by A. C. Wilson
“It was brave. He saved our son.” Lacey answered, the profound act sinking further each time she thought about it.
“What happened to the bull?” Bailey asked, the question catching Lacey slightly off center. No one had asked about Bubba. She straightened her shoulders and shook her head.
“As I recall Garrett wanted to end him. You can imagine, but Randy vetoed it. So as far as I know, Bubba is still out in the pasture. I haven’t talked to Randy to know if that has changed, but I would think Travis would be upset to know the bull was put down.” Lacey looked back through the window at the blinking monitors. “It should be his decision.”
Bailey was quiet as they stood there in the hall. It was well past midnight now and Lacey was starting to feel the stiffness in her legs and back from pacing the hallway all night. Her stomach even growled in anguish.
Traitor.
Of course it was nearing sixteen hours or more since she had eaten. Lacey could hear Travis in her head telling her to pull herself together and get a plan in the works. The trouble was she had no idea how to go on without him striding purposefully beside her. It had been so long since she took up that position next to him that it was scary to go ahead.
“I will stay with him if you want to get something to eat in the cafeteria.” Bailey offered as she leaned up against the wall. Lacey looked at the woman who had become so special to their family. Maybe it was time to let Bailey stand guard for half an hour or so. Filling her chest with air, Lacey let it out slowly with a nod.
“Sounds good. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
Reluctantly, but with determination to do what she must, Lacey walked down the hall towards the elevator.
I hope they have coffee.
That thought immediately made her think about Travis’s coffee cup still sitting on the kitchen table.
CHAPTER FOUR
Lacey’s head snapped forward and her Kindle e-book reader fell to the floor. The heavy plastic smacking against the tile floor brought her eyes wide open. Absently rubbing the back of her hand over her eyes, she struggled to wake up from a couple of hours sleep. Since the accident, she hadn’t been able to sleep much longer than that. Besides the nurses coming in to check on her husband every hour or so was enough to jar her awake at random. She stifled a yawn and glanced at the clock on the wall. The second hand ticked loudly. It was only ten o’clock at night.
Travis had been in the hospital for four days. On day two, the head nurse had finally stopped trying to get her to go home.
“Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Johnson.”
The head nurse was older than she, but it didn’t bother her. There was no way Lacey was leaving and the woman could just talk to a wall somewhere else. Luckily the same night nurse had been on for the duration and was always ready with a smile and a blanket. Lacey appreciated the goodness and sincerity. It went a great deal towards the relations among the hospital staff and herself.
Leaning over in the chair/cot, Lacey retrieved the abused e-book reader and checked it over for cracks. She had read two books in the last couple of days, but sadly she couldn’t remember what they had been about. The lack of rest was catching up with her, but she hadn’t been able to relinquish control. A big part of her wanted to think that everything would instantly be better and Travis would wake up. The doctors had advised her that this would take time.
How could it take so long? Each minute seemed a day of her life. Each minute seemed two days of his life.
Yet her instincts both as a mother and woman told her that the doctors were right. Healing took time and she wanted Travis to come back to her. She would show him that she could hold down the fort while he was away.
Away? He isn’t on vacation, Lacey.
She knew that too. Although if it made her feel better to think of him as such, she would damn well keep thinking that way. Travis would get a good chuckle over that when she told him someday. He would have wanted her to keep everyone from falling apart and even if she wanted to, she would make sure no one saw. It was her duty as a mother, wife, and lover. It was time. In the morning she would gather the kids, reassure them that their father was fine, and that he would want them to continue going on with their lives.
Pulling the blanket back up to her chin and settling into the less than comfortable chair, Lacey closed her eyes.
***
December 1, 1981
“Lacey, we are getting married in three weeks. Twenty days to be exact!” Travis Johnson ran a hand through his dark hair, his black cowboy hat in his hand. Lacey nervously tucked a long strand of brown hair behind her ear.
“I know, I know. I can’t sleep. I just keep worrying that we are making a huge mistake.”
Lacey felt the tears welling up in her eyes and she felt guilty for bringing her worries to him. Travis never worried about anything and it drove her crazy.
“Baby, just have some faith.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “Things happen for a reason. It doesn’t make them a mistake.”
“How do we know that? How do I know that?” Lacey couldn’t contain the amount of chaos bottled up inside her. Was there anything she could say that he would understand? Were guys even considerate of the fact that not all women had sex before their wedding night?
“What can I do that will make you feel better?” Travis tossed his hat on the chair behind him and sat on the arm of the scruffy, pea-colored rocker. His large hands reached out and pulled her across the gap and in between his knees. Lacey felt the bottom of her skirt brush against his jeans. Her cheeks blushed hotly at the whirling thoughts.
“You know that I have never been with a guy before.” Lacey’s voice trembled as she spoke slowly. The cadence belied the violent clenching of muscles in her stomach. The light reflected off of Travis’s very blue eyes. For a second she was snagged by how much she loved them. They were warm, happy, and they made her feel safe. If she had to pick one feature, it would be his eyes that stood out significantly.
“I know.” Travis sighed, never taking his gaze away from her face. “Does it bother you that I have been with a girl?”
