Once a Gypsy

by Danica Winters

  “It’s all right. I’ll make it work,” she said.

  “Your mam doesn’t want you to be takin’ those tests. Come hell or high water she ain’t gonna let ya.”

  “But I need to, Da. I’ve never finished anythin’. I never even spent a full year in a single school. We were always up and leavin’ before I had the chance to make a go of it. I want to finish something. I want to do something for myself. I need to prove that I can do this. Then I don’t know what I wanna do. University would be grand, but more than that I wanna follow my heart. I want the chance to be my own woman. I don’t wanna depend on some good-for-nothin’ man.”

  “Gra… I wanna do right by ya. I want ye to follow yer heart, but sometimes the heart leads us astray.” He put the lorry in gear and gave a long sigh. “I don’t think you takin’ the tests is a good idea. I know why ye wanna be doin’ it, I do… but we can’t afford ye takin’ any time off from your job just now. And I don’t want you gettin’ into any trouble. At that school you’ll be surrounded by gorgers, alone.”

  “I’m surrounded by gorgers here, Da.”

  “But I’m never too far away. If you needed me, I could get to you. In Limerick, ya ain’t got nobody to watch yer back.”

  “Da, I’m fine. It’s just for a few days. I did all right when you were away.”

  He cringed. “I shoulda never gone and done what I did. I made a mistake, and I left you alone. I can never let that happen again.”

  “But Da… You were the one who said we needed to take this job so we could show the gorgers what we’re really like. And now you’re judgin’ them? Da…”

  “I’m not judgin’ all them, gra. There’s nothing wrong with a gorger, but look at Angel. She fell in love, got married, left the fam. No matter where she lands, that girl will never have a full life. You can’t go forgettin’ your past. It has just as much to do with your life as the present.”

  “Da, I’m not Angel.”

  “Nah, gra. But if you take these tests… I know you; you’ll run. You’ll run from your mam… fine. But if you leave her, you leave me. And I don’t want to lose you again.” He continued down the drive. “Once we get back on our feet, you can go back to life at the trailer and then we can arrange a marriage and you can get to startin’ your own life. A life near me. Do you want that, gra?”

  “Da…” She wanted to insist, but it didn’t seem right after he’d poured out his heart to her. She could understand how he was feeling. A person’s life was short, but family was forever.

  A fog had rolled in off the river, filling the estate with shadows. Its darkness was heavy and thick, like nothing she’d seen before, and she couldn’t resist the desire to look back as they drove out the gate. She closed her eyes.

  Let me see the future. Will I only be a Traveller woman, taking care of a husband, being his brood mare? Or will I get a chance at something… more? Will I get to follow my dreams?

  She opened her eyes as the lorry slammed into a pothole.

  “Da, do ya think I can borrow the lorry?”

  “Why, gra?”

  “I had Angel pick up the kids and take them to Limerick so they could go to school. They only got a couple of weeks left… I didn’t want them to be missin’ out.”

  Da tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and let out a long exhale. “What did you tell Angel about your mam?”

  “Only that Mam wasn’t in no condition to be watchin’ the young ones.”

  “Did Angel say anything?” His voice carried a tone of sadness. “About me?”

  “Ya know she loves ya, Da. She’s never forgiven herself for what happened.”

  “She’s a good girl. I’m real sorry about… well, everything.”

  “The boy had it comin’, Da. You had to do what you did. Angel’s honor was at stake.”

  “I don’t like the boy. Never have.” He stared out the window. “But that boy musta really loved her to take the beltin’ I gave him and still go back. And love… love is a rare thing in this world.”

  • • •

  The kids were standing outside the school when Helena arrived. Gavin smiled and waved, but Rionna looked around cautiously, making sure none of her friends saw that she was getting into a manky lorry with her gypsy sister.

  There was a knock on the driver’s side window. Standing outside the lorry was her cousin Lydia.

  Helena rolled down the window and smiled. “Hiya! Not wearing your flamingo dress today?”

  Lydia’s laughter filled the air. “It was in the wash. I’m picking up the kids for me mam and noticed that Gav and Rionna were still here. Thought I’d keep an eye on ’em ’til you got here.”

