Claire was happily curled up alongside, leaning on me quite heavily, but I greatly appreciated that my best friend was here, with the added fact that she could at least hear James – it made my job far easier this weekend. Once the film had finished, she sighed and openly asked both George and James:
“Well, what did you think?”
“I think that in the grand scheme of things, it was a fair representation of the time!” George replied. “Jane Austen was indeed a very distinguished writer of novels.”
“And very petite, from what I remember!” James then said. Claire sat up.
“You say that as if you knew her!” she asked excitedly.
“I knew of her; she visited here with acquaintances for a very brief time. I was in this unfortunate state and unable to meet her, but I do believe that George conversed with her – did you not?” he asked George.
“Indeed I did – she was very amiable!” he confirmed.
“Wow, that is so, so cool!” Claire replied, but I found it hard to speak. Jane Austen had been in my house at some point, and she was my all-time favourite author of romantic novels! I simply smiled and then asked them:
“You didn’t tell me that before. Is there anything that you miss from that period of time?”
“Yes, I miss the letters and wax seals. Receiving correspondence from any person was a greatly anticipated treat. The smell of the wax seal, the noise once you broke it to unfold the letter, and the ink… its smell alone was delightful. The handwriting of the time was second to none, and another art now lost I fear – that is what I miss the most. It is far too easy today to pick up a piece of technology and never put pen to paper!” George sadly stated, and I had to agree. I looked at James.
“What about you, James?”
“I dearly miss the people; my father, mother and friends now lost. I agree with George that correspondence has somewhat changed and that is a shame, but I cannot argue that times have changed and society along with it. The world is very much a different place now!” he replied.
“It never occurred to me how difficult it must have been to leave people behind; I am sorry for you both for that!” Claire then said. James looked up at her.
“Thank you, your thoughts are appreciated,” he replied sincerely, she smiled. Claire sighed heavily before standing.
“Well George, do you have any more wine in this place? I feel the need for more – this weekend is definitely turning out to be more than interesting!” she stated joyously.
“Yes, I’ll show you where the wine cellar is and you can help yourself!” George replied as he gestured for her to follow. I stood with the empty bottle and started to make my way to the door when James stopped me with a question.
“Do you think that love can endure anything or any situation?” he candidly asked. I stopped and turned to him.
“Are you referring to the film?” I asked.
“Not entirely. I merely ask your opinion. I looked at you during the film and you seemed moved by the plight of Elizabeth and Darcy’s love!”
“My experiences toward love to date have not been very fulfilling, James, but I do think that true love can endure anything. I also understand how tormenting it can be, especially when watching something like that! I would like to hope that during my lifetime I will experience a love as true and meaningful as theirs – who wouldn’t?” I replied with honesty.
“You fervently believe that that kind of love can be felt and experienced by anyone?” he then enquired. I moved closer to him and, as truthfully as I have ever been with any man, replied:
“I sincerely think so. In my opinion, life will be very hard to bear if I never get the chance to experience a love so strong, and so true that I would rather die than live without it. So in response to your question; if there was a chance of having a love like theirs, I would strongly encourage it!” I smiled, curtseyed to him for some reason and left the room.
What was I thinking? I have truly lost my senses – or I now think that I am living in times past; why the hell did I curtsey! Great, he’s bound to have found that amusing – I am trying to impress, not look irrational! I cursed myself as I walked toward George’s kitchen, and then he appeared again and so I composed myself quickly.
“I feel… that you are the most intriguing woman that I have ever met!” he said.
“You probably think that I am also slightly deranged! I didn’t mean to curtsey – I think that film has melted my brain a little!” I joked.
“Ah so you did, but I didn’t really notice – I was more fascinated by your feelings toward loyalty and love,” he replied, which made me blush and swallow hard, hoping that I hadn’t just given away my growing feelings toward him.
“Well, I think it’s every girl’s fantasy to wish for a love like that! Who wouldn’t want that? I would give everything to have that!” I then honestly replied again, then turned away from him and cursed myself again for being so truthful. I was bound to be scaring the poor man to death.
“I find your conviction in your beliefs and your honesty at expressing them to me rather endearing,” he then replied as sincerely. I stopped and looked at him.
“Thank you!” I simply said, and smiled. It wasn’t as bad a response as I had expected. He gestured for me to continue walking.
“I should thank you,” he then said.
“For what?” I enquired.
“Trusting me enough to be so very honest with me! I have always enjoyed conversing with you, Katharina, but the fact that you are so open with me is indeed quite flattering,” he continued.
“James, I may not have known you for very long, but in my head and my heart I feel like I have known you forever! I find you easy to speak to, and I am grateful for that!” I replied. He smiled and just as we neared the main kitchen George and Claire appeared, laughing about something.
“Right, George and I have decided that it is time we indulged in some older wine, and we have to drink it once opened no matter what!” Claire announced. “I can feel a hangover coming on already!” she then finished.
