Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sunday morning was relaxing and satisfying. George had made the biggest English breakfast that I think I had ever seen, but he insisted that it was necessary in aiding a quick recovery from the wine last night. I had to say that even though I felt unwell the night before, I woke feeling better than I could have expected. Claire was not so great! She had finished the rest of another old bottle of wine with George, and retired to bed nearly an hour after I did. Even though she ate, she complained at her rollercoaster stomach and the fact that she had a very bad headache. I passed her some paracetamol and refilled her coffee; I had had the sense to take two when I had my milk in the early hours of the morning.
I had not made any comment, but I noted that James had arrived at breakfast this morning in dark blue jeans, which sat low on his hips, and a plain black t-shirt. He looked casual and fairly relaxed, and I presumed that he had done this for my benefit after our conversation last night. I smiled at him after giving him the once-over, then took a large bite of my toast, and he simply shrugged in acknowledgement and smiled back. We seemed to have a mutual appreciation and respect for each other, and the thought of that made me exceptionally happy.
The morning proceeded slowly. After reading yesterday’s paper, I took Claire outside to show her around the grounds, during which she of course quizzed me.
“So, how long are you going to let James stay in this state?” she asked.
“Excuse me?”
“Well, it seems that he needs to make someone fall in love with him and they have to physically say that to him. What are you waiting for? It’s obvious you think he’s mega hot!” she then stated.
“Claire, I can’t believe that you would think that!” I replied hesitantly.
“Oh come on… I mean, after John you could say that this is a bit of a whirlwind situation, but if he’s as hot as that painting then I’d have had him out of there and in my bed by now!” she laughed. I pushed her in annoyance and then smiled.
“It’s not as easy as that though – that’s just it. I want him to love me too. I do not think that I am good enough for him, but you are right – the longer I spend here with them, the deeper my feelings for him get. I just feel that I shouldn’t; I mean I have just ended one engagement!” I confirmed.
“Oh Jesus Kat, that is nothing, you could have been married five times already, but it makes no difference if you love each other! They are slightly strange circumstances, I’ll give you that, and the fact that you have never physically met him is a little out of the ordinary, but… it is what it is, so make the most of it!” she said. I hugged her; she always was one for putting things into perspective. “Unless of course you free him and he either has bad breath or a small penis, then you may want to throw him back in!” she then laughed, and I couldn’t help myself – I did too.
We entered the house in fits of hysterics after she announced that she thought the latter unlikely, and both James and George came to see what all the fuss was about. I had to elbow Claire to stop her from saying anything crude, but she simply stated that we were reminiscing about old times. The day was more enjoyable than I had anticipated and we went to the wine merchants to buy supplies for my party, played games, listened to music and I showed Claire the library – she was as fascinated with it as me, and we stayed in there for some time. When it came to 3pm she decided that it was time she returned home. She had errands to run before returning to work tomorrow – one of them was visiting her brother Scott, who had just started a new job; she promised she would call by to find out how he was getting on after his first week. George offered to take her to the station as he wanted to pick up a couple of newspapers and so after she had packed up we said our goodbyes. She offered to come back and help next Saturday, the day of the party, so that I was not stressing! George kindly invited her to stay for the night; he knew that I enjoyed her company. She looked at the large mirror in the hallway and said:
“Nice to hear you James!” she smirked to herself.
“A pleasure to have you stay with us, Claire!” he replied, and although she could not see him, he bowed to her. She walked up to me and hugged me and then whispered in my ear:
“His voice is to die for, so I know he’s definitely hot. Get cracking, girl – I can’t wait to actually see him!” She enforced this by slapping me hard on the right buttock. James and George simply raised their eyebrows at her in curiosity; hopefully they had not heard her!
The house seemed a little quieter after she had left, and I had not realised until then how tired I was. I asked James if he would like some tea.
“That would be very nice, but it does bother me that I cannot make it for you for a change!” he stated.
“That’s sweet, but it’s only a cup of tea!” I replied. We proceeded to sit in the day room; the view across the gardens was never tiresome and we conversed for a while before James excused himself and sat at the writing desk in the corner. As I picked up my book from the library to continue reading, he produced the journal that I had given him, along with what looked like the journal that his mother had written in. It frustrated me that I could not simply go and read what he was writing, as he dipped the quill into the inkpot and then started writing along the paper. I closed my eyes and imagined being next to him; being able to see him, smell him, touch him and see what he was writing.
It was some time later when George came back into the room and woke me up from the chaise longue, where I had fallen asleep. As my sleepy eyes opened, I looked at my half-drunk cup of tea that was now stone cold and then I sat up slightly and looked at James, who was now sat reading. George smiled at me.
“It seems we have one very tired young lady!” he remarked at my zombie-like state.
“I am sorry, how rude of me,” I replied, then looked at James: “I am so sorry for falling asleep in your company!” He looked up from his book.
“I could not be prevailed upon to wake you. You looked… serene. No apology needed!” he simply said, and his gaze went back to his book.