  “Thanks.” Helena smiled as she pulled her purse over her uniform pants.

  “To tell ya the truth, I wanted to talk to ya, too. You remember the boy from the other night? Jimmy?”

  There was no way she could forget the boy who had made a pass at her at Da’s party. “Aye, what happened? Did he ring you up after the party?”

  Lydia pulled her mobile from her bedazzled purse. “Look.” She scrolled down so Helena could see the word-filled screen. “We’ve been texting nonstop. He says he really likes me.”

  “And?” Helena smirked. “Does this mean what I think it does?”

  Lydia covered her mouth as she giggled. “I can’t say for sure, but I’ve got my fingers crossed that he’ll ask. I want a summer wedding.”

  “You’re lucky he didn’t have time to grab you the other night.”

  Lydia’s cheeks flamed. “Well…”

  “You didn’t let him, did you?”

  The kids scrambled into the lorry, bickering the entire time.

  Lydia ignored the question and looked past Helena to the kids. “Gavin, talk nice to your sister.”

  “Answer me, Lyd. Did you get grabbed?”

  Lydia looked back at her and flashed a guilty smile. She leaned in close to Helena’s ear. “He’s a real good snogger. He told me I was better than any other girl.”

  “How many girls has he been snoggin’?”

  Lydia waved her off. “Don’t matter. He’s gonna pick me. And we’re gonna get married.”

  Lydia needed support—even if Helena’s heart wasn’t in it. “That’s great. I’m real happy for ya.”

  Lydia straightened her tight pink top. “Ya got some time? I wanna show you his trailer—he’s at the Limerick camp.”

  Rionna let out a yawn and dug through her bag as Helena peered at them in the rearview mirror. “You guys wanna stop real quick? We can’t stay long.”

  “I don’t give a shite,” Rionna grumbled.

  “I guess I have the okay.” Helena smiled, trying to ignore her sister.

  “Follow us. It’s nice there. There’s even a few havaris.”

  Helena hadn’t seen a havari since the last Banlasloe horse fair. The covered wagons were kept more out of nostalgia than anything else and, like most things Pavee, they were revered as a sacred part of their past.

  “Jimmy told me to getcha to go with me so I could come over. I haven’t gotten to see him since the party. He’s gonna be so excited.”

  “You know, if you needed a chaperone all you had to do was tell me.”

  Lydia pulled up her bedazzled purse. “Don’t ruin the fun.”

  “Lydia, do you have a studier for the Post Leaving Certificate exam?”

  “I don’t think so. I ain’t got no use for something like that—not once I’m married. Jimmy promised he would take care of me.”

  “What does Jimmy do?”

  “He works with tarmac, and he does real good.”

  “If you get married, what’re ya gonna do?”

  “Well, I’m gonna have a big white dress. With hearts. And diamonds. Maybe I’ll come to the ceremony in a horse-drawn carriage or a Mercedes. I always wanted to ride in a Mercedes.”

  “But what are you going to do after the wedding?”

  “Have a big party, with a deejay and a cake with five tiers, and lots o
f lights and flowers—”

  “I meant after the wedding day. What are you and Jimmy gonna do?”

  “Well, I’m gonna have some babies and take care of Jimmy.” She said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

  Helena forced a smile. “That’s great.”

  “When are you gonna find a man and get married?” Lydia teased. “You and me, we ain’t getting any younger. Pretty soon our sisters are gonna be gettin’ married. If you don’t hurry up, your sister’s gonna beat you to the altar.”

  Rionna’s eyes widened in the mirror. “Really? Ya think I’m gonna get married before her?”

  Helena reached back and touched the young teen’s fingers. “You don’t have to be in a rush to get married. The most important thing is that you find someone you love.”

  Rionna stared at her. “Are you going to find love?”

  The memory of Graham holding her in his arms flashed through her mind.

  “Someday I might think about love, but right now I need to do what’s right for me.”