Lacey hadn’t really considered it before now. She knew about his girlfriend before her. Abbi Phails was exceptionally pretty and Travis had been that puppy at her heels. It had torn him up to wait for her and then decide to move on. Lacey knew all of this, because she watched from her own corner. Suddenly there was this seismic shift and he looked in her direction. Her world would never be the same and she thanked God every day for that.
“I’m not judging you for Abbi, Travis. Had things turned out differently, she might be standing here instead of me.” Lacey’s stomach tightened further. She didn’t like the idea of not being with him. It didn’t sit well.
“I love that about you, Lacey. You have to sift and sort through things to make sense of them.” He circled her waist with his hands. She felt the heat through her dress.
“I just want to get it right.” She mumbled, suddenly the thoughts flying out of her head. She wondered why she even denied him the pleasure of her body and herself the pleasure of his.
“Whenever it happens, it will be perfect. I promise.”
“That’s a tall order to promise.”
Lacey hadn’t meant that to sound like a challenge, but those blue depths twinkled.
“Oh well, I’ve been taking tips from Rip. He seems to know what he’s talking about.”
Lacey’s mouth dropped open, totally forgetting Travis’s hands.
“Rip? Oh Lord, now I really am worried.” She tried to be funny, but the very thought was alarming. She knew Rip had had his share of the girls in the lower Black Hills. Some of those girls had even gone so far as to brag about their conquest. The stigma of having sex before marriage was worth the price, or so it seemed.
“You are far too gullible.” Travis laughed his fool head off and Lacey resisted the urge to knee him. Hard.
“That is not nice at all, Travis Johnson. Fiancé or not, that was a low bl
ow.” She pouted with her eyes downcast. Travis stopped laughing and watched her silently. She resisted the urge to look up and give away the game. Travis tapped his thumbs on her waist and then he sighed loudly.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, baby. I was only teasing you.” Travis cocked his head so that he could see her eyes. She tipped her chin and looked deeply into those sincere depths.
“I know.” She grinned and leaned forward to kiss his lips. He smiled against her mouth and then kissed her. Softly at first and then he tugged on her lips. She couldn’t deny him as he worked his mouth against hers, his tongue outlining the seam of her closed lips. Lacey stepped into him until her body touched him and his fingers were splayed over her ribs. The tips of his fingers teased the underside of her breasts through the thin fabric of her dress.
She opened her mouth on a sharp sigh and felt Travis take advantage. His tongue slipped into her mouth stroking and claiming it as his own. Lacey didn’t mind it. She loved the taste of him—spicy and sweet. Her thoughts wandered to what it would feel like to have his mouth on her bare skin. What would it feel like to have his tongue lick boldly in places that she had only ever heard girls whisper about? Heat rocketed up to her cheeks and she couldn’t help nor resist the urge to plunge her fingers in his hair.
Dark, deep brown hair that curled slightly at his neck. It was soft, thick and sensual. Travis let out a low moan from his throat when she scored his scalp with her nails. She repeated it over and over. Travis nipped at her lower lip, encouraging her to join him and test her wings. Her heart was beating desperately in her chest and Lacey wondered what it would be like to be with Travis. They were getting married. It was all but done. The war inside her was one that she didn’t know how or if she even wanted to fight.
“Tell me what you want. We won’t go further than that.” Travis’s low, soft whisper smoothed over her face as he looked into her eyes. She knew he was serious. He would never do what she didn’t want. In that she had no doubts.
“Kiss me.” Her mouth whispered over his lips as she lowered them back to his. That quirky grin she loved drifted briefly over his mouth and then he did as she commanded. Falling back under his delicious spell, Lacey steadied her racing desire. It bubbled and begged her to act.
Moving her hands from his scalp to where his hands still splayed over her ribs, Lacey redirected them. She flattened her hands over his and gently pushed them down to her waist to her hips and down her thighs. When warm palms met her bare skin, she thought she would chicken out. Steeling her intense reaction and letting her hands rise from Travis’s, Lacey slid her own up his sleeve-covered biceps. She mentally thanked his father for making him throw hay bales all summer.
Travis watched her with such awe as her hands slid up to his neck. Lacey couldn’t explain how it felt without feeling that she held his world in her hands. She knew what it meant to have those feelings, because Travis had always held her heart since the first moment they had met. It was something quite different to feel them coming from him for her.
“You are so beautiful that it hurts.” Travis grinned, his dimple winking at her. He smoothed back a piece of her hair. “You are my angel—my everything.” Whether his eyes were clouded because of passion or his words, Lacey locked this snapshot away to hold dearly forever.
Forever.
How long could that possibly be? Is there an actual expanse of time specifically allotted to the concept of forever?
Lacey was emboldened by her fiancé’s words. She shifted her hips ever so slightly into his hands and tried to ignore the quickness of her heart. Its beat to match that of a scared rabbit, but there wasn’t as much fear as there was anticipation.
The roughness of Travis’s fingertips inched agonizingly as he slowly ascended the smoothness of her thighs. She watched the hem of her skirt ride the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt. Lacey closed her eyes following the progress of his hands in her mind. It was unfathomable how connected she felt with him. The cool air of the shadow filled room touched her heated skin and only intensified the experience. Belatedly Lacey hoped her parents would stay out on their Bingo date a bit longer than usual. This certainly would be hard to explain, if they even let her.
