Yesterday's Sun

by Amanda Brooke

  “I know it’s not hereditary, but you learn by example. You really don’t know how lucky you are with your family. Yours is so, it’s so …” Holly just couldn’t find the words. Tom knew all about her childhood, but he could never really know what it was like to grow up without the security of a loving family. “It’s so linear,” she said at last.

  “Linear?” laughed Tom. “What does that mean?”

  “You have a mum and a dad who love and support you, and they had parents who loved and supported them. Your grandparents probably had wonderful parents, too, and so it goes on and on, handed down, generation after generation.”

  Tom’s parents were wonderful in Holly’s eyes and she was sometimes overwhelmed by the way they had accepted her into their family and loved her like one of their own. Being part of a classic nuclear family had been a steep and very emotional learning curve for Holly. When Tom’s grandmother Edith had died recently, Holly witnessed firsthand how the family had drawn strength from each other, how their love for Edith had somehow bridged the void that her death had left in their lives.

  “We’re not that perfect,” Tom replied. “We have the odd black sheep in the family.”

  “Oh, but you are perfect. Compared to my family, you are.” Holly gently touched the side of Tom’s face. “What if I’m the weak link that’s going to break the chain in your family? What if I can’t learn to be the kind of mother that your family has been built on through the generations?”

  “Don’t ever think you’re weak. Yes, your parents were weak and that had an effect on you, but it had the opposite effect. You’re the strongest person I know. Your parents were awful at parenting, but that just means you’re going to make sure you’re the best mum you possibly could be. You have to believe that.”

  Tom’s body had become tense and she could feel a growing anger inside him—anger that she knew was directed at her parents and at himself for not being able to heal her and banish the demons of her past.

  “I know I have to believe in myself,” conceded Holly, although she didn’t think she ever would. But Tom wasn’t going to rest until she had her next plan all worked out—not that he needed a plan to follow. Tom was a free spirit who preferred to make things up as he went along, but he was thirty-two now and he was desperate to be a father, or at least to know that he would be one day.

  Tears had started to well in Holly’s eyes and the sunlight that surrounded Tom’s head was a blurred halo. The only things Holly could see clearly were his soft green eyes.

  “Hey, you’re crying,” Tom said, sounding shocked.

  Holly blinked, willing the tears to disappear. “I’m not,” she lied defiantly.

  “Ah, I forgot. You never cry.”

  “I do. Not that I am now, but I do.”

  “When?”

  Holly paused, struggling to find a recent example that would prove Tom wrong. “There was that film, the one where the dog died.”

  Tom frowned as he tried to remember. Then he stifled a laugh. “That must have been over two years ago. I don’t think we were even married then.”

  “But I cried. Point proven.”

  “OK, point proven,” conceded Tom. “But I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want for yourself. I had hoped that when Alice had her baby, and then Penny, you’d just want to follow suit, but I can see it’s not going to be that simple. If you’re not ready to start talking babies yet, then I understand.”

  Alice and Penny were the closest thing Holly had to friends in London and they’d had their babies within a year of each other. She knew Tom had been disappointed when Holly hadn’t miraculously become broody at the sight of a newborn. Little did he know that her enthusiasm to move to the country had in part been fueled by a desire to put as much distance between her and the endless baby chatter.

  “Once I’ve got the house in order, then we can start on the next five-year plan. A joint one this time, and making a baby will most definitely be on the list,” she told him.

  “A baby? Singular?” Tom said. His body had begun to relax again and he was back in teasing mode. “Have you looked at this body? It’s a well-tuned baby-making machine if ever there was one. You won’t be able to so much as look at me without getting pregnant.”

  “Hold on, tiger,” smiled Holly, relaxing too. “I think that baby-making machine of yours could do with a little more practice.”

  “Your wish is my command,” replied Tom.

  It was lunchtime before they managed to explore the rest of their new home.

  The days disappeared in a blur and Tom’s departure was drawing painfully near, painfully fast. They had unpacked everything that needed to be unpacked, cleaned everything that needed cleaning, and replaced as many of the things that needed replacing as they could afford. What little savings they had left had already been set aside to pay for the renovation of a small outbuilding at the side of the house that was going to be used as Holly’s studio.

  Tom’s parents had visited, bearing gifts and even helping out with the physical demands of turning the gatehouse into a home. Typical of Diane and Jack, they had stayed long enough to help but hadn’t outstayed their welcome. They knew without being told that Holly and Tom had a lot of quality time to try to cram into two weeks.

  Diane had made sure the kitchen was organized and fully stocked with a range of cooking essentials before she left. She was keen to support Holly in one of her new projects. Holly wanted to learn to cook. Her dad had been keen to show Holly the basics, if only to keep himself well fed, but the basics had involved how to open tins of beans, how to pierce the cellophane before putting ready meals in the microwave, how to make instant noodles, that kind of thing. Now that Holly and Tom were living so far away from the conveniences of fast-food takeaways and restaurants on every corner, she was keen to improve her skills. The move to the country was more than simply a change of address; Holly wanted it to be a change of lifestyle.