I turned and looked at James, and we both grimaced slightly before he crossed his arms and then raised the suggestion: “I am all for enjoying ourselves and merrily intoxicating our systems with old wine, but should it be like strong vinegar, I feel that we all need to be accountable for any personal illnesses that it causes! George will not want to clear up the contents of anyone’s stomach other than his own!” he remarked.
“Well said James; I am not great at tolerating anything expelled from other people’s stomachs!” George agreed.
“I should think not, I can think of nothing worse!” I replied, cringing at the thought. “Trust you to turn this into a binge drinking night; do you realise how expensive some of these wines are?” I asked Claire.
“I dread to think, but I am going to try at least one of them!” she then replied as she ushered George to his kitchen to find a corkscrew. I looked at James.
“I am so sorry, there is no explanation for her behaviour!” I said as I rubbed my head.
“No apology necessary, she knows how to enjoy herself… obviously!” James laughed.
“Oh, I assure you she certainly knows how to do that!” I replied.
The drinks flowed – far too many in fact, where I was concerned – and Claire, in her usual boisterous way, had George dancing yet again, to pop songs that I am sure were not to his taste, but he indulged her nonetheless. James and I laughed at them and the fact that I was slurring my words, along with Claire. George and James seemed completely in control and that frustrated me a little. I went up to James and quite decisively pressed my index finger against the mirror at him.
“Do you ever consume enough alcohol to become the slightest bit inebriated?” I managed to say without slurring too much. He smiled.
“Oh believe me, I have had more than my fill, and I am sure it will cause some affliction in the morning!” he said.
“Hmmm, we shall see. At least I have managed n
ot to completely embarrass myself this evening!” I sniggered as I started swaying.
“The evening is the worse for it, I feel!” James remarked humorously.
“Are you saying that you enjoy seeing me behaving inappropriately?” I asked with annoyance.
“I enjoy seeing you behaving so free-spiritedly! I do not wish any affliction upon you, but it does make me feel warmly toward your nature when you are so relaxed with both George and I!” he replied.
“I feel that you are one of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met, James Aldersley, and you say the nicest things! I am so glad that I met you,” I said as I placed my hand against the mirror and he in turn placed his against mine. We stood and looked at each other. At first I thought it was the wine, but soon I realised that I was breathing heavily, with the sensation of an overactive bottle of champagne being opened in my stomach. I confirmed to myself right then that I had intense feelings for James and I suddenly became very aware that I felt incredibly vulnerable.
I snatched my hand back to my side, and he looked at me with slight concern. I placed my glass down on the table and then quietly said before turning away from him:
“Forgive me – I feel that the effects of this wine have allowed me to put you in an incredibly uncomfortable position. I think it is high time I retired before I make a fool of myself!” What was I thinking? Plain Katharina attached to a man with such distinguished credibility, good looks and charm? Regardless of his past, how could he ever fall in love with someone as plain as me? I did not wait long enough to hear him say:
“You do not realise how much I have hoped to see such a reaction from you!”
I forcefully marched over to George and Claire and informed them that I needed to retire before I fell over. We exchanged cheek kisses and I left the room, shouting goodnight as I walked.
I was not aware of James shadowing me, but I heard Claire say to George: “Is there more to those two than I know?”
“I fear not, but it would be a match to envy any from any novel or film that I have ever come across!” George replied.
I swallowed hard and shook my head; obviously my behaviour toward James was becoming noticeable to others too, and so James was bound to be aware. I stopped and took off my shoes before continuing up the stairs and as I turned down the corridor to my room I was aware of James’ presence.
“Are you following me?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“I merely wished to see that you arrived to your room without injury!” he replied. I smiled at his casual response, then he continued: “Katharina, I do not want you to retire without accepting a response from me to your last comment!”
“James, please don’t – you have no need to make me feel better or try and resolve my obvious lack of tact. I understand that I am average and plain and I should not make gestures toward you to make you think that I am trying to attach myself to you.” I grimaced in the knowledge that he felt the need to smooth things over with me, but I did not expect his response.
“My pride has often been in the way of my feelings, but your complete tenderness to my plight and your selfless endeavour to end it has indeed captured my heart. I cannot allow you to retire feeling that you have made a fool of yourself, for your complete honesty and unselfish behaviour toward me, make me think of you as nothing less than my saviour! In response to your last comment, any attachment to you – friend or otherwise – is truly my honour!” he said it with such warmth that I almost melted… it took me a while to reply.
“As always you calm my worries with your words!” I replied; he acknowledged my response by nodding once. “To know that you are not repulsed by my honesty and actions pleases me more than I can say!” I finished, then I smiled, and before I realised what I was doing I had walked to the mirror, raised myself up on my tiptoes and kissed it in the vicinity of his cheek. When I lowered my heels, I stayed where I stood for a moment, my breath condensing on the mirror, and I listened to his breathing, which was now exaggerated. I stepped back, looked at him and simply said: “Goodnight James.”