She was so busy living in her head that Lacey was surprised to feel warm breath and lips on her upper thighs. Surprised might be an understatement as she fought to breathe properly. Her chest restricted whatever function her lungs were performing.
“Oh.” That was the extent of her verbal communication, but that didn’t seem to matter to Travis. He was taking her body’s demands into higher consideration as he kissed methodically up each creamy expanse of virgin skin.
It was a natural instinct to thrust her fingers into his hair. She was almost giddy when she realized she was holding him in place. The second she looked down at him, she saw his grin unfurling. Rather than be annoyed, she laughed. It felt so good. All of it. It was a wonder to be introduced to this new world and she wanted it. It was natural to let Travis lead her and it wasn’t a new thought to her that she would always let him. Where he went she would follow and gladly so.
“I hope you aren’t laughing at me.” Travis’s low voice was an injection of pure lust through her veins. Her eyes narrowed and her smile melted just a bit.
“Not at all. That felt amazing.”
She watched as he straightened and without warning lifted her up. His fingers on her skin and slipping beneath her panties. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and he propelled them back against the wall in clumsy haste. The picture frames rattled as they thumped against it, but Travis didn’t seem to notice. His mouth was instantly against her pulse point. His tongue licking up the side of her neck and teasing down the collar of her blouse. Lacey hated that she was always so buttoned up. Nothing she wore was as low and revealing as the other girls. Tonight was the only time she wished it was different.
Tipping her head back against the wall, Lacey pressed her small breasts into him. It was difficult being the smallest and primmest girl in school. Tonight was completely different. Tonight she was the siren of those romance novels her mother didn’t know she read. Tonight she was everything she dearly wanted to be and best of all, tonight she was loved.
“Is this ok?” Travis asked, breathily. Lacey could only nod and she sighed when his mouth resumed its course.
“I don’t want to stop.” Lacey admitted to him. His head raised to look into her eyes and she blushed hotly. Travis leaned in for a kiss that nearly stole her breath and left her leaning into him when he pulled away.
“I want this to be special.” He kissed her again and she clung to his neck, her fingers threaded against his scalp. “I don’t want your first time against your parents’ wall.”
She couldn’t come up with a very effective argument, although she wished that she could. Maybe she could convince him to try out this wall thing again when they weren’t in her family home.
“Does that mean we have to stop completely?” Lacey let the cheeky grin she had been suppressing widen. She dearly loved to tease him and Travis, who hadn’t put her down yet, growled playfully.
“Maybe a couple more minutes.” He chuckled against her mouth as she giggled. They continued their play. Neither one had heard her dad’s diesel truck pull up outside the house nor the front door opening.
***
Lacey came awake in the wee morning hours from a dream of a memory she hadn’t thought about in a very long time. She lifted her hand to her cheek that was still bearing a blush. There was no containing the sparkle that twinkled in her eye or the giddy sense of fearlessness from doing the forbidden. Leaning her head back against the uncomfortable cot/chair, Lacey sighed in self-pity. She looked at Travis lying motionless in the hospital bed. Her own heart constricted in worry and it nearly took her breath away. Tears welled up in her eyes as she silently prayed for the health of her husband and the strength she would need to support him.
Please come back to me.
CHAPTER FIVE
Rolling her sock onto her foot and up along her calf, Rayne adjusted her pant leg to slide her boot on. She looked at the worn leather with the intricate spirals sewn into them. They were her favorite pair and now that they were well-worn, the soles were comfortable too. They had suffered some wear from rough grasses, gravel, heat and water. She ran her thumb over the toe and felt a certain loyalty to the boots.
She blew out a breath to move the stray hair off her nose and quite possibly at the ridiculousness of such a thought. Although Rayne could almost feel a kinship with something so worn. She was much the same. Although as hard as she tried to clean up, she could never be new. In truth she was missing a huge chunk and it became more and more obvious to her. Garrett was completely different.
Pulling her pant leg down to cover the tops of her boots, Rayne stood up and took a deep breath.
3 minutes.
Her stomach rolled and her chest tightened with a fierceness that stole her thoughts. All but one flew away. Her hands trembled as she reached for the screen door on the house she shared with Garrett. He was out at the Crossing Pines with Randy. She was glad for that.
Moving though the kitchen towards the stairs in the living room, Rayne couldn’t help but compare this walk to a woman moments before facing the firing squad. The second hand on the clock ticked loudly in her ears and it jarred each conscious step. Her hand gripped the banister until her skin turned white. In no time at all she reached the landing. She felt ill. It was a challenge not to turn around and bolt back down the stairs. She counted as she passed the doors.
Two doors down.
Just two.
Now one.
It sat on the counter beside the sink. The white stick that held her future in its figurative hands. The build-up of worry and tension was enough to push all realistic focus right on out the door. Garrett called it an obsession to carry a child inside her own body. Rayne called it a frantic and unwavering need to do so. Tears pricked her eyes and they gathered at the corners ready to flow.