  “It’s a beautiful house, Holly. Jack and I are so happy for you both,” Diane told her as they unpacked a mind-boggling assortment of kitchen utensils. “And Mum would be, too. It makes the pain of losing her a little easier to bear, knowing that her legacy is to help you and Tom start a new life of your own.”

  “I’m just sorry Grandma Edith isn’t here to see her money being well spent. It means a lot to me and Tom that you’re happy with how we’ve used the inheritance.”

  “It’s all about investing in the future. This is where it all starts for you and Tom. This is where your family will be made.”

  Diane gave Holly a hug and didn’t see the cloud of doubt pass over her face. Holly only wished she had the same kind of confidence in herself that the entire Corrigan family seemed to have.

  Three days before Tom was due to leave, Holly’s to-do list was complete and the house was officially in order. The builders had already started work on the outbuilding and, although Holly was happy to sit back and let them get on with it, Tom obviously felt some kind of threat to his masculinity, so he took up his own physical challenge by clearing the overgrown garden.

  Leaving the men to their labors, Holly stayed indoors to start work on the preliminary sketches for her new commission. Mrs. Bronson was a young wife with a very rich and very much older husband. To celebrate the birth of their first child together, as opposed to the numerous children her husband had fathered from a variety of previous marriages and dalliances, Mrs. Bronson wanted to mark the occasion with a sculpture. It would need to be a substantial piece and would become a permanent and prominent feature in the entrance hall to their mansion.

  Naturally, the theme of the sculpture was mother and child. Given the theme, Holly had been reluctant to take on the commission, which would take at least six months to complete, but the money was too good to turn down.

  She had set out her sketch pads in the study that morning, full of good intentions but with a distinct lack of inspiration. Money alone wasn’t incentive enough to get her creative juices flow
ing. She just didn’t have that same depth of feeling she usually had to draw on. She knew nothing about the miraculous bond between mother and child that everyone else seemed to drone on about.

  Holly couldn’t recall a single memory of her childhood in which she had felt that kind of bond. In fact, she had spent most of her formative years feeling either alone or afraid. Her mother had been in her teens when she discovered she was pregnant. A hasty marriage and an unwanted child had come as a nasty shock to her and she hadn’t been prepared or willing to give up her freedom.

  With a young child to care for, her mother’s social life had been severely restricted, so she often brought the party lifestyle she craved into the house. Holly had vivid memories of a house full of hangers-on, either recovering from the last party or waiting for the next. Her mum was always center of attention, dancing barefoot through the house whether there was music playing or not. She always looked her happiest when she was dancing and everyone was drawn to her, even Holly, like a moth to the flame, eager to share her mother’s excitement. She could remember one time when her mum had picked her up and twirled her around the room to squeals of delight from her daughter, but Holly was never sure whether that had actually happened. She suspected it was merely a false memory of a longed-for dream. The memories Holly could rely on were those in which her mum had stopped dancing and pointed an accusing finger at her daughter before proclaiming to everyone that this was the creature who had ruined her life. The look on her mother’s face was one of pure loathing, and that was the image Holly recalled when she thought of motherhood.

  Until Tom, Holly hadn’t even witnessed responsible parenting secondhand. In her early years, she had been isolated from other children, their parents having already labeled Holly as a problem child because of her family life. As a teenager, she had been naturally drawn to the other orphaned fledglings who had been pushed out of the nest too soon.

  Her art had been her savior in more ways than one. It had been a form of escapism, a part of her life she could control and succeed in, and, in hindsight, it had also been an effective form of therapy. She had put a lot of anger into her earlier work and it was only after meeting Tom that she found she could express positive emotion in her art, too. The love between a man and a woman she now understood; the love between a mother and a child she didn’t. She was drawing a blank, literally.

  Holly had spent two hours going through the motions of sketching images but still hadn’t come up with any ideas that were sufficiently original or thought provoking. She’d sketched out some obvious images of a mother holding her child, a mother nursing her child, a mother kissing her child. Desperate for a new perspective, she’d even sketched out an image of the moment of birth—probably not the kind of statue Mrs. Bronson would want greeting her guests in the entrance to her home.

  Holly had a meeting scheduled with Mrs. Bronson in less than a week’s time and she was starting to debate whether or not to cancel the commission altogether. If she went ahead and produced a substandard piece of work, it would damage her reputation, which was still in its embryonic stages. On the other hand, reneging on a deal would be equally damaging to her career.

  Putting down her sketch pad, Holly headed into the kitchen. The room was large, with enough space for a dining table at its center. It might have been the outbuilding that had drawn Holly to the property, but it was the kitchen that had sold the place to both her and Tom. The wooden units were painted white, the walls were green, and the terra-cotta floor tiles extended through the back door and across to a small terrace, which led to the immense if slightly untamed garden and the countryside beyond.

  Holly peered out the kitchen window, searching for Tom. She couldn’t see him through the tangle of shrubs and trees, but she knew where he was from the sounds of snapping branches and occasional expletives. Ignoring the urge to go and investigate, she started chopping vegetables and set to work making a large pot of soup to try out on Tom and the builders.