I sat and stretched and George handed me a Sunday Express. I placed it at my side and reached for my cup, which I intended to clear away, but George stopped me and told me that he had made a fresh pot and I should stay put. I took a deep breath and then circled my head a few times, trying to alleviate the slight tightness in my neck. James simply watched me and so I closed my eyes and couldn’t believe it when I started to imagine him massaging my neck. I opened them again quickly and steadied myself where I sat.
“Everything alright?” he asked. I felt slightly flushed, but quickly answered:
“Perfectly!” I smiled and picked up the newspaper.
George returned with the tea, which was refreshing, and we all sat and read the papers, sharing them between us. I glanced up a couple of times and was happy to find them both relaxed and quiet and simply enjoying the time to read and take in news from the world. This was fast becoming a happy scenario in my daily life, and I loved every minute of it. I noted that James had now taken to relaxing with jeans, a t-shirt and no shoes – he was barefoot – and it made him more real somehow. I excused myself before dinner and went to refresh my face; the cool water was needed, as I could not seem to snap out of this sleepy feeling. I returned downstairs feeling much better; just brushing my hair made a difference, and I chose to pin it up for dinner. We ate – no more wine, thank goodness, and no dessert! – and then for a change watched a little television. By the time the news came on, I decided that was my cue to leave and retire to bed. James again asked if he could walk me to my room and I agreed.
“Well, this weekend has proved to be most enjoyable!” he remarked, smiling.
“Even with the complexity of Claire’s character?” I asked. He laughed.
“Yes she is quite different, but I can see why you like her. She is not afraid to state her opinion, as firm as it sometimes is!” he then said.
“I have never known her to be any different. I think in some way it is fo
r self-protection. It would be nice to see her settle down with someone!” I replied.
“I feel they would have to have a very strong character also! I would find her frustrating at times!” he said laughing.
“Well, it was simply nice to share something amazing with one of my best friends, and the fact that she could hear you was progress I thought?” I gestured to him. He nodded in agreement.
“Indeed, that has never happened before. I have the strong feeling that things are changing, I think it is for the better!” he then said hopefully.
“Well, we have next weekend to look forward to. I am really excited! I shall be shopping for my new dress soon with Claire; it is strange to think that by this time next week it will all be over!” I then commented sadly.
“Then we must ensure that we enjoy every single moment!” James said as he stopped beside my door.
“Yes, we must – and that includes you too!” I then confirmed. He smiled.
“Good night Katharina.”
“Good night James!” I replied before walking into my room and closing the door.
I walked across my room and realised that all of these formalities were things that I loved; James walking me to my room, his protective instinct at my wellbeing, his complete dedication to my happiness… all things that I had craved in every relationship, and yet I had never once seen James in the flesh. I questioned if I was doing the right thing, putting myself in this situation; maybe at some point soon I would wake up in hospital after a bump to the head and realise it was all a dream! For now, I wanted to live the fairy tale, including James, George, the house, the chivalry, the magic… I was in love with everything here. I smiled, realising that Claire was right; that love that I felt did include James.
I went downstairs the next morning very happy at my new realisation that I was – however ridiculous it may seem – in love with James. In the last few days he had proved how much he meant to me, and Claire, in her usual manner, had reinforced something that I was trying to hide. Even though I felt bound to him, I did not want to say anything just yet for fear of rejection and him not returning the sentiment. After all, I had just ended an engagement, which initially made me think that I may just be trying to grab onto anyone that made me feel wanted. I made a decision for now to say nothing until I felt sure that he had feelings for me, which could be some time – it was obvious that he found it difficult to express his feelings at all. In the kitchen, he was sat yet again at the end of the island, wearing jeans and a white linen shirt that was open at the neck and had the sleeves rolled up. He stood as I entered and I smiled widely.
“Good morning!” he calmly said and gestured for me to sit. George, with apron on, produced a pile of pancakes topped with blueberries and strawberries and repeated the greeting.
“Good morning!”
“A very good morning to both of you!” I replied. I was trying not to continually grin, as it would have them enquiring after my happy persona! They looked at each other and then at me as I started to help myself.
“I trust that you rested well?” George then asked.
“George, I did indeed. I feel better than ever this morning!” I replied, with a tone of contentment. They looked at each other again.
I ate, got myself ready to go and then bid James farewell, firstly by saying it and then by yet again kissing the mirror in the vicinity of his cheek. He raised his eyebrows at George and as I walked toward George I kissed him on the cheek also.
“Shall we go?” I then asked. They both stood still for a moment, and then George jumped to attention and followed me out of the door. James said nothing, which amused me – he was probably in shock at my actions this morning.
Work was fast-moving; my new story was well under way. Angela was impressed with my seemingly new focus and input during the meeting, particularly on other colleagues’ work, and everything seemed to be slotting into place. Claire eyeballed me a few times curiously whilst she took notes, and as soon as it came to lunchtime we sat to eat at the small cafe around the corner. She said nothing at first, as I took a bite of my sandwich, but then asked:
“Okay – spill the beans!! What is it with you today? You are more confident, happy, being very constructive with everyone at work and still smiling! What happened after I left yesterday?” she enquired.
