Black Hills Forever

by A. C. Wilson

  “There’s only one who can make the pain bearable. You have to give it all up to Him. Let Him take the burden so that you can focus on the gifts He has given to you.”

  Travis was so matter-of-fact about his faith. She wasn’t sure she believed in the same way. Garrett’s father spoke of such grace as if it were a loving parent and a good friend. He shared his wisdom like he would share a shelter from a storm. In her heart, Rayne knew she longed for such certainty.

  “I’m so tired of hurting, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want Garrett to resent me years from now when he will never have children in the way that his brothers will.”

  Travis nodded slowly and sniffed loudly. It brought her attention to his eyes which were glassy with tears of his own.

  “I think you are projecting your resentment onto Garrett.” Travis let that nugget sink into her head. She felt startled by his words. “My boy may have been misguided when it came to the girls, but he isn’t now. I know that he has found his match, his soul mate and Garrett knows that as well.”

  Rayne opened her mouth to speak but miraculously she was without words. So she sat quietly, twisting her fingers.

  “Running away from him won’t change that fact at all. My son is a tenacious man who knows exactly what he wants. He won’t stop following you, even if it is to the ends of the earth.” Travis sighed and smiled. “I used to think that hard head of his would get him into trouble the length of his life. Now I understand the purpose for it.”

  Rayne settled back into the chair, thinking about what Travis had shared. She hadn’t known him to lie to her or to anyone. He tried to be honest and in this case, brutally so.

  “What if I can’t stop resenting myself?”

  She raised her eyes to his face and knew he saw the pain that shone there. It was liberating as well as frightening to lay the burdens bare before someone else. He thought on the question, closing his eyes as if in prayer.

  “You will lose everything else that matters to you.”

  Rayne’s heart plummeted to the soles of her feet. It was the truth in his words that caused the greater fears to be recognized. If she didn’t let this anger go, it would destroy everything else she loved. It would also destroy her.

  “Sweetheart, I know what strength it will take to let go of all the anger and the pain. I promise though when you do, you’ll be free. Free to live your life and do the things you want to do. We will all understand if you choose to walk away from everything here, but you can’t make that decision the way you are right now. You’ll never know if it was the right one if you do.”

  Travis was right. She knew that he was. She felt it in the way a sudden calm spread over her turmoil and even if it were only temporary, she meant to work to make it permanent. The hole might still be there inside her heart, but she didn’t have to keep stabbing at it continuously. It was a choice. She had a choice. There was freedom in that too.

  “Thank you.” Her voice was still raw as were her emotions, but now she could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Rayne didn’t know where it would lead her, but she knew it was there just the same.

  “Anything for you, my dear.” He smiled at her. “Maybe you should catch a couple hours of sleep before you head back. I know Garrett has some big plans.”

  Rayne admitted her eyes felt heavy and although the chair might not be the most comfortable place to doze, it was probably a heap safer than driving back just now. She nodded softly and leaned back against the chair. She wiggled down to make use of another chair for a foot rest. Closing her eyes, Rayne did something she hadn’t done in quite some time. She prayed without anger. She hoped for peace.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  Rayne is fine. Sending her home in a couple of hours.

  Garrett hated that he was nearly sick to his stomach when Rayne left the house in the middle of the night and drove away. He had watched the red glow from the tail lights fade off the white snow. For the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do. Should he go after her? Should he let her go?

  The unexpected text from his father’s mobile nearly knocked him off his feet. He couldn’t breathe for the span of the time he digested the text. Rayne had gone to his father. Part of Garrett was jealous that she was opening up to someone else and part of him was elated that it wasn’t his brother Blake. Then he was suitably chagrined that he was being petty. Blake had never acted like anything more than a brother to Rayne, but it was their easiness and comradery that Garrett envied.

  Going back to sleep was out of the question, so Garrett decided that he would make the best out of the time he had. He packed some clothes into a small black suitcase and loaded it up into his truck. Anything else he needed would be at his house in Rapid City. He purposely left out a larger suitcase for Rayne and he started pulling out a few things from their closet that he thought would be appropriate for their trip. Only a minor voice in the back of his head said that Rayne might clobber him for picking out the sexier things she owned, but the sly grin that spread across his face at the thought of her in them obliterated the voice’s reason altogether.

  When planning this little getaway, Garrett had realized that out of the year they had spent together, they knew very little about each other. Rayne had never gone with him to Rapid City to see his construction business or the large house he and Matt had built together. Sadly the house had sat empty all this time except when he ran up north to sort some business deals out. He had also gotten the family cabin’s keys so that she could experience Blue Ridge Lodge in all its rustic glory. It just happened to be the site of his father’s marriage proposal. That reminded him that he needed to look into an engagement ring. Something that befitted the simple beauty of his wife to be. At least he hoped that she would still be his wife after all the torture they had both endured.