  “And what do you think you’re up to?”

  Holly jumped, narrowly avoiding chopping a finger rather than a carrot. A pair of arms closed around her waist. Tom had spied her from the garden and crept into the house.

  “Don’t you know better than to frighten a woman when she’s armed and dangerous?” warned Holly, brandishing her kitchen knife.

  “You’re always dangerous. You can cut me to the wick, knife or not.” He leaned down and kissed the back of her neck.

  “Don’t go getting sidetracked. I want that garden looking spick-and-span before you disappear off into the sunset.”

  “Look, woman!” gasped Tom in amazement, pointing toward the garden. “Can’t you see the transformation already?”

  Holly peered toward the garden, putting a hand up to shade her eyes for effect. “No, not at all,” she laughed.

  “I’ve practically made a small mountain from all the bracken and deadwood I’ve cleared. I’ve even trimmed your bush.”

  “A man renowned for his literary prowess and he still lowers the tone with childish innuendo,” remarked Holly. “And the garden looks like a heap to me.”

  “Well, it’ll look better when all the garden waste’s been cleared,” Tom replied sulkily. “I just need someone to use their womanly charms on the builders to see if they’ll help me get rid of it.”

  “Well, I’m busy, in case you hadn’t noticed. Go use your own womanly charms on them. I’m sure they’ll be impressed.”

  Holly let Tom beg a little longer before giving in. She was secretly happy to have an excuse to check on the building work. The outbuilding was set back and to the side of the house and looked like it had been used as a workshop at some point in the past. It was a one-story brick building about the size of a double garage. Thanks to Billy the foreman, they had made a good start in the last week and had already filled two large Dumpsters gutting the place. Thankfully the roof hadn’t needed to be completely replaced, but skylights were being installed for more natural light. Interior walls had been knocked down and new windows knocked out of the outer walls. Each time Holly checked on their progress, the studio seemed to be getting brighter and brighter.

  The studio was a hive of activity and Holly found Billy piling rubble into a wheelbarrow. The foreman was probably nearing retirement but showed no signs of acting his age as he picked up huge blocks of cement with ease. He had round features that did their best to hide the wrinkles on his weathered face and he still had a good head of hair that was likely gray, although the permanent layer of dust that left his hair almost white made it impossible for Holly to tell.

  “How’s it going, Billy?” Holly shouted over the din of power tools.

  “The electrician is coming over tomorrow, so I’d say we’ll be plastering the walls by early next week and putting the final touches to the job.”

  “You’re a miracle worker. You really are.”

  Billy beamed a smile at her. “Glad to be of service. You can always count on me,” he told her. “Not like that husband of yours. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He shouldn’t be leaving you on your own to fend for yourself.”

  “Yes, Billy, you have said it before, many times. And like I keep telling you, I can manage perfectly well on my own,” admonished Holly. She was now used to Billy’s old-fashioned views and, rather than take offense, she quite liked being treated as the fairer sex, especially when it meant she could wrap him around her finger.

  “If there’s anything you need, you only have to ask,” he assured her, with a kindly twinkle in his eye.

  “Well, there is something,” she began. “But it’s that husband of mine who needs the help.”

  “We’ve been watching him hack away at that jungle of yours,” Billy said. “Kept us amused all morning, it has.”

  “Any chance a couple of your lads could help clear away the debris? There’s a pot of soup on the stove and a ton of crusty bread for your trouble,” pleaded Holly, fluttering her eyelashes for effect.

  �
��Your wish is my command,” agreed Billy. “But while you’re here, you might want to take a look at this. We found it during the clear-out.”

  Billy picked up a wooden box from among a heap of building materials stacked up in a corner.

  It was the size of a small shoebox, and although it was difficult to tell underneath the layers of dust it seemed to be made of oak, with brass hinges and a simple clasp. There were engravings around its sides, but again the dust obscured the detail.

  “Have you opened it?” Holly asked with growing excitement. The box didn’t exactly look like it was going to contain a hoard of jewels, but it was ornate enough to suggest it held something of value.

  Billy turned the clasp and lifted the lid. Holly’s excitement dissipated in a puff of ancient dust as she peered at the assortment of mechanical-looking objects within. Split into two sections, the box held some kind of glass ball on one side and a selection of brass cogs and brackets on the other. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Haven’t got a clue,” Billy answered. “Consider it a gift, from me to you.” Again, he winked at her.

  “Thanks, Billy, you really know how to spoil a girl.”

  Holly took the box back into the house with her and put it aside so she could concentrate on getting lunch prepared.

  The soup was a success, judging by the speed with which it was devoured by the workers, and with their lunch break over, the builders set to work helping Tom clear the garden. Holly wasn’t in a hurry to return to her sketches so she decided to occupy herself with the mysterious wooden box. Having laid some old newspaper on the kitchen table, she set about gently cleaning the box and its contents with soapy water and an old toothbrush. Technically speaking, the toothbrush hadn’t been old that morning when Tom had used it, but it was now.