“What makes you think it was to do with anything at home?” I asked, smiling like a Cheshire cat. She folded her arms and scowled at me, and I put my sandwich down. “Alright, I came to an obvious conclusion last night: I love everything at Northfield!”
“I know that!” she said, obviously expecting a more detailed answer.
“… Including James!” I then said and looked at her, hoping that she wouldn’t think I was mad.
“I knew it!” she exclaimed, banging her hand on the table. “I told you I knew that look. You certainly never looked like that at John – since a long time ago, anyway! Did you tell him? Is that why you’re happy? Did he come out of the mirror and give you the best night of your life?” she then said and I nearly choked on my sandwich as she took a bite of hers.
“Oh my God, is that all that you think about?” I asked.
“Pretty much!” she laughed. “So?” She gestured for me to continue.
“It was everything; we sat together reading the papers, had dinner, talked, watched some television and then he walked me to my room. He always seems to know what to say, and it makes me melt!” I concluded.
“Well, if his voice is anything to go by I can understand that! Why haven’t you told him?” she asked as she took another large bite.
“I am worried that he does not feel the same way. For this to work and the spell to be broken, he needs to hear me say I love him, but I want him to tell me that he feels that way too. If I declared my love and he didn’t, I do not think that I could live there any longer!” I said with dismay.
“So you would rather live like this? Not have James at all in the real world and just live in a fairy tale? Jesus, snap out of it Kat, this is meant to be!” she whispered as she leant in closer.
“I’m scared!” I replied, and in usual Claire fashion she gave me an ultimatum.
“Right – this is how it is going to work. If you do not tell him by the end of your party on Saturday night, then I will!” she stated forcefully.
“You wouldn’t!” I replied with concern.
“Oh, I would! I am not watching you carry on not being as happy as you could be just because you will not say three little words!” she finished. I gulped and then took a deep breath.
“You’re right; I have to tell him. He has waited long enough. I am being selfish if I do not, aren’t I?”
“Yep!” she nodded in reply, but smiling.
“Maybe my party is the best time; this torture started on his thirtieth birthday and if the spell breaks it will end at mine! Do you think it was meant to happen like this?” I asked her. She sat gawping at me.
“If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago, I would have slapped you myself for going crazy, but I’ve experienced this and it is real, Kat, and it is happening, and until you said that I had not realised… how amazing and right this is!” She grabbed my hand. “Why shouldn’t this fairy tale have a happy ending?” I smiled at her and nodded.
“Saturday night it is then! If it doesn’t work out, promise me that you will get me out of there to save my embarrassment?” I declared.
“Oh this is going to work… wake up, girl! With the compliments that he has been giving you, he must have feelings for you, and one of you has to be the brave one!” she laughed. We both sat and finished our sandwiches with the feeling that things were about to change.
When I arrived home that evening, I suddenly found myself being slightly coy around him. I kept thinking about how I felt about him, and then trying to be the normal Katharina that I had been, but I kept saying silly things. I went to the bathroom before we ate dinner and told myself to get a grip. Act normal, I said to myself, and then I
shook my head, took a deep breath and went back downstairs, but whatever I did I could not take the huge grin off my face. James and I laughed about things, taunted each other and complimented each other, and George either joined in or said nothing. They asked me about my choice of dress for the party and I confirmed that Claire and I were shopping tomorrow and Wednesday. The days were busy and I craved the evenings; I knew that Saturday would be here before I knew it, and that gave me a butterflies-in-a-tornado feeling in my stomach!
By Wednesday lunchtime I had tried on twelve dresses. I had only ever invested in one ball gown, but it was so out of date that I would probably never wear it again. I wanted something elegant, sophisticated and drop-dead gorgeous – and of course it had to make me look at least one dress size smaller. I was getting slightly disillusioned until Claire suggested that we went to Harvey Nichols, and as we walked in I sincerely wished that we hadn’t! We walked into the evening dresses section and almost died and went to heaven; Donna Karan, Moschino, Alexander McQueen, Marchesa and Catherine Deane all jostled for space. Claire’s eyes lit up and before I knew it we had four exceptional dresses to try on. One of them was a deep scarlet red and when Claire zipped me up and stepped back, I knew it was the one. She stood and raised her hands to her mouth and fought back a tear.
“Oh my God, you look amazing. You have to get it!” she said, and when I turned and looked in the mirror I gasped – it was amazing, and I couldn’t think of anything else that I would rather have. So after trying not to fall over after glancing at the price tag – particularly when I needed to pay for the caterers, etc – I had the assistant bag up the dress and we carried it back to work. Luckily I had fairly new shoes and a bag from LK Bennett which were more than adequate to pair with the dress.
When I got off the train that evening, George looked surprised at the large dress bag that I carried with me. He immediately took it from me, placing it in the boot of the car. We jumped into the seats and then set off home.
A Different Reflection Page 31