  The sun was just coming up above the horizon, filtering through the heavy branches of the pine trees. Garrett sat out on the porch in a weather worn rocker that squeaked when he shifted in it. His coffee mug was warm in his hands and the steam was visible in the cold air. As he sat there inhaling the nutty aroma of his coffee, Garrett watched the sparrows hop around near the bird feeder at the corner of the house. The yellow roofed, plastic feeder swung gently side from side as it was attacked by the little hungry birds. They were mesmerizing. As close as they got to each other, they never once collided. It was as if they were in tuned to every flutter of a feather and every speck of seed.

  Sighing, Garrett thought about that. He wondered if they were frustrated. Did the birds ever find themselves knocking into each other and not meaning to? The moment from the time he agreed to try to have a baby with Rayne, he had been aware of every peak and every valley--not just physical but emotional too. It didn’t stop him from colliding with Rayne in a way that was painful to them both. He hated to see her suffering and so many times he wanted to stop the mad process. At the same time, he worried that if he called it quits, it would hurt her more. This whole experience had been something of being caught between a rock and a hard place. There were no right answers.

  Adjusting the collar of his heavy jacket up around his neck, Garrett couldn’t deny now that he had felt lost. It was a difficult thing to feel and an even harder emotion to admit to having. He thought as a guy he should have it all figured out and as a cowboy, well doubly so.

  Please grant me the wisdom to see a way out of this storm. Give me the strength to support Rayne as long as we share these miles together. Show me the way, dear Lord. Guide my heart.

  The silent prayer seemed to come out of his soul of its own volition. His fear, his anger, and his frustration seeking the guidance of a higher power. All at once it seemed the first thing and the last thing to do. As Garrett looked out over the yard, he heard the small birds’ call to each other and took comfort in the knowledge that someone had also heard him.

  The crunching of tires through the snow brought Garrett instantly alert as he watched Rayne’s truck pull in the yard and park in it
s usual spot. He listened as the engine was cut off and her door popped open. Garrett tried not to be nervous, but his heart started to bang in his chest. It was tough to sell the cup of coffee as the reason for its mad beating against his ribs. He took a deep breath and forced himself to stay sitting where he was when all he really wanted to do was pull her into his arms. He wanted to feel her melt into him. Garrett knew that if he did that it would be one more thing they didn’t talk about.

  Rayne looked a bit disheveled with her dark hair pulled through a ponytail, but wisps dangling down behind her ears. Her golden eyes seemed less lively aided by the dark circles underneath. It made his heart ache. She worried her bottom lip as she came up the stairs of the porch toward him and for a second he wasn’t sure she knew he was even there. Rayne paused on the top stair drawing her fingers into her sweatshirt sleeves so they disappeared up to her fingertips.

  “I…um…I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ve been worried.”

  She looked so much younger, so sad.

  “Thank you. I was worried.”

  The stilted conversation made Garrett uncomfortable. It wasn’t that Rayne owed him any explanation, but he wanted her to feel like she did. He wanted to know that he mattered enough that she would tell him where she was going and why. Rayne tucked the wayward strand back behind her ear and watched the toes of her boots for a moment. He was about to speak when she looked at him.

  “I needed to hear some hard truths and I knew that your dad would give them to me. It wasn’t my intent to worry you. He told me that he texted you.”

  “I watched you leave this morning and I had a bad feeling that you weren’t coming back. I debated whether or not to follow you, because I didn’t know if you would want me to come for you.” Garrett pushed out the rocking chair with a squeak and set his coffee cup down on the railing. Rayne watched him warily looking more beat down than he could ever recall. “I have been sitting here trying to figure out where I fit in here, Rayne. I love you and I hate to see you hurting like this.” Garrett indicated her with a wave of his hand. “So I have to ask if you want to let this go. Do you? You can start over. I can buy the ranch like we talked about when your father died and you can go wherever you want. No strings attached.”

  Rayne’s eyes couldn’t have gotten bigger as she looked at him, trying to decide if he was possessed or insane. It was a struggled to keep his jaw tight and his hands to himself. It would have been nigh to impossible to stay put if she truly left him, but if that was what she wanted he would try. It would surely break his heart into a million pieces, but somehow he would survive it.

  “If for some reason you want to stay with me, you have to let me in and stop acting like the pain is only yours. I want to be your partner, Rayne, in all things. I want all of it or none of it. The choice is yours.”

  If he wasn’t about to pass out, Garrett would have logged each expression that crossed Rayne’s face. As it was he struggled not to reach out and grab the porch railing for support. He wasn’t sure why he was trying to hold all of this inside, but he couldn’t stand to add to her guilt. If she left him, he couldn’t let her know that it was killing him slowly. Each breath of indecision was nearly his demise. If she knew, she would stay even if she wanted to go. It would only make them suffer unnecessarily.

  “The reason I would stay with you is because I love you.” Rayne’s breathless voice was like a jab to the ribs. He watched her throat contract as she swallowed hard. “I thought you would be better off if I did leave.” Rayne’s hands were trembling as she took hold of his biceps and clung to him. She looked him in the eyes as she tried not to cry. “Not being able to have a baby is breaking my heart, but not having you in my life would kill me.”