“Goodnight Katharina,” he replied as I opened my bedroom door. “I hope that tomorrow sees us not too afflicted by the consumption of old wine!” He smiled.
“Oh I really hope so too!” I replied.
“I shall return downstairs and see if Claire and George are ready to retire!” he then informed me before he turned to leave. I closed the door and smiled to myself. Perhaps there was a possibility of us being more than friends, if he should ever have the inclination to feel any love toward me.
I managed to get to sleep easily; the alcohol made sure of that. However at approximately 4am I woke after dreaming, sweating and thirsty. My mouth felt like a dry desert, with the aftertaste of one too many glasses of wine. I decided to go downstairs and get a glass of milk to help me get back to sleep. The house was a very different place in the dead of night; reflections from the windows and the large clock’s ticking in the drawing room were more noticeable than at any other time of day. I reached George’s kitchen and quietly crept in, retrieved a glass and opened the fridge door. The milk was cool and thirst-quenching and I quickly drank a glass and refilled it. I closed the door, glass in hand, and nearly jumped out of my skin.
“You are finding it difficult to sleep also?” James suddenly said.
“Jesus, I didn’t see you there!” I replied as I placed my hand on my heart to slow its frenzied beating.
“I am sorry to alarm you,” he quickly replied. I laughed nervously.
“It’s fine, you just startled me – I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be awake!” I replied as my heart rate slowed down.
“Very well,” he calmly said, and we stood in silence whilst I drank my glass of milk nervously.
“I suppose we should be quiet in case we wake George?” I then said.
“He is usually a very sound sleeper!” James replied, but as he said that we heard George stirring in his room, so I gestured for James to follow me into the main house.
I felt like a teenager, creeping around the house, and unfortunately I was now wide awake. I paced the hallway, then wished that I had put on my robe as I was cold. I thought for a moment; I wanted to speak with James, but it wasn’t right to be stood shivering in my pyjamas. I decided to take a plunge and ask him something that he would probably find slightly out of his social rules of etiquette, but after our earlier conversations I hoped that he would oblige.
“James, I am cold and even though I am now awake, I would prefer the comfort of my room.”
“Of course, I am sorry – please go ahead!” He gestured for me to leave.
“I was hoping that you would keep me company for a while?” I then asked. He glanced at me once and then half smiled.
“I should like that, if you are entirely sure?” he replied. I nodded in response and then started my way up the stairs.
I closed my door and climbed onto my bed and under the many sheets. The warm ambient light from the lamp made me instantly relax. James looked nervous and so I started the conversation.
“So, as we are both awake I think that I should like to hear some more stories about you from your past!”
“I am sure that my past would not make you think very well of me,” he replied.
“Knowing that you suffered or for that matter made others suffer slightly in your past does not stop me wanting to know more about it or you! After tonight, it occurred to me that there have probably been many times that you have been more than intoxicated from alcohol. Surely there are some interesting stories from then?” I smiled hopefully.
He was sat on the end of the reflected copy of my bed. He had his flouncy white shirt on, open at the neck, and his breeches; his hair was messy but I like that. It was arousing to say the least, but I managed to control my reaction. He pondered for a short time and then his face relaxed and he smiled.
“There have been a few moments in my past in which I thought my time was upon me,” he remarked, and then pr
oceeded to tell me about all the amusing incidents in which he had lost control of any sane reasoning – enough to do something very stupid whilst drunk. He made me laugh, which was something that I had not done with such force with a man in a long time. I tried to muffle the sound with my sheets as I worried about waking Claire numerous times. His retelling of a duel with pistols – which he had insisted upon during a fight in an ale house – had ended up with him merely injuring the other party and them calling a truce. After both parties were continually falling over on the icy ground they gave up trying to stand still long enough to shoot. That is where the pistols in the attic had come from – he took them as a token of the day, and a reminder of his stupidity. It also came to light that George had accompanied him on this duel, and it made me realise why he felt such parental responsibility for James; he had been through more challenges with him than most parents ever have to endure.
I started to feel tired again; the excitement had worn me out. As I yawned and rubbed my eyes, I gestured to myself and my obvious state of exhaustion and the fact that I could no longer stay awake. I straightened my pyjamas and then looked to James and his attire.
“Where are your pyjamas?” I asked him. He shrugged. “You know, I think if you want to move on, James, it would be a good idea to start wearing clothing of this time period more often!” I remarked.
“I should but, in all honesty. I thought that if I were to dress in clothing from my period, it would be easier for you to relate to me!” he finished.
“It would be nice to see you in a pair of jeans again!” I confirmed, smiling, and then I reached over to the lamp. “Goodnight James. Thank you for keeping me company, this has been a lovely evening!” I said, before switching off the light.
“Indeed it has!” he said in the darkness, and then I drifted off to sleep happily.
A Different Reflection Page 30