  Chapter Nine

  The caravan of trailers was set up according to how and when the Travellers had arrived. A makeshift road had been created that weaved around the vehicles like a man after too much drink. Helena was careful to keep the lorry close behind Lydia’s truck as she maneuvered through the tight spaces.

  Mothers tended the outdoor fires. Fathers napped or fixed up their trailers. Kids ran through the streets, carrying sticks that they swung like swords. Gavin pressed his face to the window, almost licking his lips at the prospect of joining them out in the dusty road.

  Lydia pulled over and parked by a long, white trailer with mauve striping and a Celtic cross sticker in the back window. Two teenage brunette girls stood at the hitch end and stared at them.

  Gavin bailed out of the lorry, Rionna following, and they headed straight over to the girls.

  “Stay close. We ain’t stayin’ long!” Helena called after them.

  Gavin waved as he disappeared into the camp.

  Lydia’s brother and sisters rushed out of the car, scrambling to catch up to Rionna and Gavin as Lydia stepped out of her lorry. Sucking in a breath, Helena reached down for the car’s door handle, but she stopped as a haze filled her mind. She closed her eyes.

  The world had formed a foggy cloud around her when she opened her eyes. She stood inside a havari, the air thick with the scent of burning sage. Across the table sat a woman. Her gray hair was long and matted with blue beads and red and white feathers throughout, and it fell past her shoulders.

  “I knew you would be comin’ to see me, lass. My friend, Ogak Beoir, is a woman with clear sight…”

  Helena forced her eyes open, and reality collapsed back over her. Lydia stood outside the door, her hands on her hips.

  Please don’t be a vision. Please don’t—

  The door of the lorry opened. “You okay? You look a bit flush. I ain’t that bad of a driver, am I?” Lydia asked.

  “No… I’m fine.”

  Jimmy stepped out of the white trailer. “Hey, ladies!”

  An older woman with spiraling black curls peeked out of the trailer’s window. Helena nodded to her, and the woman frowned and pushed the curtain closed. Helena got out of the lorry and followed Lydia, who was already arm-in-arm with Jimmy.

  “You all want to go for a walk? ’Tis a fine evening.” He tipped his head toward the storm clouds that rested on the horizon.

  “We’d love to. Wouldn’t we, Helena?” Lydia said.

  Helena would have preferred not be the third wheel in their little stroll, but if nothing else, it would give her time to think about her visions. “’Tis fine.”

  Jimmy gave her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry I tried to chat you up. Me and the boys were off our faces—too much of the Arthur Guinness.”

  “Don’t worry about it, happens all the time,” she joked.

  “I bet.” Jimmy smiled as he led them away from the stares of his overly protective mother, who was at the trailer window once again. “I’m just glad you brought my Lydia down to see me.”

  Lydia giggled and rubbed her hand over Jimmy’s stout chest. He walked tall as more people peeped out their windows. For a moment, Helena wondered what it felt like to be so in love with a man. It must be easy for Lydia. Jimmy was a Traveller boy. Their path would be one that many generations of Travellers had walked before—and that meant security. Lydia would know exactly what to expect from her man, and from her life.

  Children’s laughter echoed through the caravan, followed by the screams of a grisly faux-pirate death. Jimmy led them around a corner. He stopped as they came into view of a round-topped havari, which stood at the end of the path nestled between patches of thorny bushes. The wagon’s sun-bleached red paint was chipping away in spots, revealing aged gray boards beneath. What had once been an intricate exterior was now in the autumn of its time, flaking away and disappearing in the dirt beneath.

  “I dare you to go knock on the door,” Jimmy said, an edge of fear in his voice.

  A single, rickety-looking step led up to a red door, the universal symbol for “all welcome.” It was a sharp contrast to the foreboding ache that seeped into Helena’s core.

  “No, thanks. I’m not goin’.” Helena spun on her heel, but Jimmy stopped her.

  “What are you, some kind of chicken? There ain’t nothin’ to be afraid of.” Jimmy laughed, trepidation in his eyes.

  “I didn’t say I was afraid. I said I ain’t goin’.”

  Lydia stepped between them and turned to Jimmy. “She don’t have to do nothin’.”