  Garrett reached for her so fast that Rayne stutter-stepped into his arms as he wrapped her up tight against his chest. Only when she was snug against him did he feel whole. It was a relief that she had made her choice and he wouldn’t have to hunt her down to the ends of the world. She was his reason to breathe and now he knew that he was hers too. Garrett tucked his hand against her neck and the other he tipped her head back to kiss her lips. She shivered against him although he wasn’t certain it was the cold’s fault. A soft touch of their lips was a token of things to come.

  “I was hoping you would stay. So how about we start over? The truck is packed, except for your suitcase.”

  “I’d like that.” Rayne tipped her head to the side.

  “I set out a couple things I think you should bring along. I’ll start the truck.” He turned to the side and gave her a push toward the door. Rayne cast a sideways glance at him that put that same sly grin back in place. A dark arched brow was all he got before she disappeared inside.

  The truck was packed and cruising along the highway toward Rapid City. It was just after nine in the morning and the road was void of any traffic. Rayne sat buckled in the passenger seat with her eyes closed and her head resting on her hand. She looked exhausted. It was good they were getting away. They both needed the rest and the time to sort themselves out. Garrett watched the white lines divide the black top and knew that they had only passed one mile marker on a very long road to their future. At least now he knew she wanted him and she was going to stay. He would need to know what she expected from him and what she wanted for their lives. Would she still want to marry? Would she want to stay in the Black Hills? Was the ranch too heavy with reminders of a sore past?

  Garrett looked over at Rayne, again pushed aside his inner perusal. He had plans and they included opening himself up. It might not be comfortable. Even his dad had warned him about that. He knew that if he expected Rayne to open up to him than he should do the same for her. His phone ringing in the hands free set broke through his thoughts.

  “Hello?”

  “Well there is the man of the hour.” The voice made him smile. He loved his secretary, Margaret.

  “Good morning, Margaret. We are headed in that direction.”

  “Good. I ran over there last night. I left the spare key in the box. The house is clean and ready to go.” He knew by the sound of her voice that she was tickled pink. It had been nearly a year ago that she had kicked his butt home to tell Rayne how he really felt. Margaret was a mind reader for sure. Heck she had even put Matt and Andy together.

  “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

  “It was no trouble, besides what would you do without me?” Margaret chuckled and Garrett smiled.

  “We should be there in an hour or so. I might come into the office later.”

  Garrett’s foreman had been running the show for the crew and Margaret kept an eye on him. He figured that he should show his face every now again should anyone entertain any ideas about whose company it really was.

  “I have some papers to sign for a couple of bids, but they can wait until tomorrow.” Garrett nodded.

  “If you say so.”

  “I do. Oh and before I forget I left some food in the fridge. There is beer and wine too. I wasn’t sure what she drinks.”

  Margaret was one of the family. A surrogate mother to him and Matt. She took care of them and they did the same.

  “Thank you. You’re a gem.”

  “Eh don’t say that too loudly. My kids will wonder who you are talking about.” Margaret’s voice spoke of her smile and it warmed him. This was definitely going to be good. Garrett hung up promising to call if they needed anything. He thought he was probably working Margaret too hard and he made a mental note to talk to Matt about sending her on a paid vacation. He knew that she would pitch a fit in public, but she would surrender as she usually did. He smiled at that thought.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  The last turn in the roundabout had her smacking her head into the truck’s window. Rayne rubbed the sore spot as she listened to Garrett smother a chuckle. Rolling her eyes, she huffed and then looked around her. They were in a residential neighborhood with very large houses and large trees. She looked over at Garrett and he was grinning from ear
to ear. The house they pulled up in front of was stunning. Rayne could only stare at it as Garrett parked the big black truck in the driveway. He switched off the motor and unbuckled his seatbelt.

  “What do you think?” His blue eyes twinkled. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t any idea what she thought. Her jaw was practically in her lap.

  “It’s beautiful!” She smiled and undid her seatbelt.

  “Want to go inside?”

  Rayne’s fingers itched to tangle in his shirt and jerk him across the truck where she could really take her revenge.

  “Oh, you mean this is your house?” She giggled when he rolled his eyes and jerked his head.

  “Half owned.” Garrett got out of the truck and Rayne scrambled out without much grace.

  “Half?” She asked as she cleared the front of the truck.

  “Matt and I own it. We designed it and built it.” Garrett indicated the pleasing lines and the curved walkway that met the grass. The only reason she knew was the sidewalk had been shoveled from the last snow.

  “I think I remember you saying something about that. This is a big house for two bachelors.”

  Garrett got up to the front door and stuck in his key. The lock slid back and he pushed the door open. Knocking his boots off before walking inside, Garrett nodded.

  “It is, but it was like having our own separate living quarters except for the kitchen. I only kicked him out on really special occasions.” Garrett winked and closed the door behind her. Rayne looked down the hallway, to the left was a huge dining room with a whole wall of windows. She was already in love with this design.

  “Is that how Andy and Matt met? You kicked him out of the house one night.” Rayne asked as Garrett took her hand and led her down the hall. She glanced to the left again as an open kitchen made her smile. It was lovely. Every home chef’s dream come true!