coming and he too looked away from her, down at the ground.

  Lucy pulled Jessica into a sitting position and held her while she sobbed. Mr Remick bent and brushed the hair out of Jessica’s eyes, examining the child’s face. He straightened, noticed Cass standing there. ‘No harm done,’ he said. ‘Just a scratch.’ He said this to Cass, and she couldn’t work out why. Then she did.

  Ben was staring straight ahead. His face was flushed, but his eyes were steely.

  Lucy half-straightened and looked at Ben and her eyes narrowed. Then she looked at Cass.

  Cass found herself in the centre of a circle, all eyes fixed upon her, and she had no idea what she was supposed to say.

  Mr Remick straightened. ‘All right,’ he said. His voice was
quiet, the voice of a man who expects to be obeyed. ‘Thank you, everybody. It’s all in hand.’

  Instead of retreating, a group of boys drew closer. They stared at Cass too, their eyes hard white glitters. Damon was among them.

  Mr Remick bent to Jessica and helped her up. He spoke to her mother, quietly, and Lucy took Jessica’s arm, wiped her eyes and guided her towards the car park.

  Cass looked after her. She closed a hand over the disk in her pocket.

  Mr Remick turned to Cass. ‘Why don’t you come inside?’ he said. ‘We’ll have a quick chat about this.’

  Cass nodded. Lucy had almost reached the Land Rover. Sally was leading Ben inside, one hand on his back. The other boys followed at a distance.

  One of the Land Rover’s doors opened and closed, the thunk carrying in the clear air. ‘I’ll be there in just a second,’ Cass said, and ignored Mr Remick’s look of surprise as she hurried after Lucy. She called out as Lucy was walking round to the driver’s side and she stopped, her expression guarded, as she waited for Cass to speak.

  ‘I’m sorry if Ben … if he’s done something,’ said Cass. ‘And I hope Jessica is okay. I’m sure it’ll turn out to be nothing.’

  ‘He cut her cheek.’ Lucy’s voice was cold. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I want to get her home.’

  ‘Of course you do. I’m so sorry. It’s just … I was hoping to ask for your help.’

  Lucy’s eyes widened.

  ‘I know all this … Well, we need to sort it out. But I really need to send some new files to my client. I don’t know what happened to the old ones; they must have been corrupted somehow.’

  ‘You want me to send them.’

  ‘If you don’t mind. And if there’s anything I can do, for you or Jessica—’

  Lucy held out her hand without speaking and Cass went round the car and put the disk into it. She started to thank the woman she had begun to think of as a friend, but Lucy said nothing as she put the disk into her pocket, climbed into her seat and drove away.

  The corridors were silent when Cass entered the school. The lights were dimmed for the evening, only a green haze glowing from the emergency exit signs. As she approached Mr Remick’s office she heard a low buzz of voices. She stopped outside the door and knocked, and as she did so she sensed movement at her side. She turned to see a group of boys standing in the darkened corridor, staring at her. Their eyes were pale in the dim light. She saw the shine of teeth as one of them smirked; it was Damon.