  Helena held her breath. Lydia was putting herself in a precarious situation. Going against her potential husband was asking for trouble.

  Jimmy glared at Lydia. “Get out of my way.”

  He pushed her away.

  “Don’t be treating her like that. She didn’t do nothin’ wrong,” Helena said.

  “I try to show you both a good time and this is how you act? Like two spoiled little girls? Why don’t you go running back to your daddies.”

  Lydia looked at her with fear in her eyes. Please, she mouthed.

  “Fine…” Helena stepped past Jimmy toward the havari. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. She turned to face Lydia and Jimmy. “I don’t know why you needed to make us—”

  The door hinges squeaked behind her, stopping her midsentence.

  “You don’t have to fear me, lass. It ain’t my intention to hurt you.”

  Helena recognized the voice.

  When she turned, the gypsy woman from her vision stood before her. Her hair was matted with blue beads, and red and white feathers stuck out haphazardly from her locks. Her eyes were steely gray and her lips pale, giving her the appearance of an otherworldly creature.

  “Hello, ma’am. I didn’t know ya were in there,” Jimmy said. “We didn’t mean to be interrupt ya. We were just havin’ a little disagreement, nothin’ serious.” Jimmy took Lydia by the hand and turned to leave.

  “I know, James. I didn’t come out here to speak to ya. Not that you don’t need a stern talkin’ to, but I got better ways to waste my time.”

  Helena smiled. Maybe the woman wasn’t so bad.

  The woman stuck out her hand and motioned for Helena to come closer. “Don’t be afraid now, lass. There ain’t nothing about me that’s gonna cause ya more trouble than what you’re already in.”

  “How do you know about my… trouble?” Helena stepped toward the havari.

  Lydia moved to stop Helena, but Jimmy stuck out his arm, stopping her. “You ain’t going nowhere.”

  Lydia’s shoulders fell, but she obeyed.

  Helena turned back to the strange woman. She was on her own.

  The woman smiled invitingly. “You can trust me, lass.” She extended her hand.

  A wave of calm swept over her. Helena slipped her hand into the woman’s dry, bony fingers and followed the woman inside the havari.

  “We… we’ll wai
t out here for ya,” Jimmy called after her, his voice trembling.

  The door squeaked shut behind her. The scent of sage washed over her in a thick cloud.

  The woman uttered a Cant incantation: “Gwili dil uwi. Slocka dil gloyday. Smay a lugil. Swunni nalk!”

  Chills ran through Helena as she repeated the woman’s words in English, “Rest in your grave. Rot in your dirt. Spit and tears. Washed away!”

  Helena peered into the darkness as her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the small wagon. Strewn across the floor were threadbare velvet pillows with thin gold piping. In the center of the mess of pillows stood a low table with a dainty white teacup on it. Inside the cup was a collection of small bones. Across the top of the china cup rested a brass key.

  Along the walls of the arched roof, shelves overflowed with brown, green, and clear liquor bottles. Some of the bottles had tops dipped in red wax, others had ripped paper seals and were half-emptied of their contents.

  Rows of neatly organized plants, in various stages of drying, dangled from the ceiling. Between the rows of plants hung metal idols and symbols, some cut out of what looked to be bits of discarded fizzy drink cans.

  “I knew you would be coming to see me, lass. Ogak Beoir is a woman with clear sight… as am I.”

  The woman motioned for her to sit down on one of the worn pillows. Helena obeyed, careful to not disturb the table.

  “There are some of us in this world who have the gift. Others fear us, some revere us, but most—wisely—avoid us. It is a terrible and wonderful thing, this gift we have.”

  “That we have?”

  The woman nodded. “There’s no need for you to hide your ability from me. I can feel your energy like a faint pulse. I know exactly who and what you are.”

  Helena moved to stand up.

  “Stop, lass.” The woman grabbed Helena’s hand and pulled her down again. “You know that you want to learn. You are hungry for knowledge. Don’t run away because you fear yourself.”

  “I don’t fear myself. I fear you.”

  The woman’s laughter filled the havari. “I’m only here to help you, lass. If it makes you feel better, you can call me Ayre.”